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Heal Yourself Podcast
A podcast diving into all aspects of healing; from the latest in functional medicine, to nurturing your relationship with yourself, and even transforming your money story, we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Heal Yourself Podcast
Episode 25: How to Embrace Where We Are vs. Where We Want to Be
Change is a constant in life, yet it often brings discomfort and uncertainty. In today's episode, we discuss the challenges of embracing change and navigating the unknown while exploring the rich lessons that lie in the in-between. We dive into the concept of "sacred tension," the emotional space between where you are now and where you want to be. Understanding how to thrive in this space can transform your approach to personal healing and lead to profound insights about your journey.
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Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2:And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul From the latest in functional medicine, of healing your body, mind and soul, from the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story.
Speaker 1:we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2:So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 1:Well, hello welcome to another episode. Kira and I are here today to talk all about embracing change.
Speaker 2:No one likes change, no. Well, here's the funny thing I've always loved change and I was always surprised by people that didn't like change. I'm like I've lived in 11 states.
Speaker 1:Guys, I love change, but not everybody feels that no no, and I remember, oh my goodness, yeah, I remember when you and I started, you know, talking and having our friendship, right when we started connecting, and then you would tell me about oh, we're moving here or we moved there. Oh my goodness, I'm like how can she freaking do this? Like I've been living, we ended up buying the house that we were renting, so we don't change. It is crazy. So, yeah, you are. I think you're the queen of change.
Speaker 2:Well, also, because you grew up as a military family, right, so you're used to that yeah, but I hated it as a kid, like I hated the change because I was quiet, I was shy, I didn't want to be ripped away from friendships like that I'd finally formed. But yeah, now in my adult life, it's's like no, I like, I, like it.
Speaker 1:That's awesome. Yeah, no, now I'm liking it, now I, you know I embrace it more, but I didn't before. I hated change. I just I'm telling you we ended up buying the house that we're renting just because I don't want, like it's been, my kid's house, like, no, no, change, no, no, no.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so no, yeah, so, yeah. Well, and I want to tell our listeners the thing that prompted this episode, because sometimes we get, you know, weird divine intervention in all different places, and this one came from Instagram. So somebody posted there is a sacred tension between where you are and where you want to be. And that just hit me, because when I'm looking at people on their healing journey whether it's physical, emotional, spiritual, like whatever right, people don't view it as sacred, like it's a tension. It's like I don't know, I want to be over there and I'm over here. I don't like that in between space. But I loved how he worded it there's a sacred tension because there's learning there.
Speaker 1:Yes, and I want to. You know I'm going to chime in. I know About this because you sent me this and I was like, hmm, that is so interesting. And then a series of events just transpired after that. I'm not going to go in details about all of them, but I just about when you sent me this.
Speaker 1:Around that time I started listening back to Wayne Dyer and from the app on the app empower you, I literally just wrote Wayne Dyer and I just chose the first thing that popped up, which was, uh, your ultimate calling, or something like that. So it's an online program. I'm assuming that he recorded for Hay House and he mentions a meditation. So he he was going through a letter that a lady wrote him and in the letter she mentions japa meditation and he says that if you want to learn more about the japa meditation, uh, look into getting in the gap his book, book Getting in the Gap. So I continued listening to the letter that this lady wrote to him, etc.
Speaker 1:And I'm like, interesting, why don't I look up this Japa meditation on YouTube? And then I did, and it's all about focusing on the space between the words. So he means it, he's guiding you to the space between the words, but he's referring it to the space between your thoughts, because this the gap, this is where you get in touch with your higher self, this is where you get in touch with your divine, this is where you get in touch with your soul, the space between the thoughts and honestly, it's been a game changer, and then you mentioned this. So the space there is a sacred space. It is Between where you are now and where you want to be, and between your thoughts as well.
