Episode 78: Making Peace With Chaos

What if the calm you crave isn’t on the other side of order, but on the other side of a breath? We’re recording from a hotel after a sewage fiasco, juggling diagnoses, car trouble, and a total routine reset—and we’re getting honest about how we’re staying steady when everything wobbles.

We dig into the difference between external chaos and the internal storm that keeps your mind spinning. You’ll hear how we use identity-based change to stop reinforcing “everything is crazy,” and instead anchor to phrases that open space for better choices. From laughter as a nervous system reset to a simple four-count breath, we walk through the tools that move you from overwhelm to agency. We also get tactical about boundaries that break obsessive loops—like setting a 10-minute timer before checking your phone—and how small, consistent actions create real relief.

Chaos can be a bulldozer or a compass. We share stories of forced changes that led to better work, safer homes, and healthier patterns, and we unpack why reframing disruption as direction doesn’t deny pain—it gives it purpose. You’ll learn how naming your inner saboteurs (hello, hyper-vigilance) helps you soothe rather than fight the parts of you trying to protect you. And for the moments that are simply too big, we talk about surrender: handing over what you can’t control while choosing the next right step you can.

Transcript

Welcome And Today’s Focus On Chaos

SPEAKER_02 0:03

Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.

SPEAKER_00 0:15

And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind, and soul.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma, and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.

Defining External And Internal Chaos

SPEAKER_00 0:39

So whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally, or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness. Hello everyone. Welcome to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast. You got Denise and I today, and we are talking all about chaos. Prime season for us right now as I record this in a hotel room. Hopefully, my child doesn't come out. I don't have my mic. I got nothing. It's chaos.

SPEAKER_02 1:12

Well, guess what? If your child comes out or your husband comes in, it is okay because it is part of the episode's title. Chaos. So you gotta have you gotta excuse us. Okay, so this one's gonna be chaotic. I mean, it's not like our other episodes were scripted. Yeah, that's true. So if you hear something, just be like, yeah, it's those crazy girls.

SPEAKER_00 1:37

Well, you know, it's funny because Denise mentioned this, I don't, I think it was two weeks ago. You said let's talk about chaos, and it was chaotic. Life hit us and it was like, nope, couldn't record, couldn't record, let's have our guest episodes. Um, and it was still like the perfect topic. We needed to come in and talk about chaos because I know it's not just us. Like, lots of people, even if you're not dealing with chaos right now and you're like, no, my life is like a coaster, things are cool, great, but you will have moments of life that are gonna be chaotic. How do you work through them?

SPEAKER_02 2:10

That's well, it could be internal chaos, right? So you you may have like uh it could be like, for example, if someone maybe everything on the outside is great, but their health is chaotic, that that can apply, right? Or if their everything is is you know, they have one area in their life that is causing chaos, that it doesn't have to be like the chaos, like you, for example, the physical, like you're having to move houses, you're at a hotel, there is you know, sewage or whatever. Someone's health could be really chaotic, they have one thing after the other, even though their house is perfectly organized and their finances are perfectly great, but their chaos is coming from let's say their many diagnoses or they're getting sick and they don't know what's going on, so it can apply to anything.

SPEAKER_00 2:56

Oh, yeah. Chaos is definitely an internal thing, and that's the thing. The more external chaos that I have, the more internal chaos I have to work through because it just keeps your mind going on like a hamster wheel.

Kira’s Housing Crisis And First Tools

SPEAKER_02 3:10

So that then let me put you on the spot, my friend, and tell us. Tell our dear listeners. I'm being a reporter right now. Uh how have you been dealing with it and remaining, and because I know also, and I would love the listeners to hear this because you really are very, very, very particular about you guys' eating habits. So also talk to us about how you're dealing with chaos, you're not in your home, and then still maintaining those, and then maintaining some sanity, not going crazy. You know, yeah, tell us what you've been doing. What are what are your tools?

