80: From People-Pleasing to Self-Leadership - Stop Fixing Men Who Won’t Show Up With Catherine Crestani

If you’ve ever called yourself a “recovering people pleaser,” this episode is going to hit.

People-pleasing doesn’t just show up in friendships or family dynamics. It shows up in who you date.

It looks like:

•  Over-functioning.
•  Over-giving.
•  Seeing potential and trying to help him become it.
•  Shrinking your preferences to keep the peace.
•  Calling it loyalty when it’s actually self-abandonment.

In this conversation, Catherine Crestani shares how she lost herself in marriage, in business, and in the identity of being the fixer — the one who holds everything together.

And here’s the deeper truth:

The way you tolerate misalignment in your work is often the same way you tolerate it in love.

We talk about:

•  The fixer identity and how it forms
•  Losing yourself in relationships without realizing it
•  Shedding identities that no longer fit
•  Saying no — even when there’s pushback
•  Why emotionally willing men are drawn to women who have already chosen themselves

Emotionally unavailable men aren’t random.

They’re aligned with the version of you that is still managing everyone.

When you move from people-pleasing to self-leadership, your relationships change — because you change.

This isn’t about fixing him.

It’s about choosing yourself.

Connect with Catherine Crestani:

Website: https://willowhealing.org/

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/willowhealingsh

Podcast - Willow Healing Matters: https://podcasts.apple.com/au/podcast/willow-healing-matters-podcast/id1760975061

Substack: https://willowhealing.substack.com/podcast

Connect with Darla Ridilla: 

Sign up for mailing list: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/connect

Book a Magnetic Connections Call: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/call

3 Keys to Magnetizing Emotionally Available Men masterclass: https://www.highvaluewoman.info/masterclass

Website: https://www.highvaluewoman.info

Send me an email: highvaluewoman7@gmail.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61550835718631

Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/highvaluewoman7/

YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/@HighValueWoman-m7w

LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/darla-ridilla-3179b110/

Transcript

Catherine Crestani (00:00)
because so often, especially as a recovering people pleaser, and I didn't think of myself of that until I realized that I always wanted to be the one that would fix things, you know, fix things in my family, fix things with my friends, fix things with my ex husband, you know, I constantly wanted to be the one that was the fixer upper. And if even when I met my ex husband, he had some mental health things going on. And I just thought,

I'll be the one that fixes him and I'll help him become the best version of himself. Meanwhile, no one asks how I'm doing and no one asks how I was going throughout that whole process, you know, and it's amazing when you people play someone so much. You actually lose who you are completely like I stopped listening to the music I liked. I stopped eating the food I liked, you know, all these sorts of things because I just thought if I have

You know, I rent something stupid when I was a teenager. And it was that if you share interests with your partner, then the relationship will last longer. Right. So then I thought, well, I'll have to like the same music he likes.

Darla Ridilla (01:03)
Mm-hmm.

Darla Ridilla (01:07)
Welcome to You Have the Power, the road to truth, freedom and real connection. This podcast is for women who are done asking why emotionally unavailable men keep showing up and are finally ready to change the way they relate. If the chemistry is always there, the potential looks promising, but the consistency, depth and emotional presence just never fully arrive. You are in the right place. I'm Darla Ridilla I'm a relationship and self leadership coach for women.

And this isn't about fixing yourself or dissecting your past. It's about recognizing where you've been over-functioning in connection and choosing something different. Here, we work through the magnetic connections pathway, presence, agency, empowerment. Because emotionally unavailable men aren't the problem, they're the feedback. And when you stop managing relationships that require you to disappear, emotionally willing men are magnetized to you. Let's begin.

Darla Ridilla (02:02)
If you keep ending up with emotionally unavailable men, it's not random or coincidence,

And it's not bad timing. It's because you keep tolerating what doesn't align. And Catherine's story today isn't just about business. It's about tolerance. She stayed in something that drained her. She over-functioned. She carried everyone. And she ignored the signs. She told herself it would get better. She invested more because she had already invested so much. And that's not just a career pattern.

