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Heal Yourself Podcast
A podcast diving into all aspects of healing; from the latest in functional medicine, to nurturing your relationship with yourself, and even transforming your money story, we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Heal Yourself Podcast
Episode 40: Embracing Your Shadow
Shadows lurk within us all, but they're not what you might think. In this episode, we demystify the concept of shadow work, moving beyond the misconception that it's something dark or evil. Instead, we reveal how these hidden aspects of ourselves—the parts we've disowned or rejected—hold the keys to our deepest healing and transformation.
Drawing from Carl Jung's teachings and our own personal experiences, we explore how the traits we judge most harshly in others often reflect disowned parts of ourselves. Those triggering moments? They're actually breadcrumbs leading you toward wholeness. We share practical exercises for identifying your shadow aspects, including paying attention to emotional reactions and examining childhood messages about what parts of yourself were "acceptable."
Whether you're new to personal development or well along your healing journey, this episode provides accessible entry points to a practice that can fundamentally change how you relate to yourself and others. Ready to meet your shadow and discover the freedom that comes from embracing all of who you are?
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Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2:And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul From the latest in functional medicine, of healing your body, mind and soul.
Speaker 1:From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2:So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness. Hey guys, welcome back to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast. Today, Denise and I are talking about shadows and not shadows like from the tree.
Speaker 2:But shadow work. I know Shadows within ourselves which, well, maybe it could be the shadow that you see when you're walking. It could be. It could be it's with you all the time it is. And that's the thing. I heard the term shadow work. I've heard it for years, but I was like I don't know what that is Like. It sounded like something really dark and evil. I'm not going to lie.
Speaker 1:No, I'm going to agree with you because for the longest time, I stayed away from that, and every time I see people talking about shadow work, I'm like, no, no, no, I'm going to stick to affirmations and visualizations. And this is true story Because, you know, louise Hay, when she talks, is always talking about from now moving forward, right. So I'm like, okay, okay, I'll follow her teaching because she's not talking about digging deep. But it just kept showing up and I was telling you the other day that I have an app where sometimes you can click on a button, ask the universe what you want to hear, or what you need to hear, or something like that, or something like that. So what showed up was one of Debbie Ford's. It was like an online course. I think that they did. Debbie Ford passed away in 2012.
Speaker 1:I didn't even know that I had to like Google that stuff. So I started listening to it and I was like, oh, that's so interesting. And then she has a book, so I started, you know, reading that. But then I was at Target a few weeks before that and then I saw shadow work, whatever thing, and I was like, oh, that sounds interesting. So it kept falling in my lap and I was like I want to dig deep and it's been great.
Speaker 2:I'm like why did I resist? It's not evil? Well, and I, you know, I think sometimes we resist things that we don't know about, or we have preconceived notions, or sometimes we resist things because we know it's going to be painful to dig into.
Speaker 1:I think so I and then, but once you do, I mean, I'm not saying it, it's not painful. And I again, my experiences are different than yours, kira, and are different than the you know person listening. However, it's sometimes like it doesn't have to be painful, it can just be very subtle, and I will use some of the exercises that I heard from the courses and one of the books that I've been reading, because it's so practical. And you know me, I love to give practical things, because I'm just, you know, like, if I can do it, I put it in practicality. You know, maybe one person can. So, yeah, but it's not. I mean, it can be dark.
Speaker 1:Yes, if you have that, you know there are people who have the darkness and that's okay so but yeah, and I love that, it's just kind of like it's it's going back to all of the teachings from Carl Jung and I'm like I don't understand Carl Jung, but it's, the books that I'm reading are simplification of a lot of his teachings.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and there's a quote from him that I'll share, and just to explain what shadow work is. So Carl Jung said the shadow is everything we refuse to acknowledge about ourselves. I think we can all understand what that means, and shadow work is really just bringing the unconscious, conscious, which you and I talk about all the time, but not just the unconscious, the disowned parts or the pieces of you that you have been ashamed of right Of, like um, I'm trying to think of a really good example, so something around money, like I really want to make a lot of money, but you know, you grew up in a family where it's like greed is wealthy. Okay Well, I'm going to hide that down, I'm not going to talk about it.
Speaker 1:Right. Or, for example, it could be something you, when you grew up, you heard somebody let's say, you heard your mom, your dad, whoever talk about, let's say, this lady being oh my goodness, look at her, she's so bitchy or she's such's so rude, she's so mean. So you start developing that character like, oh, you know, maybe she's a businesswoman or oh, maybe because she has a really high job that associates with bitchy and with meanness and with rude. So you start staying away and hiding that aspect of you. Because that's what it is.
