74: Fear Is the Signal - Why Fear Rises Right Before Your Next Level in Relationships With Cassandra Rosa

Fear isn’t showing up because you’re doing something wrong.
It’s showing up because you’re about to outgrow the version of yourself that felt familiar.

This episode follows our conversations on Expression and Standards inside the Magnetic Connections Pathway — the moment after you’ve found your voice and raised the bar… when fear suddenly gets loud.

Not because you failed.
But because something is about to change.

In this conversation, we explore:

• Why fear is often the signal that you’re on the edge of expansion
• How energetic intuition guides you when logic can’t
• What imposter syndrome actually reveals about your next level
• Why the same patterns surface in business, dating, and relationships right before a breakthrough
• How clarity is created by staying in motion without abandoning yourself

This episode was recorded six months ago, and listening back now, the message is unmistakable.

Sometimes what looks like a setback is a bridge.
A bridge between who you were… and who you’re becoming.

I share a personal truth about choosing presence over pride, leaving old identities behind, and why forcing certainty will never give you the clarity you’re looking for.

If you’ve ever thought:
“I should be past this by now,”
or
“If I were really aligned, this wouldn’t be happening,”

This episode will meet you exactly where you are.

Because fear isn’t here to stop you.
It’s here to signal that you’re ready to rise.

Connect with Cassandra Rosa:

Website: https://www.cassandrarosa.com

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/cassandrarosaa

Connect with Darla Ridilla:

3 Keys to Magnetizing Emotionally Available Men masterclass: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/masterclass

Book a Magnetic Connections Call: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/call

Website: https://www.highvaluewoman.info

Send me an email: highvaluewoman7@gmail.com

Sign up for mailing list: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/newsletter

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YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HighValueWoman-m7w

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/darla-ridilla-3179b110/

Transcript

Darla Ridilla (00:00)
I think taking things personally, I think the doubt, I think the imposter syndrome really held me back. I was really stuck in my head instead of being connected to my heart, into my intuition to guide me through those aspects. There was that inner disconnection, which I think that everyone can relate to at some point in time.

of being focused on the external and circumstances in the physical instead of really leaning into, okay, what is it that I want to create and how can I take my power back? So I think that's something that I really conquered is going deep within and knowing that I have everything that I have and knowing that I have the power to create anything I want to and being that creator of my life, which I think is something really powerful. I wish everybody could learn.

Because I think the world would be a different place because often we feel like victims in our own lives. And it's sad in those moments that we experienced that. But I have a lot of hope for people to make the changes that they want to.

Darla Ridilla (00:51)
Welcome to You Have the Power, the Road to Truth, Freedom, and Real Connection. Let's get straight to it. If you've done the work, you've raised your standards, you are no longer available for relationships that drain you, and emotionally unavailable men still keep showing up. This isn't a mistake. It's a transition. Most women are told the answer is to keep fixing, unpacking, and looking backward. But that's not where power is built.

Power is built when you stop chasing connection and start leading yourself from presence. I'm Darla Vardilla. I'm a relationship and self leadership coach for women. And this podcast is for the woman who is done managing relationships, done proving her value.

and done disappearing to keep the peace.

here I walk you through the magnetic connections pathway process, presence, agency, empowerment. Because when you lead yourself from presence, release attachment to outcome and stand in embodied authority, emotionally available men are magnetized to you. Cause you are not here to be chosen, you are here to choose from your power, from your presence and from the woman that you are becoming.

Let's begin.

Darla Ridilla, Relationship... (02:05)
into today's conversation, I want to anchor something with you. Over the last two episodes, we talked about expression and we talked about standards, which are both inside the magnetic connections pathway process. This is about finding your voice and then having the courage to back it with what you will and you will not tolerate.

And here is the part that women just don't expect. Right after you raise your standards, fear is going to show up. And that's not because you're doing it wrong. It's because you're doing something that's about to change your life. And fear doesn't rise before failure. It rises right before expansion.

And this conversation was recorded six months ago. And when I listen back now, I hear something clearly that I really couldn't fully articulate them. We're talking about energetic intuition, leaving comfort zones, imposter syndrome, and asking the real question that most women avoid. What would I do differently to get to the next level?

not just in business, but also in dating and relationships. It's in the patterns that you keep repeating, even though you're self aware enough to know better.

