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Heal Yourself Podcast
A podcast diving into all aspects of healing; from the latest in functional medicine, to nurturing your relationship with yourself, and even transforming your money story, we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Heal Yourself Podcast
Episode 22: You're Standing In Your Own Way
Ever wondered why success feels out of reach? In this episode Kira and Denise uncover the secrets to breaking through self-sabotage and taking control of your life's direction. We dive into the art of personal accountability, exploring how by recognizing our self-imposed roadblocks, we can align with our true purpose and initiate positive, lasting changes.
Our conversation takes a deeper look into the power of introspection and self-reflection. By shifting the narrative from external blame to internal growth, Denise and Kira highlight how changes in thought and behavior can transform areas such as health, finances, and relationships. Whether it's stopping the cycle of projecting insecurities or breaking longstanding generational patterns, the episode is a call to action for those ready to change their personal story.
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Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech-language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2:And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we are here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul.
Speaker 1:From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2:So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness. Hello everyone, Welcome back to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast. Denise and I are on today to talk about how to get the hell out of your own way.
Speaker 1:Yes, ma'am, let's do this.
Speaker 2:So you actually were the one that brought up this idea. So what was in your head? Like what brought that in your mind of desktop, because obviously I love this topic, but like what sparked it for you.
Speaker 1:Because one I said in my own way and I recognize that. So I was like Ooh, if I am still doing this, then it will probably be a very good topic to talk about. Also want to remind ourselves because, remember, you and I do this for others, but we also do it for ourselves. And also, I hear a lot of people around me and I see, and I you know, like, for example, they tell me something and then I see their actions and I'm like, oh, my goodness, you're standing in your own way, but I'm not going to tell them that. So that's why I was like hmm, maybe I can say it in the podcast.
Speaker 2:Maybe they'll hear it and it'll.
Speaker 1:And they're like oh, she's talking about me, ok, denise, but anyway, if you think I'm talking about you, I love you. But yeah, it just kind of, because, like it's, I just see it where and I see it in myself, I see it in my child, I see it in my daughter, I see it in other people. So I was like hey, kira, what do you think we address it? Because sometimes we're doing this nudge and this reminder.
Speaker 2:We do, and the thing is is we are the thing that stands in our own way. I mean you, and I say it, we see it everywhere. I've heard it from mentors of like if you are not living the life that you desire, it's because of you, which is a hard one to you know what I mean To swallow, but it's true.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, we've talked about it before and I don't remember which episode it was, but you know we talked about, like I mean, if you want change, you got to hold yourself accountable. Yeah Right, you got to look in the mirror and be like I do this, this and this, I eat this. I mean any area in your life you know, because if you're not gonna look at it, that's considered denial. And you're denying looking at something you know, like, for example, if someone's having financial difficulties and they keep not looking at the bank account, you're being in denial. Right. If someone's having health difficulties and they keep not looking at the bank account, you're being in denial. Right. If someone's having health issues and all they care about is other things, like, for example, you know the business or the job or the whatever. They're not focusing on health, what do you do? You're not looking. You're also denying that part of you which is sacred.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it is. And you know I'm going to do another take on this too, because I just got off a coaching call with a client and one of the questions I always ask new clients is if you knew, what do you think is driving these health issues? What do you think is you know what I mean? Like holding you back from healing, and it's always interesting the answers that I get. She sat there for a minute and she goes I'm not fully living my purpose. Ding, ding, ding. You're holding yourself back because you don't want to put these boundaries, you don't want to be uncomfortable, you don't want to make someone else uncomfortable, you're scared of what the outcome could be. It's like we have to be that real with ourselves if we truly want change and we truly want to live this amazing life.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and I'm writing things down as you're going, and I didn't just hear it from one person, I've heard it a long time ago and I keep hearing it and I know how true it is that we have the answers, so meaning, but we give our power away too much. For example, you know and I'm not, and I'm not saying you know, of course, going to therapy is great, absolutely. However, what does the therapist do a lot of the time? Or the coach, or you, for example, when you're working with clients, or me, when I work with clients or with people, it's always you're asking questions, right? You're asking the follow-up questions and that moment of reflection is when they come up with the answer. That is the aha moment.
Speaker 1:So what are we doing a lot of the times we are giving our power away to, and sometimes we don't want to make a decision. Oh, what do you think I'll be like? You know texting this and that and what do you think? And I'm, I'm looking for answers outside of myself versus there's nothing wrong with taking someone's opinion, someone's advice. You know, what do you have? Tip for me, like, if you're an expert on this, like I, you know, ask you so many questions and you do the same, but ultimately, ultimately it's me. Yep, right, it is I.