That's how women date emotionally unavailable men. And you see his potential, you see his pain, you see what he could be, and then you decide you'll be the one who will help him Meanwhile, no one asks you how you're doing. You stop listening to your own music, you shrink your preferences to his.

and you're calling it loyalty when it's actually self abandonment.

The version of you that overgives will always attract a man who under delivers. The version of you that over explains will always attract a man who avoids depth

The version of you who tolerates men who serve emotional breadcrumbs will keep meeting men who serve them. Emotionally unavailable men aren't the problem, they're the mirror. Emotionally willing men are not drawn to women who are managing everyone. They're drawn to women

who have already chosen themselves, women who can walk away from misalignments, women who say no without collapsing, and women who don't need to fix anyone to feel worthy. This episode isn't about leaving a job. It's about leaving any dynamic that requires you to disappear.

you're ready to stop recreating the same dynamic in a different body, listen closely. Because this isn't about him changing. It's about who you become.

Darla Ridilla (04:19)
everyone. Thank you so much for coming to another episode of You Have the Power. We have a guest today. I'm super excited to have Katherine on the show. I've been on hers and it was a wonderful, wonderful time interviewing and I'm so excited that she's gonna be on mine today. So I'm gonna go ahead and get her introduced.

Catherine Crestani is a leadership coach, podcaster, author, and speaker who focuses on empowering mothers to find their voice in business, family, and health, beginning with self-leadership.

after experiencing chronic health crisis, Catherine chose to leave a six-figure company that she built herself and was left to face her own worth story, living paycheck to paycheck weekly and crisis in her family life. Through her own experiences, she draws wisdom from this crisis as well as her intuition and now teaches clients what it means to practically choose their own authentic path that builds a brilliant business, family and health.

Welcome to the podcast, Catherine.

Catherine Crestani (05:22)
Thank you, Dala. I'm so excited to talk to you.

Darla Ridilla (05:27)
I always love our discussions. It's so funny. We started going into a discussion off camera and I was thinking, my gosh, we got to stop right now because we're going to get so deep into it that we're going to totally get into the conversation of this episode and not even have it recorded.

Catherine Crestani (05:41)
It happens

all the time and I'm okay with that because I feel that's such a powerful reflection when you're living authentically, right? Because you can easily talk to anybody on the camera, off the camera and you have that interwoven ability because you are showing up just as you are no matter where you are. And I feel that's such a beautiful reminder for everyone listening that you shouldn't be putting masks on to do an interview or to be on a podcast or whatever it might be. That just should be you showing up no matter what.

Darla Ridilla (05:49)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and that is such a perfect example. You talk about women being authentic to themselves and not living by society's expectations. I mean, that fits right into what you do with women.

Catherine Crestani (06:22)
100 % because so often, know, we especially as a recovering people pleaser, and I didn't think of myself of that until I realized that I always wanted to be the one that would fix things, you know, fix things in my family, fix things with my friends, fix things with my ex husband, you know, I constantly wanted to be the one that was the fixer upper. And if even when I met my ex husband, he had some mental health things going on. And I just thought,

I'll be the one that fixes him and I'll help him become the best version of himself. Meanwhile, no one asks how I'm doing and no one asks how I was going throughout that whole process, you know, and it's amazing when you people play someone so much. You actually lose who you are completely like I stopped listening to the music I liked. I stopped eating the food I liked, you know, all these sorts of things because I just thought if I have

You know, I rent something stupid when I was a teenager. And it was that if you share interests with your partner, then the relationship will last longer. Right. So then I thought, well, I'll have to like the same music he likes. And I'll have to in saying that I drew the line at heavy metal. I could not listen to that. But, you know, I went from pop R &B, you know, I just listened to everything to, I'm only going to listen to alternative rock and I'm going to listen to the radio station with that.

