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Heal Yourself Podcast
A podcast diving into all aspects of healing; from nurturing your relationship with yourself, to functional medicine insights, to transforming your money story, we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Heal Yourself Podcast
Episode 60: Every Hard Moment Is A Gift You Haven’t Unwrapped Yet
Hard moments don’t feel like presents, but what if the real gift is who we become after them? We explore a practical way to treat triggers as teachers, turn messy days into data, and choose the energy we lead with—without denying pain or forcing gratitude before it’s ready.
We start by redefining “gift” as useful, not pretty. From a shivery baseball game to navigating divorce and family friction, we share how reframing small annoyances and big upheavals reveals where power leaks and boundaries are needed. You’ll hear why integration beats information overload, how daily micro-choices regulate the nervous system, and which simple practices—like a ten-minute walk, a short breath sequence, or a sincere check-in at the checkout—quiet reactivity and build resilience.
Then we dig into better questions that shift you from blame to curiosity: Why now? What is this revealing? What strength is being activated? Where am I being asked to upgrade? These prompts open space for insight, while a feel-good list keeps relief close at hand with low-lift actions like music, coloring, meditation, or movement. We also talk about spotting meaningful synchronicities and using them as gentle nudges that you’re on track. To close, we guide a brief breath practice with the affirmation: I honor the lessons that shaped me.
If you’re ready to evolve beyond hustle, victim loops, and emotional autopilot, this conversation offers grounded tools you can use today. Subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, and leave a review so more people can find these practices. What gift might be hiding in your hardest moment?
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Welcome to the Heal Yourself podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
SPEAKER_00:And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind, and soul.
SPEAKER_01:From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma, and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
SPEAKER_00:So whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally, or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness. And today, Denise and I want to talk about seeing everything as a gift, which for some is going to be a really tough pill to swallow. Because you're like, no, that that shitty thing just happened to me is not a gift. And we want to talk about why it might be today.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. It definitely is a gift. We may not see it because remember we have tunnel vision. We don't see because remember, Kathy Heller in her latest podcast, she said we only see 1%. The 99% is we are in our unconscious. So it is definitely a gift. We just are so caught up with the, and actually, I actually made a TikTok video yesterday about that hustle culture. We are too caught up with that hustle culture. I want to do this, I want to get there, I want to whatever. However, sometimes that five minutes being late will work out for you amazing only if you are wanting to see it that way also and wanting to choose it. Because remember, it's all about choice. That's that's where free will comes in.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. And that's the thing. Like when we say view everything as a gift, it doesn't mean that the gift always comes wrapped up in a bow, right?
SPEAKER_01:Like it's no, it can be wrapped up in caca.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and that's what I was to say, like a gift could be a lump of coal, it could be wrapped in, I don't know, sandpaper. Like a gift doesn't always poop. Yeah, exactly. It doesn't always have to be pretty, but what is the end result? And I think for both of us, I don't want to put words in your mouth, but I'm going to. I think we we view triggers as teachers, right? Like every time we're annoyed, every time we're aggravated, every time we're triggered by something, um, whatever it might be, these show you where you're leaking power. Like that is a wonderful opportunity for you. Therefore, that is a gift. It is a gift to be shown. Hey, this is where you're leaking all of the power that you have. But a lot of us, like you said, don't don't want to see things as gifts. And not even just hustle culture, just people don't want to do that inner work or to see, like, hey, this really crappy thing that I'm going through right now is something that's gonna like it's teaching me something. I'm gonna grow from this.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, no, and that's kind of like exactly that what I was gonna, you know, also say is just that you know, you don't get to here where you and I right now are getting to observing the triggers and everything as what a gift because we truly you and I are right now like seeing literally everything as a gift, and we are pausing and saying what a gift. However, we didn't get here today, we got here from years of you and I putting in the work and not just reading the books. Remember, there's always like this information overload, right? I read like 500 books, but it's not we didn't just read the books and listen to the podcast and attended the workshops. Right now, we're also integrating all that, and I totally know that if you are listening right now and you're like, oh my goodness, I don't even know, just start putting in the work. And it's literally moment by moment. Yesterday I