Episode 87: Your Inner Teenager Wants Tacos

Denise sits with coach Emma Hicks to follow the thread from people-pleasing and codependency to sovereignty, secure attachment, and a relationship that could withstand honest change. The story moves through retreats, ignored intuition, a formal separation, and the surprising freedom that arrives when you stop trying so hard and start listening to your body, your boundaries, and your breath.

We get specific about what “doing the work” looks like. Emma maps anxious attachment in the moment—a text arrives, the inner teenager says yes, and the mature self pauses long enough to answer from truth. We unpack reparenting in practice, from giving your inner child space to moving energy instead of endlessly analyzing the past. Denise grounds the ideas with a real boundary win: choosing rest and a deadline over a fun dinner, saying no without over-explaining, and protecting a nervous system that no longer runs on scarcity. It’s a masterclass in clean yes and no, built on a living vision of peace rather than perfection.

About Emma:
Emma Hicks is a coach who helps women stop performing and start living from truth—reconnecting to their intuition and building soul-rich lives, relationships, and leadership.

Find Emma:
https://www.instagram.com/hicks__emma/

Transcript

Welcome And Guest Introduction

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind, and soul.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma, and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.

SPEAKER_01 0:39

So whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally, or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness.

Emma’s Awakening And First Messages

SPEAKER_00 0:50

Hello, welcome to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast. Today, this is Denise, and I do have a guest with me. And Kira could not join us today, and it'll just be the two of us. So I have Emma Hicks here. Emma is a coach who helps women stop performing and start living from truth, reconnecting to their intuition and building soul-rich lives, relationships, and leadership. Oh, I love all this. And I love to say that I met you at an event and I'm so excited to connect with you. So, Emma, just let us know. Tell us how did you get into the space and how did you how did that open up for you? Would love to hear that.

SPEAKER_02 1:40

Yeah, thank you, Denise. I'm super happy to drop in with you and have this conversation. Um, so it was actually back in 2018. I was on a business retreat down in Nasara, Costa Rica. And at that time, all of my worth was tied to what I was doing. So the retreat had business tied to it, and that's what got me there. And I sat in my first woman's circle, and that was my first time receiving a message, like a clear message coming in from I didn't know where, but it was so clear. And the message was to focus on the relationship with my husband. And I ignored it, went back home, didn't change much. And six months later, now I'm leading a retreat in Pacific Northwest for 12 women inside this beautiful home. And that was my next woman's circle. And the same message came through. And I realized I had the epiphany moment that until I surrender and I be submissive to this message and listen, um, there's I'm not going to go anywhere. Nothing's going to change in my life. Everything's going to be predictable. And so it was in that experience that I really started to listen and take that serious and um invest it in my own mentor. Um, at that time it was$100 a month getting on a call with her once a month. Um, and she taught me how to take care of myself and pencil and self-care, like massages and um chiropractor appointments, and yeah, really helping me to get on top of the energy and to um start to see myself. And then it was just investment after investment from there. Um, I'm sure you know how that goes.

Why We Ignore Intuition

SPEAKER_00 3:29

Yes, a journey. Yeah. Definitely is a journey. But I'm interested to ask you, because you're not the only one who ignores the messages and go about doing your day. And why do you think women or men or whoever's listening, I think people in general, we dismiss these messages like, oh, that's nothing. Why do you think we go there and we just don't listen?

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Yeah, well, I think there's a lot of beauty in community and accountability and being witnessed in that and being held in that space when we're left to our own vices and it's just me, myself, and I um there's no accountability there, and I really can get into my independent striving, you know, willing my way through life. And the voices, the chatter that's in the head, um, deciphering, right? What is truth and what is programming and what is fear?

From Victimhood To Sovereignty

SPEAKER_00 4:35

Yeah, and then I I love how we mentioned fear. I think it's also probably fear at the work, or fear at looking inside, or fear at looking deeper into what that message could lead into. And uh, but how tell us a little bit how did things shift for you once you paid attention, once you invested in yourself and in the relationship? And what has shifted for you? What have you seen so far?

SPEAKER_02 5:10

Yeah, um, I can see right away that it's taking me out of victim consciousness, right? Seeing that everything's happening to me, that my partner's the problem. Um, that clear message that I did receive really showed me how sacred of a mirror my partner is. And when I look back now over the course of my journey, that he was the perfect mirror in setting me free um over and over time and time again. And yeah, another thing I would say is through listening, being in my sovereignty and being at choice. So finding the freedom. And when I was really after freedom, there was a year there, 2023, where freedom was my word and I was gonna figure out how to be free. And when I started to experiment with that embodiment inside of me, I really got to see how hard I was trying. And I would say that's the shadow side of freedom. It's trying.

