LATE DIAGNOSIS SERIES: ADHD/Autism Accommodations: What You Deserve and How to Ask

This episode explains why accommodations are equity, not favors, and I offer scripts for you to use to ask for what you need at work, at home, and in your social life. We will unpack internalized ableism, set boundaries with compassion, and share practical tools to ask for accommodations and to prevent burnout and protect your energy.

• late diagnosis and why asking stalls 
• accommodations as equity and burnout prevention 
• ADA rights and reasonable workplace changes 
• clear scripts for managers, partners, and roommates 
• sensory-friendly environments and simplified systems 
• boundaries, pushback, and following through 
• self-accommodation and permission statements 
• shifting from perfectionism to sustainable routines

**ABOUT ME**

I’m Autumn Moran - Licensed Professional Counselor, yoga instructor, life coach, and a neurodivergent, trauma-experienced woman who helps other neurodivergent, trauma-experienced women heal.

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** PREVIOUS EPISODES MENTIONED IN THIS EPISODE**

These episodes are great for learning how to not perform or perfect. Goodbye perfectionism & people-pleasing!

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2467345/episodes/17802189-when-being-around-others-feels-like-work-the-hidden-cost-of-always-holding-it-together

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2467345/episodes/17455352-tired-of-people-pleasing-claim-the-p

Transcript

Welcome And Community Intent

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome to the Awaken Heart, a podcast for healing women, a place where your voice matters, your body is sacred, and your journey home to yourself is honored no matter how winding the road. I'm Audda Moran, licensed professional counselor, yoga instructor, life coach, and a neurodivergent trauma experience woman who helps other neurodivergent trauma experience women heal. The goal of my podcast is quite simple. It is for women like myself and my clients, and the purpose of it is to not feel alone, not feel hopeless or helpless. I want to create a community because healing together is much more powerful than healing alone. So, with that in mind, I've got some offerings that I'd like to offer. I don't want to spend the beginning of the episode doing my spiel, but just know if you are interested or curious in working with me one on one-on-one, or if you're curious about working in some group therapy settings, some somatic healing, trauma recovery, late diagnosis, or sexual trauma healing. I will have more info at the end. If you like what you hear and you have been listening for a bit and you miss my bonus episodes, I've got us an Awaken Heart Pod Club if you want to join the club. I believe it's$15 a month, two bonus episodes, future content, early access to offerings and future content. And we're going to try to build a community so we can talk and meet and just do things together, whether it's virtually or if we end up in a retreat, because I've done that once and I want to do it again. I want to, I want to I want a round two with that. But whether you're listening, whether you work with me one-on-one, join group programs, or just listen to this podcast, you're not alone. I want to build something here with you guys, community of women who get it, who've been through it, who are healing together. New episodes drop every Wednesday, so be sure to subscribe so you never miss one. And if today's episode resonates with you, I'd be so grateful if you'd share it with someone who needs to hear it or leave a comment, leave an emoji. It helps other women find this space and know that they're not alone in their healing. All right. I want to jump right in. I don't want to do a whole commercial, like I said. So here we are, because today's episode is episode five of the late diagnosis series. And we're going to talk about accommodations, what they are, why you deserve them, and most importantly, the actual words you can use to ask for them. So I want to give you some scripts, some lingos, somewhere, somewhere to start from. Because here's what I constantly see. So what really tends to happen is the people get diagnosed, you understand that you're neurodivergent, you know you need accommodations, you've heard that, and then nothing happens. Maybe you don't ask. Why? Why don't we ask? Because we feel guilty, because we're afraid, we have internalized ableism, you don't know what to ask for, and you don't know how to ask. So what happens? We just keep struggling. We know it, we know what it is, but we don't know how to treat it. We don't know how to accommodate it. And then what happens? We keep burning out. I want to be really clear. You deserve accommodations. You're not asking for special treatment. You're asking for what your brain needs to function. That's not extra, that's equity. When I got diagnosed, I