Episode 96: There Is No Pill For Comparisonitis

Comparison can look harmless until it starts rewriting your self worth. We’re Denise, a speech language pathologist and self love coach, and Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we’re naming the pattern so many of us live in: comparisonitis. It shows up as a quick glance at someone else’s body, business, relationship, money, or healing story, then turns into a spiral of “I’m behind” and “I’m not enough.”

We unpack the real danger: you never have the full picture, but your brain will happily fill in the blanks with harsh assumptions. Social media comparison makes it worse by feeding you highlight reels and peak moments while hiding the sacrifices, support, and stress behind the scenes. We talk about the moment comparison crosses the line into judgment, how it can flip into resentment and cruel commentary, and why that energy always comes back to drain you.

Then we pivot into what actually helps: using comparison as data instead of a weapon. If you feel envy, we show you how to ask what it’s pointing to, identify what you want for yourself, and make a 1% shift today. Real healing is active, and clarity comes from action, not from scrolling, affirmations, or waiting for the perfect mindset. 

Transcript

Welcome And What We Cover

SPEAKER_00 0:03

Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Denise, a speech language pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens.

SPEAKER_01 0:15

And I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist, and we're here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind, and soul.

SPEAKER_00 0:24

From the latest in functional medicine to nurturing your relationship with yourself, healing trauma, and even transforming your money story. We're here to empower you with the knowledge and tools to create lasting change.

SPEAKER_01 0:38

So whether you're looking to heal physically, emotionally, or spiritually, join us as we explore the many paths to wholeness and wellness.

What Comparisonitis Really Looks Like

SPEAKER_01 0:49

Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Heal Yourself Podcast. And today you got Kira and Denise, and we're talking about comparisonitis, which I guess builds on last week's episode, right?

SPEAKER_00 1:01

They're all building on each other. They are kind of building it. We mentioned it. We mentioned in the episode that we're gonna talk about it. So, but first tell us, Kira, what is comparisonitis?

SPEAKER_01 1:12

I mean, it's basically comparing yourself to someone else, but like getting stuck in that loop, right? Of like, I'm comparing my finances to this person's. But then it usually spirals. It's not just comparing yourself to one thing. Like in the business space, right? Like when you and I were running our programs together, we would compare ourselves to others in the industry who were doing the same thing. And how are they so successful? And how are they making this money? And how are they bringing people in? So it's kind of getting in a spiral. It's not a one-time comparison, it's like a it's like a sickness.

SPEAKER_00 1:48

It's a sickness, that's why it's an itis, right? It's a disease. Oh my god. And if you have the disease, there's no pill for it, other than the inner work. So, I mean, I'm gonna also say that sometimes it is healthy. It could be the comparison could be healthy if you use it as an inspiration. No, but if you use the comparison to beat yourself up and to berate yourself and talk negatively about yourself, like for example, if let's say a business, right? So you look at someone's business and you're and you say, and you start saying, What is wrong with me? Like, why is my business this, this, and this? This is the comparisonitis. But if you look at somebody's business and you say, Hey, wait a minute, if that person can do it, I can too, and then you get inspired, then this is an inspiration, not a comparison. You you you kind of looked first, but you didn't judge, you used it as a motivator for yourself. So this work, it could also it can be healthy, but you gotta watch out from the judgment piece.

Inspiration Versus Self Judgement

SPEAKER_01 3:00

I think that's like the key distinguishing factor of like as soon as you get into the judgment, and I think you also have to understand it's about you. You know what I mean? You can compare yourself to someone else, but you don't even know the whole freaking story. You are just creating your own stories about the situation now, and we'll use business again, but it can be health, right? You can look on social media and be like, look at all these people who have healed themselves from diseases and who now do XYZ. You don't know the whole picture, and it's also about you. You're telling yourself a story that I'm not good enough, I'm not where I should be. No one is where they want to be ever, ever, because there's always more to do.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

And we a lot of the times, most of the time, we don't know their backstory, the people that were judging.