Here's what I know now. About a month ago, I made a decision that my old identity would have called a failure. In fact, it did for a while. I had to make a financial choice to work outside the home again for a while. It's something that I did not think I would ever have to do again.

Let me be clear. This isn't a collapse. It's actually a bridge.

I made the decision not to go to a job that would suck the energy right out of me by sitting in a cube and having no flexibility in my schedule. So I chose to do a couple of part-time jobs in a couple of retail stores instead. I chose that work because it felt fun, human, and connected. And I wanted to be around people again instead of just looking at people on a screen.

This is where I chose presence over pride. My pride wanted to say you failed. You said you would never work for someone else again. But presence said, this is a bridge to where you're going. And that choice gave me clarity. And clarity does not come from forcing certainty. It comes from staying in motion without abandoning yourself.

I didn't abandon myself because I chose fun over higher financial gain. So if you have ever thought I should be past this by now, or if I was really aligned, this wouldn't be happening. This episode is for you

Because sometimes the bravest thing you can do is not to judge the bridge, but to walk across it with your head held high. So stay with me, because this conversation is going to meet you exactly where you are.

Darla Ridilla (05:43)
everyone, I'm super excited today to have another guest. Cassandra Rosa is with us today and I was previously on her podcast, we talked about imposter syndrome, but today she's gonna be on You Have the Power. We're gonna talk a little bit about when women wanna go to that next level and all that fear and anxiety, all of those things that happen within us get in the way. And I can't wait to dive in, but let me introduce you to her.

first.

So Cassandra Rosa is a certified coach and healer and an intuitive business coach. Her mission is to help spiritual entrepreneurs go deep within on their journey to find clarity, conquer their fear and create impactful businesses. She loves to help her clients transform holistically on all levels, the mental, physical and spiritual as that is what helps them create long lasting results. She's an award winning author of the book.

Now What? Create the clarity to achieve your dreams designed to help people navigate life's Now What moments. She is the host of Conquer. It's a weekly Instagram live series. That's mission is to pull back the curtain of the entrepreneur journey. She invites her guests to go deep in sharing about the biggest obstacles they've conquered as entrepreneurs. So check out her website, cassandrorosa.com to see all the ways that you can work with her.

Cassandra, thank you so much for being on the podcast today. Thank you for having me. I'm really excited to chat with you today. I'm super excited. I would love just, you know, before we dive into the meat, just really just tell the audience just a little bit about yourself, who you are, how you got into what you do. Yeah, I would love to. So I'm Cassandra from Toronto, Canada. And from a very young age, I knew I wanted to make a change in the world. I just didn't know what that meant. So I thought maybe I'd be a psychologist or maybe I'd be a teacher.

and I ended up going to school for psychology and halfway through my degree I had my big now what moment, what am I meant to do with my life? I feel like there's a call for more but I had no idea what that looked like. And in that stage of my life it was kind of dark, I was really depressed, was really anxious, I was really confused about what exactly I was meant to do. So I ended up getting this opportunity to live in Europe, travel abroad, do a study exchange and when I got back I did a volunteer trip in Namibia, Africa and I

fell in love with mentorship when I was doing mentorship in after school program with kids. And it started to open up my eyes to the possibilities of what could be, but I had no idea the self-help industry existed back then. So I ended up going into the family business of insurance. My family had a business and I remember just like sitting, cold calling, being in this corporate world and just feeling like there was still something more. So I ended up getting a sales and marketing

job just to cover my bases and I accidentally or not so accidentally fell into the self-help industry and created my first business at 20 years old with a friend of mine doing vision board workshops and from there on it's been over a decade that I've been in the industry and it's just been the most fulfilling work. I feel like I'm exactly where I'm meant to be and just seeing people have those light bulb moments and really face their fears and create the impact that they're destined to make has just been such a

a pleasure and a privilege to do so. Yeah. And everything we talk about today, whether you're a business owner or not, I think you could find something that can apply to you. First of all, vision board, there's one right here. I'm a firm believer in it. It's on my fridge. right in front of, it's always right in front of me and my computer.