Speaker 1:Because, according to Carl Jung and everything that, a lot of the things that I have been reading, um, it is we. We have all of those aspects. You have the, the, you know the, the mean, you have the rude, you have the happy, you have the joyful, you have the kind, you have, you have all of the arrays. All of your aspects are within you. It's just what life is mirroring and what you are kind of also identifying with and feeding right, because, kind of like, there's a I don't know if you've ever seen that either a quote or something where there's we have two wolves or something, and whoever you feed, like the good or the bad, it shows up.
Speaker 2:So yeah, so I actually have an example of this. It's funny. I told you I was reading a book. I got out of the library and it was all about the mind, but then there was one chapter on like parts and shadow and I'm like, oh there it is, denise, but she was sharing that. Yeah, we have all of these aspects, like people that you see on the news of, like evil and like you said, bitchy or this or that. We have all of those parts within all of us. It's what are we choosing to act with and who are we choosing to be? And there was an example. I had never heard of this. Are you familiar with the art project Rhythm Zero?
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:This was insane. So she gave this um, some woman, she was an artist, this was in like the seventies. So she said she was going to stand still for six hours, not move, not smile, not, not do anything. Stand so for six hours and in like, in front of her the art constellation was like 70, some different objects you know like, from like a teddy bear to tape to a gun. She had 70 things in front of her and her art project was more of like a psychology thing. She wanted the audience to interact and see what they would do and it started out all cute and nice.
Speaker 2:I'll just say literally got to the point point and I haven't like she shared in the book, but she even said she wasn't going to go into the graphic details. So I don't know the extent got to the point where someone had a gun to her head, literally just had a gun to her head. Somebody from the audience these are normal people, normal people just going out and looking at an art gallery and got to the point where someone had a gun to her head and she had tears streaming down and one of the bystanders was like let's not do that. And I don't know the other extent, but it was in that art project we'll call it that people started realizing we have aspects of everything. It's how are those starting to present? Because it started out as something very innocent and very good and somehow it got to that point. Those are our shadows.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes. And I also want to add, and sometimes, if you're listening and you're like us, like, oh my goodness, you're like what is this? And that was us a few months ago.
Speaker 2:It's still me, I'm telling you.
Speaker 1:It's still me too. And again, please, whatever I'm saying, it is what I am interpreting and what I am perceiving from reading those books and listening. But if you're wondering, like, what is an aspect of me that I'm hiding? I can't be that or whatever no-transcript, and you go in that defensive mode or whatever, this is your shadow. For example, let's say, and it can be a random stranger, you're like, look at them. You're like I don't like her or I don't like him, but why be a random stranger? You're like, look at them. You're like I don't like her or I don't like him, but why? Let's dig deep. What? What is it that is triggering about that person that I'm? I'm immediately judging? Is it this, is it that? Can I be this right Cause she even gives an examples in her book of like people are like well, I can't be a murderer.
Speaker 2:He's like okay, Right, go back to rhythm zero.
Speaker 1:Exactly. But under this, these circumstances and this, this, can you entertain the idea of pause? Or and she would ask them, question and, at the end of the day, yes, yes, you know you can. So if you want to start to discover what your hidden aspects, what your hidden aspects are, I would definitely start recommending, like you know, start with the people that you know. Right, if someone that you love or someone that you know tells you something and it's still a charge, right? So, for example, if someone tells you Denise, you are so Akira, you are so greedy, or Akira, you're so wasteful, and that word still upsets you to this day, then that word, you need to work on that and those feelings attached to it, until that word does not have a charge on you anymore, right?
Speaker 1:So she even has an exercise where you are listing all of these aspects of you that you don't like and you're looking in the mirror and saying I am an asshole, I am an asshole, until you realize, whenever you say I'm an asshole, you're like oh, whatever. Because when someone else calls you you're such an asshole, you're like okay, I know I can do that Because I'm sorry, I have to add something. I know, like everything that I learned. So she's because I don't want to forget it. So what she says too, so what she says too, is that whenever you know, you identify that aspect of you and then how can? Okay, I can be that, right, so I can be, you know, mean person. But then here let's go back in my experience and see, being mean, did that serve me at one point, one time? Yes, it did no-transcript.