SPEAKER_01 3:50

That's what I'm saying. We don't know what's behind it, we don't know their history, their access to resources, their finances, their whatever.

SPEAKER_00 3:59

Yeah. Yeah. And that's where we can't, we we really can't. That is a losing game. Comparing is a very losing game that it's only bringing you heartache and bringing you just not healing because it's there's no way you can't like one sometimes told me a while back that we can both, you and I, Kira, be traveling to the same destination, right? We're all we're both, let's say, going to LA, right? But with me, it's only a two-hour drive, so I can get there before you, and then for you, it is going to be you have to get on the airplane, and it's gonna be longer, maybe you may arrive the next day, etc. So that's why we can't really compare the journeys, yeah. You know what

Social Media And The Endless Spiral

SPEAKER_00 4:51

I mean? Like it is really such a loop and spiral that you can get into, and especially with social media right now, especially with social media.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

I was gonna say, I feel like compared to 15, 20 years ago, it's a whole different ballgame. Like, if I yeah, yes, you could compare yourself, right? Like, I'll take myself back to like my teenage years. Of course, I compared myself to others in school. Like you're going through that maturity piece of like trying to find yourself. Am I good enough? Do I look like them? But it was just localized, right? You could go home and then it's like, oh, the comparison it is kind of stops because you're not in the situation. Social media is just everything, like you scroll on Instagram and you're comparing how you look to others, and then oh, well, I'm running a business, so now I'm gonna compare my business, and then oh wait, I saw this on Facebook, and look how pretty their art is compared to mine. Like it's never-ending judgment, right?

SPEAKER_00 5:50

And a lot of the times people are only portraying their happy moments, their peaks. You know, they're not talking about the behind the scenes, about the sacrifices that they went through, or whatever they did to get there, or to go on this vacation, or to have this beautiful relationship, or this beautiful family, or whatever it is, right? So it's really important to, and it's it's this is awareness, you know, like because we all do it, you know, we we do it. Once you look at social media or once you look at other people, you are going to possibly start comparing or for sure start comparing. Yeah, but it's just that that awareness piece insane instead of using it as a tool for a negative outcome where you are beating yourself up and dragging yourself down, you're using it as a tool. Well, this is what's available for me. Yeah, you know, like if it is a relationship or health or business, this is available for me because if that person can do it or this group of people can do it, for sure I can. What do I need to do, or who do I need to be to get there?

SPEAKER_01 7:04

Yeah, and you can flip it, right? We talk about this all the time that everything's a story, everything's interpretation. Change your interpretation, right? It is a normal human experience to judge ourselves and to compare our journey to others, right? However, we don't have to stay stuck in that. We can turn it from like, why does she have that? And I don't, to okay, what is it that I want for myself and how can I get there? How do I step into the identity of the person that has that versus sitting here basically sitting in victim mentality again of, oh, I don't have that. It's gonna take me so long to get there. When we can redirect that comparisonitis, make that illness become information about your own desires, great. Like that's where we want to be. So it's not just stop comparing because that's it's never gonna happen. Like that is just a normal human, I'm not gonna call it emotion, but an experience.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Yeah, it can be collecting data, you know, exactly. Like if you're looking at somebody and you are starting to compare to become envious, always look within. Why? What is showing up within, and then use that as your motivation and how you can improve whatever you're looking at because we don't know what you're comparing to, but we all are, we all are you, right? You do it, I do it all the time. You know, you could be looking at like anything and be like, why is why is their life like this and my life isn't? But you don't know what took of them for them to get here, and also you don't know what still is going on behind the scenes because I really used to feel that um, you know, a lot of because you know, I follow a lot of business, and I would be, oh, you know, once you are a successful business owner, there's some things that go away, like whether it's anxiety or the fear or the discomfort, and it doesn't because I consider myself right now a successful business owner because of my speech business is doing really well. However, those feelings did not go away. I still have the fears, I still have the discomfort. Now, do they last long like they used to? Not really. I I completely step into my identity and you know, how could I deal with this or talk to myself or whatever? But they don't go away. The fears don't go away, they're still there. It's just their voices are way lower than your desire.