Speaker 1:I'm taking your advice, but sometimes also also, please don't forget, and I would like to put this out there sometimes, no matter what the advice, it could be the best advice ever, but that may not be your advice for you. Why? Because that person giving you advice has different life experiences, has different projections, has different things that they went through. So take into consideration, but do what applies for you, for your own experiences. And then, Dr Gabor, I have to also talk about it too. You got to be honest with yourself. Like, stop lying to yourself, and you know, like that's stop lying to yourself.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's true, though, um, because we all do it right. Just like I said, using her as an example and so many other clients I've worked with over the years, it's like we don't want to admit that. We want things to be outside of us, because it's so much easier if someone else just tells me what's wrong and how to fix it, and it's like, okay, well, that's a whole other podcast episode because you're not broken, but it's the same thing in every aspect of our life. Oh, my relationship's not going well, tell me what to do. I'm having financial troubles. Tell me what I need to do. And well, tell me what to do. I'm having financial troubles. Tell me what I need to do. And it's looking for that, and I've been guilty of it. I mean, you know this. I'm the person who has hired a million different business mentors because I was like, oh, my business isn't growing. It's obviously something I'm doing, so I need someone else to tell me exactly what to do.
Speaker 2:Well, just because they're different. That's what I learned. I know enough and it's me holding myself back. It's not that I needed to know more. I was putting all of that in someone else and saying, well, I must be doing it wrong because it worked for them. Just because someone has a system, even if it's a proven system, I'm even going to say myself let's say, you want to come work with someone like me for IBS? Sure, I have a proven system that works. Does it mean that it's going to work for you a hundred percent? No, because if you haven't done some of that inner stuff kind of like me with business it's not going to work you know, and and we do.
Speaker 1:Uh, I know that we said that it's important to recognize the patterns. It's supposed to recognize what is stopping you, right? I know that it's in the terms they're called self-sabotage patterns. However, you and I listened to Dr Wood when we were in Arizona, and you know we don't sabotage ourselves, we don't destruct ourselves. It's basically how our subconscious mind has been trained to help us survive, right, it's doing. It's doing what it's supposed to do. It's saving you. It's it's wanting to help you, right? Like how the mom wants to save her child. But sometimes, when you're over, when you overdo it, your child doesn't know what to do anymore by themselves, right? So these are the patterns that you want to look, you want to recognize.
Speaker 1:Do I get stuck and not start because I want everything to be perfect? Is perfectionism stopping me? Number two am I overanalyzed? I overanalyze, a lot Overanalyze? You know I'm guilty as charged, right? So same Am I overanalyzing, a lot overanalyze? You know I'm guilty as charged, right? So same am I overanalyzing. Am I thinking too much about it? Am I overthinking it, right?
Speaker 1:Another thing procrastination. Why am I leaving things to the last minute? You know, I know for myself, I I thrive on chaos due to how I grew up in. You know I grew up in the war there was, you know there was some moments of calm, absolutely, but from birth to seven, no, it was, it was active war and we had to run, and you know I had to hear all that and see people run, etc. So I thrive in that environment, you know. So that's another thing that I recognize. Like why am I leaving myself to the last minute? So now I try. For example, I have a report due in a week and I'm like why do I need to wait for a week? I can write it now, you know, and I do, and then I feel way better and I'm calmer and I'm training my nervous system to be calm, to regulate, versus like that.
Speaker 2:And that you just said something that I want to touch on too, because it does go back to patterns. So a lot of times people say I thrive off of stress, I thrive off of this. I did not grow up in a war zone, but I'm like you in the sense that I've always felt like, oh, I can procrastinate, I thrive when it's chaotic and crazy, and really good at working through stress. It's like are you really, or is that a pattern that you have not recognized and that's holding you back? And that's holding you back. That's holding you back from so many different aspects of healing. But it's a childhood thing and I think we don't look at that. And the piece here is just to look at your life. Right, if there's things that aren't going well, start looking at where it's coming from, and it's coming from you's, coming from you, but why. You know what I mean. I would have never recognized that. I don't know. It took me years to recognize that that like I thrived in chaos, but it's like don't, nobody thrives in chaos.
Speaker 1:No, no, but you're not supposed to thrive in chaos.
Speaker 2:And that's going back to what you said that's the safety, that's the, the thermostat, that's my safety thermostat, right Like that's my normal. But it doesn't mean that that's good.