Speaker 2:Oh okay, I just realized I am an asshole, as you said. Therefore, I'm going to go out and be an asshole now because I'm okay with it, like that's not what we're saying. Um, it is an aspect of you that needs some healing and needs some recognition, and you said it. We always say triggers are your lessons, but in this case, like triggers are your breadcrumbs, they're leading you to something. If you're constantly getting triggered by something, then start to pay attention to it, right? Like you know, there's so much spiritual bypassing that happens. Is that happening because you don't want to deal with your suppressed anger, your discomfort?
Speaker 2:The other thing I'm going to chime in around this, though, is one of my mentors always said you cannot have light without dark. Right, and that's your shadow, but it's anything in this world. Unfortunately, it's a yin and a yang. You have to have two pieces, so look at the aspects of you that you love and then start to think about what the opposite is, because that lives in you. How are you suppressing it? Are you ashamed of it? Do you need to do some work around it? You know, if you're a people pleaser that was me what's hiding underneath that? What's the opposite of a people pleaser. That was me. What's hiding underneath that? What's the opposite of a people pleaser?
Speaker 1:Because that aspect lives in me somewhere, lives in exactly, exactly and because always you know a lot of people who talk about shadow. You know I'm thinking. Also, carl Jung has said that that's why it's been, you know, written several times it's you can't know love unless you know hate.
Speaker 1:And I think, also Esther and Abraham Hicks talk about it. You can't know generosity if you don't know. You know stinginess, you can't know whatever. So everything has its opposite and they all are part of you. That's why, when you said there are people who do parts personality or whatever, parts healing or whatever that's called um, because there are, you know the aspects that we hide and we really, really, really really, and sometimes those can be things that we can't even that's what I'm saying pay attention to outside world and all of the words that trigger you, because sometimes there are aspects of you that you don't even know, that you've hidden right, and then they are wreaking havoc on you know, relationships or whatever, so um, so it's, you know, kind of important to um. I don't know I was going with this. This is what happens?
Speaker 2:It goes back to awareness. True, it all goes back to awareness. We say this in probably every episode now, but it's awareness. You've got to pay attention, Like some people go through life getting triggered by things and getting upset and doing this and doing that, but never paying attention to okay. But why am I doing that? What in me potentially needs to be healed? Because I think that we are here to heal. That's it. Like we come in perfect and then, by a certain age, we're now imperfect. You know, just by being here.
Speaker 1:Yeah, want to. Um, I was trying to find it while you were talking so I put myself on mute, but I do want to find that quote that I wrote down yesterday and I read it to you. Um, but it's on audio. Should I play the audio or go down and find the quote, because I loved how he said like this is our soul's journey to unconditionally love all parts of ourselves. I mean, you can I want to put it in his own words.
Speaker 2:Yeah, play it and see if we can actually hear it.
Speaker 1:Let's see.
Speaker 3:And that's me like recording a voice to Kira yesterday you're attracting this, like whatever the experience is, because the soul's evolution is about building unconditional loving relationships with all the parts of yourself represented as each emotion so represented as each emotion.
Speaker 1:That's not. That's not from me. That's a new author I'm listening to and his name is Matt Kahn K-A-H-N, and I just discovered him a few days ago and I just love that quote because it also ties into the emotion.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which? Yeah, go back to our emotion episode. If you have not listened to that one, it's like five or something.
Speaker 1:So basically everything is tied in. So I think that's why, also, you and I are being led to this journey right now, because also, maybe we've also been resisting the shadow work, we've been resisting some of these things, or maybe we're ready for it. We've been ready for it yeah that's the thing.
Speaker 2:We've been on this journey for so long and recognize that, like, healing is an ongoing thing. And then it's like the more you learn and the more you start to heal and the more you start to really embrace a life of like. Every day lights me up to be here and to be able to have this experience, the more you want to keep going through that yeah, no.
Speaker 1:So, and it could be a little bit like I get it. It could be we're starting this out, so we're very beginners, so also make sure that you're also graceful with yourself. So something like oh, I don't know what they're talking about. It's okay, maybe in a year this will make sense, because to us now this is making sense versus a year ago. It didn't right. So it's kind of like what your soul's. You know evolution is going through as well, so you got to have respect for that journey too.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and I know everyone has a different process, like there was one that I was reading about again, just one chapter in a book, but you have done more reading. Do you have a process that you're going through to either find the shadows beyond the triggers and to work through them, because I'm sure people listening are like okay, so I found out that I'm a bitch, what do I do?