If you could explain just a little bit more about your own intuitive business coach business and how you can take

Basically the woo, I love one person who says the woo to the do. How do you do that with your clients? Yeah, I found in my personal journey, when I started out before embracing my spiritual side, I was looking at things very practically, like making a plan, because I wanted to achieve my dreams. I wanted to achieve my goals, just as all of us high achieving women love to do. And I hyperplanned everything and reverse engineered all my goals.

and things would work out, but then there would be these plot twists in life, these higher learnings that I was meant to go through that would completely derail me. And during this time, I was exploring myself spiritually. I remember I was in a personal development ⁓ workshop in like an old theology building here in Toronto, and I saw like energy for the first time, and I felt like a presence behind me, and I had this like scary moment, and that really was a catalyst for me to explore myself spiritually. And the more that I started to...

really embrace all these parts of myself, my ability to get things done in a practical way, but then also hone into these spiritual gifts that I had of really connecting with my intuition, of leading into meditation, card readings, all these energy healing modalities, and started to apply that in my life and in my business, I started to transform in a completely different way. And I started to realize my clients start to transform in a different way because we, as energetic beings going through human experience,

We interact with everything on the energetic level. For people that aren't so spiritual, we will introduce you to it. You know when you're going to a party and you walk in there and you feel like, I am so happy I'm here. This feels so good to be here versus walking into a room and you get the EBGVs. You're like, ⁓ something feels off, right? That's your intuition speaking to you. So we all have this energetic understanding, whether we're aware of it or not. And then we have a response to it with our mental.

thoughts, right? And then that, our thoughts, are what leads us to creating things in the physical world. So that's just a natural part of who we are as energetic beings. So the more that I started to understand when it comes to transformation that there's so many layers to it of really understanding how you're experiencing life on the spiritual, how you're thinking about your life, and then the action steps that you're doing, the more that I started to transform and see my clients transform. So I don't think

You can do one without the other. think approaching things from a very holistic lens really helps people for the long haul. Yeah, absolutely. I've seen a real big difference in even just just switching business coaches from a regular do, you know, run the numbers, you know, X amount of coffee chats equals X amount of clients. I don't do that anymore. I combine action with intuition.

⁓ and more of an embodiment of, I am a six-figure business owner, what decisions would she make today? ⁓ Is that kind how you go to as well with your clients? Yeah, I think because we're always pushing the envelope as entrepreneurs and high-achieving women as well, right? We're always looking to get to the next level, really leaning into the more that we're meant to do. And in that way, we're expanding outside of ourselves. We're leaving our comfort zones.

We're doing things that are not so mainstream, and then that's where the fears can come up, and then that's where we can kind of get in our heads, and then we can feel off-tilted. So really understanding, okay, like this is an ⁓ essential thing that we have to become aware of as entrepreneurs has been so healing for me and for others. I'm trained in somatics, so I'm also a little bit more aware of the average person. And so what's interesting is when my first coach would...

give me assignments or homework from our one-on-ones, I would procrastinate. I'd be like, that got it. It feels so overwhelming. I don't want to do that. But it was interesting. I've only just started working with this other one just within the past month. And the very first assignment, very first meeting, by the next week, I had most of it done. I was excited. I was energized. And I think that's a good indicator, wouldn't you say? That maybe that kind of leads into that fear that we alluded to earlier.

Yes, there's still fear. I'm in a lot of fear right here in this moment. But what's your advice on women that are wanting to go to the next step? Last year I quit my job, went from having income to having nothing. What is your advice to them about how to get through that? Yeah. So I think it's becoming friends with fear. Often when we fear something, we just push it off to the side. We procrastinate about it.

You just put it on the bookshelf, right? You know, of all the things we're meant to learn. And it's understanding that all the people that are successful, they all go through fears. Nobody's invincible. It's a part of the human experience. It's a part of our soul's growth to understand fear. So it's having different practices in your tool belts of when the fear comes up to honor yourself, not to bypass it, to really give the microphone to your fears, like what my coach has said, to really give yourself this opportunity to understand

what it is that you can let go of so that you can ascend to your next level because that's often what happens right before we're about to get anything that we want the sirens go off I love to kind of have the example of imagine you draw a circle and you're in the middle of it and then if you move to the outside the sirens go off we you we you're about to get your next level we want to keep you comfortable let's say all the monkey mind crazy things to keep you safe so unless you're really taking that for what it is and really understanding it

giving the microphone to it and processing that information, right? You're gonna just give up right before you're about to get to this next level. So it's really understanding too how comfort zones work, how this can be triggered and these patterns can be triggered. So you're able to work with amazing people to support you in that process and move yourself through it as well. Yeah, do you have any specific examples or maybe some more details on that?