Speaker 2:And it's an uncomfortable space for many. I mean again, even though I feel like I've embraced change around, moving like that doesn't mean everything happens Like there have been times where I look at my business I'm like, no, I want to be over there and I'm over here. But it's the same. That goes again for any aspect of healing. I look at my clients that come to me and they're like, but I just want to feel better now.
Speaker 2:But if we could learn to embrace that in-between space of why am I here, why am I in this space or this gap, right, what am I supposed to learn in this time? And the problem is we don't view that, we view it as no, no, no, no, I just I need to be over there. Like, screw being over here, screw the in-between, just get me there. And it doesn't work that way. You have to have that journey for growth, for healing, and I truly believe that the more you can start to embrace that, that in-between space of oh my gosh, this is so uncomfortable, but what am I learning? What are my experiences? The faster you're going to get to that desired outcome. But most people don't do that.
Speaker 2:And then they keep holding themselves back and wondering like why am I not getting better?
Speaker 1:Right, but I do want to kind of point out because I have been reading Mel Robbins the Let them Theory book and you know how Mel Robbins infuses a lot of like scientific research and stuff like that, and I'm actually on the chapter just synchronicity. I mean, this is amazing how like we're talking about this now and I just literally was reading the chapter about why it's hard to change. So you are listening right now. We do understand that change ain't easy, right, and it is research-based and scientific. It is human nature that we seek pleasure and comfort. Now, yes, absolutely so. However, however, however, you can see, there's nothing wrong with seeking your pleasure and your comfort.
Speaker 1:But if you are looking at any area of your life and you're not liking it and you want to change it, you got to be comfortable with the discomfort, with that space, right? It's kind of like when, when, with the hair situation, like let me give the example, and I'm a typical uh person who does not like the in-between, so I either like it long or short, and then sometimes, but to make to get it longer, I have to endure the space in between, and I needed to do that last year because my brother's wedding was in November 24 and I literally cut my hair every what? Six weeks or eight weeks. So like I like it short, you know it's easy, simple and I wanted to let it grow. It was so dreadful. Every time I'm gonna go to the hairdresser to get the highlights or whatever I'm like nope, we're not cutting, we're not cutting and then just like looking at the hair.
Speaker 1:But you know, it's just kind of like I, but I kept looking forward to the future, to the. You know, I was like you know what this is only temporary. It is gonna be so pretty for the wedding. So the thing is sometimes yes, you may be, you may decide, you know what. I want to change something and I'm going to go through the discomfort but also look forward to. This is only temporary. What I'm going through right now is only temporary and soon I will be an expert at this or whatever, whatever, whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think that word right there is key. Temporary, like reminding yourself I'm not always going to be in this space, but I have lessons that I need to learn here. There are pearls of wisdom, right. This is a prime healing opportunity to be in this uncomfortable space, so what can I do to embrace it until I get to that point? And then the other piece about this is you know the science and all that. We know that our ego and our nervous system want the safety. They want the predictability. So if we're someone who's been dealing with nervous system dysregulation or massive trauma like you can relate to this being in the war. We don't necessarily want more chaos around us. We don't want unpredictable environments. So I get that.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I mean we don't. Yes, I get that. However, you and I have been through this right Like going through the change and, yes, going through the changes. You know it's uncomfortable, sometimes it's painful, but, like you keep saying, learning and learning and learning. We're always learning, even if and I'm going to mention back you know Dr Wayne Dyer.
Speaker 1:He mentioned one of his principles don't die wondering. Just like you know, even if you do make the mistake, even if you do make not the great decision or whatever, but guess what, why are we viewing it as good or bad? View it as this was a learning opportunity. What can I learn from this versus you know what? And again, yes, of course I made a mistake, but what can I learn from that mistake? Right, like, I keep you know, telling you sometimes, like you know what, I totally learned a lot from this contract. You know, because I know what to say for next time.