Speaker 1:Right. So this is what I have been doing and I'm going to give you a real example. So every time I get triggered by someone's actions and I immediately judge them. So let's, for example, I say I judge someone in my mind, you're so messy or you're dragging, and I stop myself right there and then, with that judgment and this is not journaling, this is just happening in my head I'm like, okay, so I'm judging that this person is messy. Okay, so that means I, that person is reflecting that because they're a mirror. So that means I can be messy. Can I be messy? Of course I can be messy.
Speaker 1:Look, I left this, I left that messy. How has messy served me? Messy has served me here, here, here. And then I just accept it and I say, yeah, sometimes I am messy. So now, whenever somebody is messy, I at it, I'm like, okay, they're messy. You know what I mean. I'm not getting upset over their messiness, because messiness to me, messiness to you, may not mean anything, but I'm talking about to me because I know that's a very great home right and the bigger.
Speaker 1:The big example yesterday we're having a conversation and you know we were talking about. You know we're having open conversation and you know I was told that sometimes I say I, instead of saying I'm controlling, I say I'm a leader, I'm determined, etc. And the person was saying to me well, but you aren't controlling, and you know. And I said you know what I am, and I did not get triggered by that, because I have been working on.
Speaker 1:I understand that I can be controlling, but where has control had led me? Had led me to a lot of great places and I am where I am Because, sometimes, of that. That doesn't mean and that doesn't justify right. You forgive yourself on that aspect. However, you also respect that you know what that aspect is there and it helped me and it served me. So because once you start accepting it, it stops being triggering and it stops showing up.
Speaker 1:The experiences stop showing up because what's happening if you're constantly burying this aspect of you that you don't like? The experiences are coming in to trigger that change. But whenever you don't learn from that lesson or take that opportunity as a lesson, what's happening is the experiences keep getting repeated. So that is the simple process that I learned and I have been doing. It may not be the right process, that's in the books, but it's how I'm understanding it and how I am practically applying it.
Speaker 1:And when this experience happened yesterday and that word that used to like, when someone used to say it to me, I'm like, excuse me, I'm a leader. And then yesterday I was like, it did not faze me and that's only. I've been only doing one week and again, please don't compare experience to mine. I've been doing the work since 2018. And I read like a freaking maniac, like I read three books at a time and sometimes I jumbled my head. I get it and sometimes I misinterpret things. Just knowing four languages, you know it kind of like. Sometimes you misinterpret things, but this is a simple process that I was able to pick up in one of the lessons that I have been, you know, listening to.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think that's where you have leeway, right. Like, some of my clients are like driven nuts when I'm like but what does your gut tell you, what does your intuition say? And they're like I don't know. I want you to tell me what to do. Sometimes we can't like don't give your power away. Find what works for you.
Speaker 2:Just because you read what some expert said in a book about shadows or this or that, doesn't mean that's the exact process for you. What Denise said might be exactly what you need. It could be you just digging even deeper of like. Okay, I've established that this part is my shadow. Right, I'll use your control as an example. I'm a control freak.
Speaker 2:When did I learn that that part of me wasn't allowed? Do I need to journal on it? And I'm not a journaler, I'm an inner voice person. So I am going to have that conversation with myself in my head. Maybe you need to move. Maybe there's a lot of nervous system dysregulation from it where it's like very high charge, right, it was something linked to a trauma. Okay, Maybe you're not even going to have that conversation right now. Maybe it's like put in the back pocket. For we're going to try that next week we're going to try that. Next month we're going to see when I can have that. Do I need to do some movement around it? Do I need to do some art around it? So you get to pick right. Don't ever feel like okay, I learned about this one thing and this is how I have to move through it. It doesn't work that way.