was working from home and I started making my own accommodations. I at first was still dressing up like the typical graduate school described therapist for virtual therapy. I was still uncomfortable. I was still trying to fit into this box. But then as time went on, I started dressing more comfortably. And to be honest with you, it was because I would see other influencers that were therapists that weren't the typical outfit. And I thought, okay, so it's doable. I can be me. So I used evidence around me to give me permission to start unmasking to get more comfortable. I got a comfy chair. I don't sit at a desk. I don't have a desk chair. I have a real nice comfy chair. I use natural lighting as much as possible, lamps instead of overhead lights. Like nobody had to approve these things. I just did them. But accommodations and relationships, that can be harder. With my sons who are also neurodivergent, we're all responding in our own neurodivergent ways. And I often forget that I'm the adult who needs to be model regulation. To be honest, sometimes it is so hard to be the parent and always have to be the adult. Like I get it. I'm not complaining, like, oh, poor me, or anything like that. But dang it. I just want to melt down. I just want to be immature, but you know, I can't. I gotta model a behavior so that I can be a role model to my children, no matter what age they are. It's ongoing work. And it's it's it's tough sometimes to be the adult. Adulting, right? So we're gonna, I'm gonna cover some accommodations today. I want to give you actual scripts because you deserve to ask and you deserve to receive. So let's let's dive into the part one of understanding accommodations and understanding why you deserve them too. Accommodations are modifications to your environment, schedule, or expectations that allow your neurodivergent brain to function. Like I said earlier, it's not special treatment. You're not asking for an advantage, you're not trying to be difficult, you're not making excuses, and you're not expecting the world to cater to you. That's not what accommodations are. Accommodations are leveling the playing field, they're getting you what you need to help you function, they remove barriers that should not exist, and they're working with your brain instead of against it. So let's so if someone needs glasses to see, right? Nobody says that's special treatment. Glasses are an accommodation for how their eyes work. They're not an advantage, they equal the playing field. Your accommodations are the same. Your brain works differently. Accommodations let you function, they don't give you like this major advantage, they remove the disadvantage of living in a world designed for neurotypical brains. So in the U.S., the Americans with Disabilities Acts acts. Let me try that again. Americans with Disabilities Act requires reasonable accommodations for people with disabilities. ADHD and autism qualify. At work, at school in housing, you have legal rights. Please know your rights. Please look that up. We'll talk more about it when we get to the work part, but you have rights. At work, at school, in housing, you have rights. You're not broken, you're not lazy, you're not making excuses. Your brain processes information, regulates attention, handles sensory input, and manages executive function differently. The world is designed for neurotypical brains. I'm sure you've heard me say this a million times, but that's not your fault. And you deserve modifications that let you function. Because without accommodations, guess what? You'll have to go back to the episode about burnout because you will burn out. Accommodations prevent burnout. They let you function sustainably instead of pushing through until you crash. They are there to keep the burnout away. This is a good thing. This is not a sign of weakness. Because you, as we know, as neurodivergent women, you can't just try harder. You need your environment and your expectations to work with your brain. Which may sound scary, which may sound foreign. I understand like being in a role that you've put yourself in, that you've created, that you now don't want to be in. And every everyone around you in your environment relies on your role to stay the same. Scary fucking shit. I totally understand. But hopefully, we'll get deeper and give you a little bit of permission to change something. So I want to talk about internalized ableism. And this is what stops most people from asking. Internalized ableism, it's the belief that you should be able to function like neurotypical people. It's the belief that needing accommodations means you're weak or incapable. It's the belief that other people have it worse, so you should just cope, deal with it, suck it up, don't say anything. It's the belief that if you just try harder, you won't need accommodations. This is ableism. You've internalized from living in an ableist world and it's lying to you. So some common