I think imposter syndrome, you know, was a really big thing that I went through when I started my business. I was thinking of 20, it's around 2018 when I was kind of stepping into this full-time coaching on my own after my first business got wrapped up. I had this big thing in my mind of someone can just work with Tony Robbins. Why do they want to work with little old me? Like that was always that like loop that I would get into whenever I would take a step.

Forward, would take two steps back because that was something that I was going through. And the more that I was able to understand and process and journal out and really understand and pull back the layers of all that it was going through, I wasn't valuing my experiences. I wasn't understanding how much I had learned. And I was really getting caught up on all, everyone else instead of realizing, hey, like just help someone that was in your shoes before with that experience.

So I think it was a lot of perspective shifting. was lot of having those spiritual practices to expand my energy. And then it was just taking the baby steps to get the momentum going. Yeah, I have found that through myself because syndrome was something I really struggled with a lot in the beginning because I helped women a lot with narcissistic abuse. That's what I specialize in. Unfortunately, it's been my lived experience.

And so that's a process I'm always gonna be healing. And there was a point like near the end of last year where it really hit really hard. Like who am I to be telling other women how to heal when I'm still healing? And then someone put it in the most beautiful perspective. You only have to be one or two steps ahead of your client to be able to help them. ⁓ Brilliant, because I'm not looking for the woman I am today. We could...

share and validate each other, but I'm really looking for that woman that, you know, maybe 10 years ago that was saying, holy cow, I know my life is a mess. It's not where I want it to be, but I have no clue how to change it. And I keep meeting these emotionally unavailable or abusive men. Why is this happening? How do I break the pattern? That's right. That's right. So powerful, so profound. Because I think, you know, especially scrolling on social media and

going to different courses that we're part of, looking and seeing other people where they're at, it's easy to get caught up in comparison, right? Even when you're going to the office and your boss is patting someone else on the back and it's not you yet. It's really easy to get in those loops and to feel less than, you know? Because I think we're taught as a society to put people on pedestals, like think about sports, academics, like, you someone's in first place, someone's not in first place, they're on second or third, right?

So it's really deeply ingrained into us of literally putting people on a pedestal thinking that they're better or worse than you. But I think it's realizing we're all humans going through an experience. There's no one that's better than worse than you. And there's always something to be learned every step of the way. And I think that was a big thing on my journey, too, feeling like just because someone made more money than me or they had more.

achievements than me. They were better than me. And that's just what even deeply ingrained even more the imposter syndrome, the doubt, and a lot of the things that were coming up. There's something that just occurred to me too in the corporate world, because I spent a long time there. There's a lot of scarcity. There's a lot of competition. And when you mentioned the boss patting someone else in the back, in corporate, that means, I'm not getting a promotion. Or, I'm going to get laid off.

Whereas, or I'm only going to get paid what the boss says I'm worth. Where you know what I love about entrepreneurship? There are no limits. It's up to me. Exactly. I remember when I was working in insurance, I had worked for a big company ⁓ before working with my dad in the family business. And I remember being the youngest by far. There was people that are in their 60s, 70s. And here I was in my early 20s stepping into the office, pepping my stuff.

you know, ⁓ ageism, sexism, expertise and looking down. And I remember, you know, me getting, doing well and my boss at the time giving me a pat on the back and all these men looking at me, you know, underestimating me and all these things. There's lots of different layers when it comes to corporate as well, which, you know, are a little bit different than entrepreneurship, but it all kind of goes hand in hand after all.

So when you work with clients, you primarily work with women that have, or I don't know if you, I'm sorry, I shouldn't assume it's just women. So I only work with women, business owners, are they new business owners or are they in a specific stage in their business? Yeah, I think it's a combo of people that are just starting or people that are kind of like in a rebrand and an upgrade and a refinement process to achieve their next level of impact and income and success of whatever that looks like for them.

So yeah, it's primarily women. It's a lot of spiritual business owners. It's a lot of coaches, a lot of healers, people in teacher positions, ⁓ people that are just wanting to make the world a better place is kind of the through line. Yeah, I love that. we talked about transforming holistically. That's the mental, physical, and the spiritual. And so when someone is building a new business, can you walk us through how does that look? Yeah, the process.

