Episode 107: Stop Chasing Root Causes

The most tempting form of avoidance is the kind that looks like self-improvement. When you’re stressed, symptomatic, or stuck in old patterns, it feels responsible to search for the next root cause: another lab, another supplement, another therapy modality, another round of shadow work, another nervous system practice. But what if all that “digging” is keeping you in limbo because it gives you answers without asking you to change your life?

We get real about the difference between helpful curiosity and endless investigation. We talk about why people crave a single clean explanation, how that need for certainty can push you to over-analyze your past, and why healing doesn’t require you to remember every origin story to move forward. From functional nutrition basics to mindset and self-love, we keep coming back to one practical filter: will this new information change what you do tomorrow, or are you postponing the uncomfortable next step?

You’ll hear our take on spiritual rabbit holes, inner child work, and nervous system regulation, plus why rigid routines can backfire for anyone who already leans perfectionistic. We share simple, grounded alternatives you can use in real time: moment-by-moment support, fewer “projects,” and more follow-through on boundaries, sleep, circadian rhythm, food choices, and the small actions that actually move the needle.

If you’re tired of feeling like healing is a full-time job, press play. Then subscribe, share this with a friend who’s stuck in the research loop, and leave a review so more people can find a calmer way forward.

Transcript

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Welcome And How We Heal

SPEAKER_00 0:01

Welcome to the Heal Yourself Podcast, where we dive deep into all things healing. I'm Kira, a traditional naturopath and functional nutritionist.

SPEAKER_03 0:09

And I'm Denise, a speech-linched pathologist and a self-love coach for adults and teens. And we are here to guide you through the transformative process of healing your body, mind, and soul.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

Which means we're not staying in one lane. One episode, we're diving deep from the clinical, the gut-the-nervous system collabs.

SPEAKER_03 0:28

And the next we're unpacking identity, frequency, fake, whatever story realizing we've been attached to that week.

SPEAKER_00 0:36

Because your body was never separate from the rest of you. The gut, the nervous system, the story you carry about who you are. It's all one conversation.

SPEAKER_03 0:44

Honestly, think of it less like a polished podcast and more like sitting in on a conversation between two besties who happen to also be obsessed with healing.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

So pull up a seat, no spiritual bypassing, no toxic positivity, just the truth about what it actually takes to come home to yourself. Your body already knows the way.

SPEAKER_03 1:04

Let's go remember it together.

Do We Need Another Root Cause

SPEAKER_00 1:21

And we're talking about something. I mean, we can always take things in multiple directions, but do we really need another root cause? I mean, I could spiral on this. We do. Why are you like bursting my bubble? I know we don't. Like, right, I could go on and on about this from like a health lens, but we could talk about this from all aspects, right? And I I mean, I feel like most people, when we say root cause, they get it, right? They're in the wellness space, they've heard this of like, okay, don't just treat the symptoms, figure out why it's happening. Obviously, I'm a believer in asking why. I'm like that annoying little kid that's like, okay, this happens, but why? Oh, that's why. Okay, but why? And like keep digging. Why? Yeah. But I think sometimes we keep digging so much into all of these things. Okay, but where does my perfectionism stem from? Why is my iron elevated? Why um do I have these childhood wounds? Why you know what I mean? Like we could just keep going.

SPEAKER_03 2:28

We right. I think that we we missed the point because we we keep digging, digging, digging. And that could be something you may want to reflect. That could be some another excuse or a delay. So, which is a perfect

Stop Scoring And Start Teaching

SPEAKER_03 2:39

example. My goodness, how these things work because I was in a meeting right now, two hours long. Um, and uh the child is, you know, severely on the spectrum, and she also has um intellectual disabilities, so she's on severe on the spectrum, right? Multimodal communicator uses several ways to communicate, and then you know, the team or the mom would ask, like, is she comprehending? Is she this, is she that? Or what that what is the score? What are the age or whatever? What's the equivalent? And to be honest, I was like, at the end of the day, this is somebody who is not presenting something instead of digging why it's not happening, or what score are we gonna give, or what age equivalent, why don't we just address it and move on and teach her how to whatever we want, whatever we want to teach her, right? So instead of digging into oh, this must be I am like this because of my mother. Okay, fine. Yeah, and what let's get to the solution or to the to the process, right? Instead of because I think sometimes you send you spend too much time digging than actually solving, and that almost becomes like a coping mechanism because at what point do we know enough then, right?

