You Have the Power - The Road to Truth, Freedom and Real Connection
You Have the Power: The Road to Truth, Freedom and Real Connection is for women who are done asking why emotionally unavailable men keep showing up — and are finally ready to change the way they relate.
This isn’t a podcast about fixing yourself or dissecting your past.
It’s for the woman who has outgrown the old patterns and is tired of repeating the same dynamic with different men. The chemistry is there. The potential is there. And yet… the consistency, depth, and emotional presence never fully arrive.
Hosted by Darla Ridilla, certified somatic, trauma-informed Relationship and Self-Leadership Coach, this podcast is rooted in the Magnetic Connections Pathway — Presence, Agency, and Empowerment — the embodied shift that changes who you attract and what you tolerate.
Here, we name the moments most women minimize: when your jaw tightens because he didn’t follow up after the date and you tell yourself not to make a big deal out of it, when you soften your voice before asking for consistency so you don’t seem “too much,” when you swallow your disappointment and say you’re fine because you don’t want to lose the connection.
That’s not maturity. That’s self-abandonment dressed up as patience.
Emotionally unavailable men aren’t the problem — they’re the feedback. They show up when you’re still over-functioning in connection: waiting longer than you want for a text back, explaining away inconsistency, accepting vague plans, or telling yourself “this is just how dating is now” instead of naming what you actually need.
Each episode names what most women are taught to tolerate — inconsistency, silence, mixed signals — and challenges you to stop managing relationships that require you to disappear, so you can lead from self-trust, clear standards, and agency that doesn’t ask permission.
This isn’t about becoming harder or more guarded.
It’s about becoming unavailable for anything that requires self-betrayal.
Because you’re not asking for too much.
You’ve just been accepting too little.
And that ends here.
You Have the Power - The Road to Truth, Freedom and Real Connection
75: You’re Not Being Ghosted - You’re Being Shown the Standard
Connection means nothing without follow-through.
Not chemistry.
Not shared values.
Not deep conversation on day one.
In this episode, I break down why consistency matters more than potential, and how women get stuck explaining behavior instead of observing it.
You’ll hear:
- why “invest and test” is not manipulation, it’s discernment
- how reciprocity shows up in action, not intention
- what it actually means to be stood up
- why blocking and deleting can be aligned, decisive, and grounded
- how access is earned through behavior, not promises
This is not about waiting longer, explaining better, or staying hopeful.
It’s about enforcing standards in real time and choosing clarity over confusion.
If something in you tightened, leaned in, or went quiet while listening, don’t brush past that. That wasn’t inspiration. It was recognition.
You’re not asking for too much.
You’re finally asking for balance.
And when you stop giving full access before it’s earned, everything changes.
Connect with Darla Ridilla:
3 Keys to Magnetizing Emotionally Available Men masterclass: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/masterclass
Book a Magnetic Connections Call: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/call
Website: https://www.highvaluewoman.info
Send me an email: highvaluewoman7@gmail.com
Sign up for mailing list: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/newsletter
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550835718631
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/highvaluewoman7/
YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HighValueWoman-m7w
LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/darla-ridilla-3179b110/
Darla Ridilla (00:00)
And when you stop giving full access before it's earned, everything changes. Your nervous system settles. Your choices sharpen. Your attraction shifts. Because you're no longer auditioning, you're selecting. And that is what creates magnetic connection.
Darla Ridilla (00:20)
Welcome to You Have the Power, the road to truth, freedom, and real connection. If you've done the work, you've raised your standards, you're no longer available for relationships that drain you, and emotionally unavailable men still keep showing up. This isn't a mistake, it's a transition. Most women are told the answer is to keep fixing, unpacking, and looking backward. But that is not where your power is built. Power is built when you stop chasing connection,
and you start leading yourself from presence. I'm Darla Ridilla I'm a relationship and self leadership coach for women. And this podcast is for the woman who is done managing relationships, done proving her value and done disappearing to keep the peace. Here, I walk you through the magnetic connections pathway process, presence, agency, empowerment. Because when you lead yourself from presence, release attachment to outcome and stand in embodied authority.
Emotionally, men are magnetized to you. You are not here to be chosen. You are here to choose. From your power, from your presence, and from the woman that you are becoming. Let's begin.
Darla Ridilla (01:31)
So let's start with something that my clients just don't want to hear, but they desperately need to. Connection means nothing without follow through. Not chemistry, not shared values, not how deep the conversation felt on day one. None of that matters if a man cannot do the very thing he said he would do. Internal safety is not built on potential, it's built on consistency.
to be patient or give it more time, this episode might disrupt you. And this is good because the woman you're becoming does not build her life around confusion. She builds it around clarity.
And one of the ways that I create clarity in my own life and the way I teach women who are done over functioning in relationships is through a practice that I call invest and test. And this is not a dating not a manipulation tactic. And it's not about controlling outcomes. It's about protecting your time.
your energy and your access. And here's how it works. I invest in a grounded, reasonable way. I show presence. I show curiosity. And then I show effort that feels aligned, not performative. And then I stop.
I don't chase. I don't remind. I don't fill in gaps with excuses. I stand back and I watch. I watch to see if the investment is reciprocated. Not in grand gestures, just in basic behavior. Does he follow up on what he said he'd do? Does his interest turn into action?
