Episode 77: Healing Your Mind Through Positive Intelligence

Discover the power of self-awareness and positive intelligence in this episode with NLP master coach Kamilla Norrman. Kamilla shares her personal journey of self-discovery and breaks down how the way we speak to ourselves can shape our emotional healing and growth.

We explore the concept of positive intelligence, uncovering the “saboteurs” that act as inner critics and block progress. Kamilla teaches how to shift your mind from adversary to ally, build a compassionate inner dialogue, and strengthen your connection with yourself and others.

This episode is an invitation to embrace your ever-evolving healing journey with curiosity and self-compassion. Tune in to reclaim your narrative, empower your mindset, and thrive emotionally.

About Kamilla:

Kamilla is an NLP Master Coach, and a Positive Intelligence advocate with a passion for empowering mid-life professional - who feel stuck, lost, or disconnected. Through her unique coaching approach, she helps her clients embrace bold mindset shifts, heal emotionally, and build stronger, more connected relationships. 

But here’s the twist - she combines her love for travel and adventure with personal transformation, encouraging her clients to rediscover their sense of wonder and excitement for life. Whether she’s guiding clients through mindset breakthroughs or planning transformational journeys to places like South Africa and Botswana, Kamilla inspires others to let go of fear and embrace new possibilities. 

Find Kamilla:

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Transcript

Speaker 1 0:04

Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech and language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.

Speaker 2 0:15

And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul From the latest in functional medicine, of healing your body, mind and soul, from the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story.

Speaker 1 0:33

we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.

Speaker 2 0:39

So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness. Hello everyone, welcome back to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast, and today this is Kira. I am joined by a special guest, so welcome, kimala. Thank you so excited to be here. Yeah, so let me introduce you to our listeners. So Camilla Norman is an NLP master coach and a positive intelligence advocate with a passion for empowering midlife professionals who feel stuck, lost or disconnected. Through her unique coaching approach, she helps her clients embrace bold mindset shifts, heal emotionally and build stronger, more connected relationships. We all need this. Yes, so I always love to start with our guests, but like, how did you get to this place? How did you get to where you are today?

Speaker 3 1:47

So, as many people, it starts with your own journey, your own personal journey, I think, and it was a journey of discovery in many ways, where I kind of hit let's say I hit 40, which is a while ago now and I started to really think about what I want from the rest of my life and I found that there was something not entirely right. I was increasingly feeling unsatisfied and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. And I mean I had a great life. So I had been traveling with my partner at the time. We had a very exciting life, but obviously there was something missing.

Speaker 3 2:33

Increasingly I felt unhappy and eventually I made the decision to to actually break up after 23 years, which was a very challenging experience and not nothing that I will say is an easy thing to do. But through that decision of leaving England, where I had lived for 18 years, and then moving to Norway, I also embarked on a total career change where I trained, I focused on my own personal development and really trying to understand myself on a deeper level and understand also just that kind of our behavior, how we impact each other and what it all means and what possibilities and opportunities are out there. So I focus very much on myself in order to get to somewhere new, and out of that came this vision of setting up my own coaching business and focusing on what I love doing, which is this passion for travel and adventure, and bring that into my coaching. So yeah, I just see it as it's going to be a lifelong learning curve.

Speaker 2 3:56

Denise and I talk about that all the time and say healing. Healing is not linear, but it also doesn't have an end point.

Introduction to the Heal Yourself Podcast

Speaker 3 4:02

Like we're always healing, we're always growing and we have to embrace that yes, absolutely, and it's almost like the more you learn, the more you want to know. So it's just an just a continuous growth that just happens because you've tapped into something that stimulated you initially, and then it just it's like you stepped into a new universe. You know, it's really exciting yeah, and maybe you did.

Speaker 2 4:27

Maybe that's what it is. Um, you talk about something called positive intelligence. What is that?

Speaker 3 4:37

So this is a concept that was developed by Shazan Shamin.

Speaker 3 4:42

He wrote a book by the same name and has since developed what you could call a framework that is used by coaches all over the world, and it is really built on this notion that we all have some. Basically, our brain is, you could say, quite often we talk about the fight and flight mode, and that's the left side of the brain, predominantly the survival brain, and then we have the right side of the brain that thinks in more sort of emotions and kind of intuition and where we can tap into perhaps a wiser approach to life, and it's learning about your brain being either your friend or your enemy, and quite often people are actually experiencing negative self-talk, where your brain is actively working against you, and so the concept of positive intelligence is basically measuring how often is your brain your friend? How often does your brain cheer you on and tells you that you can do it and, of course, you're amazing? Or how often is it actively sabotaging and saying, oh, you're not good enough, you'll never make it? How can you possibly think you're worth this if?