SPEAKER_00 3:49

When does root cause healing stop being healing and just become like another sense of avoidance? And the same thing, right? Like we could look at okay, well, I have these um wounds around money, or um, you know what I mean? I don't feel worthy. Okay, by all means, dig into it a little bit, but at some point, are you really gonna find the root cause of where the money issues came from? Maybe somebody said something to you in the third grade, and that's what's stuck. You're not gonna be able to find that. Just like when we're looking for the root cause of health issues, it's like, okay, you know enough to start taking steps. Just take the steps.

SPEAKER_03 4:31

Absolutely, absolutely. And it could be so many reasons and so many root causes, right? And at the end of the day, is it important? You are like let's say someone has got issues, right? Instead of constantly, constantly, you know, this and this and this, just address them with food, with supplements, with emotional uh, you know, release and and all the all of the things. But I feel that that don't you feel like it could be a way to avoid or a way to keep digging. And I mean, I'm gonna talk about with the mental health situations where like sometimes honestly, because your identity formed prior to seven or prior to ten. Well, guess what? I don't remember shit from three years old or four years old, and I'll be in therapy and we're like, we'll do an EMDR. And I'm like, uh, I don't remember, I don't know. I don't know, I don't remember, right? So I'm starting to notice like just take moment by moment, step by step, and and and address it as we go along, because that's way more important than spending the time really digging.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Because you can keep digging and digging and digging, and now what? A lot of times nothing changes, right? Like, even in the health space, it's like if I'm gonna run this lab, is it going to change the course of action? If we already know that someone is not eating correctly for their body, they're not getting proper sunlight exposure and their circadian rhythms all messed up. We can keep digging into root causes, but it's still not gonna change what we're doing, right? And then the other thing is there is usually more than one root cause. Like, I'm not just talking from the physical body, it's not usually one childhood experience that made you feel unworthy. So are you gonna dig for 500 different little explanations that you can't even figure out? Like, why do we even need one explanation so badly?

SPEAKER_03 6:25

Like, and for me, I just feel like tried to make an explanation to be honest, and it could be not true because I sometimes see if if I like someone is telling me, because I'm such a good student, if someone tells me something, I'm gonna give them an answer. So I'm sitting here with my therapist, or we're doing meditation when we did the meditation when we went to the um BBD, and it's like, oh, when I was at birth, it came to me. I'm like, I don't know. So you just start coming up with things like, oh, this must have been the memory that did this, and then because someone is getting up and saying, Oh, I uncovered, well, now it was a year and a half, this happened, which I'm not, I'm I'm sorry it's sounding like I'm making fun. I am, but the thing is, it's like I felt pressured. I'm like, how the heck did she remember at birth what happened?

SPEAKER_00 7:14

Yeah, and I think it makes us feel like we're more in control or like I have an answer, right? Nobody likes to feel like they're in limbo. I don't like to feel like I'm gonna go back to when I used to date way back when my husband and I were actually just talking about this. Um, and I was like, you know, you said you wanted to take things slow. I just wanted to hear validation that we were on the same page. Of like, nobody likes that feeling of in between and the unknown. And sometimes that's what life is, though. It is the unknown. But I think we keep digging of like, okay, but what's the next root cause? And no, but what led to that? And oh gosh, what dynamic led to that? Because we want the known, and the known is never really.

SPEAKER_03 7:59

And you waste your time doing that because you're not an investigator, right? Like trying to solve a crime. See, if the investigators are doing that, trying to solve a client, crime, a clues, whatever, sure, they can take all of that. But with you, you're just wasting time, yeah. Where you could have been solving the issue. Yep, you know, and why not? And at the end of the day, like I think maybe that's why I was also very attracted to Wayne Dyer's teachings, to to Louise Hayes' teachings, instead of like, and I'm I I'm not addissing the shadow work or anything, you know. Of course, it's it's beautiful.

SPEAKER_00 8:31

I am a little, and I will in a minute, but okay, let's do that.

SPEAKER_03 8:34

You know, I I I get it, but I what I love about even like Hartole, right? I love their teachings because it's moving forward and then addressing it moment by moment, even with Kathy, right? Whatever Kathy teaches, versus having to go back and dig and let's go. And you know, and then sometimes you discover that sure, yes, it was the parent dynamic, or it was the mother, the dad, or the sister, the brother, the cousin, or whatever. And now you are forming animosity for these people. But what they did is they tried their best in the moment that with the education that and the information that they had. So sometimes a lot of people, and it's right now a lot of mental health therapists are encouraging, and you can see it all all over the internet with the whole like, oh, don't talk to your mother, don't talk to the toxic person, don't talk to this. You know what is it called? It's estranged, it's uh and endangered. I don't even know where you're going with stranger, goodness gracious, estranged, you know when you are estranged from the person. Yes, yes, yes, that word, English teacher. We have somebody who speaks four languages. Can you can you help? Can you can you help? Um endangerment, endangered species.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

Oh my gosh, you guys.