Darla Ridilla (07:30)
Mm-hmm.

Catherine Crestani (07:48)
You know, it was only when a friend said to me he was showing like playing some new songs that he discovered. And I said, no, I haven't heard any of those. And he's like, what do mean? Because what even radio station do you listen to anymore? And I was like, I listen to this. And he's like, who are you? And I was like, I don't know. And it was actually it was so harmless how he said it. It wasn't even, you know, it was like, I don't know who you are anymore. That was his exact words. I don't know who you are anymore.

And my brain went, I don't know who I am either. And, you know, this was when I was married to my first husband. And it just started me on this quest of actually unpacking who I was and seeing how many masks that I'd actually put on to keep peace with people and to make sure everyone else was okay. And, you know, I still remember breaking up with my husband, my first husband and my parents coming over.

And they're like trying to do an intervention, right? Like trying to keep us married. And I'm like, I'm so I'm already left. Like I'm my heart, you know, it's so interesting if anyone's listening in, they ever have to leave a marriage or a long term relationship. It's like your head knows your head already knows. Like I was dreaming about my husband dying and not because I wanted him dead, because it was the easy way out. And remembering, I remember he went into this marathon and I couldn't get a hold of him.

And my brain went, my gosh, maybe something's happened, maybe he's dead. And I was like, my gosh, that'd be amazing. And I'm like, no, no, no, I'm the wife. I'm the wife. I have to to grieve that. And I was like, how am going to pretend to grieve that when I'm kind of like relieved? I would be sad anyway, but it was just my brain's way of trying to get out of the relationship. And so my dad's there talking to me and he goes, is there somebody else? And I'm like, yes. And he's like, who? said, myself. And he's like,

Darla Ridilla (09:22)
you

Catherine Crestani (09:43)
and he didn't know what to do. He had no idea what to do with that information because it was beyond what he was taught as well because you know he even tells me like I do everything for my kids and I'm like oh that's not a way to live either and I'm a mum and I love my son but I will not live for him. I live to give him an example of how to live by but I don't live for him and so many of the mums I work with I'm like where do get your joy each day for yourself?

And they'll say, I get to spend time playing with my toddler. And I'm like, that is not for yourself. That is, that is beautiful. And I'm not taking that away because I love playing with my son and everything as well. But that is not for you. You need something that is precious. That is just for you. Because if you can't fill your cup up, you are not going to be the best mom you can be either.

Darla Ridilla (10:32)
Yeah, there's so many things that you touched on there. And I love how you said, yes, there is someone else. It's me. Because we too, as women, we give away so much of ourselves. And especially as I'm in midlife, there's many women in my stage of life who their children are either leaving, or there's grandchildren, or in some cases, parents that are coming back home, but to be taken care of, not for them to take care of us.

And it is hard no matter what stage you're at as a mother, as a daughter, to find time for you and to be okay with it. I've talked to women that feel guilty and I'm like, no, yes, it's such a real thing.

Catherine Crestani (11:09)
Mm, mm, mom guilt thrill, yeah.

Even if it doesn't mean even if you have children or don't have children, it extends if you have fur babies too, you know, it's like, oh, you know, I want to go away, but who's going to look after my beautiful fur babies? And you know, it's the same thing. You know, it's the same, you know, even I know, mum guilt was such a real thing, you know, like I went to this day retreat on a weekend and I felt so bad being away because I was working still at the time. I felt so bad being away from my little one, but at the same time.

I needed that space for me and I had the I had the most powerful breathwork session and I was like, ⁓ yeah, I'm so glad I did this, you know, and then I came back with an overflowing cup. And this is the thing, you know, this is when you have that overflow, that is where we should be serving from and giving from not when our cups already so empty that, you know, we can't even get up in the morning because we're exhausted because we haven't even honored ourselves enough to sleep.