internalized ableist thoughts. I should be able to handle this like everyone else. But you're not. Everyone else. You're neurodivergent. Your brain works differently. That's not a failure. That's neurology. If I was really trying, I wouldn't need accommodations. No, if you were neurotypical, you might not need accommodations, but you're not. And that's okay. Even quite glorious that you're not neurotypical. No offense to the neurotypicals. I'm just biased toward neurodivergent people. I think we're amazing. Okay. Other people have it worse. So someone always has it worse. That doesn't mean your struggles aren't real and your needs aren't valid. I don't want to be difficult. Asking for what you need is not difficult. It's honest. The people who label you difficult for having needs are the problem. Society is the problem. Yes, women can ask for what they want. Yes, women can put up boundaries. Yes, women can have rules on how to engage with her. And that is not the problem. The negative reaction to your healthiness is the problem. The toxicity, the misogyny. The cultural American cultural bullshit. I should just push through. Honey, you've been pushing through your whole life. Look where it's gotten you. Burned out, exhausted, barely functioning. Pushing through is not the answer. It's not working. No gold star for pushing through. What if people think I'm making excuses? Let them fucking think that. You know your diagnosis is real. You know your needs are real. Their opinion does not change that. And if they have that fucking opinion, then let's talk about how close they are to you. Because that's not a healthy relationship. That's not love. Love is supportive, kind, compassionate, understanding. If someone dismisses your needs as an excuse, that says a whole hell of a lot about them and how they feel about you. Oof. I hate that, right? Okay, sorry. I feel guilty asking for accommodations. Why? Because you've been taught that having needs is burdensome, but it's not. Everyone has needs. Everyone has needs. I just what are you doing wrong? You know, I like to ask that a lot when people feel guilty. It's like, what are you doing wrong to feel guilty? Who are you hurting? Are you being mean? Are you being nasty? Are you manipulating someone to get something to gain? Are you abusive? Most of the time, none of those answers are what's making them feel guilty because they're not doing anything wrong. Ah. Talk about internalized ableism. What about internalized guilt just for existing as a woman in America or the world? Like Jesus. So, how to recognize internal ableism in yourself? I want you to notice when you minimize your struggles, things like it's not that bad. I could have it worse. Oh, it's okay. I'll get over it. Or the one that the one that gives me, I'm fine. And I like to say, are you fine? Fucked up, insecure, neurotic, and emotional. That kind of fine. Or like, are you really fine? You know? Notice when you compare yourself to others. Other people manage fine. Mary can do it. Look at her. She's da-da-da-da. And she can do it. Da-da-da. No, don't do it. Notice when you feel guilty for needing things. I need a rest. I need a break. I need some solo time. I just need 10 minutes to breathe. I need a day off. I need to not cook dinner at least a couple of times a week. I need help on chores. I need help around the household. I need help with parenting. I need help with the animals. Don't feel guilty for needing any of these things. Notice when you apologize for your neurodivergence. Like, I think I just apologized a few minutes ago for going on a little tangent. Like, who why am I sorry? Why am I sorry? Maybe it was a good piece of information for someone. Maybe it was funny. I don't know. I vaguely remember what I just said. But I remember apologizing because I went on a tangent. Like, why are we apologizing for being ourselves? Like, girl, this is part of who I am. I'm not gonna apologize. I am tangential. All right. Notice when you think you should be able to just focus or just remember or just handle it, right? Big air quotes. Like, just focus, probably not. Just remember, absolutely freaking not. If you have a notepad, which you do on your phone, make the title in bold, very simple, a searchable keyword, and then fill out your note. I don't care if you have a gazillion notes. Write notes. I like them. I love notes. I love when clients take notes. It's like, oh, do the work outside. Do the work outside, not just here. Notice when you refuse accommodations even when they're offered. Ooh. Would you like some help with that? No, I'm fine. And notice when you don't ask because you don't want to be a burden. Oh, I hate this. I hate this. Whether it's by design, whether it's a relationship dynamic, whether it's a cultural thing, whether it's a learn condition thing. I don't know. But you are not a burden. And anyone, anyone that makes you feel like you're a burden, there needs to be