Recovering From Sexual Trauma Without A Safe Space

We close the numb arc by telling the truth about healing after sexual trauma when nobody in your life feels safe. I walk through why “good enough” keeps you stuck, how numbness protects you, and the small steps that help you build real safety for your future self.

• the loneliness of performing around unsafe people
• the “good enough” trap and why the bar gets so low
• fear, conditioning, and survival responses that keep you stuck
• what it looks like when partners, friends, family, or religion minimize trauma
 
Work With Me Individually 

I offer trauma-informed therapy and coaching for high-achieving women navigating:

• Complex trauma
• Late-diagnosed ADHD or autism
• Nervous system dysregulation
• Relational pattern healing

If you’d prefer one-on-one support, book a free 15-minute consultation here:
http://linktr.ee/EmpoweringWellnessHub

Good Music for Healing

🎵 **Divine Woman Playlist (Apple Music):** https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/divine-woman/pl.u-leyl096uMoD885j

Episodes Mentioned in this Episode

Your Freeze Response Was Survival Not Consent

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2467345/episodes/19054178-your-freeze-response-was-survival-not-consent

Honoring the Losses & Heaviness after Sexual Trauma

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2467345/episodes/19093408-honoring-the-losses-heaviness-after-sexual-trauma

Your Body Is Protecting You From Stillness

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2467345/episodes/19127184-your-body-is-protecting-you-from-stillness

You’re not alone. 

We’re healing together.

Transcript

Welcome And Numb Arc Recap

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Welcome to the Awaken Heart, a podcast for healing women. And this podcast is for women who are navigating trauma, neurodivergence, and chronic stress. I'm Audda Moran, licensed professional counselor specializing in trauma recovery and late-diagnosed neurodivergent women navigating their unmasking journey. This episode today will be the ending of the numb arc of season two, Healing After Sexual Trauma. Next up, we will be moving into the rage arc. But today, to round it all up, we're going to end this arc by talking about something mini experience, and that's healing in silence when you don't have necessarily a safe space to process. You may have people in your life or you may not, but the feeling of doing it alone is pretty much the same. Excuse me. Clearing the throat, getting it ready. Numb season is about disconnection, survival mode, going through the motions while feeling nothing. We've talked about when the body says no, but you keep saying yes. We've talked about the grief of becoming someone new. We've talked about why rest feels so unsafe. And I can link all those episodes in the show notes if you want to go back. And now today we're going to talk about healing completely alone. Because many of you, many of us, just don't feel numb. You feel isolated, surrounded by people, but completely alone in your healing. Maybe you're in a relationship that's not the best, but it isn't the worst. Maybe your partner is the worst, but you feel like it's too late. You've been together for so long. Life is okay-ish, good enough. Maybe you're scared you'll be alone forever, scared of what comes next. So you stay, you settle, you tell yourself, maybe this is my best. Maybe wanting more is selfish. Maybe you have people in your life, friends, family, a partner, a full social circle, but maybe no one feels genuinely safe. You can't tell anyone what you're really going through. You're not able to share your trauma. You can't be honest about your healing. Everyone in your life requires you to perform, to be fine, to not need too much. Maybe you're stuck because of religion, family expectations, social pressures, financial reality. Like maybe leaving feels impossible. Maybe you don't even know if you want to leave or if you just want things to be different. And maybe you're healing from lots of different trauma or varying traumas, sexual trauma, childhood trauma, relational trauma, all of it. And you have nowhere to process it. No one safe to talk to, no one who would understand. So you're healing in silence, alone in secret, right? So numb is here to protect you. Like numb protects yourself from how lonely it really is. And it's hard. It's lonely, it's exhausting. I know because I've been there. Healing in silence because no one around me was safe. It motivated me to work so fucking hard to create a life that I am genuinely happy with.

SPEAKER_01 4:11

I lived for my future self. Now I'm kind of getting here. I am here. And it is it's just the tits, it's just the fucking tits.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

There's just so much freedom to it. Like it's just shot from the rooftop. It's rooftops.