SPEAKER_00 6:17

And I was just trying. I love that. I love that. Yeah, I love that you mentioned this because I think we all also we all get stuck in the trying. Yes. I'm trying to to, you know, and that's what you know. This year, um, I know it's Kira and I, but I'm gonna talk about myself. We're like, we're just gonna move, take the action, and the world follows, and or whatever follows. I think a lot of us, and it does tie in, tie into the victim uh consciousness mentality, whatever, is the whole try. I'm trying to do this, I'm trying to communicate better, I'm trying to pencil in self-care, but it ends up being just trying and not doing. Do you see that a lot?

SPEAKER_02 7:06

100%, yes. And in my own experience, um, yeah, just that grip and you know, trying to keep up with momentum if I'm experiencing success in my business, and I'm just and I'm gripping and I'm suffocating and I'm blocking, right? All of the miracles and the divine guidance and the flow state that I desire to be there. So the art of letting go is something that I practice every day.

Letting Go Of Trying

SPEAKER_00 7:32

Absolutely. Yeah. And then just, you know, always taking the that next step that aligns versus just sitting and you know, thinking about it or whatever. And I feel that yeah, we just get so caught up in the in the pushing and the resistance and the all of that that comes with it. That you're right, it does suffocate and you know. Uh I would love to know like some of the tools and resources that you have leaned on to shift out of that codependency and into the interdependency and relationships. And talk to me, maybe also like for someone who's listening for the first time, maybe, and be like, what does that mean, codependency? Or like just give us a little bit of context and what tools we can actually utilize.

Tools For Moving From Codependency

SPEAKER_02 8:31

Yeah. Um, so for me, codependency, when I was in codependency and relationship, it felt like quicksand to me. Um, everything was really fleeting, uh, drastic highs and then really low lows. And to me, interdependency is being in a secure relationship within self. Um, and getting there, uh, a lot of reparenting um with my little girl and building that safety within. And I bounced between still today a few different modalities. Um, I will say that I spend most of my time with tools now that simply move energy. And I don't necessarily um feel like I need to like name the age of my little girl anymore and really go into the depths because we've built such safety, um, which is so beautiful. And she's built so much trust in me, and I'm so passionate to bringing her along on that journey, right? Um, and uh letting her have that little childhood dream that she always wanted, you know, go to the beach and play while I'm sitting here recording this podcast. Um I just caught her and seeing where she was taking the lead in relationship this morning. And um I really got to see my anxious attachment and where if I receive a text message from my husband of an invitation and he's like, you know, let's get together, and my anxious little girl inside will be a yes right away to that. And so I've really been creating space and discerning um as I'm stepping into an a new level, you know, always always evolving, but this is where I'm at right now. And um giving her that space, being a loving presence, and that goes the same for my kids too, is they just need my presence, just in the room, in the space. They're nine, 12, and 15 years old. And so they're very independent. I'm in a very independent, um, they're all in yeah, independent ages. And so really they just need my loving presence in the space. Um, and that's the same for my little girl. And then at first, I was a yes to the invitation with my husband. But moments before that, I was clear the invitation he asked me about, I literally a minute before that was like, no, I don't want to go. It was a networking event. And then when he asked me in that text message, I was like, oh, like at first would have been an impulsive yes. But then I slowed down, gave space for my little girl, and then I was a no on the other side. And so my mature self responded from that. And I think I've just seen time and time again where how much it costs me when I'm out of alignment or out of integrity with my yes and my no.

Reparenting And Attachment In Action

SPEAKER_00 11:32

Tell me a little bit more about that, because we a lot of us are, and we don't discern that because like you because some people say yes, like you do want to do the excitement and the fun, but you gave you gave that a name with like she's anxious and she's impulsive, where I my mature self came in and kind of said, I see you, but it's an actual no. So someone's starting in this journey, like of reparenting, because some other people are like, Oh no, no, go with the fun, go with the fun. So, what is you know, tell us a little bit more of how we can discern, or what are some maybe attachment types, or what is what is that little child looking for that we can actually teach differently, yeah, and reparent, reparent differently, reparent differently, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:24