was listening to um Kimberly Snyder with Kathy Heller podcast, and it's not the you know, yes, the big retreats and the workshops and all that, those are amazing, but it is the moment by moment where you are actually choosing. You are you know, you see someone in a hurry, or you're letting you're choosing to let them in your lane versus you know cussing them off for you know cutting you off or whatever, cussing them out for cutting you off, right? Or you are choosing to smile. Uh, you know, when you're at Trader Joe's and you are, you know, you are talking with the with the cashier, you're choosing to smile and asking her or him, yes, how is your day? You know, I wish you a beautiful day. These are small moments that will actually are make a bigger difference than, you know, like yes, great with the retreats and all that, but you know, just always be patient with yourself, but put in the work. You can't expect to see what you and I see, Kira, without the work that we put in. Because you and I, I mean, I mean, with all humility, we put in the freaking work.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and we're we want to be very clear, we're not done, and we are well aware that we're not done. The work doesn't end. It's just amazing to see the place that we've gotten to after knowing each other for years. And I'll give you guys an example. Like, this is actually this is a good lesson for me right now because it's like, yes, a lot of times I will say, like, oh, you know, what is this teaching me? That's how I say it. Like, I don't say this as a gift, but I'm like, what is this teaching me? And I forget because I'm human, and you're gonna forget because you're human. But here I am just telling Denise, like, my son had a baseball game. We love watching him play. There was not supposed to be rain. All of a sudden there was rain, it cooled down, there was wind, like we're out there shivering. And I wasn't moaning and groaning, but you know, every so often I'd turn to my husband and be like, oh my gosh, it's so cold. But what a gift it was to be able to sit there and watch him play baseball.
SPEAKER_01:You know, absolutely absolutely, oh my goodness, how how far have you come with that, with that little boy, right? From him, you know, not communicating, not talking, and you, you know, worrying about that. Like, what are we gonna do? And and now he's playing baseball.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, so it's like it can be these little things or like emotions, right? We all get into our emotions, we're human, and if you guys have not listened to our emotion episode, that's a top one. I think it's episode five.
SPEAKER_01:I think it's one of our top ones.
SPEAKER_00:It is, it is, yeah. But I mean, think about all of the emotions that you get into on a day-to-day basis. Those those emotions are gifts because they're helping you grow and learn, right? Every time you get into anger, every time you get into frustration, every time you go into whatever it might be, this is sharpening your intuition if you're viewing it as like, oh, this is a gift. They're doing so much for you, but a lot of times we view like oh these negative emotions and we let it take us down, right? That's how we can get stuck in victim mentality. But emotions are gifts, losses are gifts, breakups are gifts, identity collapses, all of these things can be gifts, and I want to be very clear they can be very painful things in the moment. So you are not gonna view it as a gift, however, when you start to realize that the things that were stripped away from you weren't serving you, that's where the gift comes in. And Denise, I can put you on the spot here, but like you shared, you're going through a lot.
SPEAKER_01:Like that's that's a really big I am, and I am gonna give you an example because it also happened yesterday where I did, you know, go into the uh old patterns and con and an unconscious, you know, thinking or whatever. Uh, as you know, that I do I am living with my parents right now. I'm not living at my home, at my marital home because I'm going through a divorce. And uh yesterday I was like so excited we're gonna pass out candy. And then it was literally like I was sitting there, and my mom and my grandma was were constantly complaining and the contradicting, like, don't pass out too much chocolate. Or yeah, pass out too much chocolate. And I was like, wait a minute, like we're barely having people. So I was like, first I was in my silence because I'm in my queen energy, like I am, you know, silence is golden, etc. And I could have used so many of my strategies I and I did step away for a minute, but it was just I just let it get to me, which is fine. And I blew up, I blew up. I was like, oh my god, like all this time, you're like complaining, right? And then however, but what did I do? I immediately like to so of course we spent we ended up spending the night, it was like we turned it into a joke, etc. But I did go back and night at night, and I was, you know, journaling about it and talking to myself about it, like you know, what a gift that I got triggered, right? What a gift that my awareness right now I didn't let it drag. And what is this truly about? And now I have a different plan. I could have done this, I could have done that, but I didn't just okay. Um, you know, you know, I realized it earlier, etc. But I am leading into all the pain. I mean, leaving my home and leaving my relationship was very painful, you know, and sometimes it still is, but I am seeing it as a gift because I know that I am one, I'm learning so much about myself, and then two, I have been praying to that's the thing. Like I oh, I would I would pray and journal. I don't know who I