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Heal Yourself Podcast
A podcast diving into all aspects of healing; from the latest in functional medicine, to nurturing your relationship with yourself, and even transforming your money story, we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Heal Yourself Podcast
Episode 28: Discovering Self-Respect Through Boundaries
How do you find your purpose in uncertain times? Meet Tammy Renee, a visionary life strategist who transformed introspection into inspiration. Through her Wave Philosophy—Wisdom, Awareness, Vision, and Energy—she helps others reclaim lost parts of themselves and align with their authentic path.
Tammy shares powerful insights on setting personal boundaries, even with family, to foster self-respect and new opportunities. We also explore the crucial role of balancing masculine and feminine energies, crucial for success in life and finances
About Tammy:
Tammy Renee is an Intuitive Visionary, Transformational Speaker-Author-Mentor and the creator of WAVE Philosophy. She is helping others access their intangible strengths for a life-time of results.
Find Tammy:
https://www.facebook.com/tammy.hollandthomas/
https://www.instagram.com/introverted_global_entreprenur/
Grab Tammy's free guide to setting boundaries: https://tinyurl.com/wavesettingboundaries
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Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech-language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2:And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we are here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul.
Speaker 1:From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2:So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness. Welcome back everyone to another episode. You have Kira today. Denise is not with us, but I do have a special guest, um, we are joined by Tammy Renee. I'm really excited to chat. She is a visionary life strategist, transformational speaker, author, mentor and the creator of Wave Philosophy, which we'll talk about. She's helping others access their intangible strengths for a lifetime of results. So, tammy, I love having guests. Welcome.
Speaker 3:Thank you. Thank you, thank you for having me, and I love being a guest.
Speaker 2:It's fun being on both sides. Yes, it is, yeah. So tell me a little bit about yourself. How did you get into this? You know, some people are like I was born into this, I knew it, and others not so much.
Speaker 3:Well I, my journey actually shaped my reality. I can literally say that, because I never really. When I was younger, I wanted to be a lawyer. Of course, you know you want to do all the things everybody tells you that's good, right. But as I, as I continued on my journey, I hit so many different roadblocks that put me in different paths so many different times that I didn't really know where I was going. I was just falling through. Well, then it came to the pandemic. Right and I'm an introvert by nature, but right when the pandemic hit, it was so interesting because I was ready to go out and I was like, well, now we're shut down, right. And so, as I was now forced to stay in, instead of choosing to stay in, I started going through my healing journey to help me make sense of all the things that's been in my past, and it got pretty deep right.
Speaker 3:It was pretty deep. But during that journey I started writing and I knew I was called to be a speaker to share the message of I'm going to use the word consciousness, okay. So as I began to write not that I not even know it was going to be a book, I just thought I was going through my healing journey. Now I knew I was called to be a speaker and that's it Like reading a book. I ain't reading no books. I ain't writing no, nothing. I ain't doing any of that in my mind. But when I got through my healing process and I got the message, now turn it into a book. So that's Feed your Soul.
Speaker 3:The book that I have, food for Thought, was my very first book and it was through poetry, introspection. Poetry written in a way where, if you read it, it prompts you to do your own introspection. So from there I just kept diving deeper and deeper in who I am. Why do I take the way I take? Why do I react the way I react? What makes me get going? What stops me in my tracks? All the good things and bad things about myself.
Speaker 3:And that took me on the journey of way philosophy. And that's how way philosophy was born when a coach of mine I was working with, when I started to come out in this real world, looked at me and said you have a natural intrinsic skills and I'm like who You're, like what? What is that? But I didn't want her to know, I didn't know right. So as soon as she was gone, I started looking it up and it talked about that motivation. It talked about that resilience and it talked about that intuition. It talked about all the things that I know that I took for granted for myself. And so then I began to try to put the pieces together on how do we get ourselves motivated, how do we tap into direction for ourself, how do we make decisions for ourself and make the right decisions and feeling confident in it. And so that's when I discovered wisdom, awareness, vision and energy which, when they work together, it's like a wave of flow.
Speaker 2:I love it you just described like the ultimate healing journey, because Denise and I are always saying it's not just the physical healing Like a lot of people come to me for physical health, right but I'm like it's so much deeper. It's the journey that you just described of reclaiming those old pieces of you that have been lost because we become programmed as life goes on of like my parents think I should be a lawyer or a doctor, or society tells me I need to do this and our real self falls away.
