Episode 95: Make Lemonade Not Margaritas

If you’ve ever hit a hard season and immediately felt your brain build a case for why you can’t move forward, you’re not alone, and you’re not broken. We’re Kira and Denise, and we get real about what actually happens when life gets heavy: we blame circumstances, we hunt for proof that the world is against us, and we stand in our own way even harder. Then we shift the question from “who’s at fault?” to “what can I do from here?” because that’s where your power lives.

We also talk about a piece people skip all the time: nervous system regulation. Looking inward is valuable, but if you’re overwhelmed, you can’t process clearly. Sometimes the smartest thing you can do is step away to get grounded, not to avoid the truth, but to come back regulated enough to see it. We use a simple analogy from working with kids: no learning happens in a tantrum. The same is true for us when we’re flooded with stress.

From there, we dig into “getting comfortable with uncomfortable,” whether that’s putting yourself out there in business, breaking the habit of busyness, or learning to sit still without feeling unsafe. We also name comparisonitis, validate that your hard is still hard even if someone else has it worse, and talk about letting people cope in their own way without judgment.

If this resonated, subscribe, share it with a friend who’s in a tough season, and leave a review so more people can find the support they need.

Transcript

The Beginning Mini Audio Course

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey, before we dive into today's episode, we want to tell you about something we created just for you.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

It's called the Beginning. It's a mini audio course, and that's exactly what it sounds like. Not a finish line, not a transformation overnight, just a starting point.

SPEAKER_02 0:18

Because here's the thing: you don't have a motivation problem. You have a nervous system problem. And that's what this course actually addresses.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

It walks you through awareness, emotions, nervous system regulation, boundaries, trust, the real foundations. The stuff that has to come first before anything else can stick.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

It's the 1% shift. You go from a zero to a one. And from a one, everything else becomes possible.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

You don't need to be ready. You don't need to have it together. You just need to be willing to take one small step back to yourself.

SPEAKER_02 0:57

The link is in the show notes. Go check out the beginning.

SPEAKER_00 1:00

We're waiting for you. Hey

When Life Gets Hard

SPEAKER_00 1:03

everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Heal Yourself podcast. And today you got Kira and Denise. And Denise had the idea for the topic, sort of. Sort of. Guys, this is where we're at some weeks. This is real. This is raw. We're like, what are we talking about?

SPEAKER_02 1:21

And then we came up with the when um shit gets hard. Because first we started like when life gives you gives you lemons. You make mar you make margaritas. And I was like, end of episode. Yeah, you just go make yourself some margaritas. And then we just started talking about um, because okay, so because the shit is going to get hard.

SPEAKER_00 1:45

It always does. Like we can't there's gonna be seasons of life where it's like this is awful.

SPEAKER_02 1:51

Absolutely. And I was just telling you earlier that we truly do stand in our own way. Yeah, it's it's us, and then when the shit gets hard, we stand in our way even harder. Yeah. Because we continue finding because that's the thing too. I feel that our mind and our brain, which is meant to let help, which is meant to help us survive, will come up with all the evidence. Like, wait, see, look at this, look at this, look at this. And then we do see the evidence in front of us and step away from what we what what is the truth really, and uh we could just keep standing in our own way until we just sometimes hopefully realize and some people continue standing in their own way and they don't do anything about it, but it's just it's it's realizing that, you know?

Blame And The Stories We Tell

SPEAKER_00 2:46

It is, and you know, when you say we're in our own way, we are. And the thing is, is we as humans love to blame circumstances, and that circumstance could be another person, right? Well, my relationship failed because of you. And it's like, well, but it takes two to tango, or I don't have enough money because you know the world has gone to shit, or you know what I mean, because of tariffs, and it's like, well, but no, like we blame our circumstances when in reality it does come back to us. What are our beliefs? What are our values? What are the stories we tell ourselves on a day-to-day basis? And so it's like, oh my gosh, stuff's getting even harder. So now I'm gonna blame other things. When in reality, if we would look at ourselves and be like, okay, what can I do to improve this situation, even though it's insanely hard, things will improve, but we don't do that. It's oh my gosh, this is so bad. I'm gonna blame XYZ.