am without this, without that, and then when this presented to me, because sometimes God remember, God answers your prayers in this different ways, and it doesn't have to be your way, and it's not gonna be all rainbows and you know, happiness and stuff like that. It can also be painful, but it's always um, it's kind of like when you I always tell Avery, it's like when you when you dig through, you know, like kind of and then you get the gem, or you you know, when you go in like mining with the with the kids, you know, like whenever you get dig through all the dirt to get the jewels and to get all the gems, so it's it's just leaning into that pain. And um, like for example, I was able yesterday to get my nails done. So that's why I I started to see the small little gifts, right? So I was able to get my nails done in between clients, you know, and because I have my my business, and because I don't have to like, you know, um to because I'm living with my parents, I'm not cleaning the house, etc. So I'm like seeing every single thing in my life as a gift, even though I am going through a painful breakup of 22 years of marriage. But um, and again, even with living with my parents, that I'm seeing all the patterns, but I'm always saying I'm blessed that with all of things, everything I'm going through, you know, they're helping me with the laundry, they're helping me with food, like I don't have to cook, I don't have to do this. There are so many things I don't have to do where if I don't live with them, I had to like deal with the breakup, deal with the divorce, and then deal with having, you know, to clean the house, to run the business, to to do all that. And yeah, so I know I went off a tangent. I don't know where I'm going with this, but it is just really important to um, you know, yesterday I was like I was seeing the peace and the happiness and the calm in the moment, even though, you know, I'm not with my husband anymore. You know what I mean? Like, even though I am going through something difficult, you know, and I but I did choose to lean into the peace and calm of that energy. And it's always a choice.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and one thing I want to say about this before, you know, because I could see people getting triggered. So there's your word right there. Listening to this of like, what are you talking about? I'm going through this horrible thing or this terrible thing happened to me, something super traumatic. Where, like, where the hell do I see that that's a gift? And it's not about seeing the gift in the moment, it's not about being grateful for this traumatic event if it's something big, but it's about recognizing on the other side, right? Not when you're in the midst of it. And that's the thing. Like, Denise is seeing those moments, but you are in the middle of it still. Like you can't see the full gift yet because you're still there. So if someone is in the thick of trauma, okay, when you're through it, when you're on the other side, now can you recognize the strength you have? Can you recognize the awareness you cultivated? Can you recognize the gifts, the attachment, all of these things that you were holding on to? The gift is rarely in that moment. It's who you become after, whether it's something major or something minor.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, absolutely. No, I I totally agree. And yes, and people may be going through may more traumatic events. This could be like, oh, this is nothing. Because you know, sometimes I, you know, I do look at other people's like, like, like, for example, I do have a friend going through something a little bit more difficult than what I'm going through. And and I totally feel like her, and I I even say I'm blessed that I'm going through this. That's nothing compared to hers. But I love what you said about it, it is just on the other side and who you are becoming in the process, you know, that person that um you are also choosing to be in the moment. And I don't know, it's just like I know that we're definitely like we go through these obstacles or through everything because it is an answer to a prayer that we forgot that we said one day, right? And it's the prayer sometimes doesn't just come like wrapped in a gift and in diamond and in all that, it just comes in those experiences that will elevate you to the person that you are meant to be that will wake up your soul. Don't forget that a lot of us are going around with their, you know, and so sometimes a lot of my prayer is, you know, um, I pray for my soul to wake me up because my soul is there, it's just like this human suit that I have. And or sometimes I pray for, you know, I know that I'm only seeing the 1%. Help me see the 20 or the 30% of that 99%, right? So for example, today in meditation, I was doing the morning spansa meditation, and he and he goes through in, you know, talking to that parent inside of you, to your inner self, to whatever. And I did tell it, you know, like, show me, you know, send me a sign. It's always about he tells you, like, you know, tell tell your uh higher self to send you a sign that's in an unexpected way. And then I went to Trader Joe's and I bought something, and the amount was$69.99, so it was$9.99, and I came to look up what$999 means, and it's basically everything that I wanted. It was about like closing chapters and opening new ones and stuff like that. And um there are and I feel sometimes when you are viewing these moments as gifts or these triggers as gifts, you are also opening up this the synchronicities, you're seeing them more, but when you are, you know, dwelling in your misery and in the victim mentality, you're not seeing the synchronicities.