Um, so I I know for me, anxious attachment is my style, my partner is avoidant attachment. Um, and so both of us to be in an interdependent relationship with one another and with ourselves and to have a healthy relationship, we both need to be in a secure relationship within ourselves. And um I would say for somebody just beginning in this journey, I think it's really important to be clear on a vision of where you're headed. I think it would be really hard to get out of a loop or a cycle of like, but that's playlate, that's fun, you know, and like without a clear vision on where you're going, I don't know if there's a desire to even want to change that behavior. Um, and I see that a lot too in people without kids and um like single, single women, for example. I feel like I've been attracting a lot of single women into my field. And um yeah, just the initiation that children take you through and the maturity that you receive and the deep wisdom that is found in having having children and um so often, and I mean, I of course even show up in my 15-year-old self, and I'll be like, you know, oh my gosh, wow, I've been showing up as my 15-year-old self for a week. Um But yeah, I've I've found parenting to be very sanctifying in um yeah, in my own journey in the reparenting process, and it's giving me a lot of, I guess, drive. But yeah, it would be to get the, it would just be to get clear on a vision. Like if you are realizing that you're on this loop, you're on this, you're in this pattern, you're on the cycle, you keep going. Like, can you pull back? Can you create some space in your life? Can you go on a retreat? Can you go be a part of an experience? Can you go to a breathwork class and get access to a vision that fuels you and lights you up? Yeah.

Vision, Boundaries, And Aligned No

SPEAKER_00 14:27

I love what you said that have the vision, or I mean, I am gonna give an example of the whole yes and no and then fun or whatever. Um, and because I do have uh, I don't want to say it a vision, but in I decided because it's all about choice and decision, that I am not going to, you know, uh please or fix or uh you know go out of my way or put in effort. I'm gonna meet effort with effort, etc. And I'm gonna put myself first. So for example, I I was gonna go to a dinner this week and it was gonna be fun. Obviously, I haven't seen this person in a while. It was gonna be fun, we're gonna be chit-chatting, etc. You know, oh going to dinner with a girlfriend, it's always fun, you know. But I realized that wait a minute, if I do, I'm going to also, and another thing for me is like I don't want to burn myself out with work, right? With business and with whatever. And uh I still want to have fun, but I also don't want to burn myself out. So I was like, but if I go to dinner, I'm also gonna come back and I have a report to write because I have a meeting the next day that I need to present the report to. So what am I gonna do? I'm gonna go have fun, you know, kind of give that little girl the like oh the impulsive yes, and I'm gonna come back, struggle, and stay up until like either 10:30 or 11 or I don't know what time, so I can go in tired the next day just because I had my fun. So I ended up saying no, apologizing, and I you know we had that thing, but we're I'm just gonna say no to it. But I also said the no because also another thing for me, another vision was no over-explaining. So I said dinner won't work for me tonight. Can we reschedule? And then that put me in the leadership role. I come in, I got my report done, and I didn't stay up, I didn't burn myself out and put my nervous system in survival mode again. So it's not I wasn't saying no to the fun, I was saying no to the new version of I was saying no to the old version, right? And then satisfying the new version that I'm aligned with. Does that make sense? It does matter to have either like when you say a vision, people maybe think of a goal, but it could be your vision is your peace, no rescuing, no over-explaining, no self-betrayal. That's what I was going with this. I didn't self-betray in order to please, yeah. Whoever I'm pleasing, it could be that friend, or it could be the little girl that really wanted to go out and catch up. Yeah, or the teenager, the teenager, not the little girl, the teenager. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

unknown 17:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:35

I know, I love this. So, Emma, if uh what was actually required to uh shift your relationship? I really love to, and then um when we say relationship, it could be with your spouse and it could be with the people around you, whether it's your children or the inner circle, your the the woman that you work with, or even friendships, parents, etc. Because sometimes I think when we say relationship, people immediately jump to you know partners or spouse or whatever, and it could be everything. So tell us, you know, what was actually required to shift that. Because I'm assuming once you shift the relationship with your husband, a lot of relationships shifted for you.