Step Away To Get Grounded

SPEAKER_00 3:46

Right. But you gotta stick with it.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

So when you ask this question, because I have been asking this question recently, like every time I get upset with something or someone or a situation or a life experience, I have been journaling. Like I sit in silence and I journal, like, where am I playing a part in this? But then again, sometimes it's like you don't want to even look at it because it is really looking within. And so sometimes when this shit, so I I want to give you permission that one time sometimes when the shit is hard, I'm not saying point the finger, but it's okay to step away from it instead of continuing because I know that you and I always say, look within, ask where I am playing in the situation, or what role am I playing, etc. However, sometimes this is just getting too overwhelming and you need grounding. So what you do is just literally step away. So for example, I was going through some rough time this week, and I was just like crying, and it was just and I'm journaling like what role am I playing in this and da-da-da. But I was just like, fuck it. I don't want to, I don't want to look look at it now. So I stepped away, read a book, or watched something completely like funny, stupid or whatever. So you're stepping away from that problem, but it's not denial that is grounding yourself so you can come back and truly look at it from a different lens, right? So the example I also give to is with my own clients. So for example, if someone, you know, if we have a kiddo throwing a tantrum, there is no teaching happening, there's no learning, right? We have to go back to our regulation, to our grounding, to our homeostasis, and then we move on. And I tell the parents all the time, because sometimes they're like, you know, they they don't know what we're doing. And I always say even the playing is intentional because we are getting to a point of sensory regulation. Because when I have a kiddo not cooperating with me, I can't just say, Well, sit down, sit down, you gotta do this because no one's doing this. Yeah. And everyone's getting frustrated.

SPEAKER_00 5:58

Yeah. And that's how it is with ourselves. But that's the thing, you're not blaming the circumstance. You know what I mean? You're like, okay, I'm stepping away for the moment. This is what I'm dealing with, and that's okay. Then I can come back when I'm more regulated and look within, and I can look at okay, what role am I playing in this? Or how, you know, what lessons am I supposed to be learning from this situation versus so many people that get stuck in the blame game and the victim mentality, which is never gonna serve us. And yeah, it's uncomfortable, right? We will always say that anything looking inward is gonna be uncomfortable. The body's always gonna try to keep you safe. And so it wants you to keep whatever those patterns are, even if they're not serving you. So it is a good thing.

Getting Comfortable With Uncomfortable

SPEAKER_00 6:47

In fact, I heard this from well, from a coach, we've interviewed Lisa Carpenter. If you guys have not listened to her episode, it was one of my all-time favorite episodes. I don't remember which one, but go look for the one with Lisa Carpenter. Seriously. Um, but she was saying on a coaching call the other day if you are not uncomfortable making decisions and going throughout your day, you're not doing things right. You've got to be uncomfortable to be the person that you want to be to achieve the things you want to achieve. You can't stay in the same place. You've got to be freaking uncomfortable. So the same thing goes with this like shit's getting hard. Fine. It's okay to be uncomfortable. Step away, sure, but stop blaming everyone and everything and look within.

SPEAKER_02 7:33

Yeah. I mean, it is it's it is uncomfortable and it's not fun. Yeah. And we find evidence. See, see, I'm happier now, but in fact, you're not happier. It's just you went back to the familiar, the familiar. And the familiar is comfortable, and the comfortable is quote unquote happy, but I don't think it's really happy. It's just the status quo, right? So with anything, with anything in life, and uh I I don't know. This year has been well, since 2000 2025, and now everything I've been doing is just so uncomfortable. Like the other day, I just went because I I'm running a program in the summer, and I literally went door to door, but not door to door to the neighbors. But you know, I went to a coffee shop because I had talked to the lady about it. So she knew I was going, right? But then there were several places next to it. I'm like, oh my god, I'm so uncomfortable going in and asking them if they want to leave, if I can leave my flyer, but I'm like, screw this, you know, whatever. And I just went in and I'm like, worst case, they're gonna say no. And then the first few times I was really uncomfortable and I felt my energy. So I'm like, Denise, they feel your energy. So I had to give myself a pep talk. I'm like, you walk in, I'm the owner of this, this, and this, blah, blah, blah. So by that time, I just got a little bit more comfortable with the uncomfortable. Does that make sense? Yeah, so just get comfortable with the uncomfortable.

SPEAKER_00 9:15

Yeah, she becomes comfortable. It does. She used the analogy of like new shoes, right? You put on your new shoes, they're a little bit uncomfortable, you got to break them in. It's the same thing. Break, break in whatever this uncomfortable is, and it'll become more comfortable.

SPEAKER_02 9:30

Yeah, and then you move on to the next one because you want this to be really comfortable.

SPEAKER_00 9:34

Now you got your new shoes on again.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

Exactly. You get right, because you don't just get one pair of shoe, right? Not Denise. I said, not Denise.

