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Heal Yourself Podcast
A podcast diving into all aspects of healing; from nurturing your relationship with yourself, to functional medicine insights, to transforming your money story, we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Heal Yourself Podcast
Episode 58: Harnessing Emotions for a More Empowered Life
Discover the transformative power of self-exploration and emotional intelligence with our guest, Nikki Brown, a dedicated women's empowerment coach. Nikki opens up about her personal journey of breaking free from the limiting beliefs of her upbringing and finding her true identity. Her story is a testament to the courage it takes to question societal norms and pursue genuine happiness. Together, we unpack the themes of self-love, self-acceptance, and the pivotal role of emotions like forgiveness and compassion in the healing process. Nikki’s insights offer a roadmap for anyone feeling trapped by others' expectations and yearning to live more authentically.
Join us as we discuss the importance of breaking generational patterns and nurturing a supportive relationship with oneself. Nikki shares how embracing her sensitivity and emotional depth became a key part of her journey, while emphasizing the need to communicate with our inner critic compassionately. We highlight the absence of formal education on emotional intelligence and the continuous process of learning to manage our emotions. Empower yourself to treat yourself with the same kindness and encouragement you offer to your best friends, and learn how this shift can lead to overcoming shame and isolation. This episode promises to inspire personal growth and foster a deeper understanding of what it means to truly love oneself.
About Nicki:
Nicki Brown is a women’s empowerment coach, helping women heal their wounds, upgrade their identity, and finally flourish in their authenticity so they can cultivate the courage to turn their dreams into a lived reality.
Find Nicki:
https://www.instagram.com/sunflowersinsunshowers/
https://www.sunflowersinsunshowers.com/
Free Gift:
https://drive.google.com/file/d/1_5jb-43MLP8ftLMFA0cdOYQi1sFyM-Vk
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Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech-language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2:And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we are here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul.
Speaker 1:From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2:So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode. It is Kira today, and we are joined by a special guest. Her name is Nikki Brown. She is a women's empowerment coach, helping women heal their wounds, upgrade their identity and finally flourish in their authenticity, so they can cultivate the courage to turn their dreams into a lived reality. So, Nikki, welcome to the show.
Speaker 3:Thank you for having me, kira, so happy to be here.
Speaker 2:Yeah, glad to have you. So I always kick it off Tell us how you got here. You and I were chatting a little bit beforehand, but it's right, none of us gets to this journey of helping others on their healing journey unless we've been through our own journey. Like it doesn't happen that way. So give us a little bit of your backstory. How did you get to this place? What was your healing journey like?
Speaker 3:Yeah, for sure, I'm going to take you way back for a minute. I was always. I was always this kid who is, you know, such a sensitive soul, but I always cared so much about the world and I felt like I was. I always felt like I was meant to help people or to do something, and my parents, for all of the wonderful parents that they were, just didn't quite get me, you know, like we were just different, and so, you know, we all have our challenges, but I just I didn't get the support that I needed as a very sensitive child to really be like seen and heard and understood, and that left a lot of wounding in me. Um, and as I got older, you know, school and social interactions and all that just just adds to it. So I basically grew up in a family with a lot of limiting beliefs and in that process I developed a lot of ideas about who I was and what I was capable of, and this belief that I always had to struggle or that I was always behind, and things like that. And so I made a lot of choices just kind of based on what other people told me I was or what I should do in my life and I wasn't ever making those choices For me. I didn't realize it at the time, of course, I was fully blind to it, right, but. But I was following somebody else's path my whole life.
Speaker 3:And, long story short, I woke up one day and I didn't recognize the person I was.
Speaker 3:You know, I didn't recognize the person I was, or I didn't understand how I got here in this life that I had created, because I had been following everyone else's guidance and everyone else's expectations my whole life.