Speaker 3:Yes, yes, we, we. When I realized this, I actually didn't even know who I was, you know. And another thing I realized and this is making me get me chill, so I guess I'm supposed to say this Another thing I realized is the dreams that I thought were mine were not mine, and that was an eye wakener, because, you know, we have this tendency to want to people, please and help other people and make them happy, or we tend to, oh, that makes them happy, so let me do it so they could be happy in return. Guess what? I will be happy. So that's what I did most of my life, just making sure everybody was happy, at ease. And it comes a lot from the childhood. You know that I was in that took me to that space, but I wasn't. I was 40 something years old when I realized my dreams were not my dreams.
Speaker 2:But at least you figured it out, because not everybody does yeah.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that is very true. I could have just been living someone else's dream and been in this bubble of not even knowing that I wasn't being authentically me or true to me, because the dream is nice, but just because someone wants, example, a house on an island somewhere or you know anything like that. That might not be your dream, but it will be nice to go to. So if that's your dream, I'm coming with you. You'll have my dream.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and part of what you're saying to me ties into boundaries, right, like I'm not even willing to put up my boundaries and say no to things that I don't want to do, and so again, I get lost. And Denise and I've talked a lot about boundaries, but, honestly, being transparent here, it has been a struggle of mine for decades. People pleaser, like you, right? Let me just make everyone else happy, so I won't put up those boundaries and I won't even pay attention to what my dreams are and what I want, because I just want to make other people happy, and that pleasing is, you know, a lack of boundaries. What would you say to that? How are your boundaries? How were they?
Speaker 3:My boundaries is good now, girl, they are great, and I don't want people to take it as boundaries is something you have to be aggressive about or you have to be staying your ground or be mean about it, because when you're doing that, to me it's like you're putting out this negative force and negativity meets negativity right. Get what you put out and you get it back, so taking a different approach. So one of the things that I teach is first, let's recognize where you need boundaries at and why you want those boundaries. So understanding where and why is the very first step, and then the next thing to do is communicate those boundaries right. You got to know how to say them, be clear about them, not half ass doing it. I don't know what station we on, but not half ass.
Speaker 2:No, we're fine, we're fine we curse.
Speaker 3:I don't know what station we on, but now we're fine, we're fine, because then they step back into there and then you're back to square one. Now, boundaries is one of the toughest things I feel like we all have to go through when I I remember when I started setting boundaries and taking down walls because I used to have walls up. So when I started taking down those walls and I started setting boundaries, my family did not understand. They would come at me oh, you got walls up so thick. I'd be like no, the walls was yesterday. Today is boundaries okay.
Speaker 1:No, the walls was yesterday.
Speaker 3:Today is boundaries. Okay, today you can understand the difference between what I was doing, because as long as we have those walls up, we're still giving, giving, giving, giving. We're just not letting anything in. So you lose that emotional connection and you just go into automated and pleasing others, back to the people pleasing. But when you start setting your boundaries, you look at it in a way as now I can let what you look at it more as like a fence around your house instead of a wall behind your house, because you can open up and let things in and you can close the door and keep things out.
Speaker 3:Yeah, so being very clear first on why you need this boundary, what this boundary looks like, make sure to write it out. We all talk about manifestation and we know manifestation is not magic. It is a process, right, and part of that process is writing things out. So when you write it out, you start to believe these things yourself, you start to embed them in your mind, in your consciousness, and then you can start to communicate your boundaries to you, to the person. Now I would not suggest just not saying nothing, because that caused tension, right?
Speaker 3:we don't know why you acting this way and we don't understand and why you ignoring us. So then they start you back in that guilt trip, yeah, victim trip and that, and that shame energy, because they don't understand. So we have to also remember is being compassion about the people we're setting the boundaries with, because it is new to them, but it is our soul calling, so it's been in us, we just hadn't shown it. Yes, and so those are the three steps, and then I say there's always a bonus step, right, because guess what? They are going to try to cross those boundaries so true they don't know.
Speaker 2:They don't know they're like let's see how far I can push it.