Speaker 1:You know, had I, if I didn't go through this experience, I would know like no, denise, don't negotiate prices next time. Or you know, when it is a virtual contract, you know you need to have one, two and three. And I would not have known this had I not gone through that discomfort and it was the uncomfortable, you know, it was really uncomfortable and painful because it just it's related to work and business. So it's just accepting, accepting the now and looking forward to the change. And I learned that either from Esther Hicks, abraham Hicks or somebody else. Is I embrace where I'm at and I'm eager for more? Yeah, so I accept where I'm at right now. I see it, I'm not in denial, but I'm also looking forward to the more or to the different or to the whatever.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you said something too. I should have written it down when you were talking, but it made total sense. I mean, yeah, I want to go back to the nervous system piece too, because I think sometimes it can be so easy to be like, okay, well, I can't handle more stress right now, like I can't deal with the uncertainty, and sometimes you don't have a choice and sometimes you are going to feel worse going through whatever this uncomfortable space is right, like whether it's looking at a career change or a move, cross country or health issues. Yeah, you're going to probably feel like shit during that time, but this is where it goes back to. What Denise and I have always said too is like love on yourself. Right, when you're going through this uncomfortable time and you're growing, you're evolving, you're looking for okay, what are my lessons over here? What are my triggers? Why is this bugging me so much? Why is it so uncomfortable? What can you be doing to love on yourself? Because that's going to be a key piece right here.
Speaker 1:Yes, Love on yourself and be compassionate with yourself. Go back to the self-love episode where we gave you questions and tools. Go back to them and, again, experiment, be playful with that uncertainty. And there was another Instagram post you sent, remember, and we're like we can, you know, explore this uncertainty, explore this discomfort, play around with it. You know, and don't let let's not be serious all the time, you know, let's kind of approach it from a childlike perspective, right, you know, Mel Robbins mentions it and I and I even talked about it before I even got to that chapter. I, during the workshop, I said there's a lot of adult children out there and she mentions it in the book there's a lot of adults are just like. They have the emotional emotions of eight year olds.
Speaker 1:That's why a lot of adults throw tantrums like eight year olds, right? So take that side of you. Yes, just Okay. Yeah, I'm an eight year old, right, so take that side of you. Yes, just okay. Yeah, I'm an eight-year-old. What? What's my curiosity? Right, use that to your, you know, to your advantage. And and at the end of the day, if you view that, every single thing, every single discomfort, pleasure, pain, one is only temporary, even the pleasure and the joy.
Speaker 1:It is temporary. You know you are to, you're going to go through the life happens. Exactly Life happens. Exactly Life happens. It is what it is. Embrace. It's kind of like go with the flow right, Like go with the downstream versus going with the upstream, Because if you're going downstream, you're going like oh, I'm going with the flow, right now is bumpy, and then ooh now it's relaxed, great.
Speaker 1:So enjoy that, because this too shall pass. So not just the horrible negative moments are going to. Just this too shall pass. Also, a lot of you know the, the joy and the happy moments. So embrace. That's why we we talk about embracing every single moment, because just embrace every single moment, you know, like, even even if pain it's, it's here for you. And, yes, you don't want to hear it because it's easier said than done, but honestly, like I don't think you and I are saying shit out of our ass, why? Because you and I have been there and done that and we have been through the pain and we have been through the, the, the, the, the. You know the darkness of the soul or whatever you want to say, but we don't give up and we keep going and we have compassion to ourselves, you know, to ourselves, and we, we can forgive ourselves and we show ourselves grace, yeah, and I.
Speaker 2:So there's something important that came out of that too, of like there's twofold, like one. It's okay to be uncomfortable and it's okay to embrace the emotions that come with it. What we don't want is like bypassing, but we also don't want that victim mentality. You know so, for those that don't know what I'm talking about, victim mentality is just oh my gosh, it always sucks. I don't know if this is going to get better. And staying there, that is never Going to serve you.