So it's interesting, I love to focus in on clarity of what it is that their mission is, what it is that they wanna help people with. ⁓ So it's a lot of that higher understanding and that going to come deep within and using their intuition to discern of what it is that they're meant to do now, mixed with like the practical steps. And then the next piece is really helping people with conquering their fears that come up from taking that expansion, right? So looking at.

What are the loops that are coming up? What are the big airplane mode things that you're ready to release? And then it's getting that impact started and really understanding, this is your offering. Okay, what's the way in which that you want to nurture your audience? What do you want that place to be that you're showing up, that people are getting to get the little taste of what it's like to work with you and your experience? And then what are the ways in which you're able to connect with new people and expand your net? So I think it's...

all kind of intuitively led based on who I'm working with. Because a lot of my programs are hybrid programs with group and one on one. So we do things with the practical steps for sure. And then we do the meditations, we do the card readings, we do kind of NLP, all these different modalities ⁓ to really allow them to transform on all their levels. That's awesome. Can you share a little bit too about what for someone who doesn't know what NLP

Yeah, so NLP is Neurolinguistic Programming, really focusing in on the subconscious mind. And everything that contributes to the way that we're showing up today is often connected to things of the past that are deeply ingrained inside of us. So there's a variety of different techniques in which you can go in and address these parts and transmute and heal these aspects. And then card readings.

⁓ so I use like Oracle card readings, angel cards, ⁓ cause sometimes, you know, people seeing that visual image is just something that can really anchor it in even deeper.

And if there's someone out there who, you know, they're

Maybe they're in a midlife crisis and they're saying, wow, I want to go to the next level. I want to do something different, but ⁓ my gosh, the fear, the imposter syndrome, all of these things, the alarm bells are going off. How do they move past that? Yeah, I talk about this a lot in my book, Now What? Because those now what moments of feeling this call for more, but now what? What am I going to do in those moments? It's very.

I threw a mine of being in a midlife crisis, a quarter life crisis, in life transitions and breakups. I think it's all kind of approached the same. I think the first part is to be grateful for where you are in this present moment. Because often when we're in this kind of in-between phase of getting to where we want to be, there's often this discontentment from where we are. But once you're able to be present with it and be in a sense of gratitude and understanding of what is this season supposed to be teaching me?

What is this precipice point that I'm in right now? Why has this been gifted to me from a higher power? Starting there, I think, is a beautiful place. So you're not bypassing. And when you have this zoomed out perspective about the situation, you're able to move through it more quickly. And then I love to journal of, so this is exactly what it is that I want. Or maybe if you don't know what it is, this is the feeling that I want to embody more in my life. Maybe it's more peace. Maybe it's more ease. Maybe it's more abundance, whatever it may be.

and then taking a pen and paper and writing down, what are all the things that are standing in the way of you having that in your life? And just doing an inventory check because we have so many thoughts every single day. We have like 60,000 to 80,000 thoughts a day is what scientists say. And we often don't sit down to be able to process that. So writing it out, getting out of your mind, getting it onto the paper is a great place to start. And then you're able to burn it, to rip it up and kind of create this, you know, releasing ceremony.

if you will, of like, you're ready for something more, and then taking steps to embody that more in the small moments. So if you're wanting more peace in your life, what is a small thing that you can do to embody peace now along the way, along the journey? Because often we get caught up in like the destination syndrome of I'm only going to be happy or peace or feel abundant when I have X, Y, Z. How can you bring that into the small moments and the in-between as you're making that transition?

Yeah, one of the examples that popped into my own life is, right now I'm renting an apartment. I would like to buy a home, but I'm waiting because I want to buy the home that I want to buy. I'm very grateful for this apartment. It's bigger than the one I had in Arizona. It's nice. I have a great landlord. I live in a very safe area. But I found a realtor that's willing to work with me even though I'm not ready to buy today. I'm looking at million dollar homes because that's what I want.

So I'm grateful for this, but I'm also saying that's what I deserve. This is wonderful while I have it, but that's where I'm headed. Right. Totally. Yeah, setting that gratitude of that is the most important part of it, right? Because you're starting to tap into that frequency. You're starting to think in a place of gratitude instead of scarcity. Because it's easy when we're in this in between of wanting more, feeling like we're meant for more.