Speaker 1:No, no, exactly. What was the quote? Oh, my goodness, my goodness, um. Well, how does it go like? Uh, kind of like repeat the same patterns and or make the same mistakes and call it fate or something like that? Like there's a quote about that where, basically, you're kind of repeating the same thing and recognizing I do this, I do this, but I'm going to keep going and not do anything about it, and then I'm going to say, oh, this is my life, this is my fate, this is this. I'm going to say, oh, this is my life, this is my faith, this is this. I'm going to throw the towel, but that's what are you doing. And I have to go back to always.
Speaker 1:You know, like, prayer, prayer is amazing and I love prayer and I pray a lot, but I think there's a misconception of prayer. Sometimes, when you you pray, you're expecting. You're expecting. You know, like maybe something or someone or a holy, I don't know what you're looking for to actually giving you. Like, here, here's the playbook. No, it is you at the end of the day, right, it is you, and we said that and we keep saying that. So you know, yeah, we are. We are the one who resist our change. We are the ones who give our power away. We are the ones who give our energy away, and we are the ones who give our power away. We are the ones who give our energy away and we are the ones who can take it back. We are the ones who can claim that and we are the ones who can accept where we're at and then aim for more. And I'm not saying, oh, it's going to be all rainbows and daisies and everything's gonna be positive.
Speaker 1:No, no, no. I'm reading the the surrender book, not surrender. What is it called? Stillness and and Presence by Eckhart Tolle. You can feel the emotions you want to, but accept it versus okay, at this moment I feel this, I'm accepting this situation versus having to overanalyze. Why do I feel this way? What's going on? I'm not supposed to be feeling this way. I'm supposed to be positive. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. So yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean it's. At the end of the day, we are in our own way in every aspect of our lives, and I think the call to action is for everyone to take a look in the mirror. Where in my life are things not working for me, and what is driving that? That's within me, right? Stop looking for. Okay, wait, who can I go hire for that? Or, oh gosh, why isn't this working? You know what my partner he sucks, or you know?
Speaker 1:my partner.
Speaker 2:You know what I mean, but people very easily go into blame Um or oh, it's just because I grew up like that, and we can get stuck in that too. Yes, You're going to have patterns from your childhood. We can't blame your childhood. You've had decades of opportunities to change things. Absolutely yeah, so take that, look in the mirror and start seeing. Okay, this isn't going well in my life. What am I not doing or who am I not being?
Speaker 1:Yes, oh, there we go, there we go, you nailed it. Oh, there we go, there we go. You nailed it. Mic drop what.
Speaker 2:Yeah, what am I not?
Speaker 1:doing yeah, or both, or both, and it's both your choices, owning your choices, equal accountability. And we've said it many times and we'll continue saying it in order to change anything, you got to look in the mirror. You got to be accountable. You got to tell yourself I did this. Yeah Right, the, the, anything, whether it's the health, whether it is the, the, the, the finances, the business, the job, the relationship, whatever it is, it's you. All of the choices led you here. Guess what, though? Guess what. It's a choice, it's a thought that the thought can be changed, like Louise Hay says, and the choice can be changed Exactly. So I get it.
Speaker 1:We all had rough childhood. Maybe not all of us, but we had different things, different limiting beliefs, different stories, but guess what? We're adults now. We have the tools, we have the strategies. We can take control and be like I can do things differently, and not just for me. I'm not just doing things differently for me, I'm do things differently, and not just for me. I'm not just doing things differently for me, I'm doing things differently also for my kids, so they don't repeat what I was taught.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I actually want to dig into that one a little bit, because I know, like somebody just asked me on social media about money and I'm like I'm not a money coach In fact kind of ironic because you know my history with money but this is a great opportunity for okay. Well, I'm not standing in my own way, I just have a job that doesn't pay well, I just don't make much money. Well, why is that? And I can touch on that because you have made a conscious effort with how you raise your kids and it's been something that I've really been working on. Of when we're going places and tab wants like 20,000 things from target, like okay, you don't, you don't need that, or we you know what I mean Like making that effort of not saying we can't afford that Cause that's not true, I just don't want to buy it. But I heard that a lot growing up.
Speaker 2:Can't afford that. Money doesn't grow on trees, yada, yada, yada. And so, growing up, as I got older, that was a circumstantial thing and that's how I was, in my own way, was thinking well, oh my gosh, it's so hard to make money.
Speaker 1:Right, right, and then you were also sometimes projecting it on your clients. I remember when I first I'm not sure if our audience knows the story, but from 21 to about 22, 23, I did work at the auto shop that my husband owns. It's a family business, he's owned it for a while and I noticed like how much the because when I first came in, there was a you know a receptionist in the front and you know she was the one calling and selling the jobs, etc. And I noticed not just her, the whole culture of the shop. It's like, oh, my goodness, what if they can't afford it? What if this is this too expensive? And I just came in and I told them and I was like, why are y'all analyzing other people's? You know finances, do you know their finances? Yeah, I don't know their finances.