SPEAKER_03 9:51

They are promoting that, and I feel instead of just like having to because that's another excuse, right? We're blaming the others versus taking accountability and moving forward.

SPEAKER_00 10:01

Yeah, and I yeah, here's the

Shadow Work And Spiritual Overdoing

SPEAKER_00 10:04

thing. So, you know, you talked about the shadow work. I feel like sometimes rabbit holes are good, right? I love a good rabbit hole. Somebody sends me something, I'm like, oh, this is so much fun to dig into, whether it's false or not, you know. But in the spiritual world, I'm not even talking about the health space, right? Because that's just labs and then more labs and then whatever. But in the spiritual, it's the shadow work. Let's talk about um, let's do some inner child healing, let's talk about ancestral trauma, let's do energy healing, let's, you know, subconscious beliefs, all these things. And I I talk about subconscious beliefs a lot. And all of these things can be important, but when we keep going and going and going, now what? We're just saying that we're broken or that we need fixing and we don't. Like, do we need to clear every single wound? I don't think so. I don't think so.

SPEAKER_03 10:56

You're gonna spend your whole life doing that versus having to again go in moment by moment and addressing it as you know, like for example, like let's say you're doing something and then you felt like your inner child needs to be talked to, just use it in that moment. Don't wait until you go to a somatic situation class in order to get that done. Do it in the car, for example. You're like, I know you're afraid, or whatever it is. So that's why I think the digging is another way to delaying and avoiding.

SPEAKER_00 11:29

I think so. It just you keep spiraling, and then it's like, but now I learned about this next thing that I need to do, this next layer. And I really do think, yes, everything in life is a lesson, but I don't think you need to sit there with it for 45 minutes with every situation of this person said this thing to me today. Okay, how is that a reflection of me? Okay, what shadows might be present? Like, no, nobody has the time for that. And I'm actually gonna call something else that I'm gonna call something out that blends the two worlds. So there's a program I love, and I'm not gonna name it by names, um, but it's nervous system healing, and I'm a huge fan of that, right? Like, I think the term nervous system is misused, but for me, it's more of like, how are we showing up in this world? What experiences have we lived that have shaped us? Well, this program is excellent, and I've recommended it to so many people. However, the founder of it is telling people, oh, to this day, years and years later, I still spend three hours a day on nervous system regulation doing various things. That's a job. Who has three hours to spend? So you're telling me you're still digging, like you have you know what I mean? Like, is that the root cause? You need three hours a day to work on yourself.

SPEAKER_03 12:51

I just I know Denise's making a face, but I'm like, nobody's Denise's always making faces because I'm honestly, and again, I know you and I sell a course, and I get that, but the thing is, um we're not saying to spend three hours a day or to analyze our course. Yeah, and that's why our course is so so small and so like moment by moment type of situation.

Ditch Rigid Routines For Real Life

SPEAKER_03 13:11

Because this is how you can this is to be honest with you, um, Kira, this is when I stopped like the whole routine with the meditation with the drink because I was so strict with the city.

SPEAKER_00 13:20

I know Denise spent like two hours in the morning. I was like, Oh, it's nice to see you at 11:30 in the morning, Denise.

SPEAKER_03 13:30

I love it how they called me out. And I'm like, well, Denise also sleeps in on vacation. Um, but anyway, so I felt like when I stopped the rigidity and I just did it every single moment, it the I noticed it changed the sorry, I noticed the change way more because I wasn't rigid, right? And especially with somebody who follows routine, who thrives on organization, giving them like like to me, because I was like, oh shoot, I'm not gonna journal before I meditate. Then hang on, let me meditate first. So it was kind of like a hard work for me because I had to follow routine or else everything falls. And uh I noticed a big, big change and growth in me when I started implementing the moment-by-moment healing versus the grandiose go-to course. And again, we're not saying don't attend the the workshops, don't go to you. You do get messages and you are in good company, but don't make that as the excuse or don't make that as a habit because what you do on the daily is way more important, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 14:41