Darla Ridilla (12:14)
Yeah, that is so true. And that's part of the whole, need to put that guilt aside because we're actually doing not only ourselves a favor, but the others around us. Because if we keep giving and giving, eventually there's nothing left for them. And the very thing we want to do, we don't have energy for. Yeah.

Catherine Crestani (12:32)
Yeah, 100%. And,

you know, this is the thing too, like the more you ignore how unhappy your soul is, the more it'll start to show up in your body. And that's what was happening for me time and time again.

So that itself was really interesting. But the biggest thing there was, because I was pregnant, I went, ⁓ God, I don't want to keep living this life and have to deal with this whilst I'm trying to, you know, nurse my little one and enjoy that time being a mom. You know, that's, that's not aligned for me, you know. And so that was a big thing.

So then I started my spiritual reawakening journey, which in itself was was a lot of fun. And I'm a

I'm a high achiever. So I go back every two weeks and I did all the homework. And my spiritual mentors like you are the gold star student. I was like, yeah, but I'm hungry for this. And it feels like it's filling something up. You know, so part of that journey, often when we reawaken our gifts and reawaken out our remembering, I want to say of who we really are. Some things have to break down and break away. And this is seeing in the spiritual community called the dark night of the soul.

Darla Ridilla (13:18)
Yeah.

Catherine Crestani (13:43)
Now, I want to put a caveat, it's definitely not one night and I say it happens around one, around two, around three. And if you still don't get it, there might be around four. But it's the point is it's your choice whether you want to be courageous and step into a life of intention, or you can always choose to stay where you were and back away from that. And this always and everyone's looks different depending on what they're really need to shed in their identity. So of course, mine was my company.

and I had to learn to break up with my company and I was so resistant to it. I knew before we started talking I was sharing my husband was saying to me from January of I think it was 2021 or 2022, must have been 2022, he was saying to me or 2021, I don't know, doesn't matter but he was saying to me you know you really need to sell the business it's not making you happy and I'm like but where are we going to get money from and you know like because I was the breadwinner my son my dad would stay at home.

My son, my husband was stay at home dad. And so I'm like, ah, you know, like, ah, like, I don't know. I don't know. Anyway, I was very resistant to it. Cause at that point I was still quite invested in my baby that I'd, you know, built from the ground up. And I was like, ah, no.

Darla Ridilla (14:59)
like this is the universe saying, hello, I told you to stop. ⁓

Catherine Crestani (15:01)
Exactly, exactly.

And by this point, I went, okay, these people aren't meant to be in my life anymore. And I really need to go sell my business and my company. And I went up and I meditated and I was like, I need to sell my company. And my guides were there like slow clapping like, yay, you caught up to it finally. But it needed to happen that way because I needed to see that it would still be okay, even though everything fell apart.

Darla Ridilla (15:24)
I'm

Catherine Crestani (15:31)
And, you know, the buyer that they sent me, was, I stayed on and worked for him. And he was such an amazing boss to work for. But the company kept falling apart even after he bought in. And I knew it was going to happen no matter what. So it felt really nice to actually be paid something for it and then watch it keep fall apart. So I was really grateful for that. And I used to joke to him and say, you bought my stress. So thank you so much.

Darla Ridilla (15:49)
Right?

Yeah.

Catherine Crestani (15:59)
But I stayed in that role because again, you know, and I was only working a few days a week, but, and he paid me really well. Actually, no, he didn't at first. And that wasn't on him. So I got paid all this money for this business. And then I was like, I didn't work hard for this. I did, but this is my, my subconscious, right?

So I pushed it all away.

So I spent time actually working on my worth story. And I got to this point, it was just after my birthday.

must have been last year. And I went up to my boss and I said, you even need to be okay with me seeing clients outside of here and or an asset and I need to pull back my time working here because I, you know, I'm not getting enough.