SPEAKER_00 3:51

I mean, some of it is literally, and I'll walk you through several things, laughter, right? Like my husband and I, I think it was yesterday, it was like it's one thing after another, right? So if you're also on my email list, you saw the email that went out yesterday, and I shared a little bit about the housing situation. I won't go into it too much. We had sewage, and I don't feel safe going back to the home because it sat for 12 days. I know far too much about mold than the average layperson, and it wasn't like it just was not handled right. And I'm like, nope, don't want to go back in there. Um, I want some thorough testing. So we're Airbnb hotel hopping right now until things are figured out, but then it's like, here's another thing, here's another thing: a car situation, my dad's diagnosis, like it's just it's been bam, bam, bam. And so yesterday, my husband lost it for a moment, and then we both realized like we just have to laugh, like you have to laugh. I cannot control, like this is a reminder. There is absolutely nothing we control, so laugh about it because that is the only way that's the only way I'm gonna make it through. So that's one thing, and then I had to have a heart-to-heart with myself, right? And this is where the inner work comes in, this is where the coaching comes in. As I'm laying in bed the other night, my mind's not shutting off because I've got like 5,000 things running through it. It's gonna be okay. Like you are not here for things in life. We we don't come in with things and we don't leave with things, right? It's a soul that's it. So, like, let it go. If we have to move houses, yes, I love the neighborhood, yes, I love my walks around there. Those are things, it's okay. So I literally have had to coach myself through everything's okay, everything is now, always has been, always be will be okay. That's my phrase. I just constantly refer back to that. And then, yeah, you know, I love to cook and eat healthy. We were at an Airbnb the last few nights. I cooked. And night, Friday night is our night out. We literally, there's a Shake Shack across from the hotel. That's where they want to go. You guys go ahead, we'll walk to Shake Shack. Um, you know, and then the next two weeks we're in another Airbnb. I'm planning on cooking, so and then notice.

SPEAKER_02 6:12

I just also it's kind of like this one, it's not a coaching call, but you know what I mean. Like, notice what she what how Kira described things, right? The laughter, the coaching herself, but then things are still chaotic on the outside.

Identity Work And Language Shifts

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Oh my gosh, there's like nothing's changed yet. The life is still life, and you know, here's the thing that I want to say. So we have so many people that we listen to, and not just listen to. I've mentioned Jim Fortin on here before, he was my mentor for years. He has always gone back to identity. What identity are you working from? And so I was listening to his podcast yesterday as a reminder when I was driving by myself. Um, and I'm like, he's right, like everything that happens now, like, yes, life is a mirror, but it's also a reflection of yesterday, the day before, the weeks before. And so, right now, what am I telling people? It's chaotic, things are crazy. That is currently my identity. I'm just gonna bring more of this into my reality. So I'm trying to be cognizant here of things are great, things are working out, things are becoming more peaceful. And this is where I have to get coaching more, right? Like we all need it because we're all human and we can all fall back into those patterns. I know this about identity and working from the identity level, but because things got so chaotic, I was letting myself fall back into that, if that makes sense.

SPEAKER_02 7:38

Oh, it totally makes sense. Totally makes sense because and it's we we all fall into it, right? Because you're already, you know, you're talking to me about it. I have to call this, I have to call that. Let's say your mom calls you, talk to her about it, someone else calls you or texts you talk to them, so you're continuing, you continuously are talking about the issue, and it's it keeps, you know, piling up and bringing on more evidence. Where when you are switching the scenario, even though the life is still lifing, the the sewage is still there, the whatever is still there. But what you're saying is like you're also right now wanting to coach yourself into, you know, yes, I'm at the Airbnb, however, I'm at peace with it, and I am making it work, and it will work out, whatever needs to work out, because it could be part of the plan and the grand scheme of things for you to get out of that house. Let's say, let's say, I'm just gonna get put it out there, right? So it could be part of the plan for you to get out of that house. However, let's say you were telling you know yourself, oh no, the neighborhood is good, this is good, whatever, and then this thing blew up. Literally, it actually the the poopoo, the caca, just came out, and now it's forcing you to possibly pushing you out, right? It could be that, it could be not. I don't know, maybe it's maybe it's for the landlord to actually right now change something in the house for you. Maybe there was mold, and because you know your son cannot be in mold, something has to change. But I feel that sometimes the big chaos happens because we may be not listening to the things that we were supposed to get done, right? Maybe there were some whispers like, oh, we need to look for houses, oh, we need to move out, but no, we love this, we love that, and then something blew up, forcing you to like, wait a minute, I don't think I want to stay in the house. Is that am I making sense?

SPEAKER_00 9:38

It's like symptoms in the body. It's like I tell clients all the time, your body's whispering. And when you ignore those whispers, it starts screaming. Well, maybe the house starts screaming, you know, and and maybe all of these things have are continuing to force me to slow down because that has been something I have been working on now for years is can I slow down? Can I be at peace with rest, you know? And so yeah, it's still a little bit crazy and there's not a lot of rest, but it's forcing me to slow down in business and just reflect on things. And I think it also goes back to how do we respond? You know, like the old me, oh my gosh, I don't even know. And now I'm like, I'm not freaking out. Like it'll be all right. There's a lot happening, but it is what it is.