And don't make it, okay, I discovered this one thing, but you know what? I'm not healed yet. So I must have missed something, and now it's time to do shadow work. And then, oh, I spent months and months digging into that and doing shadow work, and huh, I'm still not healed yet. Well, now I need to do this. Like we fall into this trap once my gut is healed, once I work through this childhood trauma, once I stop being a perfectionist, right? And like we're continuously looking for the next root cause behind this thing, but in reality, we're just postponing our healing because again, we've already got some tools. And like we spoke about on I don't know if it was last week or the week before, all time has just started merging together, but like you do too much, and Denise and I are guilty of that. I mean, I'm laughing at her from the meditation, but it's true, and I was doing it every night, and then I would feel guilty if I didn't do my meditation, and now I love my walks, and what I try to do is clear my mind. Like, literally, I give myself goals. I'm gonna go from here to the next stop sign with no thoughts in my head. That's my meditation, that's my healing.

SPEAKER_03 15:53

That's it. Oh, 1000%, 1000%, and that's way more important than you're sitting down, and you know, for like five or ten minutes, but when when you're on the walk, you're achieving way more, and you are getting the downloads. I used to hate this begin word, and I still do this space. Oh, I got it. I don't use it either, and I use it. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_00 16:13

I get a download on my computer when I hit download.

SPEAKER_03 16:16

Same. And then when people say I've got a download, okay, whatever. I really I don't know why I don't like it. It just triggers me. Yeah, it's just something that okay, you guys see. I still am working on some things that are triggering, but um because when when you hear I'm getting a download, it's like uh so like what do I have to experience? Which sometimes it could be as subtle as while you're walking or you're driving, an idea comes in. That is a download. So instead of saying I got a download, well, I got an idea, or I heard something, or I looked at something, or I saw a quote and I got reminded of something, right? So I think that's way better. Sorry, I went off a tangent with the whole. I don't like it because that's the same thing as shadow work, and that's the same thing as all of the works that people introduce to the world, and you're not broken, you're fine the way that you are. It's just you need to accept it, just like Louise Hayes says accept who you are at this moment with everything, and this is where change happens. It happens in a positive place, it does not happen from a negative place.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

And that's the thing.

Stop Searching And Take The Step

SPEAKER_00 17:25

Searching, mic drop searching is a negative place, right? Another podcast, another lab marker, another therapy session, another book, another shadow work. I don't even know if there's people to do that. Like, you know what I mean? Those things feel productive, but again, you already know what you're supposed to do next, but that's what's uncomfortable. Like, you don't need another book on how to set boundaries, just freaking set them up. Set them say no to your mother. Like it's okay.

SPEAKER_03 17:57

You don't know you too, kids.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

Get outside and get sunlight, or stop, you know, eating bonbons at 10 p.m. Turn off the TV. Like, we know Denise. Call me out. I called Denise out, but like we know call mother 10 p.m. What are you talking about? Gosh, we know so many of the things that we need to do, right? There's something that's been sitting in my head that I know I need to do, but it's not comfortable. And I'm gonna call my husband out. I hope he's not listening to this episode. Oh, you know he's listening. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_03 18:29

You just said I hope he's not listening. Tell us you're listening. Well, so he listens and he he he makes fun of us, by the way. He if you see uh Kira's husband, call him out.

SPEAKER_00 18:41

He, I'm not gonna say he keeps digging for a root cause, but there are times where he gets into his head, right? About, well, what if it's this and what if it's this and what if it's this, and then let me take these supplements and the supplement. And I called him out the other day because I was like, you know, the things I'm gonna tell you to do. You don't need a supplement. But for most people, that's what feels good. Like if I just keep digging and I just keep taking more and I just keep asking questions, I don't actually have to do the things that don't feel good. But those are the things that move the needle.

SPEAKER_03 19:12

And just like like I mean, have to, you know, go back to what Anita says. When the voices, when the noises become too loud, you just need to step away from all of it. Yeah. Take a break from all of it. And I know we we we we touched based on that, right? A few episodes ago. Was it coming up? Step away from the vehicle, step away from the healing, you know, per se, and just enjoy your life and watch it unfold and know that you are always at the right plot at the right place at the right time, and then just you know, and I'm not saying you're gonna be happy in La La Land, but I'm just saying that you're just going to be accepting of the flow of life because it is up and down, right, left, all around, and that is okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:10

Yeah, and I was just gonna say, like, it's okay to experience discomfort and not assume something's wrong. It's okay to notice some of these old patterns in yourself of perfectionism or worthiness, whatever, without immediately needing to fix it. Like, we've said this a million times, and we will say it a million more. Healing is not a destination, it's just a journey, right? So stop digging for the next thing. Take the steps you know you need to take without making it a full-time or even a part-time job.

