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Heal Yourself Podcast
A podcast diving into all aspects of healing; from nurturing your relationship with yourself, to functional medicine insights, to transforming your money story, we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Heal Yourself Podcast
Episode 53: Breaking Up With Your Excuses: A Conversation About What Healing Takes
Commitment and responsibility aren't just powerful concepts, they're the foundation of any successful healing journey. Ever wonder why some people transform their health while others remain stuck despite trying the same approaches? The difference lies in these two fundamental principles.
Denise and Kira dive deep into what it truly means to take 100% responsibility for your healing and to stay committed even when life throws obstacles in your path. Through personal stories they demonstrate how showing up for yourself when it's inconvenient separates those who transform from those who remain stuck.
The conversation explores the critical connection between identity and healing. "You don't get what you want; you get who you are becoming," Denise reminds us, highlighting how stepping into the identity of a healthy person or successful business owner requires more than just actions—it demands a shift in how you think, feel, and perceive yourself.
Most eye-opening is their discussion about our thought patterns: 98% of today's thoughts are repeats from yesterday, and approximately 95% have a negative bias. This repetitive cycle keeps us trapped in old patterns unless we consciously commit to interrupting these thoughts. As they share, "Discomfort is temporary, but transformation is permanent."
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Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech-language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
Speaker 2:And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind and soul, from the latest in functional medicine of healing your body mind and soul, from the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma and even transforming your money story.
Speaker 1:we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Speaker 2:So, whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness.
Speaker 3:Welcome to another episode. We lost count. We say another episode versus episode 45.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think we're on like 52, but don't quote me on that there we go.
Speaker 3:You have both of us today and we are doing both audio and video, and today we're talking about responsibility and commitment.
Speaker 1:Two things that people are lacking.
Speaker 3:We all are lacking, actually All of us.
Speaker 2:We all do. But I think this is such a big topic when it comes to healing, because you know, you and I talk about so many avenues of healing healing the body, healing relationship with self, healing finances, so many different things and it's like we can't do those things without being 100% responsible and committed, like to me. Without being 100% responsible and committed, like to me, those are non-negotiables and they go hand in hand. And it's been a game changer for me, like I don't know about you, but in the past I'd be like, oh, you know, I'd say I was committed and then I'd be like, oh, but something more important came up, or I don't feel like it.
Speaker 3:No, that's actually me, so that I need to learn a lesson and two from you, because, like I was really like we're gonna talk, like okay, people we are getting real here we're getting very real and like we're not even.
Speaker 3:Like I know we put in notes in the doc but we don't even look at them. So like, for example, today you were saying, oh, you know your husband is sick. What has been sick you know. And then you committed to going to the hotel tonight so you can work on some of this stuff for your membership and whatnot. And and you're I was listening to her voice message and saying you know, yeah, you know her husband. I mean, your husband's pretty sick.
Speaker 2:Like yeah, I don't know if he's got COVID or what, but he got an IV and he's doing all the things and he's like I feel like death.
Speaker 3:Exactly I know when you said that I'm like, oh my God, he's dying, so not literally, but anywho. And then you have, you have your son, and I'm like, oh my goodness, is she going to be? Like this is what I thought in my head Is he going to be able to go to the hotel now? Because if it were me and I told you, if it were me I would have canceled, because I'm so used to rescuing and saving and like, oh my goodness, no, no, no. The hotel and the members and the recording, this can all wait. I need to just go take care of you know whoever.
Speaker 3:But what did I do? Because I did all that. I got them used to, you know, relying on me to solve their problems and to rescue them. But you said, oh no, no, they're just gonna take care of themselves, you know, and whatever they're gonna do. And I committed to myself and I was very, very like whoa, like people see me as a confident person, and I know you and I talked about, like you know as sometimes, as it comes to pricing, like I have no problem telling people how much this costs, how much I charge, like my rates are non negotiable, like I have no problem saying that, but I do have a problem committing to myself and committing to what I want to do, and I'm constantly changing plans to fit other people's agendas or whatever. And I was like, oh my gosh, like I was like so amazed by your commitment to yourself, so talk about that.