Why Healing Can Feel Lonely

SPEAKER_02 4:39

So today I'm gonna cover a bit. I want to start first off by talking about the good enough trap. Like why we stay, right? Like why you might be stuck is not just for one reason. There's layers of fear, conditioning, and survival. They're not the best, but they're not the worst. You may tell yourself, at least they don't hit me, at least they have a job, at least they're home most of the time or all the time, at least they're not cheating that we know of. Like, and at least you have a partner. So you've set the bar so low that not actively terrible feels like good enough. But good enough isn't good, it's just not the worst. And uh silly and cliche as it may sound, you deserve more than not the worst, you know. Some of the loneliest times in my life when I was so like gut-wrenchingly alone was when I was surrounded by people who I couldn't who weren't safe, surrounded by people who couldn't accept me for me. I had to perform, I had to pretend. It was it outdid any loneliness I've ever felt being single. Just don't don't don't put me next to someone that's not showing up. That just hurts my soul. I can't live like that. I did and I struggled the whole time, and wheel. So I get it. I get it, I get it. They're not the worst. Life is good-ish, right? Maybe you have a house, maybe kids, pets, a routine, stability. From the outside, it looks fucking fine, maybe great even, right? But inside, that's that loneliness I was talking about. You're not seen, you're not safe, you can't be yourself, you're performing all the fucking time. But like you tell yourself, life is goodish, it's okay, and goodish is good enough, right? Or, you know, I hear this often. It goes one or two ways. We've been together so long, or I'm too old. It's too late now, essentially. You've invested years, decades, maybe. You've built a life together. Starting over, it fucking feels impossible, right? You think I'm too old to start over. I don't know how to be alone. I've already given my best years to this, so why not just stick it out? What if I regret leaving? What if this is as good as it gets and I'm just being selfish? I'm scared I'll be alone forever. I hear that often. And I hear it from people that are young in their 20s, just desperately, desperately wanting to be in a relationship, and it just simply boils down to conditioning, and that they've never learned to enjoy themselves, to be alone with themselves, to love themselves. And they just jump from person to person and get it, been there, done that. I was conditioned too. I'm not judging, I'm not harping, but that I'm scared I'll be alone forever. It's a big one. The fear keeps so many people stuck. You think, what if no one else wants me? What if I'm too old, too damaged, too much? What if I leave and I'm alone forever? What if being lonely alone is worse than being lonely with someone? And I'm here to tell you, my friend, it is not.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

There is nothing worse than feeling alone when you're with someone. That solo alone, that can be healed.

SPEAKER_02 9:09

You can take yourself out, you can take yourself in, have a good night, you can meet friends, you can go to events, you can go sit at a park and people watch, you can go get some coffee and not have somebody else in your way. Like there are so many things that you can actively do to love yourself, to show up for yourself, to not feel lonely. And when you're doing those things for yourself, you don't need some chump next to you not showing up. You just don't. Chump goes both ways. I'm not harping on just men. I get women can be chumps too. I'm just using a word. I hope it doesn't have like super bad meaning other than just a punk. I'm going off script. Ah, help. Okay. Where was I? Oh gosh, yeah. Being alone, right? Worse, worse alone than with someone. Not true. And you know, the dating horror stories don't help. Are the minimal dating experiences you've had on online dating, right? You hear about modern dating, the apps, the ghosting, the games, the narcissism, the love bombing. Oh my gosh, I don't know. I do know. I was taking a I'm going off script, but I was took a road trip today. I had to go do something huge, big, huge life moment for me today. Almost forgot to record the podcast. Been crazy, been crazy. But it was listening to a 90s summer road trip playlist. And it was all men, and they were all like love bombing, toxic love songs. Alternatively, these boys listened to this and grew up and mimic this. You know, I'll take my aluminum foil cap off and leave it there and just say that. But you can take it lightly. There's ways to do it. I'll do an episode on how to manage or how to create rules for dating, but that's for another time. Let me know if you want to hear it now or wait till after season two if you're hearing this. All right, so back to the back, back to the back.

