Episode 73: Navigating Health Challenges with Self-Compassion

Ever wondered how self-love could be the key to unlocking a healthier, more fulfilling life? Join us as we welcome Dr. Toni Morrison, a trailblazer in holistic wellness and self-love advocacy. Dr. Toni shares the personal story that catalyzed her shift from conventional healthcare to a more introspective, self-love-centered approach. 

This episode offers a compelling look at her journey, revealing how a pivotal moment in her medical career fueled her quest for true healing from within. Dr. Toni opens up about her challenges and triumphs in balancing her roles as a mother, wife, and caregiver while maintaining personal wellness. Her insights on self-awareness and alignment with personal needs are not just inspiring but transformative.

Dive into the intimate details of Dr. Toni's experiences, including a significant health scare that altered her perspective on life and healing. This episode sheds light on the critical aspects of maintaining healthy relationships, intentional self-care, and the importance of self-advocacy in healthcare. 

About Dr Toni:
Toni Morrison, alternatively known as Dr. Toni, slp (Self-Love Practitioner), is a health and wellness visionary, advocate, behavioral scientist, podcast host and founder of B.S.E.E.N., a multimedia and events platform dedicated to empowering marginalized women. Through her work, she inspires women to prioritize their physical, emotional, and mental well-being to transform families, businesses, and communities.

Find Dr. Toni:
@drtonislp on IG/FBTiktok/Youtube and @bseenetwork on IG

Chapters

• 0:03 Prioritizing Self-Love for Transformation
• 13:38 Journey of Self-Discovery and Healing
• 19:19 Empowerment Through Self-Love and Advocacy

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:03

Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech-language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.

Speaker 2: 0:15

And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we are here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul.

Speaker 1: 0:25

From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.

Speaker 2: 0:39

So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness. Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast. You have Kira today and I am joined by a special guest, Dr Toni, so let me introduce her. Toni Morrison is also known as Dr Toni, the self-love practitioner. She's a behavioral scientist, health and wellness visionary, podcast producer and founder of Be Seen, a multimedia and events platform and movement that believes in the transformative power of self-care, community and visibility for marginalized women. Dr Tony's on a mission to empower women to prioritize their physical, emotional and mental well-being in order to transform their families, businesses and communities worldwide. So welcome, dr Tony.

Speaker 3: 1:42

Hey, thank you, thank you. Thank you, dr Tony. Hey, thank you.

Speaker 2: 1:44

Thank you, thank you, yeah, so tell us a little bit about yourself. Obviously, I introduced you via the bio, but, like people want to know the you like, how'd you get on this journey?

Speaker 3: 1:56

Oh, this journey has been a long one, um, as it's pretty much um been my entire life. Um, I would say, but more so definitely the behavioral sciences. Part of it all that's my education of case workers and then going into hospital, I was like the what was a hospital at the hospital? Yeah, public health and the business end of hospital health and practice management yeah, all that good stuff tied into one, and then just my own spiritual journey and my healing journey. All combined with all that wonderful craziness, brought me to this place where I am today.

Speaker 2: 3:03

Which is crazy because I feel like that totally clinical hospital side could take you one way. So it's interesting to see you've come over to the dark side with us.

Speaker 3: 3:15

That's what I'll call it Absolutely, absolutely. Yeah, I ran, I ran.

Speaker 2: 3:23

Was there something that propelled it?

Speaker 3: 3:26

You know what? Yes, honestly I would say about my fifth year in working at the hospital. I would say because this was after I did my social work and case manager for about three years after college and everything for about three years after college and everything. But right after that I went into the hospital and five years of me working in the hospital on a daily basis, I remember sitting in a lunchroom with a coworker.

Speaker 3: 4:01

She happened to be like she was a grandmother at the time and she had been working for the hospital for about 25 years and she had recently received her like plaque and her gift and everything for working for the hospital for 25 years. And so she was excited and everybody you know who were kind of in the room at the time, we all wanted to see oh, you know what you get, you know. And so she's passing the stuff around for us to look at. And I remember when I opened up their little box and I saw the watch and I saw everything, the little message, and it was like thank you for your time. It punched me in the face because I was like wait a minute.

Speaker 3: 4:45

So you've been here for 25 years and after your blood, sweat and tears, giving everything all you got here. The hospital pretty much rewards you with a watch and they say thank you for the time they've robbed. And I'm like wait a minute.

