.jpg)
Heal Yourself Podcast
A podcast diving into all aspects of healing; from the latest in functional medicine, to nurturing your relationship with yourself, and even transforming your money story, we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Heal Yourself Podcast
Episode 42: Letting Go of Adversity
Have you ever wondered why you keep encountering the same challenges over and over again? What if those difficulties aren't punishments but invitations for growth?
Denise and Kira explore the delicate art of navigating life's inevitable adversities with grace rather than self-punishment. Through personal stories and practical wisdom, they reveal the crucial difference between holding yourself accountable and being unnecessarily hard on yourself.
The episode delves into how our tendency to punish ourselves often stems from childhood patterns, leading to negative self-talk that sounds remarkably similar to how we were spoken to as children. This awareness creates an opportunity to choose different responses to challenges – accepting what is, learning the lesson, and moving forward without the heavy burden of self-blame.
Follow us on Instagram, leave a review, and share your experiences – we'd love to hear what resonates with you!
Follow our Instagram page
Follow Kira on IG
Follow Denise on IG
Click here to download Kira's free self-love hypnosis audio
Book a consult with Kira: www.anourishedlifenutrition.com
Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2:And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul From the latest in functional medicine, of healing your body, mind and soul, from the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story.
Speaker 1:we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2:So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 1:Well, hello, welcome to another episode. Kira and I are here to talk all about adversities, how we can be graceful with ourselves during those, because adversities are inevitable. Right, just like happy, beautiful moments. Same thing, right. So it's life. It has opposites. That's why we teach opposites to little children hot, cold on off.
Speaker 2:It's true, though we can't I mean, we've said it before, I think, even on here you can't have light without dark. It's the same thing. There's always a yin and a yang, like we're not gonna have this perfect life that doesn't exist. We're gonna go through hard times and things that like throw us off kilter and how do we come back? Because we see a lot of people that don't and they get stuck in either victim mentality, or why is this happening to me? Or I can't dig myself out of this hole and it's years later, and that is not what we want for you guys no, absolutely not I.
Speaker 1:I was clicking on things and I was literally about to leave this meeting FYI good job, denise. I don't know I'm just trying to move some things around, um, absolutely, and so I kind of like you know, because I was moving things around, all righty, so here let me ask you some questions so we can kind of get that topic going. And then we ask each other questions because we want to be very frank here. We really don't script like we used to.
Speaker 2:we started out the first couple episodes, guys, because we're like this is new, how do we do a podcast? And we would have I wouldn't say a full script, but we would have stuff mapped out. And now we come up with a topic based on our own life experiences things we see in clients in the world, whatever and then we like let's throw some questions on a spreadsheet and see where it takes us.
Speaker 1:So Exactly, Sometimes, like you know, we do, you know, mess up or lose our thoughts or whatever, just because literally we are, you know not, we're only writing the important things down and not you know everything, and we want it to be real and raw, absolutely so how do we know when we're being hard on ourselves? Well, I love this one versus holding ourselves accountable. We do want to hold ourselves accountable, but then yet we also don't.
Speaker 2:We want, to be graceful, not to harden us and beat you know, beat ourselves up yeah, that's a tough one because it's like I'm gonna go back to the animal kingdom and you're gonna laugh at this, but there was okay. So there's a cat in our neighborhood who is my husband calls him thug life because seriously the cat is no joke like I won't even get into the graphics, but basically our neighbors found a headless squirrel in their garage. Like the cat is just like, yeah, he won't, yeah, Denise is making faces Well. So anyhow, the other day we're having dinner and I look over and Kitty is out front that's what we call him Kitty and I'm like, oh my God, there's a bird out there. So my husband and my son run out there trying to intervene. So literally the three of us are out there because I think it was a. It was a smaller baby bird.
Speaker 2:And the thing is is we only heard it because of the chaos around. Like all the birds were circling but like they knew not to get too close because they didn't want to get, you know, swatted down, but they were trying to like, like, yell, like basically get the hell away from our baby. Um, and so we eventually got kitty off and the bird sat there for a minute. I was like, is he injured? Like what do I do? And no joke, within 30 minutes, because the cat did not come back, we, I think we just like threw him off track. The bird was gone, he flew off, he got away. I think he was in. Oh, my goodness, thank god, you saved the bird, we saved the bird and I saved the bird again a couple days. No joke, like seriously, this is like an honor, but that's, that's we can learn a thing or two from this cat.
Speaker 2:She's determined yeah, but okay, I have a point in all of this. So, as as this happened, it's funny. But I said to my husband back as we're trying to eat our dinner, at that point I was like do you know what that bird is thinking about? The cat right now. And he's like no, what? And I was like nothing, because he forgot all about it, because it happened in the past. Yep, yep, yep, yep. And I always remind myself of this because we will sit and simmer on stuff forever when it's like shit, or get off the pot. Make a decision in what you want. If there's a decision to be made, um, you know what I mean.