SPEAKER_00 9:44

Yeah, you have several, right? So uh it's yeah, it is and that this can be applied to anything, right? Like you're talking about business, and like, yes, like you could, you know, anybody in business is gonna be uncomfortable at times of like, I don't want to go live on social media, suck it up, you know. But like for me, I'm in a totally different state right now. And I just did a real, you know, for the podcast, my uncomfortable space is allowing myself space. Like that's very uncomfortable for me. I'm so used to being busy. I mean, for years, decades, I worked, and it was like it wasn't just, oh, I work a little bit, I was a teacher. You know how teachers are like they're 50-hour work weeks, and then I had to grade essays and do lesson planning and you know, stuff piled up, and it was never like I was completely off. And then even in my own business, I was contracting with a doctor, it got very busy, and so now things have slowed down, and it's like I've tried to find stuff to make myself more busy, even though I know it's not healthy, it's what my nervous system thinks is safe. So I've been forcing myself to paint and forcing myself to read, and as funny as it sounds, it's very uncomfortable for me. But yeah, you know, because it's uncomfortable for you to sit still. It is, and I that's a thing. I recommend it.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

I associate success probably with busyness, yes, or productivity with busyness being on the go, which I which I am too. Yesterday I forced myself to sit down and read, and then I took a nap because the book is a little boring and I need to finish it, but whatever. That's not that's a different story. Um, it's for a book club, so that's why I'm trying to stick with it. But anyway, so yeah, it's I think it's just also you're forcing yourself to be still because you don't know how to do that. It's really uncomfortable for you.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

It is, and that's the thing. It goes back to we're in our own way, too. Of like, I wouldn't call I wouldn't say it's stuff's hard right now. You know what I mean? Like you guys know if you've listened to the podcast, what I went through, you know, beginning of the year. Um, that was a little bit rough. It wasn't the end of the world. I got through it, but now this is just a different stage of rough. Like it's it's such a funny thing to say because anyone looking from the outside in would be like, What are you? You're stressed because you're not working much? Like, what?

SPEAKER_02 12:11

I get it, I get it, but it's all exactly like people are gonna be, oh, you're blessed to have this problem. Exactly. I I get that, and and I'm sure you see it. I do think too. It's like sometimes I call them when I'm joking around, I say these are first world problems.

SPEAKER_00 12:26

Yes, my husband says it too. Yeah, or beyond white people problems, he says.

SPEAKER_02 12:31

However, though, however, it is an issue for you, right? And it is something that, and who are who am I to say, well, that's not something to worry about, right? Or someone else.

Comparison And Valid Feelings

SPEAKER_02 12:45

So I think this is where also we we go into the whole comparison. Maybe we need to talk about the comparisonitis syndrome one time, and uh this is something that you're feeling. So your feelings are valid. So that is not cool for someone or anybody to come from the outside and say, well, your issue is nothing compared to this, but you're going through it, you're going through the discomfort, you're going through something that is difficult for you, right? Because we all have different life experiences, different upbringings, you're difficult. Maybe, maybe what you're going through can be easy peasy for somebody else, and what they're going through can be easy peasy for you, right? So that's where perspective comes in and truly respecting people's journeys and not comparing at all, at all.

SPEAKER_00 13:37

Well, and I know we've kind of merged several topics together, and sometimes that's you know the best thing. It's okay, that's what happens. But I also like as we get back into the doing hard stuff too and and interpretation, so I won't get into the super specifics of it, but I was just talking to a patient before we hit record who is dealing with a lot. Her husband has Alzheimer's, her dad has dementia. Like basically, she's got a crap ton going on. How do you get through that? You just do, right? You just do. Um and I think it's important to hear that. You know, like you will make it through these things, these hard things are happening. What can you learn along the way? And what are you doing for yourself? Because that's the big piece. And that's honestly, that's been the theme of the day, talking to patients of like, what are you doing for yourself? Nothing, you're doing nothing for yourself. You have to do things for you, you have to fill your cup, whatever that is, because those hard things don't just go away, right? Like, then I feel like you're in that vibration of hard crap and more hard comes and more hard comes. It's like, how do you make things light? How do you, as Denise says, approach things with love?

SPEAKER_02 15:00

Yeah, and whatever and whatever love looks for you, whatever love means for you, right? And because it means differently for everybody else. When you mentioned this, it reminds me of something that I saw yesterday. Actually, I started seeing it last week, and I looked her up real quick. So Jay Shetty was interviewing this influencer, and she was talking about losing her son. So I don't I don't know her. Um, and I don't listen to his podcast, but sometimes it appears on my Instagram or TikTok. So I just looked her up real quick, and I guess she's she looks really young and she has a newborn, and um she her son drowned while her husband was watching the kids, and she's talking about how like she forgave him and and all that. So then I started looking at her, and I was like, she's still like doing this whole influencing things, you know. And then yesterday, instead of like, because I know the comments would be like, How are you grieving? This is stupid, whatever. How can you still show up? And to me, I was like, first I was like, Oh my goodness, like, but then I was like, you know what, but maybe that's her way. Like, I'm like, good for you. Maybe that's her coping. Maybe it's what brings her the joy right now. Yes, and I was like, you know what? Good for you that you're able to do that. Like, I don't know what I would do. Yeah, you know what I'm saying? I didn't go through whole like because I'm sure some of the comments were and I didn't read all of the comments. Sure, they're crap.