Darla Ridilla (16:48)
me talk to you for a moment, because this time of year, when Valentine's Day is everywhere, makes pretending harder, and it brings the gap into sharper focus. You might be single, watching everyone else post roses and reservations, and telling yourself you're fine. While feeling that familiar mix of disappointment, envy, and what am I missing?

or you might be in a relationship and instead of feeling prioritized, you're managing your expectations, hoping he remembers, hoping he shows hoping that this year feels different, hoping that you don't have to remind him it's Valentine's hoping that you're not the one making the reservations again, and hoping

He doesn't minimize it, says it's just a hallmark holiday or complains about the money. Well, you quietly swallow the feeling that this matters to you. And here's the part that no one says out loud. It's not the holiday that hurts. It's the pattern it exposes. It's the constant question in the back of your mind. Why does this feel so hard? It's the energy that you keep pouring into something that never quite meets you. And it's that

Quiet exhaustion of being the one who cares more, hopes more, tries more. Single or partnered, the experience is the same. You're in connection, but you're alone inside it. so if Valentine's Day has you feeling restless, frustrated, or done pretending that you don't care, hear this.

Nothing is wrong with you, but if you keep choosing from the same version of yourself, you'll keep recreating the same dynamic. Different man, same outcome. And inside this masterclass, I walk you through how to stop choosing from hope, chemistry, or potential, and start choosing from clarity, self-respect, and what's actually there.

This season isn't about being chosen by someone else. It's about deciding how you are going to relate going forward. This is why I created the masterclass called, Three Keys to Magnetizing Emotionally Available Men. This masterclass is available now for only $27. You'll find the link in the show notes. Let this be the year you stop choosing potential over reality.

Catherine Crestani (19:12)
because this is why

Darla Ridilla (19:13)
Yeah.

Catherine Crestani (19:14)
we need people around us to support us, whether it's a coach, a mentor, you know, somebody to actually be able to see what you can't because sometimes we're so in it that we can't get that external perspective and it makes it really difficult.

And it was such a beginning of a lesson of learning to choose myself. And, you know, even though I'd chosen myself, leaving my first husband, I'd chosen myself, you know, leaving my business partnership, I'd chosen myself, selling my company. That was a true honoring of myself. And especially like money wounds and things like that. It was truly empowering. And the change I had in those first three months. And I just say he helped me find myself again because

And despite all this virtual work I'd been doing and everything like that, there was still that underlying worth story that I really had to choose. And to the point that when I started attracting clients, the first masterclasses I was running were called Imperfectly Perfect and I am enough, you know, like, and now I'm like, no, now we're going to claim our powerful no's because, you know, now I'm in this empowered state. I want other people to be empowered too.

And it's really hard to trust and surrender. I'm not going to lie. And for me, I had to learn to receive as well, you know, because so often we forget to talk about that. Like we, we asked the universe for something, but then we forget to receive it as well.

Darla Ridilla (20:38)
Maybe that was the whole purpose. ⁓ There's so much in your story. Some of it I'm going through right now. You talked about the surrender, and that's something I've really been fighting. And it's interesting that you used, what was it you said? Shedding identity. Those exact words were spoken to me just two days ago. Or was it yesterday? It was yesterday.

Catherine Crestani (20:40)
Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (21:05)
This Thursday, so it was Wednesday with my ⁓ human design coach. And I'm kind of like in the midst of I've gone through this dark night of the soul. It's like my second one. And I feel like I'm on the edge of it. But I'm on the I had a breakthrough about three weeks ago, but it's the first one that didn't feel good. Like it felt horrible. It still feels horrible. And she's like, this is because you're shedding your whole identity like this goes so deep within you. This is why it doesn't feel good.