Speaker 3: 5:04

I don't think I want to do this for 25 years. I don't want to be here in this space, in this capacity, working to build someone else's dream and then on top of that and getting into the business end of the hospital as well, just learning more and more of how it's set up to not heal individuals. I ran, I couldn't do it. I was like I have to get out of here. It took me about three to four more years after that to get out, but I did.

Speaker 2: 5:42

Good for you, though, cause you know, know, there's a time and a place. I always tell people as a health practitioner yeah, like you break your arm, you're in a car accident, please go to the hospital. Like I can't help you, but when it comes to true healing, that's not it. You're not going to find it in a hospital at all.

Speaker 3: 6:02

Never, yeah, never.

Speaker 2: 6:05

Well, and then this brings another shift and something Denise and I talk about. Like I don't bring healing either. True healing comes from within, and you've you know. You call yourself a self-love practitioner, so tell us about that. What does that even mean? Like Denise and I have done an episode on self-love, but let's hear another perspective.

Speaker 3: 6:23

Of course, of course, of course, definitely. For me, as a self-love practitioner, it is definitely all about putting yourself first at all times, in every situation, when it comes to, like I said, just about everything, but in respect to whom you're also dealing with. I am a mother, I am a wife, I have friends, I'm a sister. I for many years, was even the sole caretaker of my disabled mother. So there are many levels to this, but deciding to put myself first made me really was one of well, is one of the reasons why I, like I say I practice what I preach. I had to have a long conversation and a long look at what was going on in my life several different times throughout it, just to check in and say wait a minute, I'm out of alignment, something's not right. You know I, and I can't figure it out, and each one of these times that I've been in the situation, it's almost taken me down to my knees to let me realize that, um, this you're going to literally, and this this happened last year, one of my last incidents you're going to die If you don't fix this. Like this is killing you. This is killing you and therefore I have to, no matter what, check in with me before I can check in with anyone else. Anyone else daughter, mother, husband, co-workers, staff wherever you are in your life, you have to put yourself first, mainly because no one can live your life but you. It's all your own. No one's going to make you drink water, no one's going to make you go to the bathroom, no one's going to make you shower None of those things anyone outside of yourself can do for you. These are things you have to choose to do for yourself every day. You have to breathe for yourself. You have to live literally for yourself and therefore, loving yourself and truly loving yourself in every aspect or in every dimension of wellness is where I love to dwell as a behavioral scientist. Loving yourself through every dimension and every aspect is what makes you better, so that you show up in the ways that other people who need you can benefit from you and can utilize your help and your love and care and all that good stuff.

Speaker 3: 9:31

Because you I think that's what people don't really understand. You know women especially. I think that's what people don't really understand. You know women especially, oh my goodness. But yes, no one's ever going to love you the way you love yourself. It's just impossible. It's literally impossible. Not just the husband, not your man, not your babies and I can say that too, because I even know women. My mother, especially, was one of the people who said you know well, I'm going to have this baby because I want someone to always love me, and that's never a reason to have a child. You can't put that type of pressure on another individual when that love you're obviously seeking is coming from, it needs to come from within. Is coming from, it needs to come from within.

Speaker 2: 10:16

It does, and this is such, it's such a hard one, you said, for women and also for mothers of like well no, I can't.

Speaker 3: 10:27

I can't put myself first. That makes me selfish, but does it? That's the thing. Even in an airplane, like they tell you okay, before you can help anyone else here in an emergency on this airplane, you must put your oxygen mask on first, and it's true even with your children. If you are not breathing, if you cannot breathe, there's nothing you can do for your child. Yeah, you have to be able to breathe.

Speaker 2: 10:54

And that's the thing. We can look at it from so many different perspectives of like, okay, you're not taking care of yourself mentally, emotionally, spiritually, whatever right, Like it doesn't have to be anything big, but it's like, okay, I never take time for myself. Okay, Years of doing that and never taking time for you. What's going to happen? You're going to start to fall apart. You're going to get resentful. You going to happen You're going to start to fall apart. You're going to get resentful. You're going to have all these emotions coming up that aren't serving you. And guess what? Now you're not showing up as the best mom the best wife, the best whatever.

Speaker 3: 11:25

So I'm showing up at all eventually.

