Episode 55: How Questioning Everything Leads to Healing

The most powerful question you can ask yourself might be: "What if I'm wrong?" In a world obsessed with certainty and being right, Denise and Kira explore how embracing uncertainty and questioning our beliefs creates the foundation for true healing.

The hosts dive into how our addiction to certainty (whether about diets, relationships, religion, or politics) prevents growth and keeps us stuck in patterns that no longer serve us. They share personal examples of times when being open to being wrong led to profound shifts in perspective and healing opportunities, including Denise's experience with her teenage daughter during divorce and Kira's evolving understanding of different dietary approaches.

At the heart of this conversation is a revolutionary idea: we cannot heal if we're always right. By turning down the volume on ego and turning up awareness, we create space for transformation. The hosts offer practical approaches to questioning long-held beliefs without judgment, including simple but powerful questions like "I wonder if this is true?" and "Where's the evidence for this belief?"

Chapters

• 0:00 Welcome to Heal Yourself Podcast
• 0:52 Being Wrong as Growth
• 3:22 Openness to Learning
• 6:21 Questioning Beliefs and Certainty
• 11:56 Healing Requires Flexibility
• 17:24 Embracing Uncertainty and Moving Forward

Transcript

SPEAKER_00: 0:03

Welcome to the Heal Yourself podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.

SPEAKER_01: 0:15

And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind, and soul.

SPEAKER_00: 0:25

From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma, and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.

SPEAKER_01: 0:39

So whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally, or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness. Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast. And today you got Kira and Denise, and we're talking about being wrong, being okay with not knowing. I don't know what we're gonna title this episode, but I feel like I feel like it needs to be talked about because so many people are stuck with okay, what's right, but what if being wrong was like a piece of your growth? And nobody wants to question whether they're wrong. It's like social media, everything is so toxic right now. That's not healing. Like healing is saying I know nothing and being okay with it.

SPEAKER_00: 1:33

Right, and being being a learner. And the thing is, I maybe like not also like another piece that we can add in about you know being wrong, it could be also the being open to learning what you don't know, right? So, for example, I always give the example of I was the school SLP for the long for the longest time. So school SLP, you work with kiddos that are five years old up to you know, elementary, it's kind of what like 10, 11, something like that, and then you have middle and high school. So that's what I I use, I'm used to. But when I started my business, the private clients I started receiving are the little, like three-year-old, two-year-old, four years old, and they're not the same. A three-year-old is not the same as a five-year-old, right? And even a four, and like even fours and fives are different. That that one year makes a big difference. And I was like, I, you know, instead of closing myself to the things that I know, I told myself, no, I was I started taking, you know, more conferences, I attended more online conferences regarding pediatrics, the littles, and just being open to learning from them. What do they need? Because I was in the like, okay, let's do the dev with elementary. I can do so much, so much, but with the littles, I'm like, we gotta play. I need to integrate, you know, the goals and stuff and play. But I did not close myself to like, well, I was a school SLP for 17 years. You better, you better, you four-year-old, you two-year-old, you better work my plan. It's like they look at me like, no. So being open helped me learn a lot instead of having to like I I I always give the example, like because now we work I work with puzzles with the kiddos, and then it's like it's like you know, trying to to fit to the oval and the square, and it's not gonna work, right? So just being open.

SPEAKER_01: 3:19

And that's the thing, like not knowing being wrong to me, that allows us to be open, right? Like we seem to be in a society right now that wants to have certainty, that wants to have, well, I'm right and you're wrong. And you know, we've got these experts everywhere on Instagram and all these places around everything, not just health. What if we started to look at what if nothing I know is right? What if I don't know the answer? Like what you're saying about Kit, like what if I don't know? Okay, great. There's that curiosity, there's that being open to learning more. And I feel like as a culture, as a society, we are stuck. We are stuck in a I don't, I don't want to be open, I don't want to know more. Nope, nope, I can't be wrong. And I know everything.