Does he initiate contact without being prompted? And does his effort expand when mine is offered? This is not tit for tat, and it's not about keeping score. It's simply discernment.
because reciprocity is not one thing. It shows up everywhere
It shows up whether he confirms plans. It shows up in how often he reaches out. It shows up in whether time with you is prioritized or it's treated as optional. And it shows up most clearly when something doesn't sit right. When you bring something to his attention, how does he respond? Does he listen? Does he stay present?
Does he take responsibility? he minimize it? Does he get defensive? Does he turn it around on you? That tells you everything. And let me give you a real life example. I recently met someone who on paper checked a lot of boxes. We had a great conversation, similar values, strong connection.
and a really easy rapport. We even spent time together in person. And then he asked me out on a date. Two possible days on the following week, and then nothing. No follow-up, no confirmation, no communication. Silence. And I want to be very clear here. This is not about someone being busy.
It's not about him being overwhelmed. This is not about bad timing.
That is standing someone up. Because when you ask someone out, you've made an offer.
And when you don't follow through, you have withdrawn it.
Darla Ridilla (05:43)
If something in you tightened, leaned in, or went quiet during this episode? Don't brush past that. It wasn't inspiration. It was recognition. It is the moment that you realize that you're done repeating the story with different faces. You're done managing, explaining, over-functioning, or waiting for someone else to choose you. And this is where most women go back to business as usual. My clients don't.
If you're ready to move from reaction into choice, from attachment into presence, from patterns into power, I invite you to book a magnetic connections call with me. This is not a discovery call. It's a decision point. look at where you are on the magnetic connections pathway process. What you're tolerating that no longer fits.
and what shifts when you start moving as the woman who is no longer attached to the outcome so you can create real connection.
You don't need a plan. You just need to be ready and willing to choose differently.
The link is in the show notes. If you're done managing and ready to move with clarity, I'll meet you there.
Darla Ridilla (06:58)
Now, here's where my clients get stuck. They start explaining the behavior for him. Maybe he's afraid. Maybe he's avoidant. Maybe he didn't want to seem too eager. No. I didn't need to diagnose him. I didn't need to understand his attachment style. I watched what he did.
He said he would take action. And then he didn't. So I did exactly what internal safety calls for. I waited. I observed. I chose. After a week of silence, I blocked and deleted his phone number. And I didn't do it out of anger. And it wasn't to make a point.
and it wasn't to punish him. His behavior had already sent the message. And here's the part that matters. If a man is genuinely interested, fear does not stop action. If he values connection, he protects it. If he wants access to you, he doesn't leave the door open for another man to walk through it.
This is where reciprocity becomes access. Access is not automatic. Access is earned. And how a man shows up determines how close he gets. How consistent he is determines how much time he receives. How accountable he is
determines how much space he holds in your life. This is not about being cold. This is not about being guarded. This is about being sovereign. Because the woman you are becoming does not beg for clarity. She does not negotiate her standards. And she does not chase potential. She observes behavior and then responds accordingly.
And let me say this clearly, blocking and deleting is not immature when it comes from alignment. It's not reactive when it's supporting your standards. It's not avoidance when it's decisive.
Sometimes the most powerful response is removal of access. No announcements, no explanation, and no follow-up conversation. Just movement forward. And I know some of you are thinking, but what if he comes back? And here's what you need to hear. A man who disappears after asking you out does not suddenly
become consistent because you waited longer. He reveals his capacity early. that women make is staying curious about someone who hasn't shown up. Internal safety is knowing when curiosity is no longer appropriate. This is the shift.
You stop asking, why did he do that? And you start asking, what does this require of me? And if the answer is waiting, tolerating uncertainty, managing your own anxiety, lowering expectations, then the answer is simply no.
This is what standards look like in real life.
They're not rules. They're not ultimatums. Just enforcement. And here is what my clients were never taught. The right man doesn't need to be chased. He doesn't need reminders. And he does not need He meets you where you are. You are not asking for too much.
You are finally asking for balance. And when you stop giving full access before it's earned, everything changes. Your nervous system settles. Your choices sharpen. Your attraction shifts. Because you're no longer auditioning, you're selecting. And that is what creates magnetic connection.
Not effort, not patience, not proving.
discernment. And if this episode hit, it's because you're already stepping into that version of yourself.
the one who observes, the one who decides, the one who moves forward without looking back. And in a future episode, we'll go deeper into access.
Who earns it? Who doesn't? And why protecting it changes every relationship that you touch.
You have the power. You can attract differently when you move like her.
Darla Ridilla (12:31)
Thank you for listening to You Have the Power, the Road to Truth, Freedom, and Real Connection. If something shifted in you while you were listening, this doesn't happen by accident. So let me be blunt. Emotionally unavailable men don't stop showing up because you wait longer, explain better, or stay hopeful. They stop being an option the moment that you stop abandoning yourself to keep connection. This work isn't about fixing the past. It's about stepping into a new standard.
and letting your relationships rise to meet you.
When you lead from presence, choose agency instead of over-functioning, and stand in embodied authority, the dynamic changes.
The ones who can't meet you fall away. The ones who can step forward without effort.
episode moves something in you, like it, share it, and subscribe so you stay connected to what's next. You're not asking for too much. You're just accepting too little. This podcast isn't here to motivate you. It is here to recalibrate what you allow. You already have the power. Now choose to live from it.