Speaker 3:And that was a rude awakening for me because at the time, you know, I had a daughter and, um, I was. I had this moment where I didn't like the mom I was becoming and that was the biggest shake up for me, because I had dreamt for so long about being a mother and, looking at myself and looking at her, I could see myself making those same mistakes, you know, falling into those patterns, and I realized, like I could see the mirror, and I was like, oh, oh, something really has to change. And I took a really hard look at my life and I realized all the places where, um, I was making unhealthy choices for me and I was kind of sleepwalking through my life, you know, and and then I wondered why I was like burnt out and like cracking under the pressure, and and I was struggling under the weight of this, like perfectionism, um, and this overachiever-ness, uh, trying to do it all and be it all and have it all, and and I didn't even know what I really wanted for me.
Speaker 3:But I knew it wasn't that and I knew that was the thing that was making me unhappy, like this is the thing that's making me like the mom with the short fuse and the unable to handle stress and always overwhelmed because I'm trying to do too much, I'm trying to be it all and have it all and and maybe I just need to change something. So that's that's kind of where my journey began with. With this realization, and, truthfully, I started looking to fix myself. When I started my personal development journey, I was like there is something wrong with me. I'm living the North American dream. I have climbed the corporate ladder, I have the house, I have this marriage, I have the kid, I have all of the things. I checked all the boxes. I followed the path that everyone told me to why am I here? Why doesn't this feel right? And yeah, and that's when I was like I got. There's got to be something wrong with me.
Speaker 3:I started on this journey thinking that I would just learn some stuff to fix myself and through that process, but I really realized that there was nothing wrong with me. It was simply that I had bought into the lies that other people told me and bought into the lies of like what I should do, be and have, without stopping the question, what was really right for me. And that was the big turning point for me, where I started to do the work, to question, like, well, who am I like what? What does feel right for me? And like, started that process of excavating, um and looking at everything and saying, well, like such a silly example I always use. But it was really one of the first big turning points for me.
Speaker 3:Um, I had spent my whole life with people telling me oh, you're clumsy, I'm coordinated, I'm graceful. I didn't play any sport, um, I didn't want to work out or go to the gym because I was too embarrassed, I'm like I can't do anything, you know. So I was creating part of the unhealthy lifestyle that I wanted to change. Um, and I always wanted to dance. I don't know why. I just love dancing. I always wanted to dance as a kid and I never did so. I was like I wonder if this is true about me, I wonder if I could just test this as a possibility. And so I joined a dance class. I joined a hot mama's hip-hop.
Speaker 3:I love it and I would love to be like, yeah, that was amazing dancer. I wasn't, but I wasn't terrible, you know. And and I started to build my confidence with that. And I started to be like, oh, maybe I'm not so uncoordinated. And then, when people would throw me things, I'd start to try and catch it and I'd be like, oh, look at that, I caught that. And so, like, over this time, I started stacking the evidence and building the evidence for for, like, oh, disbelief is not true yeah people said those things about me, but I just bought into it and that's actually not true.
Speaker 3:So then I threw that away. That's not who I am anymore, and then I started to like, rediscover and redefine who I was.
Speaker 2:Which is so important and I feel like so many women are missing that as a healing opportunity. Right, it's like, okay, as kids, we follow what our parents say, that's understandable, and then it's okay, well, you're supposed to go to college because that's what you do, and you don't know what you want to do, why don't you follow in one of our footsteps?
Speaker 2:or you're good at this from what you do, and you don't know what you want to do. Why don't you follow in one of our footsteps? Or you're good at this from what I see. So this is what I think you should go into. And then that just continues to stack over the years. And then, yeah, one day you're like wait a minute, I'm doing this and I don't even want to be doing this, but we're trying to please other people without digging into what we need. And I know we spoke about this earlier, but I made a post today on social just saying what is your soul asking, and we don't ask that often enough.
Speaker 3:No, or what is your soul need? And like, yeah, just just stopping to like start questioning those things in my life needs such a big difference. And when I started to redefine who I was and I started to like start questioning those things in my life needs such a big difference. And when I started to redefine who I was and I started to like do that work to you know, reclaim pieces of myself, I started to feel better and I was like, wow, you know, imagine, all my life I've been limiting myself with all these beliefs. I wonder what else is possible for me, right? And that's where I wonder what else is?