SPEAKER_00: 4:10

And then we shut ourselves. It's kind of like the topic about religion that you and I talked about as well, right? So you and I grew up in, you know, with Catholicism, with Christianity, and you know, I know for myself, girl, you know, I'm Lebanese, I'm Middle Eastern, right? And I grew up in the wars, so you I shut down to a lot of like the Jewish religion. I didn't know anything about it or whatever until recently. I started listening to Kathy Heller, and she's talking about Kabbalah, and I was like, oh my god, that's like so awesome. And I follow another guy, and I think I learned about him from her podcast, David Guillaume, and he talks a lot about Kabbalah. So now I'm like, wait a minute, I want to learn more about this mystic. Uh I think it's called the it's not Judaism or it's like the mystic Judaism or something like that, Kabbalah. And I just got a book on my Kindle after I finished my book club book Behind Closed Doors. Oh my gosh, that's a big thriller. Like, oh, oh, I was on the edge, but anyway, so uh I I started listening, I started not listening, reading, and I you know, I'm I'm only on like the third or fourth page, but my old self, the old Taneas girl, no, uh-uh, she would not have picked up that book because of like, ooh, you know, I don't identify with the with that, I don't understand them. I don't, you know, but I because I am open to learning, and I feel no matter how old you are, and the experience that you have, and also like being wrong, because I was under the impression like Catholicism is it. Like, if you I used to think that, like, oh my goodness, it's the same.

SPEAKER_02: 5:47

People don't take communion every Sunday. These poor people are all going to hell. I know. I'm like, oh my goodness, what's gonna happen to them?

SPEAKER_00: 5:55

You know, I know thinking about it now, it's like I don't want to, it's cringe right now, like my daughter says, but you know, so it's just also being wrong about the the the idea that, and I feel this is what we always talk about, right? Questioning the beliefs, you know, wondering about those beliefs. I'm not saying throw them in the trash, but readjust, maybe recalibrate.

SPEAKER_01: 6:23

Yeah, and it again it goes back to questioning, or even if you ask yourself, what if I'm wrong? What does this mean? Because we're creating meaning all the time. And if you're going into a situation, right, like I'm thinking politics right now because that's all I see out over my feed. I'll give other examples. Yeah, I but that's just all that's over, like I'm so over it, but it's all over my feed. And it's like, okay, but you have a belief, maybe question where that belief came from. Question if it's a hundred percent truth or if you're accepting things that are being seen on media, social media, whatever is face value. And what if you're wrong? Like, I have no problem being wrong in my beliefs. I I don't think I used to, right? Like beliefs around this. Yeah, it is. Yeah, perhaps it is, but that's the thing. If you if the whole world would pause and just say, what if everything I believe is wrong? What if I know nothing? The amount of healing that could happen would be unbelievable. And spiritual healing, physical healing, right? Like we can always go back to health. What if you know nothing? Right? Like, even to my other, you know, fellow practitioners. I used to be that, oh my gosh, I have to have the right protocol. And what if I can't help this person? What if I can do it? I know nothing. I am here to serve you, and what comes to me will come to me, right? You guys will hear us talk about intuition on an upcoming episode, but going into it with I know nothing takes pressure off and it allows for that openness, as you said.

SPEAKER_00: 8:02

Absolutely. I and I really love that. I know that the intuition. I know we recorded yesterday with her, but that brought up a lot for me. And and then just yeah, like being wrong. Like yesterday, I gave you the example of uh, I don't want to give politics examples, honestly, because I'm really really you're like me. I'm over it. I'm saying I'm over it, especially, especially Candace Owens. I'm like, dude, like I haven't seen anything there, but I've been seeing some of this stuff, and I'm like, I'm gonna unfold because I used to love her, and I'm like, dude, like you, I don't I didn't see her go to his few his memorial, but what you are here trying to like, I was like, I can't do that. Like, I'm just no, no, thank you. Like, stop it. Uh I know some of the stuff that she's saying. I'm like, Are you for real? Like, can you listen to yourself? Like, do you listen to yourself sometimes? But whatever, not just her, so many people. Like, I think sometimes if we go, if these people go back and listen to themselves, maybe I don't know. If you are stuck in the like, I know I'm right, nothing's gonna happen. But and I give you the example, like, even with my 14-year-old, you know that I mean a lot of the listeners know that I am going through a divorce, and uh, you know, I was you know talking with my daughter about something, and she was like, Well, uh, she mentioned that there's always two sides of the story, like both of you, blah blah blah. And and then instead of like, so I I became a little defensive, like for a quick second, and then I dropped that defensiveness because now my awareness is way much um louder than my ego. And I was like, you know what? Yes, absolutely. There's always two sides of the story. I know I'm contributing as well. And then we had the interview yesterday with our intuition expert. I don't know what was her title.