Speaker 1:And stop judging their finances by the car they drive or by the clothes they wear. They could be driving, uh, you know an old car but they're doing well financially. Or they could be driving a the best car and not you know don't and stop over. Stop putting yourself in like stop. You get out of their mind. And I really like train them.
Speaker 1:And my husband now uses it's like it is, and I and I, even when I wrote the policies and procedures, it's like, stop putting yourself in the clients and our customer. You don't know their, their, their finances. You recommend this for the car because they need it, one, two, three, etc. And they will authorize what they need to authorize. You know, if they, if they, they want to do it, great.
Speaker 1:If they don't want to do it and they can, sometimes they may want, they may not want to do the job, not because of their finances, maybe they're going on vacation. They're like, oh, I'll do it in a month. You know what I mean. Like we need to stop also over analyzing what the other person is thinking. Like someone told me get out of people's minds. And another thing I have to bring in into here I know I didn't read the book yet, but I definitely want to read it. I've been following her a lot. You know, mel Robbins, let them. They want to think this about me, let them. Who cares? I cannot control every single thing and this is sometimes why we stand in our own way because, oh, my goodness, I want to post this. You know I want to post this, but oh, shoot what is my answer?
Speaker 2:Think about it.
Speaker 1:Oh, no, no, no, oh. I can't go to the Superbowl because, oh my goodness, what are they going to say about me Like I worked on it? Who cares? Let them think however they want to think, because at the end of the day, it is you, you want to live with you and you want to be happy living with that version of you.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's your life. So why are you letting other people make those decisions for you? I'm not.
Speaker 1:Thank you. Like, exactly, it is your life. It is your life, you know, don't? It's your life. It's not the kids' lives, it's not your partner's life, it is not your friend's life, your mom's life, et cetera. And stop also wanting to like save and rescue everybody, just save yourself first. Yeah, you know, like people, and that's how I was too like, oh, I want to change the world. You know how you've you change the world. Change yourself. Us too. Like, oh, I want to change the world. You know how you've you change the world, change yourself. Idea of wanting how to change you. Change yourself, because guess what, once you change yourself, and the whole thing, your whole lineage is going to change. And that's how you change the world.
Speaker 1:Right, like, I am not making the same patterns and same mistakes as, like I said, my parents did. Right, I'm making different mistakes, right, however it. However, I'm teaching my kids differently. Right Now, they are learning some things from me and I even tell them, like, the things that you don't like. Guess what? You know, my son is an adult already. He's 18, almost 19, and Avery's 13. You change them, I know you change them. You change the things that you were taught from us. That doesn't agree with you, because guess what? The times are changing for different technology, different time, different, et cetera. But it's really important to stop giving your power away.
Speaker 1:I need to add something. I'm sorry, I know. I know you're fine. Anyway, I was.
Speaker 1:I was contacted by a prospect client, and usually I don't do that. I kind of talk to them on the phone and then I take them on as a client and go on. But this child's situation was a little bit different and he's younger and I just wanted to see him first. My gut intuition said you see him first, you see the family first and then you commit. So I go in to see the family and we're talking, we're connecting. My main thing is always connecting with people, connecting with clients, and the dad asked me so how are you going to make? So, are you going to make him talk? Oh, geez. And my answer is always I don't make them do anything Right, I show them the way, I show them the strategy, strategies, I work with them, we do all sorts of activities, all sorts of things. However, they will talk when they talk. I don't make and I don't have the magic wand. If I did, you know, yeah, I don't know what I would do?
Speaker 2:None of us do.
Speaker 1:Yeah, no one does have the magic wand and no one makes you do anything. You know, no one makes you angry. No one makes you do anything. You know no one makes you angry. No one makes you choose to be angry.
Speaker 2:You choose to react you choose to this, you choose to that, yeah. And again, that's how we get in our own way. It's placing blame or saying, well, so-and-so made me feel this way, or even saying, like I know that I'm in anger right now. Okay, but you have a choice in that moment. Do you stay in anger or do you move it to a better feeling emotion Because if not, you're standing in your own way.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and if you are legitimately angry and you want to release that, you just do the anger release or whatever. You do it by yourself or however and I know it's easier said than done I get it. You know, I mean, I still sit in meetings and I'm like, oh, and they make me angry, I use that and however I just, you know, learn to release it instead of reacting and sometimes I do react, but guess what? I go and instead of dwelling and oh my goodness, denise, why did you react and why did you say what you said? I mean, I left you a voice message the other day about it. I accept it. Okay, denise, you did this, you uttered those words, accept them. I'm accepting this fact, I'm forgiving myself and I'm making different choices, because the dwelling doesn't even. What is it going to do?