Speaker 3 6:11

you like the saboteurs and found that there's 10 main saboteur characters that people display, and it's across the globe, regardless of religion.

Speaker 3 6:38

The one thing that everyone has in common is the character, the judge, which is like the ringleader, and it's the character that criticizes us, criticizes others and criticizes the circumstances.

Speaker 3 6:52

It is that voice, if you like, that tells you that you're not good enough or you whatever negative things you might be saying to yourself in private, and for some people that's a really loud voice and for some people it's just a whisper. And what Shozad discovered in his research, and it is very much like a scientifically based approach where they've measured the activity in the brain depending on what kind of thoughts people were thinking, and they could see that when people think these limiting thoughts and have these very negative patterns, it's the left side that's very active. And then if you think from a place of empathy and curiosity and you want to sort of navigate and find a path and innovate, then it's the right side of your brain that's predominantly active. So they've kind of been able to see let's amplify the positive sort of thoughts that are promoted in the right side in order to kind of shift the balance so that you promote the brain's ability to be your friend and lower the volume on the voices of those saboteurs. Yeah, sorry.

Speaker 2 8:13

No, no, that was a great answer because, I mean, so many are in that place with the judge and you know, a lot of our listeners are dealing with physical health challenges of all different sorts, and I'm always talking about limiting beliefs and stories and going into all of that Because, yeah, the louder that judge is, the more you're going to feel those physical symptoms.

Speaker 3 8:39

Absolutely, absolutely, the more you're going to feel those physical symptoms. Absolutely, absolutely. And we can learn to find ways to kind of work with our saboteurs where, instead of letting them run riot and control us, we control them. So we never really it's not a case of getting rid of them, it's just a case of learning how to manage them better so that they don't impact your life as much. It's not a case of getting rid of them, it's just a case of learning how to manage them better so that they don't impact your life as much, and it's literally lowering the volume. So you're never really getting rid of your saboteurs, you are just learning how to sort of put them in their box.

Speaker 2 9:15

Yeah, it's, I'll make the physical connection I always tell my clients to. We all have parasites. It's about learning to live with them, like we don't want them taken over. It's the same thing with this, so.

Speaker 3 9:25

Absolutely, and it actually helps people when they can kind of visualize it because it becomes a character.

Meet Your Hosts: Denise and Kira

Speaker 3 9:33

So it's actually helpful for many people not everyone, but for many because it feels more tangible and when you can feel that you can kind of almost see this character, it's also easier to catch it because it becomes something that you can identify and then it helps you to slowly become in charge instead of letting the saboteur run the show for you.

Speaker 3 10:01

So there's been research done that shows that if you have, if your brain is your friend 75% of the time or more, you are going to fulfill your potential. You're going to be doing great. When you have less than 75% of the time, when your brain is sort of not on your side, the risk is that no matter how talented you are, no matter how hard you work and you know everything you could be doing right, If your brain isn't your friend enough the 75% is kind of the pivot then the likelihood of you succeeding is just elusive. It eludes you. And so I think this is where I find it so powerful that people can improve that score by practicing and therefore also increase their chances of succeeding and fulfilling their full potential, whatever it might be.

Speaker 2 11:03

Yeah, it is a practice. I'm curious too for listeners who are like, okay, well, I don't know, am I 50-50?, am I 40? You know how do they start to determine if these saboteurs are taking over their life?

Speaker 3 11:16

So I guess you probably know whether you have a lot of this negative self-talk going on I'm sure most people will be aware of. Are they the person that always kind of questions whether they're going to be able to do something, whether they are good enough, or are they usually quite confident that they're going to manage whatever is the task ahead, so that most people will feel that whether they are in sort of the more positive arena or whether the brain is actually being more of a saboteur. But there is a test. You can take a test, the positive intelligence, have a test and we could share the test in the notes for people who are interested. So people can actually learn about this. Saboteurs and you know, just explore further if they want.