SPEAKER_01: 9:49

I don't know what her title is.

SPEAKER_00: 9:51

Well, I have to go back to the episode, and the episode will release eventually. We don't know when. So don't hold on to me. And and then we were talking about it, and I was like, wait a minute. So if I'm not right, if if I'm not if I'm right, like no, I am wrong because I she's right, I am contributing. There's always to sell this story, and no matter what, and I am contributing as well to the difficult situation. So instead of going to the defensiveness and trying to prove myself or defend myself, I went, you know, I went for a walk, etc. And I understood her point of view, right? And that is a 14-year-old, right? So even though I didn't say, Well, excuse me, ma'am, I know I'm right, and I went on on a on a rant. I shared with you, and you're like, Wow, that's wise of a 14-year-old, just absolutely, because she's and then again, right? What I mean, if we're gonna go back to Jesus, what does Jesus say? Go back to being a child in order to enter the kingdom of heaven. Being a child is curious, being a child is always wondering, being a being a child is pure, not really stuck in your beliefs. So, you know, I definitely took that advice, and I was like, hmm, I could be wrong, and I wonder what this is teaching me, and da-da-da. And I went and I journaled and I did my own thing and I felt more at peace. And that's what we always talk about is that we are humans, have you know, we are spiritual beings, have beings having human experience, and we have those all humans' emotions and humans everything, but we you know, we can turn the volume up on our awareness in order to get on that to continue on the healing journey, right? So it's it's always practice. I don't know how else to say it. Other I feel like we are broken recording.

SPEAKER_01: 11:42

We are, that's fine.

SPEAKER_00: 11:45

You know, but it's just it's it's true, yeah.

SPEAKER_01: 11:49

Well, and my thing is we cannot heal if we're always right. So, like, I want to give multiple examples here, right? Like, you're talking about a relationship. If you're always right and the other person is always wrong, what is accomplished in that relationship or separation of relationships? Like, nothing is accomplished. I look at diets, right? Like being in the health space, you've got people that are arguing that carnivore is right. I saw somebody the other day talking about veganism is the only way because if you have rotting flesh, no joke, if you have rotting flesh in your body, you are less close to how did she word it? Like you're not one with God or the universe, however. Rotting flesh? Like she means a cook food. And she's meaning, and if you eat animals, it is rotting. That's how she worded it. If you eat animals, it is rotting flesh, and you are not a spiritual being, however, she worded it, you know. But like we have all of these different camps, even just with diet, of no, I'm right. And it's like, but what if you're not? Why can't you be okay with saying, what if this is completely wrong? Because if you're after healing, and I'm just talking physical healing right now, but you are dead set on your way is right, and you're a vegan or you're a carnivore and you're not moving, okay, how are you gonna heal then? Because you're just saying I'm right, but this isn't serving me? Or everybody needs to do this one way because I think it's right. What makes you right then? And then we can go into the politics and everything else. You cannot heal if you always think you're right. Start to question everything and start to look at it in reverse of what if I'm wrong? Because again, coming back to point.

SPEAKER_00: 13:39

But that's also turning the volume down on the ego, because the ego doesn't wrong, right? But when you say, what if I'm wrong? I love that advice. I love this tip. This is this is the tip that you need to take to say today's episode is saying, training yourself to saying, what if I'm wrong?

SPEAKER_01: 13:57

Yeah, because that's where no, it doesn't need to be a negative thing, but that's where the curiosity comes from. That's where the growth comes from, that's where the healing comes from. And like you said, the um the being open, right? We if we cannot stay stuck, otherwise, we we can't heal if we stay in the same place. We have to evolve in every aspect of our life. And the only way to get there is to start to question things and say, Well, what if I'm wrong? Yeah, because what might open up for you?