Speaker 2:But at the same time, you you know the term spiritual bypassing, but we could use it for anything of like oh my gosh, everything's fine and dandy, it's going to be great. No, feel the emotions right. If you, physically, are really struggling with your health, it's okay to be like damn, this sucks right now. You know what, instead of staying in that place and turning into victim mentality, this sucks. But like you said, denise, what can I learn from this? How is this going to help me in the future? Why do I need to go through this experience? Because I do. Every experience has been given to me and I know people don't like to hear that.
Speaker 1:I know, I know, and then maybe changing the um and again, if, if anything that we're saying is activating you, I like to use the word activate versus trigger. I learned that from Dr Don Wood. So if any of that, if anything that we're saying activates you, triggers you, whatever you want to name it take that as a learning opportunity. Don't take it personal.
Speaker 2:Yes, You're like oh, she's calling me out. Well, I heard.
Speaker 1:Even if we are yeah. You're like, even if we are, even if we are Take that as a learning opportunity, like why did I get so activated when?
Speaker 2:they mentioned this.
Speaker 1:Look deep, and this is where the change. Look within the gap, find the gap. Yeah, you within the gap, find the gap. Yeah, um, you know, and yeah, exactly like I was gonna say something while you were talking, but I totally forgot, because um I wanted to, kind of this is what we do, it will, it will come.
Speaker 1:It will come eventually, because I didn't write it down, but yeah, it's really important. Oh, the victim, the oh. Now, I know, I know, I know you mentioned the victim mentality. If you notice yourself always saying why is this happening to me, why is this happening to me, thised the victim mentality. If you notice yourself always saying why is this happening to me, why is this happening to me, this is the victim mentality that we're talking about. Right, you are giving your power away to the circumstances, to this. Life has nothing against you. It's not coming and saying well, you know what So-and-so did this and I'm definitely going to hold grudges on her, on him. Life doesn't do that, god doesn't do that, god doesn't do that. So, instead of saying this is happening, this is happening for me.
Speaker 2:Or I'm going to. I'm going to add an or here, only because somebody called me out on social media a couple of years ago and I never forgot it. She's like you're not trauma informed, yada, yada, yada. I actually am trauma informed. I have been trained. There's a difference. People don't like to hear that because they look at really traumatic events and say, well, that didn't happen for me, Okay, we can shift that to to. This horrible event happened. What can I do to move past it? End of story.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:So I'm just throwing that in there too.
Speaker 1:No, no. Thank you for mentioning it Absolutely. And the thing I wanted to add as well the trauma. Now, if you are again, please, if you are in danger at this moment, like, no, like, absolutely, seek help. We're not talking about this, we're talking if, yes, if there, if trauma had happened to you, and trauma has happened to all of us about myself.
Speaker 1:No, I've had trauma happen, several kinds of traumas, and the thing is one. I wouldn't be who I am right now had I not gone through those and had I not sought the spiritual healing. Yep.
Speaker 2:You embrace the change. You didn't get stuck there.
Speaker 1:Yes, and then and then, when, whenever those things come up, I always remind myself that this is, this past is over and done with it's. The it's there in the past. The lion is not here right now and I go to my strategies and I go to my tools, right. So maybe at this, at the moment, when I was when, when the trauma was happening, it didn't happen for me, absolutely not. However, in the grand scheme of things, you know, I took it as a learning opportunity, instead of taking it and saying, look what happened to me, woo me, woo me. That's why I cannot do this, that's why I don't do this, because I was this and I was that, right. So no, I did not ever put myself in that role. I took my power and then, when we did the meditation, guess what? I went back over there and I excavated my power back because I left it there, right. So it is again, again, again.
Speaker 1:We are here and recording these episodes for us to remind ourselves about a lot of the things that we go through, but also to help you look deep within. So, if anything is activating and triggering you, take that as a learning opportunity Seriously and triggering you, take that as a learning opportunity, seriously, and yes, in the grand scheme of things, everything that we go through, because go back into your life, even the shitty part. If you look back now, you're like, oh wow, it ended up working out. It ended up working out. It didn't end up working out just after two minutes. It ended up working out maybe after a few months, after a year, after two years, after three years, et cetera. Right, so go back to. We're not Amazon priming our health we're not Amazon priming our spirituality.