Speaker 2 12:09

Yeah, love that. Do you have any examples of how you've used this with clients and how it's maybe shifted their lives, or even your own? We could relate it back to you. You know, leaving a 23 year relationship is a huge leap and I'm sure there were some saboteurs in there.

Speaker 3 12:28

Absolutely. Oh, yes, and it was. It's interesting how, when I realize and I learned about my saboteurs after I'd already left, but making the connection and seeing my behavior and how definitely part of the breakdown in the relationship, well, I could understand what was happening and I have a very strong controller which is one of my main saboteurs.

Speaker 3 12:59

So I try to control, or tried I have learned to let go and stop trying to control people and circumstances and instead, you know, it's like learning to surf you can't control the wave, you can learn how to surf it, so so that's a bit how you approach the controller as well, and I think it's one of those things that many of my clients they find that it's fascinating how accurate it is. They all respond in this like oh, I mean, I had a hunch, but it's so accurate I can't believe it, you know. And so I think that's what's like oh, I mean, I had a hunch, but it's so accurate I can't believe it, you know. And so I think that's what's fascinating how people actually can see immediately where this, where the behavior fits, and it's so obvious. So I do.

Speaker 3 13:50

I do like the clarity that it brings and by making it clear, it's that awareness of your own behavior and how you are impacting people through your behavior and how you actively create the reality around you through your behavior, so taking ownership, finding ways to do things differently to avoid triggering other people, because our saboteurs kind of trigger saboteurs in other people. So if you're in saboteur mode, you are likely going to trigger the saboteurs in the person opposite you and then you're sort of in a negative mode, whereas if you approach somebody with empathy and without any judgment, you are more likely going to stimulate their what is referred to as a sage brain, so the right side of the brain and you are much more likely going to have a positive experience. It's like a stimulating have a positive experience. It's like a stimulating. It's an upward spiral.

Speaker 2 15:00

If you are in sage mode or if you're in saboteur mode, it's definitely a downward spiral so, and it's so interesting that you said because we could go so many different ways with this but we have a profound impact on others because we are all connected and our energy will move into someone else and you I don't remember how you worded it, but it was something around the lines of we impact others, and I think where I want to go with this is you've mentioned also like the model of the world. Is that kind of what you're you're saying here and how you're connecting that?

Speaker 3 15:33

Yeah, yeah. So I definitely think that, um, accepting the fact that everyone sees the world through their own lens just kind of makes sort of that. Reality is very subjective and, uh, if you think about people talking about an experience that they shared as a group, you know, with friends, everyone will be telling you a different experience. Everyone have their own version of what happened, and that is what the model of the world accepting the fact that people do see things differently and that there is this natural desire almost, or need, for some people to prove people wrong and say, well, I'm right, you are wrong. That's where, like, the judge is coming into play. So that's where that fits together. And it is incredibly liberating when you realize that you don't have to prove anybody wrong or right. You just accept that people do have different views of what they perceive as reality and how they perceive what's happening. And when you do that and you step away and like, stop judging, it allows for a much nicer relationship with people around you.

Speaker 3 16:51

So for me personally, it's been very noticeable with my mother because I've just accepted that she is the way she is. She sees things very differently to me and I've stopped sort of battling with her about. You know how I perceive her not being how I would like her to behave, and instead just say, ok, this is how she is, she's doing it from. She comes from a place of love, even if it doesn't always feel like it, but that's. I trust that she comes from a place of love and that means I stop. It's like putting your own ego sort of a bit behind bars and allowing just focus on the other person without the judgment.

Speaker 2 17:33

There can be a lot of healing that happens with this, then I'm super intrigued and I've taken the quiz myself, but it's been a long time. So I'm definitely going to go back and revisit because I feel like this could be such a big tool for everyone, not just in their own personal relationships. Right, you said mother, I'm like yep, because it's the same thing. Right, like no one is going to fit into our model of reality the way we want them to. We have to accept that. But looking at our society, I don't know how things over there are, but they're not so great here in the States, and they haven't been for a while. But it's because there's so many sides, or I should say two sides, essentially.

Speaker 3 18:13

And they're constant.

Speaker 2 18:14

Yes, and battling constantly and it's like if we could learn to embrace this and silence or bring down the volume on some of those sabotars, I think that as a nation, we could have some healing.