Speaker 3:possible for me, right? And that's where we I wonder what else is possible for me. And that's really how I got into coaching, because I was once. I started to make those changes in my life and question all these beliefs and recreate the person that I was. I started to be like I need to wake other women up to the possibilities that they're asleep to, for themselves, for their life, all the things you've been dreaming of, like it's not just oh, wouldn't that be nice? Or maybe one day, or that's not possible for me. If only I had that. You know that life. What if it was? What if it all started with whatever?
Speaker 2:And what do I want? And not just trying to please others.
Speaker 2:So you know, whatever you're doing during the day, is this what I truly want to be doing? Or am I doing it because my partner is working and I'm worried that they'll judge me because of this? There's so many different ways we can take that, but even I'm to use you in as an example. What if you woke up one morning and we're like I really want to live somewhere else, Like that's what I truly desire, but all my parents are getting old? I don't know. I probably shouldn't move. What if my kids don't do it? Tell us about that for you.
Speaker 3:Yeah, yeah, of course, yeah, so that's where I am right now. I moved my entire family from Canada to Spain pretty recently, actually, I guess in October. So we're now in January.
Speaker 3:Yeah. So it's a big move and it was two years in the making, um, but it was something that I had long dreamed about. Um, I think I had always wanted this unconventional sort of life and, like I told you, I sort of followed that path because I felt like I had to in order to please other people. But I had always dreamed of this more unconventional life, about living in Europe and the slower pace and the culture and, like you know, just things like that. So I spent some time here as an au pair in my 20s and I knew that this was the place for me. You know, I wanted to. I wanted to learn several like. I wanted to learn Spanish and I wanted my kids to know Spanish and stuff like that.
Speaker 3:Talking to my husband, like, well, we always say like, oh, wouldn't it be nice if, or maybe one day. But what if? We said like, well, why not like, why can't we? What if we just try this thing? You know, like, worst case scenario, it doesn't work out, we move home or whatever. You know like, what if we just explore this as a possibility?
Speaker 3:So we did um and we kind of talked it out and we figured out a plan and not everyone's on board with that. You know, um, it is a big change. We are far from family. Um, it's a hard thing to justify sometimes when people don't understand what you want or your vision. Right. At the same time, we knew it was right for us and we talked about it as family and we we just decided we're gonna take that leap. So we sold our house and we started that journey. Now we've moved to Spain and I honestly couldn't be happier. Like as soon as we got here, I knew that we made the right move. It was like a soul knowing yeah, I always felt this soul calling to this place.
Speaker 3:Um, but yeah, it's just, we knew in our hearts that it was right for us, even when other people didn't understand it. But I never would have the courage to do that if I hadn't already stacked so much evidence and, like, spent so much time proving to myself that like that I can follow my path and I can trust what's possible, and building the confidence and the courage to make those big moves, like leaving my corporate job to go full time in coaching, you know, so I could even make this move possible. So, yeah, it was. It was a long time coming, but it was such a testament to trusting when you're in alignment, and trusting your dream and your path.
Speaker 3:Like I've heard so many times, like your higher power, or whatever you believe in, wouldn't give you a vision if you weren't capable of achieving it. And so when I started to believe that truth, I was like there's a reason why I have this dream in my heart, there's a reason why I have this vision. I say that to myself and now I say that to my kids every single time you want something, there's a reason for this. Follow it. I support you, you know, and I wish more people had said that to me, because maybe maybe I wouldn't have taken the long way around to get here. But also I'm grateful that I did, because if I hadn't taken the long way around to get here, but also I'm grateful that I did, because if I hadn't taken that long, way around to get here, I wouldn't have the experience I have or be the person I am.