Practice Doing Hard Things

SPEAKER_03 20:43

And I will challenge you or and you or whoever's holding off on something uncomfortable to do, do it. Yeah, you know, feel the discomfort. You know how many, how many things I've done uncomfortable and afraid? Goodness gracious, all the time, but they are helping me reach the next level in business, in in relationships, in in everything that I'm doing and in my life. So um, right now, like I've just developed like, you know what, it's uncomfortable. Let's just go, bring it on. Yeah. Because I really like I think I don't know, somebody said it, I don't know who. You go, the world follows, and that's a I I have been doing this in business, honestly, and it has been so rewarding. It's unbelievable. Unbelievable.

SPEAKER_00 21:28

You are you telling me I need to go to bed by 10 30 because that's the one thing.

SPEAKER_03 21:33

Oh, is that what it is?

SPEAKER_00 21:35

That's what it is, is going to bed earlier. And I don't want to be able to do it. Is it uncomfortable for you? Yes, because that's my my quiet time. It's my alone time once kiddos gone to bed. And it's Well, if it's uncomfortable, do it and see if you like it.

SPEAKER_03 21:48

I know I always say try, try. If it works, great. If it doesn't work, then you know it's not for you.

SPEAKER_00 21:54

Yeah. And it's not uncomfortable. I'm just the whiny kid that's like, but I want to stay up later.

SPEAKER_03 21:59

Okay. Okay, I thought something else. She was uncomfortable, she wants to know. But anyway, no, but I'm saying, like, even if you have something like you want to do, not just to anybody who's listening. So, like, if you if it's uncomfortable, do it. At least try. And if you tried it and it was like, wait a minute, that's not that's not what I want. At least you said, you know what, I tried, and that's not something that I want. And then just step away from it. Or and if it's something that you do, then you'll see the reward. But I just, you know, I feel that we I think somebody asked me the other day about like nervousness or afraid or something. And my answer was, My goodness gracious, since I started my business, or since, you know, whatever, beginning of last year, no, summer of last year, I did every single every single thing that I did, I did nervous and I did afraid. I didn't show it obviously, but because of talking to myself, but it just helped me what I want and don't want and things that I've learned so much about myself because I always took that next step that is uncomfortable and that is you know being nervous to the point where I can right now do it with a little bit of ease.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 23:18

Right? Yeah, like it's it was difficult, like it was so hard to hire an assistant, so hard because I was like, oh my god, I need to justify it. Some months I can, some months I can't. And I was just like, you know what, Denise, just do the darn thing. And I did, and we went from doing just 10 hours a month to 15 hours a month because the business is growing, and now I can't live without her. Like, like, what was I thinking? Right. But had I said, Oh, when I make this amount consistently, then I will, it was just probably gonna wait for a while. But when I said, Let me just do it anyway, I'm comfortable, and I'll figure it out, I'll figure out how I'm gonna pay her. And every single month, it's figured it out, it's fine.

SPEAKER_00 23:59

Yeah, okay, so stop digging, right? Like, and I don't want to say stop digging, or if you're in the beginning of whatever type of healing journey you're on, obsessed all means. Stop obsessing. Yeah, but it doesn't need to be okay, and what's the next thing, and what's the next thing, and what's the next thing? That's it's too much.

SPEAKER_03 24:20

It is stop obsessing over it, stop perseverating um over it, and just and go back to the episode where we actually said, you know, live your life, enjoy it, and enjoy the ride.

SPEAKER_02 24:32

Yeah, okay. I didn't think of a mantra.

Mantra And Closing Breathwork

SPEAKER_02 24:39

The mantra. You don't need another freaking root cause. That's not really a mantra. No, it's not a mantra.

SPEAKER_03 24:47

We gotta keep it on the positive side.

SPEAKER_02 24:49

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 24:50

Uh maybe we can I accept who I am. Love it. That's perfect. Right? Because I'm we're not we're not broken. Okay.

unknown 25:02

Whew.

SPEAKER_03 25:03

The usual four four six. Close your eyes if you're not driving. But if you are, make sure that you don't, but you can definitely breathe. All right, we're gonna inhale for four, two, three, four, hold, two, three, four, and exhale, five, four, three, two, one. I accept who I am again. One, two, three, four, hold, two, two, three, two, four, and exhale, five, four, two, three, two, one. Yay! That's our best part, huh? That is anything like that.

SPEAKER_02 25:50

I'll see you on the next episode, guys.