SPEAKER_00:No, and let's not forget, we're here to evolve. Like, I 100% believe that to be true. We did not come to this planet to just be the same person of like, oh, okay, yes, I'm growing up every year. I get older, but it's like, are you staying in the same emotions? Do you continue to have the same triggers? Do you continue to speak to yourself and others the same way? I really hope not. Like, I pray that is not the case. And it is for many out there, right? Like so many people, and you hear the word asleep, but they are asleep because they have not done any of that work, they're just like walking zombies, and it's like if we are here to grow and evolve, wouldn't you want to start to see things as a gift to make your life better? Because that's really what it is about, right? Like, if I walk around and say everything sucks, and I was out there at the baseball game of like, oh my gosh, this is awful. How? How does that make my life better? Then it just puts me in a funk. But if I can choose to see things as a gift, little things, big things, okay, what lessons am I getting? I I don't know. Like my life has gotten so much better. The more I do this, the easier it is to get in gratitude and say, thank you, like for all of these beautiful things in my life. And thank you for putting me here. Thank you for letting me experience this. Thank you for letting me evolve. Thank you for helping me continue to evolve. Like there's so many things, and I think that we get stuck at what healing even means. And I I can't define it. I don't think you can either. Like, healing is such a journey, but once you get on that train, it it is like you can't get off once you're on it.
SPEAKER_01:No, you can't, and it's a different journey for every single person. And it's important also to know that also our free will uh is is also us choosing the energy that we want to lead with, right? So you lead with the energy, so kind of like when you wake up and choose, you know, what outfit you want to wear, how you want to do your hair, same thing. What are the what's the energy that I want to lead with? What is the energy that I want my day to um you know to be versus letting the experiences and the moments around you dictate that? So I think if you lead with that, like you know, I mean, I'm going to choose calm today. So when you're on the phone with insurance or with T-Mobile, you're choosing calm versus letting that person at the DMV or letting that person or the DMV person because some of them are rude. I know they're that's why I use that one, you know, dictate that, right? So it is just important to just like you choose your jewelry for the day, your your outfit, your whatever, choose the energy that you want to lead with, and that really will help you to view the moments and to be this energy in every moment and not allow you know everything that's happening because things are gonna happen. That's the thing, you're not just gonna walk easy peasy in life, like things are going to be happening around you, you know. Some you know, but you're gonna be talking on the phone, and someone is gonna be rude to you, right? But instead of you being rude back, it's just you know, wishing them a good day or thank you so much for your help. You've been amazing, you know, and you don't know what you're doing for that person, right? They could be having a horrible day, but you, you know, you don't know how many times was it since I decided the way I talk to people because I used to be very aggressive on the phone, especially like I'm gonna think what I was, yeah. So um I would like right now, I'm choosing to like, you know, be kind and wishing them a good day, or like ask them, you know, and how are you? How was your weekend, or whatever they ask me, so I can ask it back, and you're like, oh my goodness, thank you so much. You know, like they really are thankful, and some of them are not, don't get me wrong. Yesterday the lady was not, but it doesn't matter to me. I wished her whatever I needed to wish her. And um, but yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and I was just gonna kind of throw in some questions. This this goes perfectly with what you said. When we're in little moments, or when we're on the other side, or even in the midst of something, right? If it's nothing that's super traumatic, or if you're if you've done a lot of work and you can still ask the questions in the middle, great. But it this is where asking better questions comes into play of like, okay, why is this happening now? It's a wonderful question to ask yourself. What is this revealing? What strength is being activated in me, right? Because we all have strengths, we all have weaknesses. Where are your strengths? Where can you show up better? And where am I being asked to upgrade how I show up? Like, what else can I be doing? There's so and that's the thing, these are just four questions. You could approach this in so many different ways, but this is where the gold is, or the gems, as you say, as you dig through stuff. Like, you're in the situation, what am I learning? What like what is coming of this? Where is the gift? Even if you don't see it in that moment, and even if it takes you a long time, just know like telling yourself, right? There is a gift in this, there's something in here that's better for me. That's it.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and then just like we always say, Well, you you know, you wanna you want to want better for yourself, right? You do want to ask the the questions, you do want to um take the time, prioritize yourself, you know. Like, like to me, my nervous system is my priority because I lived in survival for a long time, and I I just right now I refuse. So anytime I get back into like, oh my goodness, I have to do that, just slow myself down, and it is what it is. I get it done when I need to get it done, or you know, whatever. But again, I really want to reiterate because you and I used to like listen to these people, and we used to like read the books and be like, oh my goodness, like I don't know, sometimes what are they talking about? I can't see it. And if you if something that we're saying is sounding triggering or is like you're like saying, but how it's literally because you you you need to do a little bit more work, so definitely commit to yourself every day, and even if just like again, I always go to walking because walking is magic, walking is really magic, and then people and you can walk, like even if you work full-time and you have so much to do, you get a lunch break and you can walk on your lunch break, right? Or you can I mean, if you and if you're saying right now I don't have time to walk, I mean, we have a really big problem. Oh, yeah, I mean, a really big problem. Dig dig deeper into that, right? And um, priorities, and walking will reveal so much. Like, ask the question that you know Kira suggested and then go for a walk, or during your walk, ask those questions, talk to yourself, right? Like, you know, no one is listening to you when you're walking by yourself, right? Or even if you're walking with your baby, like I get it. If you're walking with older children, just ask your ask the here internally, and you'll be surprised and always be open to the answers. I always say, I am open to the answers, I'm open to seeing this, and I'm choosing to seeing the synchronicities, I'm choosing to, you know, like again, like I don't want you to think like, oh my goodness, you know, Kira's life and my life is magical, but we're choosing, we're choosing to see it as magic. We're choosing to say that we are brought us here. Yes, yes, yes, yes. And and just thank those hardships truly, truly, truly, truly.