Speaker 2:I mean, it's a new thing, right, like in the past I didn't always do that and I didn't have that personal responsibility, that self-integrity and that commitment piece and now it's like no, those are three really important values for me. If I say I'm going to do something, I'm going to do it, and so that's the thing. It's like background for you guys. Yeah, I committed to this a while ago. I was like I'm going to stay in a hotel, I'm going to get work done. I try to do this quarterly. I'm revamping things in my membership. Like I have a list of things to do and things were not stacked in my favor.
Speaker 2:Like my kiddo got attacked by like chiggers which Denise is like what the heck is a chigger, but they're like nasty little bugs I don't even know what to call him. He got them outside. Like he's just got like bites all over his body. My husband is sick. My kiddo kept me up all night because he was scratching and he wanted to sleep with me, so my sleep was bad. I've got a sick husband. Like I'm tired, but I'm here. I'm here because I said I'm going to do this. I don't go back on my commitments, I'm taking responsibility, I'm self-integral, I'm tired, but I'm in a power through it.
Speaker 2:And then funny story cards really stacked against me. I sat in the lobby for 20 minutes 20 minutes because, get this, I've never heard this in my life. The reservation was under my husband's name and not mine, so they wouldn't check me in. And I'm like I've reserved things under him forever. We have the same last name, same address. And he's like no, no, no, no hotel policy. He legally needs to be here. So then what am I doing? I'm calling my husband and he's not answering. He's asleep on the couch and I'm like are you kidding me? Right now? I literally texted a neighbor and was like I'm going to owe you so big, but can you go ring the doorbell? So, no joke, he's ringing the doorbell, he gets my husband up. I get my husband on the phone. I'm like I need you to call and give me permission. Like we're talking about all the cards are stacked against me and there are so many opportunities that I could have been like you know what? I'm just going to reschedule this. It's not meant to be.
Speaker 3:Yeah, it's not meant to be. You could have twisted it. You could have twisted it, but you didn't. I didn't. That's integrity. This is the ultimate integrity. Everybody should definitely learn a lesson or two from that, and I know I'm learning.
Speaker 2:I'm not perfect, right, like. This is one thing I'm working on mastering. But, like, in terms of the healing aspect, this is me healing, this is me stepping into the new version of me. And I know you and I have talked about this in the past. I don't even know what episodes, maybe multiple, but, like, one of the things I've said recently is who would I be if I were successful business owner? Right, right, we're not just like cutting corners anymore. I'm not treating it like it's a hobby. A successful business owner says I committed to this thing and I'm going to show up and that's what I'm doing. I'm stepping into that new me.
Speaker 3:I love that. I love that Like, and this is something that you know and that's right now. You're committing to the business, but there's, you know, so many of us wanting to commit to our health, but then, oh, we come up with the excuses, we come up with whatever. So any healing that you are wanting to achieve, you definitely want to commit to that. And this ties in with the identity piece, right? So you are identifying as a successful business owner, and what does a successful business owner do? A successful business owner shows up, no matter what, with integrity. You stick to your word. You said you're going to do this. You do this.
Speaker 3:If you are saying that I'm identifying as a healthy person, I'm not identifying as the sick person. I have IBS or I have this, or hormone or whatever issues, imbalances. If I'm identifying as a healthy person, what does a healthy person do? What does a healthy person eat? What does a healthy person think? Right, because you cannot keep thinking the toxic thoughts and eat. Healthy person. Think right, because you cannot. You cannot keep thinking the toxic thoughts and eat the healthy food.
Speaker 3:Right, we talked about that and we talked about it all the time. You can eat healthy, but also you got to feed your mind healthy thoughts. So it's that's, that's the big commitment to yourself. You know you want to be healthy. You want to be successful business owner, a successful stay at home wife, whatever your goals are and definitely listen to the identity shift and start showing up as that. Are you going to have, you know, ups and downs. You're going to have bad days, good days, absolutely. However, it is the progress and the progress is not linear and it's the showing up for yourself in order to achieve what you want to achieve.