The Good Enough Trap

SPEAKER_02 11:55

Okay, so all that being said about the dating apps and the dating scene, especially if you're online, you just think I can't do that. I'd rather stay. This is fucking better than nothing. And then, you know, the one crazy, crazy story we tell ourselves that maybe wanting more is selfish. Because we've been taught not to be too demanding, not to expect too much. Be grateful for what you have, girl. Other people have it worse. At least he ain't hitting you. At least he's at home playing video games. Or you're so lucky to have a partner at all. It's so crazy out here. So wanting genuine love, safety, partnership, respect. That's selfish. Feel selfish. Maybe even greedy. You got a hundred bucks, now you want more. I mean, how far does that go? You got a million dollars, now you want more, right? But maybe he's not a million bucks. Maybe he is a hundred bucks, girl. Maybe two hundred. But definitely not a million bucks. 200 ain't gonna get you that far. You're gonna be pulling and pulling, working for it. I don't know where I'm going with that. Again, off course. Been a long day. I'm sorry, I lost my spot in my notes. Being selfish, being selfish, wanting more, right? So we've been taught all these things, right? But it's not greedy, it's not selfish. These are basic needs, and you deserve them, and you deserve to want them. You're allowed to want them. It's okay to want them. It's normal to want them. It's healthy to want them. What if you're stuck because of religion, social circles, or family? Like your entire life is built around staying. Your church would judge you. Hell, maybe even push you out. Maybe even coerce you to stay despite your truth. Same with family. Your family could disown you or treat you differently. Your friends are all couple friends, and you might lose some. Or all. Maybe your social circle is built around your relationship status. Oof, that's heavy. And leaving may mean losing everyone. Seriously, genuinely starting over from scratch. Friend and partner. Friends and partner. And that is fucking terrifying. I bet you're saying, bitch, you're crazy. You're crazy. I'm not doing that. What are you asking of me? You're asking me to just let go of my life. It's not that bad. I get it. I get it. And maybe it's not about leaving, like I said earlier. Maybe it's about things changing and knowing what needs to change in order for you to feel good and not lonely. And not performing. Because even if these people aren't safe, they're familiar, they're your world. It's what you know, it's what you do, it's your safety, it's your bubble. But all this I've talked about, all of this is fucking fear. How do you spell it? F-E-A-R. Fear. False evidence appearing real. This shit is false. Fear of being alone forever, fear of losing your family, fear of losing your friends. Some of those you may really lose. That's a legitimate fear. That's not false evidence. That's just things that happen and that sucks. But at least you know who was really there for you in the end, anyway. So it kind of just shakes the dead fruit off the tree, right? Just shaking them off. Fear of the unknown, right? Most of what you're afraid of hasn't happened. It's your brain trying to protect you by keeping you in the familiar, even when the familiar isn't safe, because your body, your nervous system will always choose the familiar chaos over the unfamiliar comfort until it has slow, steady, safe exposure, until you are safe. So what's keeping you stuck? It's fear. Conditioning. You've been taught to settle, to be grateful, not to expect too much. Survival is easier to stay than blow up your whole life. Hope keeps you stuck. Maybe it'll get better. Maybe they'll change. Maybe it's just not that bad. Maybe, maybe it's just me. If I just give myself time, I know I'll feel differently. I should. I will. I'll do better. Maybe lack of options. You don't see a way out, may not have a way out. We're talking about like financially, job-wise, ability to go if you don't have a car or a bank account. Like if we're talking these levels, we're talking about we need game plans. We need bank accounts. We need to start saving money. Yeah, off track. Thought about some things. And numbness, right? If you don't feel it, you don't have to face it, right? As long as you stay in the numb phase, it's okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

And all of it, all of it is valid.

SPEAKER_02 18:24

You're not weak for staying. You're surviving. The numbness protects you. In numb season, you disconnect to survive. You go through the motions, you don't feel the full weight of how lonely you are, how unsafe you feel, how much you're settling. But if you felt it at all. No, not but like because like if you felt it at all, like during the numb season, you couldn't function. The numbness is protecting you. It's key, but it also keeps you stuck. But it is protecting you until you're able to handle it.

When Your People Are Not Safe

SPEAKER_02 19:06

So, what's it like when you're healing and no one is safe? Your partner isn't safe. You can't tell them about your trauma, your healing journey, your therapy, what you're really feeling, what you're really going through, because it may get minimized. That was so long ago. Get over it. How that's not that big of a deal. He might make it about him. Why are you always so negative? That was the past. Look at me now. This is who I am. Maybe they'll use it against you later. Maybe they won't understand. Maybe they tell you you're being too dramatic too much. Maybe they don't care. So you keep it to yourself. You heal in secret. Same with friends. You can't be honest because they're judgy, gossipy. His friends, too. They'll tell you just to leave, but they don't understand why you can't. They'll tell you to stay because misery loves company. They don't want to hear negative things. They only want the highlight reel. So you perform, you pretend everything is fine and you're alone in the struggle. What about family? Maybe because family caused some of your trauma. Maybe because your family or partner don't believe in therapy. Maybe you would be judged for struggling. Maybe they would blame you. What did you do to cause this? What did you have? What haven't you done? Maybe they'll tell you to pray about it. And they'll tell you that marriage is forever and to deal with it. So you don't tell them you keep the peace and you heal alone. Same thing with the religious community, right? You're a sinner. You're supposed to submit. Struggles mean you don't have enough faith. Therapy is worldly. You're supposed to forgive and forget. You're expected to stay no matter what. So you can't be honest. You perform and you suffer in silence. Having people, but having not a genuine, safe person is the loneliness loneliest kind of lonely.

SPEAKER_01 21:23

Healing in isolation is so hard.

SPEAKER_02 21:26

You probably doubt yourself constantly. You have no one to validate your experience, no one to process with. You carry everything alone. You feel like you're going fucking crazy. And you feel like no one would understand, even if you told them. And that loneliness is crushing.