SPEAKER_00:I mean, I don't know, like it's just and that's the thing love everything, love everything that's coming up, and that's what I was gonna say because I've got some clients that will tell me, like, oh my gosh, I just feel like I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. And I'm like, that's where you've got to get into that seeing things as a gift. Do I look forward to terrible things that are gonna happen in my life? No, but thank you for allowing me to be here and have these opportunities.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, you know, and I I do want to say that also we are mostly we are like when we want something, whether it's the health or whatever, the the the money or the relationship or something, usually it's because we are after the feeling, right? And then Kathy Heller says it, and I'm reading a book by I think her name is Jennifer Blanchard. We are like they all are saying the same thing. I think all roads lead to the same kind of destination. Um, but there's no destination, right? We're open. So um you want to feel those emotions now. So if you want the health and the weight or whatever, so you can feel happy or joyful or peaceful, feel the peace now, feel the calm now. And I really love that. Um Jennifer suggested in her book, it's called Quantum Leap Your Life. She suggested to make a list of your feel good list. So today I was writing down what feels good to me: walking, uh, coloring, um meditation, uh, dancing, listen to music. So list your feel-good list, and whenever you don't feel good and you want to get into those emotions, go to your list and choose something for you to do. And you don't have to have a list of 10, it can be a list of three things that make you feel good, right? And they don't have to be extravagant, they don't have to cost money. Walking doesn't cost money, coloring doesn't. I mean, you have crayons and you just color, uh, you know, putting on a song, putting on a song, absolutely, dancing. You can just go in in the room or in the bathroom, even and dance, or um, just go back to that list and and and feel good, and then get back into those emotions because once you prioritize the feelings that you want to feel when because what we always wait like when I get this, when I have the baby, when I have the this, when I have that job, I'm gonna be satisfied, happy, relieved, etc., which is not true, you want to feel the emotions now versus later.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, okay. Do you have an affirmation for us?
SPEAKER_01:I do. Okay, remember, we're gonna do uh just a couple rounds of breath. So we are gonna inhale for four, hold for four, and exhale for six. And the affirmation or the mantra, whatever you want to call it, or the feel-good phrase is I honor the lessons that shaped me. Okay, so I would always well let's put our hand on our heart. We're gonna we're gonna inhale for four. I'm gonna guide you. One, two, three, four. We're gonna hold for four. One, two, three, four, and exhale for six. One, two, three, four, five, six. We're gonna do this one more time. Inhale for four, two, three, four, hold again, four, two, three, four, and exhale, two, three, four, five, six, and repeat that the whole time. I honor the lessons that shaped me. I honor the lessons that shaped me.
SPEAKER_00:And guys, it's just one step on your healing journey. You pick where you need to start. Maybe it's here, maybe it's emotions. We have lots of episodes to support you. We reference other podcasts, books, so many things. So if you are here because you want to start your healing journey, we are giving you everything we have. Everything. And then, yeah, share this with people. Guys, that helps us grow. We so appreciate that. Um, when you leave us a review, when you share it with a friend, the more downloads we get, the more it's shown to people that need this. And then, of course, you can always message us on Instagram or Facebook and let us know topics you want to hear about, guests you want us to bring on, whatever. We'll see you on the next episode.