a conversation about their behavior and if they're willing to change their words and actions, because that's not love. That's not healthy relationship. I would much rather be alone solo in the peace of my own home than be utterly, emptily alone with someone else that doesn't see me for who I am. The second lonely is so much worse than the solo lonely. Oof. So any of this, I want you to notice it because that's internalized ableism, and I want you to challenge it because you deserve accommodations. Not despite being neurodivergent, because you're neurodivergent. Your needs are valid, your struggles are real. You're not making excuses, you're asking for what your brain needs to function. That's self-advocacy. That's not wrong. So accommodations, all right? How about accommodations at work? Because this is where we most struggle the most because we spend a lot of time at work. So common workplace accommodations for ADHD slash autism, environmental, quiet workspace, away from high traffic areas, noise canceling headphones, or permission to use headphones, natural lighting or lamps instead of fluorescent overhead lights, yes please, temperature control, ability to work from home, remote work, and flexible workspace, a standing desk, an ergonomic chair, fidget tools. When it comes to schedule, flexible start and end times, breaks as needed, no back-to-back meetings, advanced notice for schedule changes, permission to block off focus time, maybe a compressed work week, so four tens instead of five eights, for communication in the workplace, written instructions instead of just verbal, meeting agendas in advance, email instead of phone calls, or vice versa, whatever works best for your communication style, clear direct feedback, regular check-ins with the supervisor, permission to ask clarifying questions, task management in the workplace, clear priorities and deadlines. This one may be hard, one project at a time, or permission to switch between projects. Maybe breaking large projects into smaller tasks, a task list and project management tools, extensions when needed, permission to say I'm at capacity without penalty. And then I'll go to the next one: sensory, a scent-free workplace, permission to wear sunglasses indoors, relaxed dress code, permission to wear comfortable clothing, an ability to take sensory breaks. So I know I've said a lot of things when it comes to asking for accommodations at work. And depending on how toxic or how corporate your environment is, some of these things may put you in danger. And I understand, but you are protected by law. You are protected by the ADA to ask for this. So I'm just gonna keep going, and I want you to just grab the nuggets you can if some of it's too scary or some of it would just put you in jeopardy because it's a toxic work environment. Because I'm not trying to ignore the fact that not every HR, not every work environment or supervisor gives a shit, is knowledgeable, isn't judgmental, doesn't learn go by stigmas or some trendy thing he or she has heard, not dismissal, dismissive. So I understand that this is maybe an uphill battle, but it's worth the fight, I think, if you can find some sort of compromise to make your job more bearable, more easier to do. So know your rights. Under the ADA, employers must provide reasonable accommodations for qualified employees with disabilities. Like I said before, ADHD and autism qualify. Reasonable means that it doesn't cause undue hardship to the employer. Most accommodations are low cost, are free. I want you to decide whether to disclose because you don't have to disclose your diagnosis to get some accommodations. But to get formal ADHD accommodations, I mean ADA accommodations, you typically need to disclose. And I want you to consider: is this workplace safe? Will my management be supportive? Do I need formal accommodations or can I implement informal ones? Do you know what I mean by that? So a formal accommodation accommodations would be going through the chain and saying this is what I need, or can you implement informal ones? Can you take some of the things I suggested and do them already without involving management? Without jeopardizing anything. So if you want to go for the formal route, request a meeting, email or tell your manager I'd like to schedule a meeting to discuss some workplace accommodations that would help me perform my job better. Don't apologize, don't minimize, just request the meeting. And step four, come prepared. I want you to know what specific accommodations you're asking for, how they'll help you do your job, and know that they're reasonable, low cost, and don't create undue burden. So here's a script. Thank you for meeting with me. I want to discuss some accommodations that would help me perform at my best. I have ADHD, I have autism, I have both ADHD and autism, which affects specific areas. So which affects my focus, which affects my sensory processing, which