Speaker 3:She didn't enforce those boundaries before, so yeah, and if you backtrack, guess what they know? Next time you try to put those boundaries up, you'll backtrack again. And I'm not saying when you backtrack, I'm not taking it in a way as if someone crossed your boundaries okay, you're out of my life. If that's not what you really want. If it is, then yes. But if it's not what you really really want because it's just a boundary that they crossed and it's not nothing detrimental to your relationship and you know that it can be accomplished then that's when you communicate with the person, re-communicate with the person. Now, once you get the I do three strikes, you're out. So if it is a person I still want in my life and they're continuing to disrespect me because having no boundaries is disrespect on yourself, and if you can't respect yourself, how do you teach anyone else to respect you?
Speaker 2:I love that quote. I just have to say that again, having no boundaries is showing disrespect to yourself. That's so beautifully said because it's so true, and we can get stuck in that people pleasing where. It's like I don't want to piss someone else off, I don't want them to be mad at me, so I'm going to keep allowing this to happen, but you're pissing yourself off. You know what I mean. And it's bottled up and it's showing up as health issues and all these sorts of other things. And I think that is so important and why Denise and I keep coming back to talking about boundaries, because it is an issue that so many women deal with. But then they feel like, well, I'm a mother, I have to please my child and I have to do this. And it's like we're not saying to go be a mean person, but you need to look at what you need in your life to thrive, not just survive, and put those boundaries in place for others, but also for yourself, because a lot of us lack those inner boundaries too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when you talk about those inner boundaries for ourselves, you know I feel like there's a balance to everyone, a feminine and a masculine balance. Go to out there and be disconnected from the world, and that has always been one of my fears. So, you know, I had to have boundaries on my spiritual journey real early, but my human journey was a whole different story. You know, it was just something I had to learn and this should encourage anyone to set them boundaries, because I was dealing with a situation with a whole family, a whole family, and it was really really, really hard to just walk away from my whole family One day.
Speaker 3:You know, they kind of wanted me to come down there and then I started realizing well, they want me to come down there because what they want to emotionally dump on me right, they want to dump their emotions about me, who I am, who I am not changing on me, about me. So you want me to feel bad about myself. So I end up calling one of them having a conversation about how all this started, and then I said thank you for the conversation. I wish you nothing but luck, success in life, but I've made peace with this and they've never heard from me again and the next day opportunity started opening up. Because when you let something out, something new is going to come in, and if you keep holding on to that negative energy, you're not letting the positive come in. Yeah, we talked about sorry happened like that.
Speaker 2:I believe it. We talked about that on an episode recently of just creating space. You have to create space in your life and if things are toxic and pulling you down and not bringing you joy, that's not space. You can't allow new things in. It's like a calendar, right? I can't put a client in at 1030 in the morning If I have a 930, a nine, 45, a 10, a 10, 15,. You have to create space, Right?
Speaker 2:One other thing that you said I want to touch on, um for our listeners that might not know, is the whole idea of masculine and feminine energy. So for those that don't know, I've lived in masculine energy for years and I'm working on it. So we, we all have both right. This is nothing to do with gender, but just the idea that masculine is the doing energy, of being busy, the getting stuff done you know, go get her that type of thing and the feminine is allowing things in. We need a balance of both, right? If we're heavy in one, we're off kilter. It's like the pendulum swinging and I want to totally turn this in another direction. I'm hoping we can go here, because you know I fly by the seat of my pants. But can we talk about that masculine and feminine energy as it relates to money, Dr Anneke Vandenbroek?
Speaker 3:money, I saw your face okay, let me see how I can work this out. Relate to money okay, I got it because I'm thinking of my life. I've always been in that masculine energy too. You know, I'm the go-getter. I'm gonna work five jobs, I'm gonna get it done. I'm gonna make sure, even if I'm on assistance, my life don't look like I'm on assistance.
