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Heal Yourself Podcast
A podcast diving into all aspects of healing; from nurturing your relationship with yourself, to functional medicine insights, to transforming your money story, we're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
Heal Yourself Podcast
Episode 70: How Fear Is Quietly Running Your Decisions
What if most choices aren’t about confidence or willpower, but a quiet fork in the road: fear or love? We dig into the subtle ways fear shows up—people pleasing, endless planning, changing prices, doomscrolling—and how those patterns tax your health, stall your work, and strain your relationships. Instead of chasing perfection or waiting for courage to arrive, we walk through a practical path built on attention, consistency, and tiny experiments that compound.
You’ll hear how media panic can quietly hijack your nervous system and weaken your immune resilience, plus why flipping your focus from worst‑case scenarios to desired outcomes is more than mindset—it’s biology. We get honest about entrepreneurship, from imposter spirals to launching before you feel ready, and map out the one percent rule that turns big goals into simple daily reps. We also share a short, guided 4‑4‑4 breath to help you pause the urgency loop, calm your body, and choose your next step from a steadier place.
Along the way, we talk boundaries without drama, showing up on social without overthinking, and training discomfort like a muscle so intuition—not fear—sets the pace. If you’re ready to build a healthier mind, stronger body, and braver business through small, repeated acts of love, this conversation is your starting point.
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Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.
SPEAKER_00:And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind, and soul.
SPEAKER_01:From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma, and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.
SPEAKER_00:So whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally, or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness. Hello everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast. It's post-holiday season. I hope you guys enjoyed our throwback episodes. Those top four episodes, and I'm laughing. Denise still has a Christmas tree in the background.
SPEAKER_01:Actually, I'm recording from my daughter's room, so that's her Christmas tree.
SPEAKER_00:Ted was like, We're taking it down on New Year's. And I'm like, oh we did.
SPEAKER_01:No, we don't do it until the Epiphany.
SPEAKER_00:Oh.
SPEAKER_01:Which is, I think, tomorrow. Well, usually Catholics do that. Like the Three Kings Day.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. But whatever. I mean, some people take it down right after Christmas.
SPEAKER_00:I know. We didn't, but there are no rules.
SPEAKER_01:Do whatever you want. I know.
SPEAKER_00:Well, if I did whatever I want, it'd be up year-round.
SPEAKER_01:So I know, me too. I love Chris. I don't like it. You know what? Some people just leave it up because they change it. Like, for example, for Valentine's Day, they put like pink ornaments. Yeah. Um, for you can. Some people do.
SPEAKER_00:Do whatever you want. Do whatever you want.
SPEAKER_01:And that's probably will tie in into our topic today.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah. So we're going to talk about fear. And Denise brought this up. And usually I'm not really at a loss for words, but today I was like, I don't know where to go with this. Um, but I think it's going to come to me because fear really is a valid topic, right? And you said something, it's fear or love. And I'm like, what? No, there's in between, but maybe there's not. So I'm going to let you know.
SPEAKER_01:Yes. So the thing is, I know when when I brought up the topic, because usually when we say fear, it's automatically like, oh my goodness, I'm afraid of hydro, I'm scared of spiders, or it's the scared. You know, however, you know, you and I have had so many mentors. We listen to so many people. And bottom line, and I think Anira Mojani said that, or Louise Hayes, somebody, one of them, or entire. It's either we either have love or fear. So for example, and again, we're not saying afraid, oh, I'm afraid of heights, I'm afraid to get on the airplane. Yes, that is valid fear, like when you're shaking somebody's chasing you, you're being robbed. I get that, right? But for example, uh, and I'm gonna put you on the spot today. I brought I brought something up, and then you, it took you a minute to you hesitated to commit, and you're like, I'm not sure if I can commit. So, what is the underlying under that? It's the afraid. I'm gonna tell you I'm gonna commit, but guess what? It might come a day where I can't do it. So, what is the underlying? Because if you're coming from a place of love, then you would have said, screw it, I'm gonna, I'm gonna commit, and whatever happens, happens. However, I believe that you did come from a place of fear, of saying. And again, I would love to, you know, and I I hope I'm bringing it home where it's not the scare like I'm being robbed. You know what I'm trying to say? It's like, for example, people, why do we people please? Because we are afraid or worried that people are gonna not like us, or why some people don't show up on social media, you and me included the way that we are, like the way that the quirky, the the the whatever, the the silliness that we have, because we are again, quote unquote, afraid about what people are gonna judge, criticize, etc. So that I that's true, that's how I feel like if we are coming from a place of love, then we just don't hesitate. We'll make that decision, and then whether it is gonna work or not, it doesn't matter. At least we just did it.