Speaker 1:Or make a decision to be made, or make peace? Yes, wherever you're at, there are no decisions that can be made because sometimes, sometimes, you don't want to make the decision exactly. So what you can do, though, if you don't want to make that decision at this moment, you can accept that moment and you're making a decision to make peace with it.
Speaker 2:That's how I'm viewing it, like okay, this thing is happening to me. Be like the freaking bird. Don't sit there and think about oh my gosh, there's all these scenarios. What if the cat took me down? What if I lost my mom? What if today was my last day? What if the cat gets me tomorrow? Like the bird is not thinking that. That's where our brains go.
Speaker 1:What if they think I'm a failure? See, the bird is not thinking that the other birds think I'm a failure.
Speaker 2:I'm being attacked by a cat and I can't save myself. Exactly. So I like going back to your question of like you can fight for yourself, right, like maybe the bird didn't do anything and maybe it needed to play dead. I'm not really sure what happened there, but you can say, like, in this moment, this thing, whatever it is, is happening to me, for me. However, you're wording that right and I can make peace with it and I can just allow it, and then I can make decisions from there, moving forward on how I want to live my life, versus if I stay stuck in this thing for a long period of time now, like I'm not giving myself grace, I'm. How do I want to word this? It's.
Speaker 2:I mean, yeah, I'm punishing myself.
Speaker 1:I'm punishing myself. Yeah, yeah, exactly, and I, I, I have a little take on this. You know being hard on yourself, so how do you? This is from my life experience and how I view this. Again, anything that we share, we are sharing from our own life experiences and what we've learned throughout the way. Our experiences are different than yours. You know, take what you can, or apply it whatever, or apply it whatever. I feel that the difference is holding yourself accountable or, you know, being hard on yourself. Being hard on yourself is constantly. You're constantly judging and being very putting yourself down, saying you know what is wrong with me, why did I do this? How did I get myself into this? Oh, my goodness, it's all my fault. Blame, blame, blame. This is how you know that you are being hard on yourself, versus holding yourself accountable, saying you know what this is. I am here, I am in this situation, or whatever it is. You know the bird was in the situation because he got near to the cat, right Near the cat, or the cat, or the mouse.
Speaker 2:I fell out of a tree, I don't know.
Speaker 1:So same, like when you hold yourself accountable. Is, you know, accepting that this?
Speaker 2:is where I am exactly.
Speaker 1:I am here because of the choices that I made. However, I can make different choices, and that doesn't mean that, oh my goodness, the choices have to be radical. No, it can mean. The choice can mean I am willing to, you know, um, not to play the victim, not not to blame anybody. Accept this and then move forward or look forward for more right, instead of dwelling on the past. And I think this is the subtle difference between and it's not just like also holding yourself accountable. And I also want to say like not being hard on yourself is not just also really being like losing yourself and like, oh, I'm not being hard on myself, I'm just going to be a couch potato and do nothing. That's not what we're saying here. Right, like you know, look at your life, examine, you know, I get it, but don't beat yourself up, like kind of don't yell at yourself like you were yelled at when you were a kid. That's what being hard on yourself is.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and then we've talked about this before but also not letting it take over and having you become the victim so much that now you develop health issues, right Like. I know that this is the heal yourself podcast and we take it so many different ways, but I'm bringing it back to the physical body here because I see it in so many clients of symptoms starting to manifest because they're in that state. Oh my gosh, this terrible thing happened to me five years ago. I know it might have been traumatic, hard, whatever, but you have to move on. It happened, it's done, it's over with. Again. Be the bird it's not remembering.
Speaker 1:And when you say that, Kira, you're not saying it from like, okay, get over yourself. Absolutely not. It's just stop punishing yourself for something that happened five years ago, Right? So, and I have to go back to the power of now, and I have to go back to the power of now by Eckhart Tolle, I have to go back to the teachings of Don Miguel Ruiz about you know how we continue to punish ourselves, just like how we were punished as children. So it is time to be compassionate with yourself, make different choices and understand that there are seasons, right, and sometimes it can just be just watching it. Whatever you're going through, go by. You don't have to do anything. It can be just being still and calm.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and I'm also going to throw in it's not just self-punishment, it's punishment of others, like sometimes we think like, oh my gosh, I'm being too hard on myself, but also looking at, am I punishing others and is that holding me back? You know, because we can do that, we can sit in place, blame for forever. You know, this thing happened to me because of this person. It's like, no, not necessarily. Sometimes, sometimes, really, it is one other person, something happens, something traumatic. There's so many different avenues we could take that. But again it's done Like the bird could blame the cat.