SPEAKER_01 9:46

Yeah.

The 1% Shift That Breaks It

SPEAKER_01 9:47

And I think kind of peggybacking on what you said, use these as a stepping stone, right? Yes, create the awareness. Okay, why am I doing this? What do I desire for myself? But then, as you've said, and we talk about in our course, what's that 1% shift? Okay, so I desire this thing. What's one thing I can do? Don't just tell yourself, oh, I desire this thing. We don't just sit on the couch and manifest things, right? Like you actually have to do something. You're comparing your health to someone's. Okay, what's one thing you can do today to improve upon your health? Maybe it's to go drink a freaking glass of water, as simple as that is. If it's your business, as Denise gets a drink of water, maybe it's something in your business. Okay, well, instead of here, you know, sitting here scrolling on social media and wallowing in my sorrows because these people are doing well, is that serving you? Like, is that building your business? What's one thing you can go do to do that? So I think it's it's a stepping stone, right? Okay, I compared, shoot, this is what I desire. Great. Now, what's that one thing I can do to take action?

SPEAKER_00 10:53

Yes, and I want to add that sometimes what we do in order to justify why we're where we are, we say we start giving excuses. Oh, well circumstances, yes, yeah. They have this health because they're so healthy because they attended this seminar and they have so much money that blah blah blah, or she has this business because this no, don't give excuses because you really, truly, truly, truly don't know. No matter how much you think you know the person, you still don't know. So instead of exactly sitting down and justifying why that person has what you want, look within and see what is that one percent, what is that one thing that I need to do in order to, yeah, exactly. It doesn't, and I know we're gonna talk about it next week. Uh, I know that we we said that we are. It's just you gotta take that action and the act that clarity comes from the action, and then it just starts that momentum, right? Exactly. You can't manifest sitting on the couch, you can't manifest just saying the affirmations, you can't manifest just by watching you know inspiration videos or podcasts because they just remain that, right? You can read a book, but if you're not implementing what's in the book, you're not moving the needle, right? So instead of dwelling and comparing and justifying why these people are better than you, do something about it.

SPEAKER_01 12:18

Yeah. And I also want to add something basically on the flip side.

When Comparison Turns Into Resentment

SPEAKER_01 12:24

We were talking about me spending more time being comfortable with the uncomfortableness of being less busy, if that makes sense. Do you like how I worded that? I love how you worded that. Um but you mentioned something of like someone listening might be like, oh wow, you know, like first world problems. But I think people can compare in that regard too. So not just, oh, I desire this thing, but it almost turns into a comparing and then judging of like who are they to say that that's a problem when I have XYZ, you don't know their story. So I think that's really important. We can compare in two different ways. That comparison turns into judgment, but in some instances it turns towards resentment or almost in the sense of well, I'm comparing. I'm still, you know, I got the disease, the comparisonitis disease, but now I am making myself better than them because who are they to have this problem?

SPEAKER_00 13:28

Does that make sense? Yes, yes, it does. And then you start resenting them and you start saying sit negative things about them. And that does not serve you either and that's what exactly, and that's what we see in the comments when we are looking at, you know, like whether it's an influencer or successful business owner or somebody who is successful in their relationship or in their children or whatever, you see all of those negative comments from these people that one, they don't even know them, and then two, they're probably also justifying their own misery. I don't want to kind of like you know be um harsh about it, but yeah, it is when you are dwelling and you are negatively talking about somebody that you don't even know, um like just shut up. Like this is definitely this is definitely coming from a place of despair and misery. Instead of doing that, like sure, maybe no, nothing. I there's no justification. Do something about it, do that one percent. You know, it that doesn't give you if you're not where you want to be, and it doesn't give us whoever, not just you, like if we are not where we want to be, don't berate somebody else or resent them for what they have because you truly don't know what they went through, right? So it's it's not serving you.