Speaker 2:It's already passed. That's my favorite One. Even what is it going to do? It's already passed. That's the. That's my favorite. One of my favorite quotes is the past and the future do not exist, so let it go. We can't do anything about it.
Speaker 1:And I know you tell me that all the time when I go into this. I said that and you're like it's gone, it's done, and you're right. You're right and I said it, you know. But I'm taking accountability, yeah, and then you can make a choice next time. Differently, exactly, and then also think like, okay, even if they're going to think this of you, let them.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because we can't control that and that's a whole other episode. But yeah, people are always going to judge us and I've told you that before. I'm like everybody's judging, that's, it's human nature. We judge and we say we don't judge, it's okay.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it goes back to being compassionate with yourself. So I think we gave a lot of action steps, didn't we? The whole episode was.
Speaker 2:There's a bunch to take away and it's always reflection. It always goes back to that because healing is an ongoing thing and it's looking at your life and it's getting real with yourself. There's so many layers to healing and if you are not getting what you want in your life, does it mean you're not healed? To an extent, but none of us are healed, you know, because?
Speaker 1:it's an ongoing thing. You know how I feel. When someone says I'm healed, yeah. If someone says I'm healed, no, you're not. No, you're not, nobody's healed.
Speaker 2:We're still here on this planet, which means we are healing. But this is another avenue to look at of okay, these things aren't going well in my life. Okay, you're in your own way, so what do?
Speaker 1:you need to do about it. Exactly what do you need to do about it? And if you don't want to do anything about it, also accept that. Say I'm in my own way. I'm in my own way, I'm not ready right now. It's okay. You know what I mean. Like, even if you see it, even if you're not ready to change it, and even if you know that you're giving the excuses, even though that you know that, say it out loud to yourself, not to people. Just say, like, look at the mirror, look in the mirror and say I know I'm standing in my own way, I'm accepting it right now.
Speaker 1:This sometimes just gives you peace because you're not burdening yourself anymore. I mean, yeah, I mean the action step is truly, truly, truly. Be honest with yourself. If you want to change and if you think that you don't want to change, just tell yourself that I see it. I don't want to change. Fuck this shit. I don't want to, I don't want to heal. Yeah, end of story. End of story, instead of saying, oh well, I am, but I don't have time, I don't have the money.
Speaker 2:I'll do it in six months.
Speaker 1:I don't have the partner, I'll do it in six months. No, I'll do it in 2026. Legit Just say you know what I want. I'm going to. I want to stay angry because sometimes anger is a healthy emotion. We just society has taught us that anger is not a healthy emotion All of our emotions are there for a reason. They're there to serve us Right. And sometimes I and I told you that in in, in voice messages I'm like you know what?
Speaker 2:I just want to stay there forever. Because again it's recognizing it's a choice. Our thing is when someone realizes like this emotion isn't serving me. Okay, well then, go ahead and change it then. Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I think this is it, girl. Hey guys, wow, I love these episodes, we girl.
Speaker 2:Hi guys, wow, I love these episodes. We're not even scripting, no guys, we're just winging it, you know.
Speaker 1:But we're totally winging it yeah. And I think we've been getting some uh, some more success with those and good feedback, so please keep it coming, guys.
Speaker 2:We really do.
Speaker 1:This is still a baby podcast, even though what we're on I don't even know what episode we're on anymore, but we're almost to a thousand downloads.
Speaker 2:I know we are almost a thousand dollars, Like this is insane. Yeah, so we're still a baby, though, so give us feedback. You know, do you like this style? I mean we're not going to script everything, but like is this okay for you guys? The bantering back and forth, just the tips woven within. Shoot us a message on Instagram Like we legit want to hear from people. Yes, this podcast is therapeutic for us, but like it's also for the world. It's not. We're not just spending the time to do it for us.
Speaker 1:And let us know like we are, we're game, we'll talk about anything and everything you know. Literally, we will tell you our experiences. We're very honest, we're very transparent, we're we're, you know, we're putting everything out there and, uh, we would love, love, love to hear if there's something specific that you know, maybe a question. It could be a question that we can kind of develop into a podcast episode. We love hearing feedbacks. I know we've been getting some privately, because we do understand that sometimes, you know, people don't want to put it out in public. But if you don't feel like it, you, you can definitely send us private messages.
Speaker 2:Yep, all right guys, see you on the next episode.