Speaker 2:So it's all perfect in hindsight, but I do really appreciate the opportunity to give my daughter those things that maybe I didn't get growing up, yeah, and that's healing right Is healing generational things of like recognizing, okay, this, this pattern, this belief system was not working and so we can shift that. But two things really jumped out at me. So guys listening, pay attention. One of them is trust. That trust piece is huge and, like you said I've always said it too If you have a dream, there's a reason why you have a dream, doesn't mean you're going to go be a princess and live in Paris, but if the dream continues to follow you, then there's a reason for it.
Speaker 2:So trust, trust, whatever that leap looks like for you. And then the other thing is you are living for you. You know like we're not here to live for other people, and I know that sounds kind of harsh, but it's like I can still be a loving person, I can be a caring person, but I'm not here for you, I'm here for me. So why am I going to forego the things that I feel like my family needs or I am desiring that aren't harmful to others, just because you don't want me to do it?
Speaker 3:Yeah, absolutely Honestly. It's so true because I've thought that so many times about this idea that, like I, only have this one life to live. Like I, we all only get given one life and I spent so much time wasting it, not choosing me and making those choices for me, and so I'm just going to maximize whatever time I have left by making more of those choices, you know, and I really hope that I can help more women do that too in my career. That's what I love to do.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, I'm curious in your own healing journey and getting to this place, what role did? I'll call them emotions, but like forgiveness, compassion, self-love, did those play a role in your healing journey?
Speaker 3:Yeah. So I want to say the biggest thing about my healing journey was recognizing how mean I was to myself, and that's because of how many limiting beliefs I had about myself, that who I should be or what other people need to be. Again, going back to that people pleasing right when I wasn't fitting into the boxes, when I wasn't doing the things, or when I was trying to do the things and failing. You know, I was just so mean to myself and I also have perfectionist tendencies and like really high expectations. So, like you know, I always felt like I was setting impossibly high standards and then not reaching them, um, and I would beat myself up and I would judge myself. And the truth is, throughout my healing journey, I realized that there's a positive intention to this mean little voice bullying voice.
Speaker 3:You know our inner critic. There's a positive intention. Right Doesn't really mean to do us any harm. It's exactly so when I started being like, okay, like I hear you and I understand you're just trying to keep me safe, but like I've got this, you know, when I started stacking evidence and building a confidence and I could say to myself with compassion, like hey, I know that you're scared or hey, I know you want me to do better, but like, like I've got this. I know it sounds silly, like you're talking to yourself.
Speaker 3:It's true, it's true, you get well, yeah, but some people are like you talk to yourself yes, I do, we have really great conversations. Actually, you got to coach yourself Exactly. So I started telling myself like, hey, you know, I've got this, you're going to be okay. Or I know that you're trying to protect me and you're trying to make me be better, and I've got this, you know. Then I feel like everything sort of shifted. I was able to be able to really see the positive intention and not try and just positive intention and not try and just demonize the inner critic.
Speaker 3:you know and love all parts of myself, because because that was really the healing thing it was like learning to love all of the parts of myself, even the parts of myself that I didn't like. The more that we can understand the parts of ourselves that we don't like or have compassion for those parts, the more we find ourselves really like fully loving ourselves, and people are like oh, you know, self-love, yes, I love myself, like I you know, bubble baths and all those things where they think like it's just the confidence and loving on yourself.
Speaker 3:But no, it's about like fully accepting and embracing, like all of the shadow and all of the things that you like, don't like about yourself, or that you know the mistakes that that you make, where you know it makes you doubt yourself, or the times that you, you know, act in ways that you're not proud of, and being able to look at those moments. And this was really helpful and especially important in my parenting journey, because you know like that's such a challenge parenting brings out all the things in you that you don't realize.
Speaker 3:Yeah, there's a lot of guilt and a lot of shame around that, like, oh my gosh, I raised my voice, or oh, I said this thing, that like, or I felt this thing, that I felt like I shouldn't feel, or whatever. Um, if I, if I was a loving mom, I went and I would beat myself up you know.