affects my executive function. To do my job effectively, I need, and you insert the specific accommodation. These accommodations would help me and be specific about the benefit, meet deadlines, focus better, manage my workload, etc. I'm happy to answer any questions or work together to find a solution that work both for us. Can we discuss implementing these? So that's a script. So here's an example. I have ADHD, which affects my ability to focus in noisy environments and manage multiple priorities simultaneously. To perform at my best, I need a quieter workspace or permission to use noise canceling headphones, written priorities from each from you each week, permission to block off two-hour focus windows on my calendar. These accommodations would help me meet deadlines more consistently and produce higher quality work. Can we discuss implementing implementing implementing these? And what if they say no? If they deny reasonable accommodations, ask why and if there are alternative solutions, document everything in writing, contact HR to request accommodations formally. If denied, file a complaint with EEOC, Equal Opportunity. I'm sorry, Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. Consider whether this workplace is sustainable for you. Simple, not easy. I know. We can't just quit our jobs and find another one. Otherwise, we would have already fucking done that, I think, right? A lot of us. I mean, if you're self-employed or you work from home, make your own accommodations. I want to go back. I want to go back to a second when you have this. If you have to go to HR to request formal accommodations, you have legal rights. Please don't be afraid to use them. HR knows the rights. HR knows the ADA. Anyone in HR is trained in knowing the ADA. So have a conversation with them. And if you're self-employed or work from home, you don't need permission. You're the boss. Get comfy chairs. Take away overhead LED lights. Here we go. I'll say this every episode. Whether you're an Amazon subscriber or anywhere else, you buy light bulbs. Get incandescent light bulbs. Do not have LED light bulbs in your house. Just saying. It'll make a difference. The color, the tone, maybe the noise, maybe your stress level, maybe your irritability level, all that can go down. LEDs are no bueno. No bueno. Okay. Take breaks as needed. Set your own schedule as much as you can. Create an environment that works for you. What about accommodations at home? Which can often be harder because they involve negotiating with people you live with. So sensory home accommodations, control over lighting, lamps, dimmers, no overhead lights, control over temperature, a quiet space, noise machines or earplugs, scent-free products, comfortable furniture, household management, visual schedules and checklists, shared task management system, clear division of responsibilities, use of timers and reminders, simplified systems, fewer dishes, less stuff, easier to maintain. I don't mean to offend anyone that is environmentally friendly, but when it comes to like using paper plates, you're not the reason there's a problem with the environment. You can use paper plates, which are very biodegradable, cause no harm, especially if you get the good ones. Not the good ones, like the ones that are healthy and don't have ink and dye and all that in it. Like you can get the good ones, the healthier ones, the clean ones that'll be even more dissolvable. Like and you can recycle them if you have an opportunity to recycle, but that's not gonna cause any damage to the world. That's all industry. Okay, simplified systems. That's where I got a lot uh sidetracked. So fewer dishes, right? Less stuff, easier to maintain. Social in the house, advanced notice for visitors, permission, or just letting people know that you will retreat to your room if it gets too overwhelming or you need a break. No expectations to host or socialize when overwhelmed, and separate spaces, yours and theirs. Like you can go to a space and calm down outside of the group, outside of the parte. As far as like common household accommodations for schedule, predictable routines when possible, advanced notice for changes to routine, transition time between activities. In this one, I want to hone in on alone time built into the day. This is huge. This is a non-negotiable. You need alone time, whether you're reading a book, crochet, watching TV, staring into the wall, doing some yoga, self-caring in some way, or just dissociating. I don't care. You need alone time every day. You need decompression time. So how to ask. If they don't know, tell them your diagnosis. If they do know but don't understand, try to educate them. I have ADHD, I have autism, I have both. That means my brain processes, focus, sensory input, executive functioning, social interactions, whatever it is, differently. It's neurological, not a choice. So be specific when you explain what you need. I need your specific