And it's about, you you talk about honoring and being authentic. And I was in a group ⁓ that no longer could hold me as I was. I'm very big. I'm very loud. And there was an expectation that to be part of that, had to tone down and I refused to do so. And I just basically put it those expectations I can't meet. So I'm going to remove myself from this. And it was not something I expected to happen. It literally like the whole thing just

fell down in a 24 hour period and it was, I didn't see it coming. And it has thrown me because I got so much out of this group. So that first of all, I'm grateful for, but it's these people come in and out of our lives at those times. And twice I've had to leave groups that I outgrew or that were no longer serving me. Yeah.

Catherine Crestani (22:22)
Same, same. And I recently

did one because I could see ⁓ this group I was in and we're doing powerful things, but at the same time, there was this weird tension and the two people I work the closest with, I said to them, there's something not right and we need the intuitive hit that I'm getting is that we actually need to step back for about a year.

Darla Ridilla (22:32)
Mm-hmm.

Catherine Crestani (22:47)
And then we can come back into it once this sorts it out, but we cannot be in the energy of it because it will drain us and it won't be okay. So I acted on it really quickly. And I left kind of like all the chats and everything like that. And then the CEO kind of rang me and he's like, ⁓ you know, what's going on? said, I need space. said, I just need to step back. I'm still here if you desperately need me to, for support on something, but I need to step back. And he's like, okay. We'll respect that.

da da da da. And I like, that's fine. You know, so ⁓ anyway, and then this past week, the validation of my timing of doing that, the other two people that I work closely with, they're like, my gosh, have you seen this? And I said, do not sign that I said, step back. This is what I was telling you, you need to step back and just wait. And they're both like, Yep, okay, we get it, you know, and it's not. And this is where sometimes when you get these intuitive hits, or these feelings for yourself, right, that you have to have the courage to act on them.

Even if you don't have all the information yet, you'll have 60 % of the information. You'll know that the feeling you know that this is intuitive hit, you know, this other thing, just act on it anyway. And this is about learning to be courageous. You're not born courageous, you're not born brave, you have to learn to be that. And that's something I've proven to myself that I to the point now when I have to take a risk or do something, I just do it anyway, like I don't even think about it. And sometimes I run in a bit go gunho without a plan.

Darla Ridilla (23:48)
Mm-hmm.

Catherine Crestani (24:15)
and just say, yeah, you know, let's go. But at the same time, to be like that and not to have like the fear was always be there and your wounds and your triggers and all that they'll always be there. But the more you get to know yourself, like you said, and shed your identities. And this is why your visions might change, your dreams might change, because the more you shed those layers of all the programming from the moment, if not before the moment you were born, the more you find yourself buried.

Darla Ridilla (24:23)
Mm-hmm.

Catherine Crestani (24:44)
under all of that. And I know personally, because there's this exercise we do with my coach, and it's about tapping into your vision and then the values that you need to get there. And my values have changed so much. He said, your core values don't change that much. He said, you've just had to unprogram and like, you shed your identity so much that now finally now like nearly a year later, we are actually getting to who I am, and my key values, you know, like being a mom.

is my number one priority. And I don't feel bad saying that anymore. But I can still have a job and I can still, you know, do my podcast, I can still do everything I want. But I also like having that piece in my day. And the biggest thing I learned as a recovering workaholic was to have to unlearn was not to fill up my schedule with crap, you know, because I felt that it was going to help me get out there and help me brand, you know, like I got invited the other week to speak at a ⁓

Darla Ridilla (25:37)
Thank you.

Catherine Crestani (25:43)
international empowerment conference. And I was like, yeah, this is so a brand ⁓ and then my coach went, hang on. Is this aligned with your vision? And I went, no, actually, it's not. It'd be really nice. I said, but it's not aligned. said, it's a no. Okay. It's definitely a no. You know, this is my no. And I said no. And then they just wouldn't leave me alone. Like they really wanted me to talk there. And I just kept saying no. And sometimes when we say no,

you get a pushback. Like you said, like when you left the group, you get a pushback, you know, because you need to learn to own that. And it's almost like a test from the universe. Like, do you really mean you know, you know, do you really mean that you've left this group? Or do you really mean it? And it's good lessons for us to say, ⁓ this is my boundaries being tested. And if I can stand this, that I know I can keep honoring myself and keep doing it for me to Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (26:40)
That is so true, because in that pushback, I mean, it was already a hell no moment. It was actually, so I feel like my human design coach, who I was still working with, gave me permission to be who I was. I always had that permission within myself, but I didn't see that. And ⁓ I'm sure you're familiar with human design, but I'm an ego projector. So I'm the one that says the thing that everyone's thinking, but no one will say it, because it's so shocking. And I can remember telling her. used to stand in when I was,