Speaker 3:And then and then I started to have compassion for that part and be like what's really going on here? What's underneath that, recognizing what is the need underneath the feeling whether it's anger or frustration or sadness or guilt or shame like what is actually, what's it trying to communicate? Mm-hmm. That's where things really shifted for me, because before that, as a person who's really sensitive and really emotional, I had a lot of big feelings in my life and I would like ride that roller coaster of emotion alone and in shame, because nobody got it and everyone was like put those feelings away.
Speaker 1:You're too much.
Speaker 3:You're too sensitive, you know, like it's not the place, it's not the time. I just didn't know how to handle them. I didn't know how to process them, and so a lot of it was for me learning how to accept those, those parts of myself and love those parts of myself with compassion, and to get there I really needed to understand it. It's something that I'd never done before, that no one ever took the time to help me do.
Speaker 2:There's not a course in school on that?
Speaker 3:No, no, there's not, there's not.
Speaker 2:There should be, there should be. It takes time too. This is not an overnight thing. It's an ongoing thing of you know, this is a trigger. What's the lesson in there and how can I show compassion? And one of the things I've told my clients in the past is think about how you speak to your best friend right.
Speaker 2:You love on them, you encourage them for the most part, If you're a good person you should be speaking to yourself in the same way, because we are our own biggest critics, and why we don't need to be critics and why we don't need to be.
Speaker 3:Yeah, that it's so true. Like to be your own best friend.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 3:Also because that was like a big issue for me at one point in my life as well where I felt so lonely because I had like distanced myself from so many people because I was in such a dark place and you know, like you kind of pull inward and there was, there was a lot of like shame around that and I was like, oh, you know, like this is because of who I am, or whatever, and I don't have a, I don't have a friend that I can call, cry on their shoulder because that story. I had a. I had a really rough point at one point with my one of my best friends because I ended up dating and now married to her brother. Oh, um, but yeah, Uh. So like that friendship, there was a risk in it for a while and and that that was part of, like, my journey and my struggle, but at a time where I didn't have that relationship in my life. I need to learn how to be my own best friend, right, and that was something that I learned through my journey. But learning how to give yourself the things that you need, even the things that I was expecting from my husband, right.
Speaker 3:Sometimes, I think, in a lot of relationships we we try to make other people meet our needs all the time and we don't realize that we can actually meet our own needs, meet our needs all the time and we don't realize that we can actually meet our own needs like this person doesn't evoke anything in me that's not already there, right? Yeah, um, so being able to like recall a moment in my life where I felt really loved and supported, and to be able to like close my eyes and like call on that moment and feel those things and know like, oh, I can capture that and that's right here, it's always here, whether those people are here or not. Right, I can, I have that, I can create that, I can give that to myself, and that was such a pivotal thing for me as well and in learning how to like navigate that self-compassion because, um, I learned how to give myself and myself and meet my needs that I couldn't always meet through external sources, right.
Speaker 2:And that's one of the biggest healing tools you have and one of the biggest gifts. So I'm curious, because Denise and I talk about this all the time, but we're forever on healing journeys. Right, if we're not talking physical body guys, you shouldn't be physically healing yourself 24-7. But, like the rest of you, there's always aspects that need healing relationships with others, relationships with self, relationships with money, like everything. So I'm curious how do you embrace that and how like? Is there an area, without getting you know too personal, that you're working on currently?
Speaker 3:um, yeah, so I do feel like healing as well as a constant journey, like I'm always healing in different ways. I always like it like when I speak to my clients, I liken it to like washing your hands. You know, you don't just wash your hands clean and you're like well, all good. No, because life, you know things, things happen, and so naturally as humans, stuff gets shaken up like like you know, the dirt and the water when you step in it, things get shaken up.