Speaker 3:So I am that very strong masculine energy when it comes to work, when it comes to providing for the family, when it comes to living life, when it comes to living life. So I believe and this is only because it's off the top of my head I believe, when you're so much in that masculine energy, you're not thinking, yeah, you might be thinking you're going for the money, but really your, your thoughts is about what's the next move? What can I do today to make me look like I'm moving in the right direction? What can I do today to make sure that I am, um, making progress, even if you're not, because you could just be going in the circles or you're working towards the wrong thing? So, in that masculine energy, if you're trying to, um, I'm glad you got me talking about this because that's the way I'm going with my business.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to integrate the masculine I love it but in that masculine energy, if you're always just focused on work, work, work, work, work, there's nothing. You can work for free or you can work for a bunch of money, but the main goal is the work. It is not the money in our minds, it is about showing we can do it, we got this, we, we, we move it. We, we doing, we doing, we doing, we doing. And then in the feminine energy, it is more about the mindset, I believe, more about the heart, more about the intuition, more about the creating things. So if you are stuck, so when I got out of my masculine energy energy, I did maybe five to six years in feminine energy, like a pendulum swung, all right it did, and now it's in the middle, like it literally put me over there and I looked at it as well.
Speaker 3:maybe I was supposed to learn some things in this energy. So when I was in there and I still was not being successful in life as far as money goes, that's when I actually learned how I deterred money, how I pushed money away. But sometimes we can get caught up in the fantasy of creating this money, this fantasy of oh, I'm going to be this and you visualize it and you do all these things and you're writing it down, but it ain't happening. Why? Because your masculine is not taking charge to make it happen.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I always tell people you can sit and write stuff down all day and dream about it, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's going to come. There's got to be some of that masculine doing energy behind it.
Speaker 3:Yes, you have to have both. Your feminine energy creates it and your masculine energy makes it happen. It and your masculine energy makes it happen. So if you're working towards success, you know you need feminine energy in your business. It's not only good for your customer service, it's not only good for the ethics of your business. It doesn't. It gives your business character, it gives us some substance. And then your masculine energy shows your reliability, it shows your action, it shows what you will make happen. So having them both makes sense to me as far as balancing it.
Speaker 3:But when we talked about money, sometimes that money goes further than I'm trying to see how to put this than business. You have to find the grounding of why you're not being successful the way you want to be, or making the money that you're making, or have a bank account with some money in it. Whatever the cause is, there's always this grounded and sometimes we repel the money. You can repel it in your masculine because you're so busy just working, you're not trying to think about making money come to you. You're chasing the money.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's a key word. Right there is chasing. You're not allowing it in. The feminine is allowing, the masculine is chasing.
Speaker 3:Yes, and so when I went into my feminine energy, I started to discover why I was a hustler, why I worked so hard, why I was just on the grind making it happen. I don't care, I had five jobs, they called me Jamaican, it don't matter. I was proud. Now I look back and be like what was I thinking? You know, but when I went into my feminine energy and I started deep, going deep within myself, and it was interesting because, even though I had no money, I always felt like angels protected me because I always still was able to live a life that didn't look like I. It looked like I had money.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Even though I didn't to the point where and this I think this comes from how generate karma. So I do believe in karma. So your karma always comes back to you. So it would be Christmas. I didn't have any money. Someone would knock on my door and give me gifts for me and my family of programs. I never even signed up for it and so I knew money could come. So I didn't have a negative About money, but I was not attracting money. I was attracting the things I needed in my life. Yeah, and when I went into my feminine, that's when I started realizing well, yeah, I might not be mentally getting rid of it, but I almost felt like I didn't deserve it. And so because I didn't feel like I deserve it which was something that happened in my past that put me in the mind frame- Always.
Speaker 3:Why? Because I didn't feel like I deserve it. I had no value on money. Yeah, money I don't care. Money's not going to stop me from doing anything. That's my, that was my mindset. It's not going to stop me, but it's also not going to grow me. Yeah, so I can go out and learn all the stuff I want. But you might not make no money on it if you are not open to receiving it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that's the message is you have to be open to receiving, whether we're talking money, health, all the things like on your healing journey, because we always say this it is a journey, it doesn't end, there's no destination.
Speaker 2:You have to be open to receiving, and that's a message that we keep getting over and over and then hearing again from guests on the podcast, and I think it's such a powerful takeaway and I'm going to tie this back into health just because it's what I do for a living. But, like women are forcing it, they're trying to force their healing. Well, let me just take another supplement and tell me what else I need to do. Let me run another lab, let me do this, let me go get these shots, let me do you know, the, the Ozempic and things like that, like it's always. Let me force this into happening and I'm trying to get them to let go a little bit. Let go and receive, create that space. But if you're working towards your health, even in that serious masculine energy, you're just repelling, just like with money, just like with anything else.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I totally agree with that, and having too much of the other one is just repelling from the other side.