Speaker 2: 11:26

Exactly, and that's the thing people don't realize. Like when we say love yourself and put yourself first, it doesn't mean to ignore everyone in your life. Like go sit and meditate for eight hours a day. That's not what we're saying over here.

Speaker 3: 11:41

Absolutely not. It definitely has nothing to do with ignoring everyone else in your life and being so selfish that you have no time and attention. It actually is about putting yourself so that you have more time and attention. It actually is about putting yourself so that you have more time and attention, and it's more intentional because you know, yeah, this is your time. Hey little baby, hey daughter, hey sister, hey friend, hey husband, this is your time. I have time for you because I've already filled my cup. I'm good, I can do this. So what do you need? I can help. I'm pouring, I'm sharing from my overflow, that's it. I have so much, I'm full and I'm here for you. So what do you need? I can help you now.

Speaker 2: 12:29

Yeah. Well, what does self-love look like for you? Like when you have clients come to you because some are like is it just taking a bath every day? Do I take five minutes to myself? Go for a massage once a month? Like, what are we talking here?

Speaker 3: 12:46

Self-love is making sure I eat every day Like number one, because a lot of times people people don't even realize how you're. You're running on empty. You know? Oh, how long was I having my coffee? I'm just going to drink coffee because I have all this work to do and I'm going to drink this coffee and I'm good. No, you're not. You're not good. You're not good because you know, today wasn't an actual intentional day of fasting, because that's a whole other thing. You're actually starving yourself and you're just filling yourself up with all of the nonsense that you think is more important than taking care of yourself.

Speaker 3: 13:20

So, yes, drinking water, eating all of your physical needs are extremely important and yes, those are self-love. But it definitely expands to making sure that I have someone to socialize with here and there. You know beyond, you know just myself, like you know outside of myself, making sure my relationship with my husband is healthy enough where we can have conversations and communication. Making sure my daughters, who are 14 and 19, I have good communication with them as well. You know, making sure the one that's in college, you know that she's okay and actually giving her the space to even grow, not being a what is it? Helicopter mom and thinking that I have to, like, be her everything.

Speaker 3: 14:12

Are you there? Are you okay? Call me every day? Absolutely not, because I needed space to grow when I was her age as well. And you have to remember that these people, even the ones you created, are all individual and they're all having their own individual experiences in this world, just like you, and it's okay and be okay with that. So, yeah, I love the spa and I love, you know, massages and things like that. I actually do feel like, and you know, I try to stick to my monthly massages, simply just because of the tension that I always keep in my back, because that's where I have it, yep.

Speaker 3: 14:53

Right, that's where it goes, so that's why I need those. But absolutely not. It is intentional eating, like I said, and I don't even just mean intentional eating, it's actually choosing the banana or the salad over chips. Mm hmm, because chips were my drug of choice when I was 350 pounds, okay, but it is no longer. You know, I do my best to make sure that I make those those actual. You know the right choices. And then for me, like I said, it's it's it's because it's a journey as well.

Speaker 3: 15:34

You know, self-love is still something that you practice daily and you're constantly even learning new things about yourself, and to the point where, last year, I didn't realize how much I was ignoring a pain that I was dealing with on a daily basis and come to find out my body was in sepsis because I was wrongly diagnosed.

Speaker 3: 16:03

I was told I had a virus and had a little, you know, some antibiotics and the virus was supposed to knock it out and go away, when literally, I had two different bacteria, one being E coli, eating away at the intestines of my yeah, my intestines actually. Yeah, for an entire what? Four months, wow, yeah, four or five months, right, because, yeah, by the time it actually got caught in the spring, right after my birthday. Yeah, I went to the hospital and then doc is like, and the only reason why I went, and because I was actually having septic, um, septic symptoms and didn't know, because everyone thought, oh, I think you're having a stroke. And I'm like, really, and it wasn't a stroke, I was actually having septic symptoms. And she's like, yeah, we need to operate asap today, right now, because you're in sepsis, like this is it? And I'm like, huh what?

Speaker 2: 17:01

so how did this happen?

Speaker 3: 17:03

how did I get?