Speaker 1:I don't think the bird even remembers what happened at this point. No, it's gone. I mean, hopefully he's still alive.
Speaker 2:It's done because it's in the past. And it goes back to something that we've said again ourselves of like the past and the future don't exist, only the now. So that's the thing, if you're constantly living in the past, of like this thing happened to me, or living in the future right, we're talking about adversity. Of like okay, like I'll share from my life experience my parents are getting older Like there's some things that my husband and I are starting to talk about. Of like what does this look like for our family? Because stuff is gonna shift. I'm not gonna sit here and think 24-7 about what if this happens, what about this scenario? And oh my gosh, what about this? And if she had made different decisions, this would have turned out differently.
Speaker 2:No, this is the situation we're in right now. I'm living for today. Is it okay to think ahead sometimes and plan? Absolutely, but I'm not going to sit and run through 25,000 different scenarios. It's okay, we've thought through a couple options. 25,000 different scenarios, it's okay, we've thought through a couple options. Great, I'm going to enjoy today, the here, the now, because when I'm living in the past, of things that happened and choices that people could have made, or if I'm living in the future. That is also when I start to develop health issues. That is just how it works, guys.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Exactly. One thing leads to another, to another, to another.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah. Well, and I think we can also look at adversity as and I don't want anyone to say that this is gaslighting, because this is not the way I intend it, but this is how Denise and I choose to look at things what if adversity is not punishment, but this is a way for you to grow?
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, and I feel that once I made that shift in my thinking, you know, because every time an adversity happens or I cause an adversity, or it just happens, or life happens I immediately go back to my journal, or to the journal in my mind. I have two journals one in my mind, one journal in my mind. I have two journals one in my mind, one, and actually I have three one in my notes on my phone, one in my mind and one actually. Anyway, um, look at me talking about my ego anyway, um.
Speaker 1:So I go back to like what can I learn from this? Sometimes there are lessons to be learned and sometimes there aren't, and that's another thing. Sometimes I remember you always telling me, because I would sometimes come to you and say what is the meaning of this? There's something happens for a reason and it's like sometimes there isn't a reason, but it's happening for you. I think there is a difference between everything happens for a reason, everything happens for you For a reason. We're constantly looking for that reason. Like that's kind of like obsessive thinking, and if you're already have anxiety and if you're obsessive, up with obsessive thinker, guess what? You're gonna keep trying to find that reason.
Speaker 1:But when you say it's happening for me, for my own growth, for my own shift or whatever, then this is where you see the beauty in it. Like it's. Like you said, it's an opportunity to grow up, an opportunity to look inside, opportunity to shift, opportunity to be like is this something that I want to change? Is this something and I feel, and I've always saw it when life throws or when there is an adversity, if you treat every single adversity the same thing and you go back to living your same life, that means you're not learning from them? You're not, and then that's why they keep coming back into your experiences. But when an adversity comes and then you just shift or change course or deal with it differently or change something as a result of that adversity, then this is when it shifts the experience and it may not show up if the lesson has been learned.
Speaker 1:So I feel that sometimes adversities come in just to shake you up and be like let me think something different, because again I have to go back to doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different result, insanity. So that's how I'm starting to view them, and that doesn't mean that adversities are not coming. We all have adversities. We have seasons of adversities. It can be anything. It can be, you know, from your life, your relationship, career, business, whatever, and it's just also understanding that they're like seasons. We have fall, we have spring, we have summer, we have winter. We can't just be all in summer and we can't be all in daylight all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah Well, and I'm also going to say, when we view it as, oh, this is happening for me, that doesn't mean it's rainbows and sunshine. It doesn't mean you have to like the situation at hand. In fact, you could be furious with whatever the situation is. That is okay, that's a healthy emotion, but it's choosing to see like, okay, how do I grow in this? Why is this situation happening? Or again, like you said, sometimes we don't know why, or we don't know why for years, like I could go back through my life and reflect on so many things that I questioned in the moment, and now I look at them and I'm like, oh, it was happening for me, like that painful thing needed to happen to lead to XYZ.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, and this is how you know, and I love that you said that, because this is how you know the person listening right now if you want to go back and see how adversities served you right, how that pain, even even though it was painful, it could be painful for years, but what came out of it right.
Speaker 1:So, and because sometimes when you look back at your life, you're like, wait a minute, oh my goodness. Because when I tell my story how I started my business, it literally falls, puzzle after puzzle after puzzle after puzzle the speech business I'm not talking about, you know, the health coaching or whatever and and even though I would always say I'm not going to do anything with speech I'm not going to do anything with speech it always came back right. So you know, this is something that you want to look back to your life and just be like how did things just really work out, even though at some times in your life some things are really really painful or not great or whatever. So I love that. You know, just looking back, it just fits.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and that's the thing. It's like, a lot of those experiences we dealt with were painful, but now I understand it was happening for me in, as you say, divine timing, like I was not going to understand it then and I wasn't in the right place. But now I understand how it shifted me as a person.