Reframing Chaos As A Catalyst

SPEAKER_02 10:25

I mean, it could be inconvenient, I get it, right? And that's the thing that we also want to talk about is that we're not telling you to just like uh be in denial. This is not denial. What you're doing is not in denial. No, you understand it's still there, it's still happening, but you are changing the meaning and the perspective of it and how you're reacting to things, right? And I feel sometimes, and correct me if I'm wrong, and please, listeners, if you I mean, go back into your life, you know, sometimes things get shaken up, chaos gets created and piles up for us to change an environment, for us to change a career, for us to like how many stories have we heard, you and I, of people being fired or be people being let go, and then finding the career of their lives that they're like, wait a minute, if I stayed at this job, there was no way. And because I was forced to leave this job, this career, this whatever, now my life is you know 1000% better. And it applies to anything, it applies to you know, relationships, uh, careers, homes, cities, states, countries, you know, people who stay in this because we cannot sometimes stay in the same environment that created the chaos, that created the dis-ease of anything, whether it's the body, the finances, whatever. So sometimes like wishing the chaos to go away is not the prayer, right? It is show me the path that I need to also know about doing that chaos.

SPEAKER_00 12:09

Yeah, a hundred percent, and trusting that things are happening for a reason, right? Like that's that's it. There's a reason behind all of this. I don't know what it is right now, and that's okay. But I look at other times in our lives where things were chaotic or cross-country moves, and my husband was fired, and he did get a better job. It was so much better of a job, you know? So, like, it was okay, and that's that's where I'm at with this. And I want to ask you, you don't need to elaborate on your situation, but I know you're dealing with chaos. How are you navigating it?

Practical Boundaries And Self-Coaching

SPEAKER_02 12:42

Oh my goodness. Um, life is the lifing, and I also am sometimes giving myself permission to be a human and to sometimes react, and but um reacting by myself or with really uh close people that do understand me, and uh, but then setting a limit on that, right, instead of letting it dwell. So I have a lot of tools, right? So you and I have been doing the work, which uh my tools are I do a lot of walking and talking. I do a lot of that, I do a lot of meditation, journaling, and what's been helping me is also changing, you know, understanding that everything is always has been and will always be okay, it is happening for me, and just asking different questions and changing the prayer and being in gratitude for what is, so um, and then also recognizing, and our guest episode really helped me when she talked about the saboteurs, and that really helped me to identify them and to put them in the box and name them because, as far as a character, let's say the hyper-vigilant, because that's one of my saboteurs, like the hyper-vigilant. So I to I told it like you can sleep right now. So I have a stuffed animal because like sometimes you gotta put things into actual reality perspective instead of just saying everything's okay or like stay in the box. I have a weighted stuffed animal that is with me and I love hugging it, it gives me just peace and um just comfort sometimes. So I was just imagining it. This is the hyper-vigilant and this is the this whatever, and I was like rubbing it and saying, It's okay, you can go to sleep now. I know that you want to protect me, you can go to sleep now. And it took a minute, and that's the thing. What I want people to understand is that things are not just gonna bam right away. Okay, fine, I'm fine. Okay, everything's great. Yeah, no, it isn't. No, it is just also the like you said, changing that. So, like right now, when I'm recognizing, or sometimes like I would, you know, obsess over something. I have that obsessive, you know, compulsive, and I want to check something on the phone. I don't want to go into details, but I'll be like, okay, so I am gonna set the boundary of when I have the need to check something on the phone, set a timer for 10 minutes, which I did, right? So I will set the timer, and then if in 10 minutes when the timer goes off, I still feel the need to check it, then I'll do. And then twice last last night, it was like, oh no, I I don't need to. So I kind of interrupted that pattern, which is the obsessiveness of checking that thing, right? So um, and just constantly just like talking to myself, which is basically, I mean, I know we call it talking, but that's you coaching yourself and then recognizing that surrendering is not, I mean, I'm gonna be very honest with you, like uh some chaos happened a lot this week, so I thought I couldn't handle it me myself as a human. So I went to church because I love to sit in the chapel. I'm Catholic, born and raised Catholic, so I may not believe in everything the the Catholic Church teaches, but I still find peace in the um in the small chapel. So I went to that small chapel and I just sat there and quiet. And I just literally said, God, like I this is too big for me. It's too much for me. I don't know how to handle this, so I'm just gonna give it to you and then just trust that you're gonna guide me through it and just be done. Like I just I was really like, I cannot, this is too big for me, right? So sometimes also surrendering looks like it's too much of a burden, and I don't want to carry it. I don't know how to do with it. You guide me, and then I feel sometimes the answers just come in, or I mean, I don't know how to explain it without being detailed. The answers may not come in to you, but something gets shaken up to like, there we go. Yeah, you know what I'm trying to say?

SPEAKER_00 17:00

It does, and that's the thing is in these chaotic moments in life, whatever that is, health issues, relationships, whatever, you have to surrender, you have to trust, you have to trust that things will be okay, and you gotta keep doing that inner work because you and I going through these things 10 years ago, do you think we would have responded the way? We would have made things worse, we would have brought on even more chaos and health issues because of that, and it just would have rippled.