SPEAKER_00:Does that make sense now? It does. And even looking at our words, words to ourselves, words to others, how we speak to others, you're either speaking from a place of love or from a place of fear. So, like when you're arguing with someone, that's a fear-based response. It's not love.
SPEAKER_01:Absolutely. It's you're not coming from love because if you're coming from love, then you're not wanting to prove your point. Because you know your point. You know yourself. Right. And that that's how I'm just starting to see like a lot of the decisions that we don't make, or we say, Oh, I wish I made, or the boundaries that we don't set, or we say we wish we set, we are coming from a place of that fear that just not doing it. And then sometimes what is on the other side when we do make that decision or when we do commit, what's on the other side? It is like something beautiful, and we're like, wait a minute, why didn't I do this earlier?
SPEAKER_00:And I mean, let's just take a look around society and us included, right? We are by no means perfect, and we could have a whole conversation about perfection, but the fact that like looking around, so many people operate from fear, responses on the road, how you respond to others, the thoughts that run through your head every day. And you brought up social media, but it's I mean, it's the same thing with being an entrepreneur, owning your own business or in work. There's a lot of times that we show up with fear, like, oh, I don't want to show up on social media because what if I'm judged? I don't want to go live because what if I look stupid? I you know what I mean? Like we could use that for so many things, but there's a lot of people in fear right now.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, and then it kind of like the domino effect because I remembered COVID. Remember, we I don't think we were in honestly, we were not in shortage, but when when people saw other people piling up toilet paper, what did they do? They immediately feared and water bottles, and water bottles, they immediately feared and went and stocked up and then basically took on more than they needed and created the shortage the shortage, uh-huh, you know what I mean? Just because, or for example, why do we automatically, and I don't know if you noticed that there'll be three lines, one of them is longer, and we automatically just stand in that freaking longer line because we follow the crowd. Go to the short one, I do too, but you know what I'm trying to say. A lot of people just kind of like stay, or like on the freeway, it's like, dude, you can take the other lane. Yeah, so it's kind of like taking the other door or taking the window that is open for you, and we're constantly just following, like, you know, everybody and just what everybody is afraid of. But if we truly are coming from a place of clean slate, letting go, place of love, we just show up as we are, say the things that we say, and do the things that we do without having to worry about you know, so many societal things, kind of like uh what I the voice message I left you on New Year's Day, where I'm unsubscribing from all this. If you're here to create drama, like I'm clicking the unsubscribe button, or you're just gonna do that. I'm not allowing your fear to penetrate my world, whoever you are, or that situation is so it's not just a person, you know what I mean? So, um, and I just I think I functioned a lot from fear because I was conditioned. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_00:Well, and I will say, because you know, my mind always goes back to the physical body, that's just how it works, yeah. But during COVID, uh not everybody, but so many people were in fear for a multitude of reasons. What is this virus? Is it gonna kill my whole family? Um, how bad is it gonna be? How long are we gonna be in lockdown? I'm scared of like there were a million different avenues to go down with fear, but we know that fear is one of the number one emotions that will tank the immune system. And think about how many people get sick just because of fear. Like right now, I don't know what you're seeing on your social media, but mine is all this superflu. I'm like, every year there's a superflu, you guys. Every year it's a new they uh they just come up with a new name. The superflu, the super bug, the whatever. It's like you're getting into fear. All I see in these moms Facebook groups are oh my gosh, what can I do to prevent my family? Do I take this, this, and this? And their fear. And you know what? You're gonna waken your immune system and you're gonna get whatever super flu bug thing is happening. So I just want to remind people of that aspect of we're in fear a lot, and it's taking it, it comes back to what you're focusing on.
SPEAKER_01:So if you are focusing on the super flu, where's it gonna go? It is gonna come.
SPEAKER_00:So there's a lot of people focusing on it.