Speaker 1:I learned lessons, I grew, I became stronger, whatever else, yeah, and I love how you said that you don't have to like it. You're not going to go be like oh yeah, I have adversity right now, I have a big problem and I really love it. I mean, no, no, my life lessons I'm getting. I mean, you can definitely say I do not like it, I dislike the situation, I dislike this phase. However, I'm not going to sit down on the couch, eat, you know, chips and whatever, and eat ice cream and then feel sorry for myself, right, because that's not serving anybody.
Speaker 2:And maybe do it for a day or two. That's fine.
Speaker 1:I mean, we do eat chips too, Don't get us wrong, we eat chips. I haven't eaten chips in a minute, but we do eat chips, yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm a chip lover, so if I'm saying I'm not eating in a minute because I'm working on, not eating chips.
Speaker 2:I'm impressed, I, we, we love chips, although I actually haven't had many lately either.
Speaker 1:So top topic. And then when we, when, when we're together, I have to go to like hotel lobby and get some chips. Oh my gosh oh, my Well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I think, final takeaways, and you may have some of your own, but I think the big thing is knowing that we all go through these hard times. Again, it is life. Like you should be going through hard times. If you have not, then they are coming. But we've got to look at what does this period mean for me? How am I, how am I going to show up in my life for myself, for others, and don't get into that whole, you know? Oh, why me? But what version of me is being invited to look at this in another way. Yes, you don't have to be grateful for the suffering, but it can open you up to what you need down the line.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and like what? If adversity is not a punishment? Adversity is not here to punish, because life is not. I mean, life is not here to get to get us right, life is here to help us right. God is here to help us, the universe is here to help us. So it's not like we're I'm getting picked on by the universe, right, like it's not a punishment.
Speaker 1:It could be an invitation to you know, get back within yourself. It could be a shakeup that you need to kind of. You know, instead of going to the right, you need to go to the left, kind of like in your thinking or whatever. So I definitely, just I love to see it as an opportunity right now. I love to see it as an opportunity to grow and as an opportunity to um, but then I do give myself grace that it's okay if I do need to feel in a bad mood or with low energy for a day or two, but guess what? I'm not going to sit down and cry and boo me oh my goodness, it's happening. No, I am going to view it as an opportunity to grow and learn from it and then not repeat it.
Speaker 2:Yes, because, I mean, I'm in agreement with you. There are lessons in life, and I have seen this countless times. When we continue to see the same patterns of, like gosh, I'm always um meeting these men who are not emotionally available, right, you hear that? Or, um, this thing always happens to me, or whatever it might be. Those are lessons. You're not learning from them.
Speaker 1:They keep showing up or I'm always attracting friends that have this type of issue, you know, or whatever. So, um, yes, that's, that's really important. That's and now I'm starting, since I've been doing the shadow work everything that I immediately, like, unconsciously, judge others. I mean just looking back and say, why am I judging them? Like, do I have this quality in me? So it's just like it's. It's, everything is a growth journey and I feel that if we are have that growth mindset, it it opens up, it opens us up.
Speaker 1:Oh goodness for more learning. I mean, even in children, like I start a lot of my sessions, especially with kids who have, um, like, some health issues or anxiety or autism. I start all of the sessions with deep breathing. Even if they're calm, even if they're like they're there, there's nothing wrong with them, I mean, everything is fine. But we start with that breathing because, one, it sets the tone to for the session, because now they're open to learning, and then, two, it also teaching them that I'm doing this when I'm calm. I can definitely use it as a tool later on. So I don't know why I said that, but it just came out and I totally believe that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:No, not things come out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, okay, any final thoughts, thoughts, anything you needed to add?
Speaker 1:um, I think just everything I, whatever I always say is love yourself enough to make the choices that align with the version of yourself that you are aiming to be Love it All right, guys?
Speaker 2:Well, you know the drill Share the episode with friends, subscribe, rate the podcast. We'd love to hear your feedback. We do have an Instagram. It's not super fancy. We realized that it's not the top priority right now, but we still check it and then, of course, stay tuned for something that we are really working on behind the scenes to further help support you guys.
Speaker 1:Yes, we love. I know I can't wait to. And I think the moment that we're going to say, oh my goodness, it's ready, that's going to be like oh, we need the like confetti things.
Speaker 2:We definitely need to be ready for that. I don't know how to do that. I'm gonna leave that to you. We'll figure it out, all right, guys? Well, we'll see you on the next episode.