SPEAKER_00: 14:26

And I loved uh yesterday our talk, she mentioned something, I wonder. So if you don't want to say, What if I'm wrong? You can say, I wonder if I'm wrong. Yeah, you wonder if I'm wrong, or I wonder if this belief that I, you know, heard for 20 years is wrong. Right? Like I had a therapy session and I did tell him I feel that he's like, This is not a feeling, this is a belief. I was like, Okay, you're wrong. And then we started the role play, and then and then you know, he would ask me, like, what is the evidence? I was like, I don't know. Like, I was trying to like freaking find evidence, but there was no evidence, like, no evidence. So again, like, you know, what if I'm wrong, or I wonder if I'm wrong, or you know, I've carried this belief for so many years, but where's the evidence? You know, where is the evidence? This is this is this is what if I can be open. I wonder if I can be open to this idea. I wonder if I can be open to blah blah blah. And I remember when I started my health journey, I was attracted to the raw to the raw movement. You know what I mean? Yeah, and some people are still, I mean, some people that I follow, like fully raw Christina, is still supposedly fully raw. I don't know what happens behind closed doors, but you know, that's what she said. So, and that's working for her, great, you know. But a lot of people that I followed that were doing that switch to to other things, so and we go back to the diet, same thing. It's like anything, anything, diet, relationships, uh I mean, finances, everything, everything. Question those beliefs and be open to learning. And life is a whole thing of learning right now. It is tune in, but also yeah, we want to tune in because sometimes it gets too noisy, right?

SPEAKER_01: 16:08

There's a lot of noise out there, and that I mean that goes back to the, you know, even just the food space again, of like, okay. And this also goes back to what you and I have talked about is coaching yourself, learning how to coach yourself. That's how you grow. When you ask the question, I wonder if I'm wrong, or am I wrong, or what if I'm wrong, or however you want to word it, that's you coaching yourself of, huh? Okay, let's say I am wrong. Well, what does this mean? How does this change things for me? How does this help me evolve? How does this make me a better person? Because that's healing. That's what we should always be after, becoming a better version of ourselves in health and in all aspects. And if we're always saying, no, I know I'm right, this is it, or even you, no, this diet is always, how do you know it's always right for you? And you're really gonna say this one thing is right for every single person, you know, or the one thing you read on social media that one person said that makes them that person. Did you know them personally? Or are you taking things for face value? Like there's so many ways we can take this.

SPEAKER_00: 17:13

Yeah, no, yeah, no, it's just like I'll be curious. That's all we I mean, we keep going back to the whole being curious and and then just you know, just always wanting what's better for you, and what's better for you is continuing to learn and then honoring the seasons that you go through. You know what I mean? Like, you know, honoring the the the part of the journey, right? Like your 20s are different than your 30s, your 30s are different than your 40s, etc. etc. And just we honor that. And I, you know, because sometimes I tend to go back and say, and you know, we've talked about it, like, oh my goodness, like, why didn't I do this earlier? Or why did the doubt or whatever it is, with whatever, not just with uh relationships, and sometimes I, you know, finances or this or that, but that's part of my journey, and that's part of my soul's journey as well. So I also want to honor this season of of my life, you know. I don't want to I don't know where I'm going with this, but it's just being being like we we I repeat this all the time, and I know this is a reminder for myself being graceful with you. And I heard it on the episode with Kathy Heller and the the rabbi she interviewed. You know, don't dwell on the mistake. If you made the mistake, you're not the mistake, right? So whatever it is in your life, like I made the mistake, I'm not the mistake, I'm not doing better and moving forward. And being open, that's where you learn the most. Because just like the kiddos with with with on the spectrum, right? What do we teach them? To be flexible. Because when you are not flexible, you have the rock brain that you're not learning, right? But when you don't have that rock brain, when you are flexible, you are learning, you are absorbing what's around you. So this is just you know, yeah, being okay with being wrong and admitting sometimes saying I'm wrong feels liberating, you know, instead of the shackles of defending ourselves and oh my goodness, like right now, Kira, whenever I hear people defending, it's like it just kind of like irritates my ears, you know. I was talking to this one lady, I mean, you're a principal of a preschool, dude. And this lady already like told me four freaking jobs she did because every time I say something, oh yeah, I did that. And I was like, dude, like you worked so many jobs, and good for you, I guess. But it's like like, please don't be defensive. I'm here to help the child, like I'm not here to listen. So that's what sometimes when people say, I'm sorry, I'm like, don't be, it's fine, let's just move on.