accommodation, your specific accommodation because how it helps. Without this, I get overwhelmed, shut down, can't function. And frame it as a collaborative. I'm learning what I need to function well. Can we work together to implement this? Not you need to do this for me, but can we figure this out together? So for partners, I've learned that I need quiet time alone, advanced notice for plans, help with task initiation, etc. Because how of my ADHD and autism affects me. This would help me be more present, have more energy, be less overwhelmed. Can we make this work? So here's that's the script. So here's an example. I need at least an hour alone after work to decompress. My brain is overstimulated from the day, and I can't be present with you until I have time to regulate. This would help me be calmer and more available in the evenings. Can we build this into our routine? Love it. For family roommates, people you cohabitate with that's not your partner. I need your specific accommodation. I have ADHD autism and how it affects you. So this isn't optional for me. It's what my brain needs to function. Can we make this happen? Right? So, example is I need the overhead lights off and lamps on instead. Fluorescent lights cause sensory overload for me because I'm autistic and I can't function well with them on. For your kids, this one can be complicated because you're the parent, but you still can communicate your needs. Asking and explaining your needs doesn't mean I don't love you and don't want to spend time with you. It means I need certain things to be the best parent I can be for you. So, in my experience with my sons, we're all responding in our own neurodivergent ways. And sometimes I forget I'm the adult who needs to model regulation. What helps? I acknowledge things out loud. I say I'm overwhelmed right now, I need a few minutes, or I'll say something. Because when I'm in it and overwhelmed, it's not that easy. Like we know, it's not easy to be the nicest or the calmest when overwhelmed. So I say, I'm overwhelmed right now. I sound very tonal. I know I'm not, I'm it doesn't sound nice, but it's not directed at you. Give me a second to work this out. And I teach them when they're overwhelmed, you can ask for space too. When you need me to back off, when you need something, just ask for it. And we give ourselves grace. We're all neurodivergent. And sometimes that's messy, especially if one of us or one or more of us is stressed under pressure. Sometimes projection comes out, sometimes moodiness comes out. That emotion regulation is hard to do when under pressure. And that's okay. It happens. Just repair. Come back and repair if there's a rupture. Don't just sweep it under the rug. Don't lack like nothing happened. Take responsibility for what you say and do and make an effort and an apology to change your behavior in the future. And what if they push back? What if someone says that's too much to ask? You're being dramatic. Just deal with it like everyone else. I can't accommodate all your needs. I want you to respond this way. These aren't wants, these are needs. My brain works differently, and this is what I require to function. If you can't accommodate this, I need to consider whether this living situation relationship works for me. We're not talking about kids here. And mean it. You your needs are non-negotiable. This is not like an ultimatum. Like, this is like you need this to function, otherwise, you're just gonna burn out, burn out, burn out, burn out, burn out. Like it's just gonna be chaos, chaos, chaos. You're never gonna be happy. You're never gonna be settled. You're always gonna feel uncomfortable. You're always gonna feel pressured. You're always gonna feel like this. And I don't want you to feel like that. I don't want you to. I'm not trying to threaten you to change your living situation or kick people out, but we need to talk about our relationship. We need couples counseling. We need family therapy. We need some intervention so that y'all can help me accommodate myself so that we can all be on the same page. Like seek help. Beyond your household accommodations, right? Advance notice for plans, permission to leave early, scheduled end times for visits, text instead of phone calls, one-on-ones instead of group settings, quiet activities instead of loud or chaotic ones. Hopefully, they give you permission to not respond immediately. Ask your friends and people outside of your household for direct communication and clear expectations. Have boundaries. I need to leave at X time. I can't do last-minute plans. I can't handle surprises. So I want you to be on, I want to be honest with you. I have ADHD in autism and it affects how I socialize. I need a specific accommodation. This isn't about you, it's about what my brain needs. Can you work with me on this? So that's the script. Here's the example. I need at least 24 hours notice for plans. Spontaneous hangouts overwhelm me