And ⁓ being in the scarcity, if I don't have it yet, I don't have it yet. I don't have it yet. Instead of being like, I'm so grateful for what I have now. And now I'm going to take a baby step to get towards to where I want to be. You know, one shift I made too that I never had as an employee was when I bought my other two homes, it was always, how much do I need for a down payment? And then scrambling, like, what's the

bare minimum I can pay because that's all I have, or getting down payment assistance, and having it be in this really stressful situation. And the great part about now, because everything is unlimited, is when he asked me how much of a down payment would you put down on a home like this, I looked at him and I said, how much do I need? And then he told me. And I was like, it was about $100,000. There was a pause. OK. And then I said, OK.

All right, now I know how much I have to save, no problem. It was more like, it wasn't, I can't afford that. It was like, OK, I get the opportunity now to save that money. Yeah, leaning into the possibility of it, Mm-hmm, yeah, absolutely. So when we talk about that imposter syndrome, and boy, I think everybody has it, whether you're a business owner or whether you get a promotion at work or anything, you're a new mom.

I have a nine month old grandson and I know how that can be when you're a new mom. How, you know, what do you recommend just to move past that? Yeah, I think it's understanding and reflecting on all the value that you have, all the experiences that you went through, all of the hardships that you've overcome, all of the time, energy and money that you've invested in yourself to get to where you are now.

I think is a great place and looking at where you went, you were that needed to know everything that you know now, that version of yourself in the past, doing some reflection, being like, wow, look where I was like even a year ago, not knowing this information and look at the transformation I've overcome. There's so much value in that and connecting to that past version, understanding that person inside and out as you have, because you said in their shoes before you're able to create.

all that you are wanting to from an entrepreneurial perspective for those people, right? So that you can have those being your clients. And I think too, it's like from a person that's in corporate point of view, it's like looking at all that you started, where you started and all the knowledge and all the expertise and all the know-how that you've had and all the skills that you've accumulated.

and all the knowledge, everything, and really sitting with that. Because sometimes we don't realize that. We celebrate the big accolades, all the big promotions, the figure months that we're making, the amount of clients, whatever it may be, that we're desiring most. We celebrate when we get to the destination that we want to be. But often it's a series of these small steps, small wins. So being in that reflection mode of all that we've accomplished is something really important to be in.

Because when you're starting to realize that and give yourself that pat on the back, then your perceived value on yourself goes up so much higher and you start to feel more confident and you start to feel more like an expert. You know, healing works the same way because it is a series of baby steps that add up over time to one big transformation. And really seen that in my own life and you know, watching clients because

We always have to take that first step. can't get to where we're going until we take that first step.

But sometimes we don't give ourselves enough credit, particularly like with narcissistic abuse and particularly those of us who have gone back and gotten into another relationship. I did this, particularly with the second one, I beat myself up, but I had to realize that I noticed it faster.

didn't marry either one of the following two. And I had so much more knowledge. And what's interesting, because like narcissists, have different levels of how, I guess, how much they display that behavior. And each one actually went down on the spectrum. While it still wasn't a fun thing, if I look back, OK, those baby steps to each relationship actually equated to that.

So what's one of the biggest obstacles that you've conquered yourself and what did it teach you about being resilient?

I think it kept myself for a really long time, kind of in the in-between of like my first business coming to an end and getting into the one that I have now. I think taking things personally, I think the doubt, I think the imposter syndrome really held me back. I was really stuck in my head instead of being connected to my heart, into my intuition to guide me through those aspects. There was that inner disconnection, which I think that everyone can relate to at some point in time.

of being focused on the external and circumstances in the physical instead of really leaning into, okay, what is it that I want to create and how can I take my power back? So I think that's something that I really conquered is going deep within and knowing that I have everything that I have and knowing that I have the power to create anything I want to and being that creator of my life, which I think is something really powerful. I wish everybody could learn.

Because I think the world would be a different place because often we feel like victims in our own lives. And it's sad in those moments ⁓ that we experienced that. But I have a lot of hope for people to make the changes that they want to. Do you find that when people lead by their heart, they actually stick it out through the tough times better?