Speaker 1:We are taking the time to go through because you didn't get here just in one day.
Speaker 2:Yeah, get here just in one day. Yeah, and every experience, every uncomfortable, open space of like I'm not where I want to be continues to shape you. And again, we always go back to that's what healing is, but that is definitely an aspect of healing. You can't work on who you are and evolve as a human being until you're uncomfortable and you go through that space. Otherwise, what? So we're just yes, we're created perfect, but like life hits us and takes us down. No one is immune to all of these other things, so it's like great. What can I learn from this experience? How is this going to help me grow? How is this shaping me? How is this going to allow me to serve others in the future, or whatever it might mean? If you don't go through that, then you're stuck and you're stagnant. And then why the hell are you here then? Because we are all here for a reason.
Speaker 1:Yep, take that sacred power back, and then I know that a lot of the people who do comment on your things are very Christian. And God created right. We are created on the image of God, right. Hence we are perfect, right, perfect. We're perfect, the way that we are, the way that we're created, with all of our things. However, god, the divine, put that power in us. So what do we do? We are not keeping it, we are giving it away for stupid things. So we are actually giving away our divine, giving away the power that God created, put in us. So that's where that can be twisted, with the whole victim mentality, being a victim and pointing the fingers and saying you know, everything's always happening to me, I'm so victim. It's working against the divine, the power of the divine, because we are limitless beings. So why are we limiting ourselves? Because? But limitless stores.
Speaker 2:Yeah, so I have one other way. I want to spend this too, and this was the other thing that sparked this episode and I just thought of it. So thank you for Denise. Um, I have a client, um, who I don't know if she's listening to this or not. I'm not going to name her, obviously, but for HIPAA reasons.
Speaker 2:But we had a call and one of the things that she was really struggling with is that she's had multiple kids. She's in her forties now. She's like but when do I get back my body pre-kid? I'm like well, why we're in that uncomfortable space? Right, she wants to be over there, but she's over here and she doesn't know how to get there. But, at the same time, maybe we can't go back. Maybe the space that we're in is where we're supposed to be, because it's going to be greater when we come out.
Speaker 2:The other side, why do we need to go back to pre-baby weight? Why do we need to be someone different? Maybe there's something much better. And again, if we can focus on that in between, and then what amazing outcome can happen. We're going to feel better much faster, because otherwise she's stuck over here. I'm like gosh, we're going to feel better much faster because otherwise she's stuck over here. I'm like gosh, I'm never going to get back to that baby weight and oh, I just I'm starting to get wrinkles. I'm starting to this yeah, it's called aging Like that's a normal part of life. Embrace it, because you're holding yourself back and you're going to create more physical symptoms in the body If you keep focusing on what's not happening more physical symptoms in the body, if you keep focusing on what's not happening.
Speaker 1:Yes, ma'am, I love that, exactly, yeah, and maybe another thing too is the resistance. Usually the resistance I mean I talked about it when you're going downstream in the water, it's really much better right? You can't really go upstream, can't? It's hard. So I mean it is hard, right. Yes, go against the current. So, uh, it's just also resisting that, the the change, because, like you said, yes, maybe the after is better than the pre.
Speaker 1:So, or you know, like I don't know, like maybe we're gonna meet newer people, or I don't know, yeah, I don't know. I just feel like it just stay open, stay open to anything and everything, and when the shit hit the fan, you're like it is what it is. This too, shall pass. You know, that's fine. You want to dwell sometimes in the in, whatever emotions dwell in them, it's fine. But use your tools to get out. That's another thing that we say. You know, we do too. We dwell sometimes and we, you know, I sent her messages. I just threw in, you know, a toddler tantrum right now in the car. No one saw me. I just did it, I got it out, I used my tools. It is what. It is Right, I use my tools. It is what it is Right. So I don't know, did we give them takeaways?