Putting The Relationship On The Altar

SPEAKER_02 18:17

Yes, yeah, that's what was coming up when you were speaking. Um, like how you show up in one way is how you show up in all the ways. And yeah, the journey in making that shift, what was required was putting, and I'm gonna use the relationship with my partner because that has been the one that has shifted every other relationship in my life, but it has been to put that relationship on the altar and to um continue to put that relationship on the altar over and over and over again. And um, there's beauty and uncertainty in relationship because everything is temporary. And um it has been a really beautiful, hard, um, rewarding journey that I have had infinite energy for. Um, I look back and I'm like, oh my God, I cannot even believe like that amount of energy was inside of me to, you know, create some of the transformations that we've undergone. I've undergone to call him to rise, just to paint you a little picture. We were born and raised in Iowa, small town. My mom was a bar owner, um, 300 people in the neighboring town. My husband was a fourth generation farmer on an acreage. And so we just had really, really deep conditioning, deep roots, and we were really well known, a lot of outward success. Had an HGTV show, reality show on our lives, um, built business after business after business, had three children, beautiful, ended up on our own acreage with all the animals and the beautiful white. Pick events. And um yeah, it was just like still never enough. And that outward success um really shone a light and and spot lit some of the darkness inside of me that ultimately set me free. And uh wow, when I think about the amount of like the capacity I have, like huge capacity for life. Um, and now bringing that from the inside out. I'm really excited. I see life in decades. That's how I've been seeing it lately. So we just stepped out of a decade and are stepping into a new decade and kind of like bambiing in this beginning of this new decade with a new body of work and um new ways of relating, new geographical location, being here in Southern California, um everything new in the way that we raise our family and the way we do celebrations and traditions and um really at choice with everything in life right now, which feels so good, and really designing it, really feeling um like in ownership and responsibility of sorting money, um, which feels so good, of like, oh, this is where I put this, and building that new relationship and um creating a new nervous system too. Um, you know, doing experiences that my nervous system has never done before, um, receiving new amounts of income that my nervous system has never received before. So yeah, um, I always come back to space, space, space, space, and this generational shifting that that we're undergoing for yeah, for generations to come.

Separation, Choice, And His Turning Point

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Yeah, that's awesome. And I love everything that you're saying and you've said, but I also want to ask questions, you know, because I so and I love how we there's a lot of things that shifted with you in the relationship, but someone's listening to this, and it's like, but I have been trying and trying and trying, but my partner is not on board. Can you talk to us about that? Because we see a lot of you know, people, whether again it's men or women, whoever maybe is doing the work and wanting to shift, the other one is staying in the old, I would say, paradigm or whatever you want to call it. So, is it possible? Because I know that sometimes, yes, I agree, you know, we gotta change from the inside, you change, you look inside, you look inside, and then you change. But what is the other person in the relationship is having some resistance to that? And again, it's it can it can apply to either, you know what I mean? Like it seems that you two both rose together, right? So, what is what if if someone's rising and the other one is not catching up?

Money, Timing, And Investing In Growth

SPEAKER_02 22:58

Yeah, this is great. So, when I came back in 2018 from that retreat and I had that message come through in fear and control, and I didn't know what that message meant. Focus on the relationship with my husband. I was terrified, like you had said, like, we don't want to look at the fear. I didn't want to look at the fear. And there were so many stories going on in my head of what that meant. And I was like, I ain't going into that, I'm not opening that Pandora box. And um, I was just like, you have to start doing the work. You have to start doing the work. And I probably did that for two years. And I just knew that, like, if you don't come on board and I'm starting to see things that I can't unsee, and choosing myself for the very first time, um, and I'm not gonna stop doing this. It was in 2022 that we went through a formal separation and he moved to a hotel. I'm home with the kids. And it was for him in the darkness in that void that he reached out for help and that he took initiative and he chose to be the leader of his life. Whether this relationship, this marriage failed or not, but he's like, there's like a chance, like something woke up inside of him. And so he reached out, and the next month he went down to a retreat in Texas, and we had just sold our farmhouse. So in Iowa, we owned a farmhouse and this cabin on 40 acres. And I was very um burden to selling the farmhouse. So we we did that. We had this lump sum of money from that, and then a few months later, he goes on this retreat, he comes back. And you know, just the timing of this. Like, we wouldn't have had the money for this coach. He invested in a coach that was there. He wouldn't have had that money. I just think about, yeah, just the divine timing of things. Like, never, never pin somebody into this story of like, you know, they don't have the money, they don't have the funds, it couldn't happen for them. Um$120,000 coach. He invested in himself. We would not have had this money, the funds they like this. Was this the sale of the houses that we sold to have the funds to do this? And he literally did this. We were on a coaching call together with with our coach, who actually is the reason we're here in Southern California now. Um that coach, we were both on a call. And he said, Okay, I think I got, I think I got your husband caught up to speed now. I think he's caught up. So that was our journey. Everyone's is different, you know. Maybe some men are more like inspired by it. Um, I was definitely in a lot of control and fear. And anytime that I surrendered and like gave it up is always when the miracle happened. And nothing ever from when I was in control and fear. And he did actually, my husband did have a life coach that he invested in, maybe a year, year and a half before this one, but he did it out of the energy to do it for me. And so he never actually made any lasting change.