Speaker 2:And it's showing up when it's inconvenient, like today was very inconvenient. But when is life ever convenient, truly, and that's the thing is when we're looking at health or other aspects. Is it convenient for you to get up early and go for a walk? Is it convenient for you to go to the gym? Is it convenient for you to do X, y, z? Usually no right, but we follow through because we're committed, not when we're motivated. Right, because motivation is just a feeling. Commitment is a decision. When I have a decision, I follow through.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and I have been training myself too, and that's something I learned from Joe Dispenza is that discomfort is temporary. Transformation is permanent. So remember, because we are addicted to betraying ourselves, we are addicted to the fight or flight, we are addicted to betraying ourselves, we are addicted to the fight or flight, we are addicted to that stress level. And then every time I get the emotions that's going to cause the stress because I'm addicted to it, it's familiar I remind myself that discomfort is temporary, transformation is permanent. Like you and I, before we hit record, I was just kind of like asking advice about something. It's like I keep you know, I keep bringing on the emotions that are triggering the stress level and I'm bringing them on. I'm bringing those thoughts, I'm just like, instead of like letting them go, I'm constantly bringing them on and when I am more conscious about it and more aware and stepping back into my breath, this is when I'm saying, no, this is not the new version of me, right? I am in the process of building a new life.
Speaker 3:That new person does not identify as a worrier. Someone who worries Does that identify as a person. Who overthinks Does not identify as a rescuer. And someone who worries does that identify as a person who overthinks, does not identify as a rescuer and a saver. Because I do come from a culture where you know women. You know they constantly want to save their husbands or their children. You know constantly want to. What can I do for you to save you? What can I do? No, it's, but what am I doing? I'm constantly allowing them, enabling them to not to rely on themselves, instead relying on me.
Speaker 2:So and that's commitment. And the thing is, is commitment doesn't happen over time. Like you can make a commitment and say from now on I'm going to stick to it, but it can also be a process If there's aspects of your life you've not committed to before, or new things for you. Right, it's one thing to say like I commit to going to the gym three days a week, okay great, do that. But for you, like, this is a whole other situation of like it's an internal commitment. It's much harder to me than an external commitment of I'm going to go do this thing versus I'm going to embrace this because you have to catch it.
Speaker 1:It's easy to set an alarm on your phone.
Speaker 2:but this is like I don't have an alarm on my phone to tell me like, oh my gosh, I'm enabling again. But you were being committed and saying like, okay, I just noticed this Now, how can I change that? And that ties back into responsibility too.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and the commitment is for me, to you. You know, in the morning I'm doing my routine. In the afternoon, I'm doing my routine. In the evening, I'm doing my routine and I'm not. I'm not veering off of that routine because you, you are absolutely right. External, going to the gym, it's right there, you're booking it, your alarm is there, whatever. However, whereas with um, with the internal commitment, with the internal commitment, it's much harder, because how many thoughts do we have a day? We have 70,000 thoughts a day, and then some of them are going to be the old patterns, and I was talking to a friend the other day and we were talking about like 95% of our thoughts are negative bias. So you are going out of your way.
Speaker 2:And I want to add to this because I'm literally writing a lesson for my membership, and one of it is on stories, limiting beliefs, all of that. And so thoughts tie into there, and I had to look up the statistics 98% of our thoughts are a repeat from the day before.
Speaker 1:Also, so not only are they negative?
Speaker 2:they're a repeat. So we just stay in these negative thought loops.
Speaker 3:We stay in these loops. So you got it Like this commitment is truly, truly and then I do go back. I do fall back and that's why I have my support system right, like, for example, whether it is my therapist or you or another friend of mine, like I, like today I was like I told you the story, remind me, slap me in the face, you know, tell me to like. Remind me, slap me in the face, you know, tell me to like. You know, get back into what I am into. And to me like having this new me. It's because, remember, you don't get what you want, you get who you are or who you are becoming Right. So it's like I don't want to keep repeating because I created this life and I don't want to keep repeating that created this life and I don't want to keep repeating that. So, in order for me to create this life right here, I gotta be so conscious every single moment, and that is that's not easy. However, it's not impossible because I'm listening.
Speaker 3:I started listening to Dr Spencer's Becoming Supernatural and people just like you and me have healed conditions like there's this one lady's story. It's at the beginning of the book. I mean, no wonder he had to outline it, outshine her at the beginning of the book because her husband committed suicide. She developed, she's a psychotherapist and she developed all these health issues. Like the way that he described them, I'm like listening to them and like crying from all the health issues and she healed all of them and now she's I think she's one of his coaches or something whatever.