Speaker 1:No, and I love the way that you said another part that she talks about too is also like, yes, journaling or talking with yourself or meditating over where did that aspect start? Right, like, and I mean she gave so many examples and, literally, like you know, people be like I can never be an idiot. Because she was working with a couple and I guess they were talking like he was like I can never be an idiot, never. And he's constantly hiring idiots. I guess he's a big, you know, in corporate or in a corporation or something, and he's like everybody's around me is an idiot and she's like well, let's think about it, let's, let's talk about it. Could you have that aspect? Never, I could never be an idiot. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Speaker 1:One thing led to another one thing that he was refusing. There's no way he's gonna be an idiot. That's it. Like he cannot accept that fact. No, no matter the example she's giving him. And I guess they live on the east coast where something is really it's really cold, and I guess they were driving because she was visiting them and um, and then I guess he he left the keys in the house in a freaking freezing cold, and then what kind of person would do that only an idiot does right. So it kind of proved to himself that I can be, and this is when they kind of like went through. And then when you expect, when you accept, and that's why she showed him, this is why you kept, you know, hiring those idiots, bringing them into your experience until you accepted that part of you. And then this is when and healed it exactly. And when you healed, it doesn't have a charge over you, okay, fine, sure, and you stop bringing it into your experience because it's already lesson learned type of thing. You know what I mean.
Speaker 1:So, assignment understood.
Speaker 2:Right, okay, I got it the other you know I have not encountered this, and maybe you have, but this is a question that came to me, so maybe it's going to come to others of, let's say he didn't have the experience of being an idiot, right, which I agree, we have all of these parts to us. But let's say he didn't have the experience of being an idiot, right, which I agree, we have all of these parts to us. But let's say it still wasn't discovered. What if someone told him when he was six years old that he was an idiot?
Speaker 1:Right. So this is how she went back to it, because he heard his dad saying you are an idiot when he was six years old. And that's where it ties into your suggestion, where dig deep where it started and guess what. Sometimes now I'm going to be very truthful sometimes, digging deep, you can discover when it happened, and sometimes it doesn't even come to you. But guess what, guess what?
Speaker 1:Surrender it, because sometimes it just might show up in meditation, or sometimes it just might show up as a random, because I was trying to discover, I'm trying to remember when did I form the idea of what is wrong with me? Because I can immediately go to what is wrong with me. And and I, and I kept like, oh, my goodness, like where did this come from? I know some childhood, but I'm not being able to remember. But I let it go, I surrendered, and then it showed up a few weeks later or a month later, and I, I was either doing meditation or journal, I don't know, but it kind of was clear to me how it started and I remembered. And this is when it comes up now, because guess what, it's always going to come up. It's going to come up and you will say you know, and then this is when you can work through it. When it does.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Yeah, but it's definitely you will. Again, if you don't remember, it is what it is, it might show up and it might not show up, I don't know. Again, like, like. Like you said, kira, we all have different experiences, we all have different opportunities, we all have different upbringings, we all have different limitations and limiting beliefs, et cetera. So make sure that you just kind of apply it to yours and you know and be patient with yourself, because had we not been patient with ourselves, we wouldn't be where we are right now.
Speaker 2:No, and we just trust the process. I'm the person that. Yeah, a lot of times I don't remember where some of these came from, but I give myself grace and I just say that's okay. Thank you for still showing up. I can still work through this, even if I can't remember when exactly it started. Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1:So I mean, I know we gave you something and you can, if you want to start, you can, you know, start by reading the book, by exploring it, by being curious about it, right, like I, immediately did not like the idea a couple of years ago when I heard about it, and it just you know, started showing up one thing after the other, after the other.
Speaker 1:I was like, oh okay, you know that sounds okay. And then I was ready for it, I was ready to receive it. You know, two years ago I wasn't so yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, guys. So, yeah, yeah, okay guys. Well, we hope that you got something out of this, as always. Thank you for listening. Honestly, we are so excited to see, I think, what is this? Our 30th episode? Like still going strong every Thursday, I think it is. I think, yeah, still going strong, you guys. So want to grow this. Please, please, please, leave us a review, Message us on Instagram, Let us know if there's topics you want to hear about guests that we could perhaps bring on.
Speaker 1:And then, of course, question and share with a friend.
Speaker 2:Yes, yes, please share and share with somebody posted on social something.
Speaker 1:Yeah, does we need your help? Because so we can continue spreading this word, and I feel that because we are really putting it into practical terms right, because sometimes you know what we're saying, you know other people are saying it, but I feel with us we're coming from the like, practicality, let's get it done, you know, very simple, not too philosophical way. So thank you seriously for listening and we'd love, love, love, love your feedback. And we're still working on the secret thing it's not so secret, but on the program that we are revamping, so we're still working on it and we have some ideas.
Speaker 1:So we will share.
Speaker 2:We'll share in time and divine timing yes, when the time is right. Yeah, all right guys. Well, we'll share it in time and design timing yes, when the time is right yeah, all right guys. Well, we'll see you on the next episode.