SPEAKER_01 14:56

It is that's the piece that people don't get. It's like, oh, it doesn't hurt anybody for me to feel like their problems are minuscule or to get on social media because they have a large following and to say these things. It absolutely hurts you. So for people that feel like, oh, it's not a big deal, it is, it's coming back on you. It really is, it's stealing from your energy, your power. It's not worth it. We don't know someone else's full story, so just let it go, just focus on you. Goes back to our episode from a few times ago. You're not that important, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:31

Exactly, not that important. Focus on you, and if you focus on you as much as you focus on them, you know where you you know where you'll be. Yeah, if you don't waste your time and your energy focusing on others, again, get inspired. We're not telling you not to get inspired, but don't focus too much on

The Grass Is Not Greener

SPEAKER_00 15:54

them. And again, sometimes what works for others may not work for you, so don't just always follow the herd, you know, and I am very, very uh, I want to kind of like call myself out on it because I sometimes in business recently I switched um platforms that I used called an EMR to you know submit claims and stuff like that because everybody else was talking about this one. The other one I was using was one cheaper, and then two was working. Sure, it had glitches, and I thought, oh, everybody else and their mother is using is using this one, then it must be great. It also has its glitches, and I'm facing the same glitches as I did with the other one, and now I'm paying double. So I'm paying double to have the same glitches.

SPEAKER_01 16:40

I can really remember I moved to Kajabi and I'm like, everybody kept telling me how amazing Kajabi was. I was it was not for me, I was not at the right place of the business. It I couldn't even justify it. So yeah, we we mute our own intuition and we listen to others, we compare to others. Oh, well, it must be better because they said so. Yeah, and that's like a different conversation, but it still ties in with this.

SPEAKER_00 17:08

Absolutely, absolutely, and then just learn from it, you know, because right now I'm like, I'm not gonna go back because the migration and the transition, I don't know how it is with you, but with us and with the client files and claims and stuff like that, it's really a pain. So I'm sticking with this one, and it is user-friendly, you know. I get it, you know, it has more features, I have to say that it does. So I'm just finding good ways about it, but I didn't need to switch, I truly didn't because I I mean, yeah. So the grass is not greener on the other side, we think it is. There could be turf, there could be turf.

SPEAKER_01 17:46

There could be a lot of things living in there. Yeah, it's never greener on the other side, and that's the thing. We compare, but what are we comparing to? Because, like you said, we never fully know someone else's story. Like, even look at our kids, look at our spouses, look at our best friends. We are not living in their body with their spirit. We do not know the emotions, the thoughts, the beliefs, and all the things that run through them. So we can't.

SPEAKER_00 18:12

And we didn't live their and we didn't live their childhood. So no matter how much I know you, Kira, and you tell me the stories, I'm not in your like, okay, I could put myself in your shoes, try, but I cannot be in your shoes because I don't know.

SPEAKER_01 18:27

Yeah, you didn't live every experience in the last 44 years. Like I said, even with kids, do I know my son? Yes, but I don't, he doesn't share every fear. I don't know every emotion he has and how he's gonna respond to everything. So we compare, but if you think about it, it is the dumbest thing ever.

Healing Requires Inner Work

SPEAKER_01 18:45

It's like comparing an apple to a shoe, like they are so far removed from one another, it makes no sense. And so, you know, we're talking about healing on this podcast. You can't heal if you're continuously comparing. And it's funny because I needed this reminder too.