Community, Shame, And True Connection

SPEAKER_00 26:15

I was gonna add is that he chose himself. Yes, and that's where you the shift was because when and I I'm glad that you mentioned that, when he chose to do it for you, it didn't give the you know, the the result. But when he chose himself, so at the end of the day, choosing yourself, and like you said, you know, some relationships will definitely, you know, blossom and be like yours, and some relationships may be a chat an ending of a chapter or whatever, or it could be I mean it could be whatever it is, but I love how you said, you know, just the letting go and letting go of that resistance and expectations. Yep. Um, Emma, I'm sure community had a lot to do with your journey. So tell us a little bit more about how community has been foundational to your journey.

SPEAKER_02 27:14

Yeah, for me, community has set me free in like the shame or the guilt that I'd been bogged down in, um, fostering just really beautiful, honest, real, true, genuine connections and friendships that have turned into lifelong sisterhood. Um, it's been a game changer for me. And is the reason that I am the woman I am today, no doubt about it. Um I'm definitely one who a part of my journey was I'll figure this out on my own because I was so crippled down by shame. You know, I was on my bathroom floor for months and months and months, and just like so for me, I remember distinctly in my early 20s, I shut off my emotions like uh a faucet. And then in my late 20s, I turned my emotions back on like a faucet. And I didn't care, like I didn't know what to do with these emotions. But when I turn them back on, I'm like, I'll figure it out. So so often in that journey to be here, um, I would get stuck in like the sadness. Like I didn't know how to get all the way through. And then the shame would pile down on top of me. So then that would stop me from reaching out or sharing honestly with anybody. But then um, yeah, just uh, and I never brought God into the equation either. Um, so yeah, learned a lot um and like was on the far other side of like no community and now knowing community. I will say that I created a community when I was living in Iowa and it was built for connection. And um I I built that for connection and I thought that everybody else was the problem at the time of why I wasn't receiving the connection I wanted. Yeah, I was like so fed up with networking events and yada, yada, yada, yada, yada. I was in such a victim mindset. And then I hosted that event and I'm an experiential learner, so I have to be in the experience to transform. And I realized that it was ultimately up to me how deep I want to go with others is how deep I have to be willing to go with myself. So that ultimately set me free. And um yeah, yeah. So now community to me, it's I was almost like wanting to create community and like put myself in a box so that I could feel safe. And now I am safety, I am home. And community is so vastly different to me than what it was to me seven, eight years ago. Yeah.

A Simple Practice: Go To Nature

SPEAKER_00 29:45

We are almost nearing the end, and Emma, it was it's been a pleasure. It's and I love like everything, every perspective that you offer it's been really cool. What would you tell the the one person listening today and who just maybe needs uh a letting go or needs uh just that moment of maybe they hear that whisper, but they keep like saying, Oh, dismissing it? So, what would you tell that person?

SPEAKER_02 30:17

I would tell that person to go out into nature and to resource, like sit and breathe and like associate with the surroundings that are around you. Like, really like see the tree in front of you, the sky above you, the ground beneath you, really slow down with nature and just like see if you can just find your bearings and just be there like a 15 minutes, five minutes, an hour, an afternoon.

Where To Find Emma And Closing Breathwork

SPEAKER_00 31:04

Oh my gosh, I love that. I love that. I love walking, I love nature. So, Anna, tell us how people can find you. I know we're gonna put everything in the show notes. What is something that you offer? Something that uh just you know, tell us everything about you, and we would love to uh, you know, how they can, if they resonated, how they can connect with you.

SPEAKER_02 31:24

Yeah, absolutely. So if you want to follow Day in the Life on Instagram, that will be at Hicks underscore underscore Emma. And then I also have my year long mastermind that is for anybody who would be in person here in Southern California, San Diego area. And that is a year long mastermind embody mastermind.com, em as in Mary, B-O-D-Y, Mastermind.com.

SPEAKER_00 31:51

Thank you so much. We always end. I know that you took us to nature real quick, so we always end with a few deep breaths and uh with an with a mantra or an affirmation. And so do you mind giving me an affirmation that just comes to mind right now? Putting you on the spot.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

Yeah, I am love.

SPEAKER_00 32:13

Oh, I love that. I am love. Alrighty. So we're gonna just do it two cycles. We're gonna take a deep breath to the count of four, one, two, three, four. We're gonna hold for four, two, three, four. We're gonna exhale for four, three, two, one. I am love. We're gonna do one more cycle. We're gonna breathe in for four, two, three, four, hold for four, two, three, four, and exhale for four. Three, two, one. You are love, I am love, we're all love. Thank you so much for tuning in. You know this spiel. If you like this episode, share it with one person that could benefit. Definitely go give Emma a follow, check out her website. And as I'm saying this, it is 111. So that is your message for from the angels to definitely pursue that. That means we are in alignment, our angels are surrounding us, and thank you so much for tuning in. Leave us a review, and we'll be back next time. Thank you so much.