because I can't mentally prepare. If you text me you want to hang out today, I'll almost always say no. But if you text me, want to hang out Saturday, I can prepare and I'm much more likely to say yes. Can you give me advanced notice for plans? And how to accommodate yourself at family events? Because you don't have to ask permission to accommodate yourself. I want you to just do it. Bring some headphones, some loop earplugs, and use them when overwhelmed. Leave early when you're ready to leave. You don't need anyone's permission. I don't care how toxic mom, dad, or aunt, uncle is. I don't care if they're gonna say some stupid guilt trip. I don't care. That is about them. If you're ready to leave, you can leave. You're a grown-up. Take breaks in another room or outside, skip the events that are too overwhelming and set time limits. I can stay for two hours. What if people, what if people don't accommodate? What if people keep making last-minute plans, pressure you to stay longer, tell you you're being rude, and don't respect your boundaries? I want you to respond with, I've communicated what I need. If you can't respect that, I won't be able to see you as often. And follow through because you're not being a bitch, you're not being mean, you're protecting your peace. What about accommodations with yourself? This might be the most important section. Giving yourself permission to accommodate yourself. You've spent your whole life being told to push through, try harder, just deal with it. So even when you know you need accommodations, you don't give them to yourself. Do not fall back into that internalized ableism. You need to challenge it. Say permission statements out loud. I'm allowed to need things. My accommodations aren't optional. I don't have to earn the right to accommodate myself. Accommodating myself isn't weak, it's smart. I deserve to function well. My needs are valid even if others don't have the same needs. So, some self-accommodations you can implement right now at home. Throw out all your uncomfortable clothes, unless you're just you know what I mean. Simple, not easy, especially if you're in corporate and haven't uh haven't talked about your work clothes, but wear comfortable clothes only. If jeans aren't your thing, if elastic's not your thing, change it. Use lighting that works for you. Lamps, not overhead lights. Keep your space how you need it, organize or chaos, whatever works for you. Eat foods that work for your body and brain. Keep a predictable routine where possible. Build in transition time. Don't schedule back-to-back activities. Block off downtime. Knock, knock, knock, bang, bang, bang. Block off downtime, i.e., solo quiet time. Say no to things you don't have capacity for. I know this is simple, not easy, but it is a goal. Say no to things you don't have capacity for. If you want to say no, say no. Rest without justifying it. Have a whole day where you do nothing for no reason other than because that's what you're doing today. Let good enough be enough. Don't expect perfection from yourself. Get off the perfectionism. I believe I've done an episode of perfectionism. My brain is blinking right now. But if I have done it, I will put it in the show notes for you to listen to because late diagnosis, unmasking, asking for accommodation, the people-pleasing and perfectionistic trends, patterns start to come out, and that's something to work on alongside with asking for accommodations. Acknowledge you're doing your best. Give yourself grace when things are hard. I want you to talk and treat yourself like you would talk to and treat a good friend or talk and treat a little kid. You would get to their level, you would be gentle, you would give them grace, you would give them compassion. That's all the things you need to do for yourself. Rest when you're tired, say no to protect your energy. Cancel plans when you're overwhelmed. Don't just push through. Prioritize what actually matters. So your self-accommodating script, instead of saying I should be able to do this, I want you to say, my brain works differently. I need accommodations to get this done, and that's okay. Instead of saying I'm being lazy, I want you to say, I'm being realistic about my capacity. Instead of saying other people don't need this, say other people aren't me. I need what I need. Instead of telling yourself that you have to push through, I want you to say, pushing through burns me out, accommodating myself, slowing down, doing one thing at a time, saying no, this is sustainable. Every time you think I should be able to, or I'm being to whatever, I want you to stop. And I want you to ask yourself, is this internalized ableism or is this true? And give yourself what you need. Work, family, friends, your social circle. Some people may push back. Some of people, some a people, some a people may not accommodate you. Some workplaces may not accommodate you, and some relationships may not accommodate