Speaker 3: 17:04

here I couldn't, I couldn't believe it, so they operated right away and then that took me to a whole nother level of understanding and and just understanding, even how quickly, because I even saw it through my mom what happened to her. You know she had a debilitating stroke and went from walking talking to this individual who, you know, totally lost function on her left side and, like I said, I had to, you know, care for her. But it was. It was quite eye-opening for me because it was an experience of understanding of how fast you know, just how fast life can change in an instant and this can happen anytime, any day and took me from, you know, one piece. I'm all together and now I had an ostomy you know, there was a piece of me outside of my body and dealing with that for months and I say months because I'm extremely grateful that my surgery was reversible but my heart goes out to actual individuals cancer patients, people that I've known and spoke to, who have to live with that specific detail or disability because that's what it is now for the rest of their lives. It's heartbreaking, but I understand it and there's even, you know, a level of mental and mental healing, for sure, and emotional healing you have to go through when that is your new reality. And so, because mine was only temporary, it really really, you know, hit home and I was, like I said, super grateful that I'm back, you know, and I'm full again in that sense. But I would never, ever, ever, take any day, any moment, for granted anymore. I do my best, you know. And so there was one key piece I guess that I was missing with my health because, like I said, I've healed my own diabetes, I've healed my own hypertension. Yeah, I had hypertension and obesity, all these good things that I've gone through, and then even that situation with my insides. I still didn't realize that I was suffering so seriously from anemia.

Speaker 3: 19:24

I had been diagnosed right after my first, my 14 year old, you know, a couple of years after that, and so, you know, I was okay for a long time. Until what was that? The week right before the election, yeah, yeah, literally the week right before the election, I had a few symptoms, weren't paying attention to where they come. I'm working out, thinking, okay, I think I'm just tired this day, and then I couldn't walk for a whole day and I was lightheaded on one day and then by that Saturday I was having chest pains like I've never had in my life, Rushed me to the hospital. They looked inside, gave me an entire painful angiogram.

Speaker 3: 20:09

That was the time because they thought they treated me as a stat. They thought I was having an actual full-on heart attack. So they went in. They're looking, praise God, they couldn't find anything. I would say they really couldn't find anything, but assumed I was having a SCAD and the doctor said he might've saw something arterial, took a whole thing, stayed for a whole week, all for it to boil down to the anemia which I had to advocate and for myself to push back because I personally did not want a what do you call that? A blood transfusion? Yep, I didn't want any blood transfusions. I'm like okay, but you can treat me with iron, right? I hate when I have to tell doctors sometimes how to do their job.

Speaker 3: 20:54

You know, like how to do your job, like go ahead and provide other alternatives for people. But it's like if you don't already know which is so sad because there's so many people who don't know then you don't know what to ask for, you don't know what to say, you don't know how to advocate for yourself. And you know, be firm in your beliefs sometimes for yourself, no matter what that is for you, because everyone's different and your beliefs sometimes for yourself, no matter what that is for you, because everyone's different. And so, basically, they were eventually just admitting they were keeping me in the hospital to treat me with vitamins and I'm like well, if that's your only solution right now, I can leave and go take.

Speaker 3: 21:29

You know, do this myself. And definitely you know for the past what it's been what. Three, four weeks now, personally, I've been doing just that. You know for the past what it's been what. Three, four weeks now, personally, I've been doing just that. You know, going to get my labs done every week and just checking and my numbers are constantly going up because of the changes that I've made to stay on top of that. You know, amongst like, just making sure I eat every day.

Speaker 3: 21:51

No, let's make sure we take your supplements and everything that you need to continue, also because I don't eat meat. That didn't help. You know, I did that a long time ago. I didn't want to. I'm not necessarily a vegan, but I live more of a vegetarian lifestyle, sometimes pescatarian, but left the pescatarian part once. The shrimp made me sick, so that was a whole nother thing. Shrimp was the real issue as far as to why I had intestinal issues, but, um, yeah it, it just definitely kind of changed everything.

Speaker 3: 22:26

And that bring me to another level of awareness where even a scad I had no idea what a scad was and, um, many people don't, I don't think you know because it affects women and their forties to fifties especially. It's a heart attack that you'll never see coming. You don't know, you can have it, and it's, it's to me, it's, it doesn't seem. I've never heard, like we all hear, about heart disease and things like that. You know how devastating all those things are, but I've never heard anything about a SCAD until they presented that information to me in the hospital and I'm like what do you mean? This can, yeah, women, you know, of this age, this age, you know, and I'm like what wait, who knows this? Like none of my friends know what this is and I'm like you know we're all around that age. What's going on like? Did you know? I know, yeah, menopause is one thing, but a scat is another. And you got all these things going on, girl.