Speaker 3:So, yes, I am always doing the work myself, and part of that looks like a lot of reflection and inquiry, because I still get triggered in moments. I still have those moments where my emotions get triggered. One of the biggest ones for me has been in this journey of moving because as much as it's been like this dream come true and it's been like amazing to finally arrive. You know, there's been so many moments where I have felt unsettled, Right and so that creates some unsettling in the nervous system.
Speaker 1:Right Things are new.
Speaker 3:Things are different. You know I'm not quite here. I'm not quite there. I'm in this in-between stage, like we moved like four times in three months and it was. There's a lot, and my kids are very dysregulated, they're all so little and they're, like you know, having a hard time with the transition. So there's a lot of moments where it's been, it's been a real challenge for me to um, continue to work with my tools and to, like you know, notice, oh, you know, the subtle sensations in the body that gives me clues like, oh, I'm very dysregulated and that might sound like I'll find myself sighing when I'm loading the dishwasher.
Speaker 3:Like, like, or like you know, I'm like, oh, I'm dysregulated because like that sigh is a good sign for me. So it's like, or like you know, I'm like, ooh, I'm dysregulated Cause we're like that size is a good sign for me. So it's like really about paying attention and noticing the cues in the body and coming back to that and be like Ooh, okay, when was the last time I took a minute for me? Or because I was way out of my routine with like working out and like the way that we were eating and stuff like that and new foods and new schedule, and so I had, oh, okay, when's the last time you ate? What did you eat? Oh, not a balanced meal, okay. So like just going back to check into those moments where I was feeling like maybe on edge, and it's because maybe I wasn't taking care of myself in the same way, or because my routine is out of whack and like that's gonna happen.
Speaker 3:life is gonna life they're gonna throw you off, stop, and you gotta figure out how to navigate it. Uh, so yeah, my number one tip, I guess, and the number one thing that I always come back to, is just maintaining connection with myself and with my body, um, drawing awareness, and then looking under the hood and being like what's going on here?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean that awareness is key. We can't make any changes without awareness. And then it's got to lead to the inquiry. Like we were laughing about talking to yourself I don't talk out loud to myself, but there are conversations happening in there when I'm getting triggered. Okay, why did this trigger me? Is there a lesson in here? What can I learn from this? Because I really do view everything as a learning opportunity and everything around us is an opportunity for healing, like you said moving moving to a new country.
Speaker 2:That's a huge area for healing opportunities for everyone.
Speaker 3:Safety is a huge wound for me and that was something that I've learned through my, through my my healing journey, because I had a lot of moments in my childhood where I didn't feel like a sense of safety, um, and that's that was why that was getting triggered so much in this new, which was so interestingly, I didn't expect it. So the other reason it kind of caught me off guard. So I'm like, oh, this is my dream come true so why are all these?
Speaker 3:things coming up right and when I sat with it in sessions I realized, oh okay, your, your safety wound is being like brushed up against right now, because there's a lot of things that are making you feel, oh, this is unknown. Unknown equals unsafe. Now, how do I navigate this? It's a lot of extra stress on the nervous system. I'm outside of my window of tolerance. Like, how do I re-regulate and bring myself back by taking extra time and care for myself?
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, this was such a lovely conversation. If people want to come find you, what's the best way to do that?
Speaker 3:Yeah, so they can find me on Instagram at sunflowers in sun showers or they can. Yeah, there's a big story behind that. Or they can find me on my website at wwwsunflowersinsunshowerscom.
Speaker 2:Awesome and, guys, this is always in the show notes. You can look her up in there. But it was so nice speaking with you. I always love. Here's the thing Denise and I also talk about this a lot. This podcast has been healing for us and we didn't intend for it to be that, but every guest brings us something where it's like, oh, that hits home. I needed to hear that, and so we just always appreciate you guys coming on and hoping that it hits others in the same way. Yeah, so, guys, we will see you on the next episode. You know the drill. We love feedback. Come hit us up on our Instagram page. Let us know what you want to hear about, leave us a review, share it with a friend, do all the things and have a lovely day.