you. That's not your fault. That's not about whether your needs are valid. That's about them and their negativity inside. And you have to decide: do I stay and cope? Or do I leave and find environments or people who will accommodate me? Sometimes leaving is the accommodation. So that's accommodations. What they are, why you deserve them, the internalized ableism that stops you from asking, and most importantly, the actual scripts and words you can use to ask for them. You deserve accommodations, not because you're broken, but because your brain works differently and you deserve to function well. Don't minimize your needs, don't apologize for having needs. Don't push through when you could accommodate. Ask for what you need. Advocate for yourself. And if people say no, that's information that tells you whether this environment is sustainable for you or not. Because your accommodations are non-negotiable. They are what you need to function, protect them, fight for them, implement them. In the next episode, we'll be covering a topic whether to tell your boss about your late diagnosis. Because that's a complicated decision with real consequences. So I'll go a little deeper than we went with work, but we'll really talk about the workplace and late diagnosis and accommodations. All right, here's my spiel. I'd love to hear from you. You got a question? Please message me. Want to help more women hear this episode and support me by growing this podcast? Please comment, leave a review, hit the thumbs up if you're on YouTube. This helps me show up in searches because I'm doing this by word of mouth. I want to reach women, but I had to take some of the pressure off myself and accommodate myself when it came to content making, being on social media and being bombarded with all the shit that's going on in this world. So I just have not been on Instagram. I get minimal social media. So I don't post. So all I'm saying is if you could help me spread the word, share it, talk about it, like it, I'd love, I'd love your help. If you want to work with me, I'm building a wait list for spring-summer group therapy programs for women who are ready to heal in community. The somatic healing group, I want to get out of your head and into your body. We'll work with nervous system regulation, movement, and embodied healing practices to help you finally feel safe in your own skin. Then I'll have two trauma groups. One is just trauma recovery, so non sexual trauma for women healing from complex trauma, childhood wounds, or relational trauma. A safe space to process, heal, and move forward. Think about narcissistic. Abuse, having to heal after dating a narcissist. This is where the trauma recovery group would come in. And then sexual trauma healing group for survivors of sexual trauma who are ready to reclaim their bodies, your sexuality, and your sense of safety. This will be deep sacred work done in a community of five women. All these groups will be five or less. It'll be very intimate, very personable, and you will get your time. You will, it won't be taken up by everyone else talking. Everyone gets time and healing. And then a late diagnosis support group for women diagnosed with ADHD or autism and adulthood. We'll process the grief, navigate the identity shift, and find out how to accommodate ourselves together. So more in depth than what I've already been in the series. If you're interested in joining a group, join the wait list at the link in the show notes. If you want to work with me individually, I am in trauma-informed therapy for neurodivergent women, trauma survivors, and late diagnosed women. My life coaching is an unmasking journey or somatic healing, which is it bridges the gap between cognitive understanding and body and embodied healing through nervous system work. And it could be a good complement to your talk therapy. If you're interested in working solo, please click the link in the show notes that says work one-on-one. Connect with me any other ways. You can subscribe to my podcast. You can listen to a beautiful playlist that's on Apple Music and Spotify called Divine Women Play Woman Playlist. This is for any woman who's ready to listen to music that is healing, positive, empowering, and has no dirty shit or bad people involved. Just good, wholesome music. And then if you want, you can join the Awaken Heart Pod Club. You get two bonus episodes monthly, early access to offerings and future content, and we will build a pro a community, a virtual community to talk and plan and maybe get us a retreat on the books within the next year or two. I'm excited. Until next time, I want you to know that you are never too much, never too late, and you do not have to figure it out all alone because I am here for you every Wednesday. May you be happy and free. May our healing ripple hour to bless the world with happiness and freedom. Take the gentlest care of your awakened heart, and I'll see you soon.