SPEAKER_01:But if you are not focused on it, then I saw the other dance on social media, and I loved what he said. It was a monk, and I don't know who reposted it, but um, he was saying something like, We are so conditioned to obsess over the worst case scenario over the negative, why don't we flip it and obsess over the positive?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, and that goes back to what you and I've said. Uh, I mean, I feel like we did a whole episode on you do create your reality and it's your thoughts, your emotions. And so if you're constantly in that state thinking about the negative, collectively, as a collective conscious, we're creating more negative. And I'm not saying to ignore the news, ignore things that are happening, but we actually had this conversation with my neighbors yesterday who no joke, he was he's not a stressed-out person, but he's like, I was up at 5 a.m. and I was thinking about everything happening in Venezuela and what could happen if China takes over Taiwan and like spiraling. But I'm like, the more we think about worst case scenario, the more we're gonna create that. And again, I'm not saying to ignore it and be like completely ignorant and don't pay attention to anything happening. I think you do pay attention, but you don't get stuck in it because that's right, exactly.
SPEAKER_01:Yes, yes, yes. And I feel and again, what is the media's purpose? Never positive, it's to create fear because fear creates all the other emotions and all the decisions that drive us to stay conditioned, to stay in in sickness or in worry and control, or like see, like seriously, and this is what I why I told you what I told you yesterday. Let's commit to um, because you know, we are working on our audio, we're like we're almost done with the modules audio, so close I get changed. I know, I know. So I was like, wait a minute, so why don't we just um you know, but why I got um what inspired me was looking at I think it was Rachel Hollis, she's the girl who wrote the book Self-Apologizing or something like that. I don't know, I don't know. It was just random, and I don't know why the thought came to me, and I was like, you know, these people that have written books or that have changed other people's lives, like Mel Robbins, for example, or Amy Porterfield or whoever, they're just like you and me. They're the same person, but what did they do? They committed and they repeated and they stay consistent. And do you think they they they don't get fear? Absolutely, they do. It's just they don't allow it to roll exactly, and that's why you know their book hits the bestseller. Same thing with Kathy. I was like, they're literally exactly like you and me, or like anybody else right now, listening. So if you get inspired by somebody, don't think that they are any different, they're exactly you. Sure, they have different lives of experiences, different upbringings. It doesn't matter. We don't know, they may have worse upbringings than you, I don't know, or they may have better, we have no idea, but all they did was continue of you know failing and doing it again and repeating and not being afraid and making the decisions not out of fear but out of love for their passion. So that's why yesterday I was like, you know what? Let's commit to doing the stories to you know, to kind of like for people to know, like us, and trust us more. So they're like, wait a minute, I love these girls, I want to get their audio program and see what it's like, and how do we do that by kind of by showing up on social and on stories, just randomly saying what we say, and I think what we do is we're also because overthinking is also fear. We're all we're we're thinking our way out of it, or perfecting, or perfecting it. And I remember Kathy mentioned that several times there were studies on monks or something with limited brain, they have limited brain function.
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, because their brain have slowed down because they've learned how to do it. Like people think, no, to be super intelligent in the function of this world, you have to be super smart, and your brain needs to be on overdrive.
SPEAKER_01:No, it is it is, you know, with the decisions that you make with your and to be honest with you, I have I'm not gonna give details on the example because I don't want to, but uh on Sunday, I think, or no, two days ago, not yesterday, two days ago, I I woke up and I was doing my routine and everything, but I still allowed fear to drive something, and I went and I texted this person and I was like, um, should I do this? blah blah blah, and then and then I didn't even wait for her to reply to me. I did the action and then she replied to me literally just five minutes later and said, Don't do it because it will delay something that we're doing for my financial advisor. And I had already done it. Thank God it was rejected by the bank, and I don't think I'm gonna create more problems for her. But the decision to do what I did, and that's why I went on the walk and I kept talking to myself and saying the decision to do what I did was driven from fear. Had I waited and calmed myself down, I wouldn't have now. Is it solvable? Absolutely, but am I creating a step more difficult and difficult?
SPEAKER_00:Yes, but when we're in fear, we create more work for ourselves.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah. Can you give us an example of something that happened to you recently, or or maybe like a decision that you think you made out of worry or out of fear?
SPEAKER_00:Oh girl, I have so many.
SPEAKER_01:Just one. Um I mean maybe not detailed, like mine, vague.
SPEAKER_00:I'll just, I mean, I'll just you I'll be totally transparent with my business. Like because you know this too. Like, business is very personal to me. And I've been in this space now for 10 years on my own trying to run a business. And it's hard, like you want to talk about like facing your demons head on, run a business. Like seriously, because there's there's imposter syndrome, there's so many things, and I mean, I can't tell you how many times I've shifted gears and programs, changed pricing, and it was all fear-based. And it's so funny that we're having this conversation because I haven't shared this with you. But I sat yesterday in some silence and listened to my intuition and said, I have changes, but these are not fear-based. These are changes that I've wanted to make for a while, but I was scared to do them. So for me, it's just there were always decisions based in fear of well, what if someone doesn't like this? What if someone doesn't buy? What if it's overpriced? What if it's underpriced? What if I can't deliver? Like, you know, spirals.