SPEAKER_00 19:01

Absolutely not. I do too. And a lot of the times, like I love how you and I talk about these things because a lot of the times it is reminders for us. Yes, we've been through the healing journey and we've been human. We're exactly. I was listening to, I don't know if you know her, but Dr. Shafali wrote so many books about conscious parenting, and she was on the podcast yesterday. I knew about Dr. Shafali since my son was little, like she's been writing books for a while, but then she was on um a recent podcast because she wrote new books, and now her daughter is 23. At the time, her daughter was little, and she even said yesterday on the podcast that sometimes her daughter tells her, Well, I cannot believe that Dr. Shafali is acting this way and saying these things to me. And she's like, Well, I'm sorry, but I'm still a human. I'm not always, you know, the conscious, you know, parent or whatever. She's, I think she's um, I don't know, she's a she has a doctorate in something, but um, but yeah, she's written and talks a lot about conscious parenting. And I remember sometimes Dr. Wayne Dyer used to say, like his kids used to tease him, I can't believe Dr. Wayne Dyer is saying something like that, you know, because you know they they preach differently, but at the end of the day, whoever you are, you're still a human being and you still come with your own baggage and you still are going to mess up. But it is how fast you get up from that mess up and how much you allow it to rule your life.

SPEAKER_01 20:40

So yeah, and also where you're willing to go, right? So many people are not willing to even have this conversation. No, I won't own that I compare whether it's you know comparing to something else or comparing to judge that my life is better. I need to justify that my life looks better than yours. Um so many people won't go there. So many people won't go to any of these places that we talk about on the podcast, but I will always go back to what my spiritual mentor has said. If he signed off every call, the world needs you, and it is so true. Just look around, look around at the chaos, look around at the trolls on social media, look you know what I mean? Look at everyone who gets into judgment comparisonitis. The more we work on ourselves and showing up as the authentic, loving versions of ourselves, the more the world is gonna shift. So please do the work.

SPEAKER_00 21:39

Yeah, and there's no working around it. It is you you gotta do the work because it's if you want to heal, you gotta do that uncomfortable work.

SPEAKER_01 21:52

And if you want the world to heal, you know, it goes back to that. People always say, Well, so much is wrong with the world. Well, it starts with you, work on you, but don't compare to you know half of society that's out there that you think is making the wrong decisions, voting the wrong way, but just focus on you.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

Absolutely, focus on you. Get inspired, but focus on you. Yeah. Okay. Ding ding ding. I'm done. We are done, and I think this just like um the takeaways are always through in the episode. Throughout the episode, so there isn't like one specific I wanna say giveaway. No. There's one speci there isn't one specific giveaway. Takeaway. The whole episode is a takeaway and I have a mantra for today.

Mantra And 4 7 8 Breathing

SPEAKER_00 22:47

Ooh, what is it?

SPEAKER_01 22:48

I am exactly where my own story is.

SPEAKER_00 22:52

I am exactly where my own story is. Alright, I am exactly where my own story is. I need to write it down so I can remember.

SPEAKER_01 23:06

It's a longer one. It's a unique one, but it's you are. You sure are. That's your story because everything is a story, everything is an interpretation. You're exactly where your story is. It has nothing to do with someone else.

SPEAKER_00 23:20

Absolutely. Alrighty. You know the joke. If you're driving, do not close your eyes. But if you are not, please close your eyes. I recommend hand on your heart, the other one on your belly. We're doing the usual four, seven, eight. And we are saying in our mind or out loud, I am exactly where my story is. Alright. Inhale for four, two, three, four, hold. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, exhale, eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. I'm exactly where my own story is. Again, one more round. Inhale one, two, three, four, hold, two, three, four, five, six, seven, and exhale. Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one. Exactly where my own story is.

Course Invite And Closing

SPEAKER_00 24:36

Don't forget to check out our course.

SPEAKER_01 24:38

Yes. If you need help making that 1% shift, if you want to take it a little deeper than the podcast goes with the more actionable steps, 11 bucks, guys. It's in the show notes. It is in the show notes, and it's less than a coffee and a bagel. Amen to that. Alright, we'll see you on the next episode.