SPEAKER_00 16:28

She has judgment, our episode on judgment, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:31

Just 2.5 million followers. So I'm sure people have you know opinions, but um, but then I was like, you know what? Good for her that this is her way of doing it. It may not be my way, it may not be your way, it may not be someone else's way, but who are we to judge? And that's an that's really important. Thing is, like also when someone's going because I'm also talking about you because your hard stuff to somebody else is looking to be like Kira really is hard, like your painting right now, not hard, but it's uncomfortable, uncomfortable, uncomfortable. This is really uncomfortable, but that's the thing. It's like to you, it truly is, and it is a thing, right? So, we also, as if we're coming from love, we are respecting your journey because this is your discomfort, and that's okay, because it might not be someone else's discomfort, and that is also okay. Yeah, we definitely need the compare that compare what is it called? Comparisonitis. Yeah, comparisonitis, yeah. We need to do that, but we do it's it's it's really important to also understand and and be like, yeah, that is her yeah, and that's the thing.

SPEAKER_00 17:42

This is just the stage I'm at in my own healing journey is recognizing like you need to learn to slow down, you need you need to bring in the daily joy, the things that we talk about on the podcast, and the things I talk about with clients and patients every day. And I'm like, wait, where's mine? Where's my daily joy? Where am I filling my cup?

SPEAKER_02 18:00

Like you know, so yeah, so just be uncomfortable, get comfortable with the uncomfortable. I think this is the until it becomes comfortable, and then we move on to the next one because we I don't think we come to this lifetime to just stay status quo. We're coming to grow and just the growing pains of the body, right? Like you feel the growing the you actual feel the pain when you're growing. I didn't think I don't think I felt them because I don't know if I felt growing.

SPEAKER_03 18:34

I didn't I didn't grow too much. Denise is short. I'm very short. I don't know if I remember my son going through it because I even went to the doctor. I'm like, what he's like, he's growing, Denise. That's why. Yeah, some people, yeah. Same my daughter too.

SPEAKER_02 18:49

I remember both of them experienced it. So it's just like your physical body feels the pain when you are actually growing, same thing. And growth doesn't just end, it just keeps going. And it is really important to whatever situation is become comfortable with the uncomfortable, and sometimes it's okay to put yourself through uncomfortable situations to see what also you can handle and where you want to look within even more. Because sometimes, you know, we can't really handle some things, and it's like, oh, this is too uncomfortable. You know, and little by little you can become comfortable with it.

SPEAKER_00 19:32

Yeah.

Lessons, Mantra, And 4-7-8

SPEAKER_00 19:34

And just knowing, like, we're all gonna go through those hard times, right? We're always gonna be handed lemons in life, and it is what it is, and you have a couple choices, but we hope that you choose the choice where it's like, okay, maybe I'm not gonna make a margarita, but maybe I'll make some lemonade. And maybe I'm gonna take with it some lessons. You know, that's the big thing is when you're going through these hard times in life, don't just let them be hard. Don't just, you know, look at the circumstance, but look at okay, this thing I'm going through is really challenging, whatever it might be, from the extreme to the non-extreme. But what am I supposed to learn in this situation? If you can always come back and ask yourself that and always do what Denise said, either step away or do something for yourself to fill your cup, you will get through it, I promise you. Yeah. Anyway.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

I think this is it for us. What are we what what is a mantra?

SPEAKER_00 20:37

I have no idea. Um something like it's okay to be uncomfortable, or I'm safe. Being uncomfortable, I'm this is a season, not a sentence.

SPEAKER_02 21:01

Or this two shall pass. I like that.

SPEAKER_00 21:03

Let's go with it.

SPEAKER_02 21:04

Let's just keep it simple. Everyone says it, everyone we didn't create it. Alrighty, same as usual. If you are driving, do not close your eyes. But if you're not, please do. We're gonna do the four, seven, eight. This two shall pass, whatever you're going through. Can be it can be easy to somebody, or it can be hard. Whatever you're going through, it is valid for you. So we're gonna inhale for four, two, three, four, hold for seven, six, five, four, three, two, one, and exhale for eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. This two shall pass again. Inhale, one, two, three, three, four, one, two, three, four.