Practice Over Perfection And Closing Breath

SPEAKER_02 17:31

And that's the goal, and I think it just it stems with our self-awareness, Kira. And I think you cannot buy self-awareness, you can't um just say I'm self-aware and then just do it. I think it just takes the repetition and the time and the practice, right? So I think a lot and you and I know, I don't know about you, but I had the misconception when I used to listen to these podcasts and listen to these people that oh, all of a sudden, even when I'm identifying with a different identity, all of a sudden things are gonna be fine and dandy. They're not fine and dandy, it's just how you are responding to them, and then hence they're changing little by little. So I'm gonna give you a tangible example that I can actually give. So, in my business as a speech therapist, I have to use a system called an EMR to bill insurance, to build clients, to enter the notes. Kind of like when you go to the doctor and they enter all the things. Correct. Yes. So when I first started in my business, I was it was very like, you know, I started with the one that, you know, um, it was it was simple, but then I kind of outgrew it as I have more clients and I'm taking more insurances and stuff like that. So we had to uh switch it. So in the past, I would have like, oh my goodness, it just I would get frustrated and I would get upset at them and everything. So I ended up hiring a virtual assistant who was actually very um savvy with that new program. And she's a speech therapist as well, so she has that background. And then today I noticed myself I was talking to the new company. In the past, like I would have gotten so frustrated with the there were some steps that, like, darn it, right now, like I'm switching to this to make things easy. But then I remembered and I was like, it was like, wait a minute, I chose to change this. Uh my business is growing. This is a proof, an evidence that this is a good thing. Sure, at the beginning, that crossing that bridge is gonna be a little bit tiring and this, but then at the end of that, it is a better system that works better for claims and stuff like that. And I already see it. So I I was, you know, I voiced it out loud to her because I noticed myself starting to get frustrated. So I said, you know what? I'm really thankful. So I reminded myself, even though she didn't need to hear this, but I needed to hear this. So I said, I'm really thankful that we're doing this, that we, you know, I understand it it looks a little bit really hard right now and frustrating, but you know, and then I continued, I'm glad this, this, and this. So it could be tools like this, and that is the practice.

SPEAKER_00 20:09

Um it is, and that's the thing. I think when we look at chaos and think, oh my gosh, all these things are happening to me, around me, whatever. Look at what's going on in you too. I think we cannot get through chaotic periods without clearing the chaos in our minds, right? Like you could have spiraled about the with the EMR, and you know what I mean? Like, there's there's so many things, but if we can clear the chaos in our head and be like, it's okay, this is gonna work out, things are gonna be better on the other side, you're going to get through those really rough times in a much easier way.

SPEAKER_02 20:50

Well, it's the same as when you're when you're um when you're learning how to ride a bike, when you're learning how to ski, when you're learning how to do any skill, right? So at the beginning, it's difficult. It's difficult. At the beginning, it's very difficult, very hard, but then the more that you do it, because so do you go ride your bike one time and you're like, oh, uh I'm an expert, or I I give up, I can't do it. You continue, you continue riding that bike, right? Or you continue uh the sport or whatever until it becomes just part of your new identity, right? So it's the same thing as you're practicing a skill, whatever it is, even crochet, let's say, painting, uh whatever it is, the same applies to that new identity, practicing that new identity, practicing those new thoughts, and then also don't be hard on yourself when you gotta be that a human. You know what I mean? So, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Yeah, okay. Well, do you wanna do a little breathing?

SPEAKER_01 21:54

Yes, I'm laughing because you're like, we're not gonna post this video.

unknown 22:00

No.

SPEAKER_01 22:00

We're like talking sign language.

SPEAKER_02 22:02

So anyway, um, it's all about practice and it is about applying the tools and practicing those tools in order to accept the chaos and then respond differently. Alrighty, so we are going to do a quick breathing again. I know if you have to go, you have to go. It is what it is.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

I just missed a call. That's all right. I'm gonna have to call her right back.

SPEAKER_02 22:26

Okay, that's fine. Okay, so let's do the the breathing real quick. So inhale for four, three, four, hold for four, two, three, four, exhale for four, three, two, one. We're gonna cut this short because we do have a lot of things going on. However, if you want us to follow up on this one, maybe we can do a part two about this one and give an update.

SPEAKER_00 22:53

I'm laughing because it was like perfect episode chaos. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 23:00

We're not posting the video. We're not well.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Thank you so much. Yes, we appreciate you guys. You know the deal. If you get anything from our episodes, please leave us a five star review. Anything less does not does not really help us.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

No, no, and then we'll definitely do a part two. I think that's a good topic to continue, like you know, hammering a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 23:21

Yeah, and find us on Instagram. Let us know what you want to hear about. Yep, yep. Okay, bye bye.