Speaker 3:The book is a bit old but uh, you know, I mean it's like wait a minute, and that's what I think you know a lot of people portray that like from anita murjani and all these people. It's like if they can do it, we can. So if you look at somebody who has achieved the health that you want to achieve, like, oh my goodness, I want to be healthy as as that person, or I want to be as successful as that person, or whatever, you're not env, but you're just reminding yourself. If they can do it, you can, because they are human, like you. The only thing is that they committed and they took that responsibility right. So I think there's twofold Like you have the commitment but also taking the responsibility in order to remind yourself to stay committed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and the responsibility of? I am 100% responsible for my transformation, and that is going to vary from person to person, right? Our podcast is called Heal Yourself. It might be physical healing, it might be emotional healing, it might be spiritual healing, it does not matter. But when you are 100% responsible, you're looking at every aspect. Okay, it goes back to your thoughts, your emotions, your beliefs, what you put in your body, like all of those things. Are you being responsible for what's coming into you? Are you being responsible for how you communicate with others? Are you being responsible for how you show up in the world? Are you being responsible for the things that you do on a day-to-day basis? And that does tie into commitment too, and so this is a thing for you guys to be looking at. Okay, if I feel like I'm struggling or wavering on this healing journey, look at the responsibility and the commitment and then decide where can I step it up a notch right, like, where are you making excuses?
Speaker 3:Because we do. We make excuses. Oh, we are the kings and queens of excuses. And don't forget, we have this analytical brain that, guess what. You're going to find an excuse for everything. You're going to be able to defend yourself on excuses, but what are you doing, are you? You know, again, what you're doing is you're repeating that cycle. So, again, it's great to take the responsibility of like. I created this. I did this because, at the end of the day, it's you. Yeah, sure, maybe you're surrounded, you're in a toxic place or you're surrounded with toxic people, but ultimately, you chose to stay there.
Speaker 2:Which is a hard one for people? Oh, that's a big one. Nobody wants to stay there. Which is a hard one for people? Oh that's a big one. Nobody wants to own that.
Speaker 3:Oh, that was a huge pill for me to swallow, because that's all me, and I know that we're going to record an episode, all about that. But in the future, I don't know how near it's going to be. But I think, once things are, I think, calm in my world and finalized, I feel like I can talk about it. But I had to come to terms with you know, because, you remember, I mean, I cried, I'm like, why did I know? But I had to tell myself, like it was, you know, one, I, you know I definitely devan timing. However, I ignored every whisper, I ignored every nudge, I ignored every post, I ignored every single red flag and I chose to be in the environment until I chose not to. And I have to also remind myself that it took me years in order to come to terms with what I needed to do. And now I'm being yes, I'm being gentle with myself, but I'm also being super duper committed, because I am committed to a new life and I can definitely quantum leap it versus having to, you know, drag and make excuses because I could oh, you know, I'm tired today and then, and then not. I have like, oh, whatever, but I'm not sitting here, you know crying, I'm just saying I am committed to the new life that I wanted to create and I don't want it to drag. So that's why today I was like, since I started to come back into the worry, go back to the overthinking. I'm like what do I need to do? Like, and if you need to seek outside help whether it's a friend, it's a therapist, it's a life coach, it's the program.
Speaker 3:Of course, I don't like courses like with like a big group coaching about these things, because you do sometimes need that one on one. You do need the, the feedback, like with health stuff. Yeah, that's I love. You know, group coaching with health is great. I think in a member like, you all feed off of each other, you're all inspiring each other.
Speaker 3:But I feel when it's a personal journey, it's just like you know, to me it helps me to talk to one person or two people that are aware of the whole story, versus having to like, because sometimes, like when it is in a group coaching, it's like, oh, I have to tell my story to every single person in order to help me. But this is a personal choice. Absolutely, you can do whatever you want. It's just that whatever healing you want to do and you want to commit to absolutely have a support group, because you may want to, and that's another excuse. Oh, I can do it myself, well, yeah, sure. Excuse oh, I can do it myself, well, yeah, sure, but it will be way more supportive when you have support people with you.