Speaker 2: 23:31

Yeah it's a lot, it's a whole lot, it's a whole.

Speaker 3: 23:35

It's a whole lot, it's a whole lot, it's a whole lot. And so, yeah, just that's. That's self-love to me. Yeah, taking care of everything you got going on and really focusing on being intentional intentional about every aspect of what you got going on. For sure, sleep, rest, you know. Going out there getting your finances in order, making a budget, staying on a budget, you know.

Speaker 2: 24:07

It's everything, it's literally every aspect, and that's the thing I laugh about. The, you know, get a massage and do this and I'm like that is an act of self-love or an act of self-care, but it's not ongoing self-love and that's the thing I tell my clients. The basis of all health is self-love, because you can't make those daily decisions out of despise for yourself, because when you do, it's reaching for the Doritos, it's not resting, it's not Doritos, it's not resting, it's not saying no, it's not having boundaries, it's all of that stuff. And so the more you can love yourself, the more you go through your day of. Am I doing this thing out of love, oh, or is it something else?

Speaker 3: 24:50

Exactly, exactly. You're not first or you're not thinking about yourself, or because it then turns into sacrifice. You literally be, you literally become the sacrifice. Everything about what's going on every time. You don't have boundaries or whatever you're putting first. You're sacrificing yourselves. You're sacrificing your health when you eat those chips yes, absolutely, because you want good health, but you're doing the exact opposite of what you say you want to do, and that starts to be everything. You're going to a job, maybe every day, that you hate, and why? Because you don't want to be there. You're sacrificing yourself because you're not trying to find alternatives or you know, be honest with yourself at what you're actually good at. You know what your best skills are and where you can find that elsewhere, whether that's you know another company, a different role, or totally leaving and taking those skills and starting something else for yourself. You know all those things matter. And, uh, the self, oh, oh, the self. I love the self, I love the self, yeah and I love myself and that's I mean, everybody listening.

Speaker 2: 26:23

if that's the one thing you can focus on, it's going to get you a long way, a long way.

Speaker 3: 26:30

A very long way. It's your whole life. It literally is your entire life, and that's why it's okay for it to be a long journey, because you're here for the time you've been given. You're here for the time you've been given, and so why not make the best of it for yourself, because there's nothing you can do for anyone else the way you can do it for yourself.

Speaker 3: 27:02

But the thing is, once you find who you are, how you are, who you like to be, how you like to show up, how you like to live, all the pieces actually start to come together. And so whatever you feel it is you must do for others. It becomes so clear and you can do it easily, with ease. You can show up for whoever. If you want to write a symphony, you can write a symphony. If you want to just start a charity to help your community, or be an advocate for cancer patients, whatever your thing is, whoever you are here to help, and even if you're here to just be a part of your ancestry, to break the cycles and teach your own children, you know, or your legacy behind you, that's all important. I mean, you definitely can't do it if you're not putting yourself first. You have to do that first. That's it.

Speaker 2: 28:14

Yeah, well, this has been a great conversation. I'm sure we could keep on going, of course, of course, and everything's always in the show notes, but I always like to ask what's the best place for someone to find you?

Speaker 3: 28:29

OK, ok, ok, Definitely so sure At this time, especially if you are a marginalized woman of color, professional business owner, founder, creator, you can definitely head on over to LinkedIn and DM me the word self. Yes, dm me the word self and I can hook you up with a free self-love workbook. It's a free seven day self love workbook, as well as a bonus 30 minute chat with me.

Speaker 2: 29:05

Awesome, Well, guys.

Speaker 3: 29:06

I'm on all platforms, pretty much besides does that X? I'm not on X, but yeah, LinkedIn, as Dr Tony SLP or Tony Morrison you can find me so yes, perfect.

Speaker 2: 29:23

Yeah, I'll make sure it's in the show notes, guys. Thank you so much for being here and having this conversation.

Speaker 3: 29:30

Yes, thank you so much, kira. This is great.

Speaker 2: 29:33

Well, and guys, you know the drill um, shoot us a message on Instagram. Let us know what you want to hear about, give us feedback, leave us a review and we'll see you on the next episode.