Speaker 2:Yes, I mean, I think, for like an hour. We, yeah, guys, we could ramble on and on, but I think your big takeaway here is just look at the opportunity. Yes, it's uncomfortable to be in this place for many again, wherever you're at on your healing journey. But start looking for the lessons within of like, oh, okay, maybe this. And even looking towards the outcome oh, this is why I might have to go through. It doesn't matter if it's not real yet. That's serving you more than, oh my gosh, this sucks. And then, like you said with Dr Dawn Wood, look at what. Did you call it? Not triggers, but Activations. Yes, when you get activated by this, okay, why and what can I learn? Everything is a learning opportunity, everything.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I really love that because I remember I used to get activated a lot.
Speaker 2:I know A lot, remember A lot.
Speaker 1:But now it's just like I remind myself, even when I and when I feel it I'm like what's going on? Why, yeah, and now, now, now I use my, so I teach my students when, with the kiddos, I work with them on um social stuff, I we call each other we're social detectives, right, we are social detectives. So, just with you, be you, be a detective, be the curiosity detective, you know, like the activation detective, like hmm, where did that come from? Whether you want to journal or not, or you want to have this dialogue, but just kind of like, be the explorer, if you approach it from curiosity.
Speaker 1:And then you'll laugh sometimes at yourself like oh my goodness, this came from here, oh, it's so silly, or whatever. You know, just have this lightheartedness to it too and just please be compassionate with yourself. I cannot. And then you're going to make mistakes. Whether you're in your 40s, 50s, 60s, 20s, 70s, we're all going to make mistakes. Just embrace those mistakes and learn from them and just keep moving on, and you have nothing to explain to anybody but yourself. So it's really important to oh, my goodness, really, I wouldn't be able to be saying all these things had I not gone through a lot of the pain and I know that sometimes I can't, I don't talk about a lot of my experiences live, but I've gone through a lot of pains.
Speaker 1:Yeah and it made you who you are, and you're still growing and evolving absolutely, absolutely, and I, always, I, I don't give up and I'm always determined, I keep moving forward and, no matter what, every problem, every problem has spiritual solution and in the course of miracles actually state that whenever there's a problem, the spiritual solution is immediately fabricated in the universe. So use your tools, use your strategies that you're learning from us, uh, self-reflect, and you're noticing a theme, a theme in every single episode.
Speaker 1:There is no magic wand there's no magic pill that you can take and, all of a sudden, everything's great. It's where the work, it's the work that you're gonna put in, it's the work, and you and I keep doing that. Yes, our work maybe is a little bit on different scale at this moment, but guess what? We started this. We started this mindset situation in 2019, when we started that program. Change your mindset, mindset, change your life. Remember.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah.
Speaker 2:So we've been. We've been on the journey. And we know we know we're not getting off it now. We know it's a lifelong journey where we just continue to grow and embrace change and learn things and share them with you guys.
Speaker 1:And you'll be surprised. When you start saying yes to yourself and you start saying yes to your healing, even though enduring the whatever pain, you will see the synchronicities appearing in your life. You will see that. You will see the evidence. And if you don't see it yet, that's okay. Look, you know, just live in gratitude. I don't know, just keep coming. Attitude of gratitude. Everything is just coming up. Be grateful for every single phase that is in your life.
Speaker 2:Honestly, yeah, amen to that. Okay, guys, well, we always love spending time with you. Um, we know we can ramble, but you know we're appreciating the feedback we're getting. Leave us a review, please. We would love some reviews on Apple or Spotify, wherever you can leave them. Um, shoot us a message on our Instagram heal yourself podcast and tell us if there's anything you want to hear about. We're happy to take this in any direction that we can and we'll see you on the next episode.