SPEAKER_01:Yeah, exactly. So um, I think our takeaway for you, we're not gonna make this too long because I think we brought it home with so many ideas, is just that at the basis of our reality here, the life experience we're having right now, um, it's either fear or love. And I believe fear comes from the mind and the brain, and overthinking and the conditioning, and love comes from the intuition and from the heart. Absolutely. So, just who do you want to or what do you want to turn the volume up? The fear and let it run your life and repeat Groundhog Day. I know Kathy talks a lot about that movie. Groundhog day repeating the same thing over and over again, or you're gonna be like, you know what? I'm going to change. And the change again, remember, the change does not happen like more power to them, the people who are posting about the new year resolution. But you know, in a couple weeks, we're not gonna see what they're posting, but anyway, because they've fallen off the wagon, yeah, yeah. It doesn't happen. One, it doesn't happen overnight, and it really does not just happen on 112, you know, on one one and ends on 214. So it's literally that one percent. And I love this as I learned that from Kathy. Look for that one percent of relief or one percent of different or one percent instead of saying I want 100 or 50 or 40, aim for the one because guess what? The one after the one after the one will create the the major change that you want versus just aiming for the 100% right now, or like, yeah, I'm gonna start on Monday and Monday never comes. I'm gonna start on, you know. Like, no, yeah. If you're doing New Year's resolutions, I mean more power to you, but right now, on purpose, I don't do anything. No, I don't I just it's it's every day for me. And anyway, for the lunar calendar, I think, or for the Chinese New Year's and thing, it's February 16th. It's not today. It's not, it was man-made, right?
SPEAKER_00:The date is man-made, yeah, but yeah, I mean, I think our goal with this podcast is yes, it's to heal yourself, but it's not just a physical body, right? We know the body follows the mind. We want you to live an abundant life, a healthy life, one that is happy, joyful, peaceful, and you can't do that if you're constantly operating from fear. So just ponder that. And I love what you said, the one percent. I've heard that over the years too. It's like just be one percent better every day. If that's all you strive for, huge exactly.
SPEAKER_01:Do one thing, and I usually tell people like if it's not once a day, once a week, or once every other week, do something uncomfortable that you would not do on a regular basis, whatever it is for you. Like it could be just going to the movies by yourself, like that's uncomfortable for me, and I'll just do it. Or um travel by yourself, that's uncomfortable for me, right? So try to find something that is uncomfortable for you and commit to doing it heck once a month. You know what I mean? So you kind of like because at the end of the day, everything is a muscle, right? Neuroplasticity is just it's just rewiring, retraining, and you don't do that by doing the same thing and thinking the same thoughts and feeling the same emotions on the contrary. That's a groundhog day. That's how groundhog day. Yeah, so you do it on, and you might get again. Remember, you and I talked about it, you might have the same emotion, but you may instead of acting the same or making the same decision, you're like, wait a minute, this is something that I always do. Let me do that one percent. That's better. And that's how you change because it starts small. So we can't wait to tell you all about the Audio program that is coming very soon, I think, right?
SPEAKER_00:Yeah, yeah.
SPEAKER_01:And then just also, you know, just now we're gonna get on stories more, so make sure that you are giving us some love on Instagram. Follow us on Instagram, yes, and I don't have a mantra, but I am going. Let's end with um a few deep breaths before we leave. And I did not look up a mantra, but oh, you know what? I just thought of one right now. Again, I'm just gonna do two cycles of four, four, four. It's very easy, okay. We're gonna again if you're driving, please don't close your eyes, but you can breathe. Okay, you can still breathe while you're driving. But if you are not driving and you can make sure that you put your hand on your heart and then let's breathe for four, two, three, four, hold for four, two, three, four. Exhale four, two, three, four. Again, while you're saying I approve of myself. We're gonna do one more round of inhaling for four, two, three, four, hold, two, two, three, four, and exhale, two, two, three, four. Simple.
SPEAKER_00:Well, you know the deal. Follow us, subscribe, share with a friend who needs it, leave us some feedback, shoot us a message, and we'll see you on the next episode.