I've realized with a lot of my clients, the people that are even like intuitively led and dropped down, you know, and realize everything's happening for them, not to them. It creates a different sense of resilience because you're always looking for the lesson. You're always viewing things from like a wider and grander lens of like, okay, there's a pause here in my business. Okay. Why is that? the self doubt pattern that I thought I healed is coming up again. Okay. What is it meant to teach me right now? It's like a more empowered approach.

instead of just throwing in the towel when things get tough because as corporate women, as ⁓ business owners, there's ebbs and flows constantly. Anyone that tells you different, maybe they're putting on a facade, you know? ⁓ So it's really acknowledging that.

I love that. It's interesting because as I've switched how I do business, I've been getting some pushback and I came across some narcissistic traits or behaviors.

This is your next step in your healing, that peeling back of the onion. You needed to come across these types of people because you got triggered. You need to learn to not be triggered by this behavior. was so angry at what happened because it interfered, it wasted my time. And I had to really do what you just said is what's the lesson in that? Yes, I'm mad. Yes, that was disrespectful.

What can I pull from it that's positive? Yeah, like these fears come up kind of like, I know Americans call it soda, call it pop and candy. When you're shaking a bottle and you're about to take the cap off, all the bubbles come up to the surface so that they can dissipate and you can enjoy the drink, right? So it's kind of like that when you are about to have a nice, enjoyable experience. Imagine it's a hot summer's day and you can't wait to have a nice, cold drink.

and you open it up, the bubbles come up, and then you enjoy it, right? So it's like seeing these fears, this purging, this release that's happening of all these experiences that are coming up right before you get what you want without judgment, without self-criticism, but with so much gratitude. Something else is coming up to clear again. ⁓ I'm this much closer to where I want to be, you know? Yes, I love that. I love that you said just, you know, you're just

objectively looking at it. There's no judgment, because we do tend to be a little bit attached when those things come up for us. It feels personal. feels that the why me will come up instead of okay, this has nothing to do with me. That's them. But what? What can I learn? Yeah, that's of the expectations, right? Like sometimes we get into the control parts of ourselves, because we're so tied to the destination, the goals, the expectations that we've created for ourselves.

But when we're getting to a place of setting a vision for things of what you want, yes, 150%. But then showing up from a place of detachment and from allowing your soul to grow from the lessons that you're being gifted, it's a completely different experience and much more enjoyable, that's for sure. Yeah, that's beautifully said. I love So your Conquer Instagram series, it really talks a lot about the entrepreneurial journey as well.

Do you have one guest that's been on that you just really their story stuck with you and why was that so powerful? so hard to choose. I've had so many beautiful conversations. I just think there's almost this through line of everybody's fears and obstacles that they've come across and that they've conquered may all look different. We've had different topics for.

every single episode. But something that's really profound is this desire to help others has been the through line of people moving through what it is that they want to. I find sometimes people in business or in corporate that are strictly money focused, if something goes wrong, they throw in the towel. But people that are in this for the long haul of wanting to help their organization, wanting to

help a specific person, there's this beautiful through line. I think that's been something just like zooming back and looking at all the episodes we've done so far that's been something so beautiful to see. And I think the world needs more of that because we're so conditioned to meet society's expectations, ABCs of success and have all this money. And that's often a lot of people's airplane mode, but it's something beautiful to see that there's so many people that are stepping up right now in this moment in humanity that we need it most to. ⁓

really show up and make that change that they want to see. I love that. I love because without a vision, without a mission, without that compass, the moral compass, you might as well just get another J-O-B because yeah. It's the why. I think it's the why, too. It's the deep desire and the why that people are showing up and the intentionality.

And I think that people can sniff that out even when you're working in a corporate job. People that are in it for the long haul that wanna make the workplace a better place. Those are the people that got the promotions. Not people that are just money hungry and get upset when things don't go according to plan.

Many entrepreneurs, always feel like we always have to have it all together. We always have to be perfect. Personally, what I found is being authentic has actually been a draw because I make it more attainable. what's your thoughts on that? Yeah, I love storytelling. I really love to incorporate that in all of my things and go deep and pull back the curtain.

because there was times where I felt like I had to be pristine and perfect and it was almost like a mask. I was going through some relationship stuff personally behind the scenes and for me to be able to show up in my business, was very like putting a mask on as a way to be able to cope and move through things. And the more that I was able to pull back the curtain and share my personal experiences, the highs, the lows, I think that it's more relatable and I think the world needs authenticity, especially on places like social media where it can be...

so much of a highlight reel. And that's one of the reasons I created the conquer series was having a little corner of the internet that people can go to and feel like really seeing heard and understood. Yeah, 100 % that, yeah, she gets me or I hear that I feel that way. my gosh, I made that mistake too. Cause Lord knows I still am making mistakes with relationships, business decisions, all of that. ⁓ But I actually share very, very authentically when I do that because

Once again, there's the lesson. OK, great. My breakup in November, that was devastating. And I feel like here we are, seven some months out. I feel like I'm finally moving past that. It took me a really long time. But I've shared that. I've shared how, wow, I got involved again with someone who is emotionally unavailable and probably dismissive avoidant. Well, here I am in business coaching women, but I'm human. And so are they.