SPEAKER_01: 19:48

So and that's just the state of society right now. People don't want to question, they don't want to be okay being wrong. Um, and that that's something to also question is why is there fear around being wrong? Like, what does that even mean to be wrong? You know, because we're all wrong and we all know nothing. Like, I always come back to we know nothing. We don't know why we're here, we don't know what happens when we die, we don't know what happens tomorrow, we know nothing. I know I'm sitting here right now in this moment, that's the only thing I know.

SPEAKER_00: 20:19

Absolutely. The present moment is the only one you know, and just live your life moment by moment because that is what I mean. Of course, you know, dream and I get it, but don't dwell on the past or on the future because your life is happening in the now, and that's what we've we've talked about, we always talk about as well, and um, you know, like the whole Tylenol thing.

SPEAKER_01: 20:41

I'm like, dude, what don't even get me started.

SPEAKER_00: 20:44

What are you trying to prove? Like, okay, they said something you don't agree with. Again, they don't want they don't want to be wrong. That's what it is. Yeah, that's what it's like it's just it's just like it is literally like with the videos that I'm seeing. Oh yeah, we won't go down that road, guys, but again, just start no, but I know I loved how the the story that you posted expired, but it you know, I loved what what you posted, um, which was great. So about about it, but yeah, it's being okay with uncertainty. I don't know what's going to happen, and I'm fine with it, and I'm here for the ride. Yeah, enjoying it, enjoy, like light up your you're you're here to constantly become the better version of yourself, moment by moment, right? You're not the mistake. So let's say this moment was whatever, let's start with the next moment and the next moment and the next one. And that's how you turn up the volume on you tune in to your divinity and you tune down to the ego. We're not disrespecting the ego, it's there to help us survive. We get that in survival moments, but right now we're not in survival moments, right? So, and the body, remember the body does not differentiate between the the thought of the fear or the actual fear, it's reacting the same way. So be gentle with the body and um yeah, oh my goodness, we're going so much with this. I love that.

SPEAKER_01: 22:10

So, yeah, guys, it's like away. I mean, start to ask yourself however you want to word it. What if I don't know? What if I'm wrong? Um and see where it takes you. That's the thing. We we have these episodes to get you guys to think, right? Again, we Denise and I, we don't know anything. We're here, we're showing up, we're serving, we're on our own journeys, but absolutely the goal is for you to start to evolve and have some things where it's like, huh, I didn't think about that, and then see where it takes you.

SPEAKER_00: 22:43

That's it. Yeah, yeah, exactly, absolutely, and yeah, thank you for mentioning that because yeah, we don't know, we we really don't know. We don't know where we're going, we don't know what we're doing, and we sometimes, you know, don't have we just have a topic. That's it. We show up and we serve record, yeah. We show up and we serve, we hit record and we just let it take us where it takes us, and it always takes us where it takes us, yeah, where where it needs to go, apparently.

SPEAKER_02: 23:09

I know. Alrighty, time to end our episode.

SPEAKER_01: 23:14

All right, guys. You know it. I mean, we say it every time. Broken record again. Leave us a review, comment on our Instagram. We know we're slacking on there, but we're there, we check, so shoot us a message. Let us know. We're also on TikTok right now.

SPEAKER_00: 23:27

Okay, yeah. I should send you the handle so we can add the show notes because yeah, we are on TikTok. So we definitely would love the TikTok uh follows and love. And we are still working on working on our secret project, but again, homeschooling and me going through all of this and also still working and on my business. Yeah, but but we're it's coming, it's coming.

SPEAKER_01: 23:48

It is all right, guys. We'll see you on the next episode.