20 years ago in grocery store lines. And I used to love to play this game where I would say something out loud on purpose to shock people in front of me, like to get a reaction. And and ⁓ I think that part of my personality was like stuff down. And of course, it created all this other stuff that was going on. And what's happening is, is those layers you talk about like all this layer. And I think this is why the breakthrough feels so shitty is because, ⁓

I thought I was done with codependency and then I realized this week, ⁓ that looks like codependency in me. Wait a minute. As coaches, everyone, we're not perfect. We're not healed. We are doing our own work.

Catherine Crestani (27:44)
Ha

It's why coaches have coaches. Exactly. It's why coaches

have coaches and you know, for anyone listening going these women are crazy. No, we will attract people that are 10 steps behind us and are going through the same things because when you're truly a leader in your own life, whether you're a relationship coach, a leadership coach, business coach, whatever, you know, a life coach.

Darla Ridilla (28:00)
you

Catherine Crestani (28:15)
please, if you're a life coach, please actually have experienced life and not just gone and got the certification. I just want to put the caveat there, you know, because your vulnerability and your authentic story is what makes you unique from everyone else. And having the courage to own that and to be vulnerable is what will make you stand out from everybody else. And I feel that's such an important message for everyone that's listening is that.

You are unique. No one has your exact story. It doesn't matter what modalities you do. People don't buy your modalities. People buy you as your story and how you show up as a beautiful human in this world.

Darla Ridilla (28:49)
Mm-hmm.

Yeah, and you were talking about the money showing up. It's interesting because, you know, as I've been shifting, because I mean, I started out in trauma and narcissistic abuse. Well, that's still in the background, because that's my my lived history for sure. I in my healing journey, I realized I don't want to talk about that every single time. Now, I'm reaching another level of Yeah, you know, me empowerment me owning my own life. In fact, single on purpose is kind of my current theme right now. ⁓ But the day after I left that group, my credit card

bill, ⁓ my credit card limit got raised $3,000 without me even asking. Like, boom, there it is. Two bartenders gave me free beers that weekend. It was like, there's the validation, right?

Catherine Crestani (29:34)
And, and,

and you have to see it too. I think that's an important thing, Darla, is that you have to acknowledge it and it can be as simple as like, thank you, universe, or thank you, show me more, or thank you for this abundance, you know, whatever it might be. And even if it's this money shows up so you can pay a bill, like you said, your credit card limit got raised, you say, thank you. And when you pay the bill, I say, may this return to me 10 times, right? And then actually, you know, when I pay a bill at six times,

You have to let things crumble and fall down before you can attract the new. And I feel that that's such an important thing too.

Darla Ridilla (30:10)
Yeah, and real quick before we start to wrap up, I'm still in the throes of it. I started to come out of it a couple of days ago, but I do every few weeks try to go away. And so tomorrow morning, I'm going to drive up about 400 miles north and stay in a cabin for a few days and just totally unplug, which is what I do. ⁓ Because I feel like...

Catherine Crestani (30:26)
Beautiful.

Darla Ridilla (30:30)
there's there's something else bubbling up. felt that literally I was talking to myself right before you came on to the recording. Like something is bubbling. I don't know what it is, but there's an agitation today. And that usually means there's something else that's going to hit me. And I'm so glad that I didn't used to do that. And I'm still, this is why I go away because I am working on not being in that push energy because

You know, I'm very, very task oriented. I need to show how many things I checked off my list today. And my gosh, that's one of my biggest things right now with my coaches is breaking that habit. go ahead. Yeah. Yeah.