Speaker 3 18:29

Yes, definitely, absolutely. I mean, and I do think that, uh, if you just start focusing on the fact that people have a different model of the world, that people are doing the best they can with the resources that they have, so if you assume that what they were trying to do was with a good intention at heart, then it actually frees up the ability to, instead of sort of be hurt and react in a defensive way and maybe, you know, respond in sort of trying to hurt somebody back. You start to look at okay, so where do they? What's, how is? How are they perceiving things? You know, to try and view it from their perspective and have that empathy for others and, rather than criticize them and see the negative and believe ill things, believe good, you know, like, shift your perspective and actually you will then create space for something much more positive.

Speaker 2 19:43

Yeah, I agree. I think there's so many that are viewing, you know, people with differing opinions as, oh, they're bad and I'm like, well, but no one really goes into things with ill intentions. They see something over here and think, well, this is what's best for everyone. You just see things a different way. I really truly don't think that many people out there have ill intentions. I think it's a very small amount.

Speaker 3 20:11

Absolutely, and I think my travels have definitely taught me that that there's so much more that unites us across the world as human beings than what divides us. And yes, of course, there are people who are can be out there to harm someone else, but that's such a minority. When you travel and you come across people all over the world and you learn that, okay, oh, maybe I should be, you know, I should be careful or whatever it is, you might be protecting yourself by being a bit suspicious. What I found is that every time you know if I am a bit cautious about somebody, they will surprise me in a positive way.

Speaker 3 21:06

I think I have, out of all my travels and I mean I've done I've been traveling for over 25 years and I've done a lot of backpacking and like on a shoestring and I've been to all sorts of places it's, it's that this. I think I have two experiences that are negative out of all of the thousands of hours I've been on the road and met people. And that also, I believe, is if you expect good, you get good back. It's your energy is reflected back at you. So if you walk around suspecting people to be out there to harm you, you're much more likely to attract that sort of negative energy back. That sort of whatever you bring to the party is really what comes back.

Speaker 2 21:54

Yeah, so I'm going to totally shift gears. What has been your favorite place to travel to? Because I'm a traveler too.

Speaker 3 22:03

So I mean, it's so difficult, right, Because there's so many beautiful places around the world, but I love Nepal. I think Nepal is one of my favorite countries and there is just something very special about the Himalayas. There is some sort of I've always found it like it's a, it's like my soul gets to rest when I'm there. It's incredibly peaceful, despite the fact that it's, you know, noisy and to some degree it's very dirty and dusty and you know it's chaotic. But once you get out of you know the sort of off the road and you're out hiking and you might be camping or staying in tea houses or, you know, villages. It's just something profoundly peaceful. It's very, very nice lovely.

Speaker 2 22:53

I've not been there, but maybe someday I can thoroughly recommend. I've not been there, but maybe someday.

Speaker 3 22:57

I can thoroughly recommend. I've been there four times. The first time was 2003. And sadly I haven't been back now since 2017. So I feel like I definitely need to make another visit. It's been way too long.

Speaker 2 23:14

Lovely Well, is there anything else you want to share before we wrap up today?

Speaker 3 23:20

I guess I would invite listeners to really take a moment and think about themselves and how much power they have to impact life around them their own life, but also the lives of all the other people they come into contact with and how much more we are an active creator of our own reality. I truly believe that when you start to realize that you, you become empowered and you see much more of the opportunities around you, which I think is leads to inspiring you know ideas and thoughts about what, what's possible for you.

Speaker 2 24:04

Yeah, I agree with you Absolutely.

Speaker 3 24:10

Well, it's been so nice talking to you. I think I need to start my own podcast and then I'll interview you there you go. More about you well.

Speaker 2 24:21

Thank you so much. This was such a good conversation. If someone is interested in learning more about you, your services, what's the best place to find you?

Speaker 3 24:31

so, um, camilla norm Norman is my Facebook profile, also on Instagram. I do have Curious Mindset Coaching, also both on Instagram and Facebook. But Camilla Norman, if you search on that, you will find me. Thankfully, my name is spelt in a way that there's not many. I think I am the only one who spells it the way I do, so Google my name and you'll find me.

Speaker 2 25:02

Yeah, perfect, well, and as always, guys, this is all going to be in the show notes.

Speaker 3 25:06

Yeah, Thank you so much for inviting me. It was a real pleasure and I hope it's been of some value to the listeners.

Speaker 2 25:16

yeah, absolutely well. Thank you and guys. We would love your feedback, we would love reviews. Leave us a message on Instagram and we'll see you on the next episode.