Speaker 2:There's always got to be a yin and a yang.
Speaker 3:And you know, when I said, I knew I was supposed to be the speaker and my voice was being held by my mom, so I wouldn't speak for years. One of the things recently I've been visualizing or told, or whatever you want, however you want to say it is that I am that bridge. I am here to bridge that language barrier between reality and spirituality, between the masculine and the feminine, between the yin and the yang. So, because I do think one way or another it's just too much. You're imbalanced.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's the thing.
Speaker 2:We're a society of imbalanced people, but we were taught that I was going to say and it's passed down to us. But that's why, when people talk about generational trauma, I'm like there's also generational healing. We have the power to change things for future generations and teach them like. You don't have to hustle and grind 24, seven and I think I'm just going to say it as women. Even it's been an uphill battle because for so many years we were told you stay at home, you do the cooking, you do the cleaning, you take care of kids. And then that pendulum, which always swings, did, and then it was like well, I got to prove myself, I'm going to get out there and work and hustle and grind, and it's like we're realizing that didn't serve us either. So it's striking that balance.
Speaker 3:Striking that balance, and that's what I'm about, balance right now. So, and it's been a journey you know it doesn't come easy and, like you say, healing never stops, because who wants to come to a place of complacence? Yeah, you know, you always are going to have a challenge. You're always going to have a lesson to learn. You're always going to have something new to learn, not even just a lesson, even if it's just experiencing life. Doing that, guess what You're learning about yourself? You're learning the things you like, the things you don't like.
Speaker 3:And when you start learning about yourself, it's amazing because you're like, oh, my God, I didn't know, but you know how, when you're a kid and you say I don't like cake, so you never eat a cake again, never eat a cake again. And then one day someone gets you to try it and you be like, oh man, all these years I've been missing out on this, hey, to try it. And you'd be like, oh man, all these years I've been missing out on this, hey. And you know I've been trying to.
Speaker 3:One of my thing one of my goals was to break generational curses, and it was more on the emotional side of things, and so I've been working like four or five years now doing that. But I look at my kids and you know I'm like man. I thought some of them not all of them I used to be, so I used to. I went back and thought I used to think, oh my god, they got good words like this, they like me, I'm so proud of them. And now I look back and be like but now they still hustling.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 3:They have not graduated to the next step in life. That's all I can say is graduate, and there's no age on that. There's no age on graduating in life. No, I haven't graduated yet.
Speaker 2:Well, this has been such a beautiful conversation. Is there anything else that you intuitively feel like our listeners need to hear? Anything else you want to share?
Speaker 3:um, I I would like to share, based on our conversation today. I'm gonna share this quote that I came up with during my healing and it's in my book, the poetry book that I told you about. It's in there, but it is if you want to be the leader of your dreams, you have to know what your dreams are. But to know what your dreams are, you have to know who you are, and I think that is perfect for this conversation today.
Speaker 2:A hundred percent, I love it. I got little chills right there. I'm like, oh, so good, so good. Well, for those that want to find you, obviously I'm going to have everything in the show notes, you guys.
Speaker 3:But where can?
Speaker 2:people find you. I like to verbally ask too.
Speaker 3:All right. So YouTube is going to be my new stomping ground, so make sure you go to YouTube. I'm going to be sharing stories and tools on there, some of my lifestyle on there. Just, I'm a multifaceted person and I can't niche down to one, so we just talking life. I can't niche down to one, so we just talking life right, because we're creating a life right. So on YouTube I'm at at way philosophy. So if you'd like to follow me on YouTube and see video form, go to YouTube. And then on Facebook I'm Tammy Renee Maxwell and on IG I am Tammy Renee Transformation.
Speaker 2:Love it. That will all be below. Thank you so much for joining us today. What a fun conversation, and you guys know the drill we love feedback. Come find us on our Instagram page. Tell us what you want to hear. Tell us what you want to hear, leave us a review, whatever. We just love hearing from you guys and we will see you on the next episode.