Speaker 2:And I just want to kind of briefly touch on that responsibility piece too, because you mentioned that and I'm seeing you taking responsibility too.
Speaker 2:So this is the other thing, guys is like I'm not even talking victim mentality, so I don't know where I'm going with this, but like you were taking responsibility for how your relationship has ended up, right, we can place blame on someone else or on circumstances, situations, whatever, but it does come back to. I take responsibility for how things are going right now. And so for those of you on your health journey, you and I, denise, went through health journeys right, and I will say it took me to the point of being committed and responsible and self-integral before my health started to shift, because it would be little things of like, oh, I'm going to work out more and I'm going to eat better, but was I being committed and was I being fully responsible for everything that was going in my body? Absolutely not. So that's the other piece of this too, and I know maybe it sounds redundant and we're probably saying a lot of the same things around and around, but you guys need to hear it many times.
Speaker 3:I mean absolutely Cause repetition. That's why, like I'm listening to the same meditation every morning, I'm listening to the same subconscious reprogramming every night, because repetition is what got us here. Yeah, repetition of the same thing, of the same eating, the bad eating habits, or of the same sitting down and not going out for a walk.
Speaker 2:The lack of stress management, not for a walk of stress management.
Speaker 3:Exactly so. The repetition is what got us here and I totally believe, is the repetition of the. The new version that you want to create is what will get you where you want to get to. Yeah, we are repeating, and we're not just repeating it for you guys, we're repeating it for ourselves as well, because we don't I mean, I know you and I have always said it yes, we do love to help others absolutely, but ultimately, this is such a healing journey for us because we have learned so much just by, like, hitting record and talking, you know, and a lot of the times I couldn't even look at the notes- the notes did not even reflect what we're talking about.
Speaker 3:It's because I constantly and we are committed, we are committed. Look at me I'm here at my sister's sitting, at my niece's vanity.
Speaker 2:That's why I'm right here and I'm chilling in a hotel in the middle of recording stuff and we said that's it, we're gonna record, we'll be recording today.
Speaker 3:Because we couldn't record, because I know that our day was, um was Fridays. Then I I took on some clients on Friday, so I can't record on Fridays. And now we're like okay, let's do this one or so we, but we are yeah, we are committed to this podcast and when we record, we record. So I mean, maybe there aren't many takeaways and maybe it's like you know there's plenty of takeaways in there you're right? I know no.
Speaker 3:But like maybe like a sorry, not I didn't mean I take away like an action step per se, but just kind of like start looking where in your life. And I know that I was in huge denial, huge now, when it came to my relationship and I'd be like oh no, no, no, this is not about me. Oh no, no, no, not about me until I truly, truly, truly looked.
Speaker 2:And I'm like that's when you took responsibility. So that is their action step. Look at where in your life things are not going well. Are you being 100% committed and responsible for that outcome? And the answer is probably no, right, and it's okay to own that, because there are areas in our life that we're still not there, and that's all right.
Speaker 3:Oh, absolutely Same, of course, and we're just not sitting here on a high horse saying like oh you know, no, we're very real and we are doing the work as well and we have come a long way, but there's still so much to do as well. And because our thoughts are literally, and like you said, 98% from repeat from yesterday, because our thoughts are literally and like you said, 98% repeat from yesterday, from the day before, 90% is negative bias. So, my goodness gracious, there's a whole lot of awareness. It's a daily uphill battle it is.
Speaker 3:It is a daily uphill battle and some days are going to be harder than other days, and that's okay. It's just that we continue to commit to ourselves right, take responsibility of our own action, our own healing, our integrity, our values.
Speaker 2:Okay, yeah, I think that's good. So this is all like the takeaways.
Speaker 3:Like all of them, take them all. Take them all, bottle them up and boom. Yeah, you're healed if only the only thing is like I know, I know the only thing is just like you know, sometimes like that's the only excuse. Okay, I know when teenage daughters driving you crazy. Oh my gosh, she's been amazing. I can't like no she's been great All right guys?
Speaker 2:Well, as always, we ask you to leave us a review. Find us on Instagram, Let us know if there's any topics you want to hear about, and we'll see you on the next episode.