Yes, yes. Everybody's all about AI now and fear for their jobs. But I think that us bringing back the humanity into our experience and sharing that authentically ⁓ is really needed right now. Yeah. And I think your clients are probably attracted to you for that reason as well, because you are authentic, right? Thank you. You're

What legacy do you want to leave with your coaching, with your book? And feel free to share anything about your book and all of that, your mission.

last year I saw an image of like a ripple effect of like just me just standing in my power, dropping my pebble and inspiring other people to do the same. You know, I think it could be something as simple as smiling and making someone's day better and that ripple effect that comes with that or inspiring people to finally start their business and get over their imposter syndrome and their fear and they're doing that and they're impacting people's lives. I think the reality is the legacy

that I wanna create, I don't even think I'm gonna see it all. think it's easy when you start your business to imagine like millions of people standing in front of you, working with you firsthand. And I've started to understand and realize of the leader that I wanna be is empowering people to do their thing and that they create their own thing. And it's just a lot of it unseen, but I think showing up from a place of humility and realizing, you know what, it's important for me to do what I do and inspire who I inspire.

allow that to create a ripple for all the people that I touch in my life. really just want to empower people to live up to their potential, to make the impact that they want to make, to become friends with fear. I'm not a mother yet, but being a mother one day, so And I found you so inspiring. I remember the first time I met you months ago, and you so young. And I'm like,

my gosh, she's so successful, so young, so grounded. So I do want to say I was very impressed with you and how you carry yourself, what you say. ⁓ Yes, so I'm sure that people, other people are picking up on that as well. Thank you. That's OK. you're welcome. As we start to wrap up, is there something I haven't asked you that you just really want to share?

I think it's just like a pep talk of like, we all have the power to create what it is that we want to create. And there can be some unlearning that needs to happen along the way. There has to be some society's expectations to push to the side or, ⁓ you know, these things from our childhood that we're meant to release, but everything that you want in life, you can create it. It just comes with taking one step at a time. It just comes with becoming friends with fear.

And yeah, we all have the ability to achieve that and then enjoy the journey to get there. Sometimes we get so caught up of where we want to be and not being there yet, but enjoying and being present with every step that we take and making it an enjoyable, fun experience is all what life's about. Absolutely. If it's not fun, why do it? That's right. Right. If people are more interested in hearing more about you, we will put it in the show notes. But if you would like to share how people can find you.

Yeah, Cassanderosa.com has a bunch of freebies, all the different ways to work with me, link to my book, or you can connect with me on Instagram. My handle is CassanderosaA, that's where I hang out most. So come say hi. that sounds amazing. Thank you so much for coming today. You inspired me. You gave me a couple little nuggets to walk away with as well. So I can't wait to hear from the listeners how much they've also enjoyed it. Thank you so much. You're welcome. And to the listeners, you have the power.

Yes, you do. Yes, you do.

Darla Ridilla (43:19)
Thank you for listening to You Have the Power, the Road to Truth, Freedom, and Real Connection. If something shifted in you while you were listening, this doesn't happen by accident. So let me be blunt. Emotionally unavailable men don't stop showing up because you wait longer, explain better, or stay hopeful. They stop being an option the moment that you stop abandoning yourself to keep connection. This work isn't about fixing the past. It's about stepping into a new standard.

and letting your relationships rise to meet you.

When you lead from presence, choose agency instead of over-functioning, and stand in embodied authority, the dynamic changes.

The ones who can't meet you fall away. The ones who can step forward without effort.

episode moves something in you, like it, share it, and subscribe so you stay connected to what's next. You're not asking for too much. You're just accepting too little. This podcast isn't here to motivate you. It is here to recalibrate what you allow. You already have the power. Now choose to live from it.