Catherine Crestani (31:04)
⁓ I wanna say something really triggering to you. Goals aren't meant to be

met.

Darla Ridilla (31:13)
There need to be, so what's the other side of that? It's not triggering because I actually, that's probably, yeah. ⁓ I like that. I'm tingling all over. So yeah, because I don't know where this is going, right? I mean, I thought I did, but I have no freaking idea. I mean, I'm shifting every week like, that isn't working. Let's try this, right? Like what you were doing.

Catherine Crestani (31:16)
Goals aren't meant to be met, they're just meant to get you started. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. ⁓

And the biggest thing that came up was that I teach people how to live with courage and intention, you know, and, and I do that through what I've lived through. But also I have these intuitive gifts where I can say, Hey, this is what's coming through. And this is what aligns with you. You know, even I had a beautiful client yesterday and she had all these questions and I was like, my goodness, we just got a whole business plan for you come through. It was so magical. And I said, I hope that's okay. She goes, no, I needed to hear it. I needed to hear that.

you know, because she has health issues. So she needed to, she needs to hire someone to come and work for her as a contractor and cover her rent and things like that, you know, and, and she needed to hear that. And, you know, this is the thing, like, we can have a vision of where we want to go, but we need someone else sometimes to help us find the steps. And we're not meant to do this alone. You know, this is the biggest thing. We're not meant to do it alone. Even if you want to go to a cabin in the woods, you still need that alone time and reflection time. But then you come back and you

You download that with somebody and process it.

Darla Ridilla (32:37)
Yep, absolutely. I could talk to you for hours. But I'm going to ask you, know, is there anything else that you want to share that we haven't talked about so far?

Catherine Crestani (32:51)
I feel if you keep seeing something that you want to change in the world and you keep seeing it, you just have to make that decision that you want to be that change because I wake up every day and my alarm says, you know, be the change you want to see in the world because you do need to be the change because sometimes waiting for someone else to do it, it's not going to happen. You see that rubbish on the street that you think someone should pick that up. Maybe it's you.

You know, and it's funny because I pick up the rubbish, but I intuitively check now, am I meant to pick that up? Because sometimes I'm like, I don't actually have time and I'll get no, you're not meant to pick it up. Just leave it today or I'll get no, no, go pick it up. You'll be fine. You'll be fine.

I was like, thank you, universe. I really needed to see that that that was the case because you never know about you being the change, how you can inspire others to be the change as well. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (33:43)
Absolutely. If people want to work with you, where can they find you? And we will put it in the show notes as well.

Catherine Crestani (33:50)
Yeah, so you can, I'm on Instagram a lot. So ⁓ it's Willow Healing and then SH like the letters SH. I hang out there frequently. ⁓ I put my master classes on there and I only have a free one every month so you can come along. And I've also got a free 30 minute call if you want to tune in and it's a no sales call. It's purely me helping you. You can come in and we'll get you some really great action steps in the next step of your journey.

⁓ or you can check out my website, which is willowhealing.org, but it's always evolving. So I say come to Instagram, because that's more me at the moment. And I also have a sub stack, which is willowhealing.substack.com. And there you can find, I write articles once a week, most of the time. And then I also have my podcast through there where I interview beautiful people around the world like Darla So definitely come and check it out. Yeah.

Darla Ridilla (34:42)
Thank you. this has been such a great conversation. I'm so glad that you came today and that we got to do this. And I know there's someone out there that's gonna hear something that is just gonna really resonate with them. And that's what it's really all.

Catherine Crestani (34:54)
100 % and thank you for having me, Dala. I love talking to you all the time.

Darla Ridilla (34:58)
Say,

and tell my listeners, you have the power.