Find One Safe Person

SPEAKER_02 21:43

And if that is the truth, and if that is real for you right now, please find a therapist. Even if you have to go through a couple, a few, a handful of therapists before you find them, book consultations, have a 15 minute Conversation. Give them one to three sessions to prove what they promised in consultation. Like ask questions. Be forthright with your therapist. And if they suck, they suck. Go to the next. But find a therapist. Process this trauma. Process your healing appropriately. Have someone that can validate you and hear your story. Part of healing is sharing your story. So how do you heal? What do you do? When you're completely alone in this, first, just name it. I don't have a safe person right now. I'm healing alone, and that's really hard. Don't minimize it. Don't pretend it's fine. It's fucking hard. Acknowledge that. And then find one safe person outside of your life. Get a therapist. This is a non-negotiable if you can afford it. A therapist is a safe person whose job is to hold your pain. Someone outside of your life who won't use your vulnerability against you. Someone trained to help you process trauma. And they can't tell anyone because it's confidential. If you cannot afford a therapist, look at community mental health centers, look for sliding scale therapists. Virtual therapy is often cheaper. If you have insurance, there are plenty of platforms out there. I work for Headway. You can look on Headway, it's a pretty decent platform. They tell you if your insurance is accepted, they tell you what you're gonna pay, and you can schedule with the person right then and there.

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Sometimes same day, next day, same week.

SPEAKER_02 24:06

Also, if all else fails, dial, text 741-741. Talk to a person as you're going through it. They'll give you some coping skills, validate your story, make you feel heard and understood, and give you some coping skills to go on your way. Find a support group, right? They're typically free, low cost, anonymous, full of people who get it, a place to be honest without judgment. There are a few options. Al Anon, if your partner has substance issues, codependence anonymous, local trauma recovery groups, and online support groups, Reddit, Facebook forums like that. Get a coach or a spiritual coach if therapy isn't accessible or doesn't resonate. Life coaches, trauma recovery coaches, spiritual directors, like non-religious options exist. The goal is to have one safe person who isn't in your life who you can be completely honest with.

Journal It Out In Secret

SPEAKER_02 25:30

Create a container. And by that I mean journal. Your journal doesn't judge, it doesn't minimize, and it doesn't use your words against you. Write everything you can't say out loud. Write your feelings, write your trauma, your rage, your grief, your truth, your numbness. Get it out of your body and onto paper. This is part of processing. This is part of healing. Write letters you'll never send. Write letters to your younger self, to the person who hurt you, to your partner, to God, to universe, to anyone. Say everything you can't say in real life. Then burn them, bury them, keep them, whatever feels right. If writing doesn't work for you, record yourself, make voice memos on your phone, talk to yourself, process out loud, delete them or keep them. I don't give a shit. Just let it out of your body. Be creative. Paint what you can't say, draw your feelings, make music, dance it out, create something that expresses what's inside. I have gotten to where, even if I'm not in the mood for writing in my journal, but I still have thoughts and I just don't feel like writing, I'll open up my page, I'll date it, I'll say what day it is, and I'll just draw how I feel. I'll doodle, I'll scribble, I'll write something, random words, I'll do bubble letters, and that's my journal. That's my day. And I do that until I feel like I've expressed myself. So it can be in whatever way, just be creative, get it out of your body. Because being creative, drawing your feelings, making music, dancing it out, this is processing. This fucking counts so hugely. And yeah, when you're healing alone, self-care is not optional, it's part of your survival. So, what worked for me? Yoga saved me on so many levels. You could do Pilates, Tai Chi, swimming, dancing, Zumba, like whatever. But find something. Find something that speaks to your body that's a therapeutic movement. Walking, I cried. I cried a lot when it came. I cried. If I wasn't numb and I could cry, I cried. I created things, I created things to share with people. I created mental health things, I created parts, created stuff that was my hobby. My hobbies are mental health, self-help, yoga, nutrition. So when I create, I create things or I spend time in that those genres, those categories. I learn to relax and play. That took time, that took effort, and it's fun. I still like to play. I still am learning to play better more and more. And I allowed myself to be myself without apology. Like I just can't fucking care anymore about what people think. People are gonna like me, people are gonna hate me. All I know is that I'm doing my best. And the right people will find me. And the ones that don't, don't. That's okay. Like I'm not for everybody, and that's okay. Like, I love the shit out of myself. I'm gonna take care of myself and I'm gonna live a happy life. And if people want to come along and add to it and enhance it and have a good adventure with me, let's fucking do it. And if you don't, if it's not your vibe, like peace out, have a good time. Well wishes, you know. I just I can't give a shit anymore. It's just be me. Do you so movement helps, being in nature helps, rest, not productive rest, but actual rest, coloring, meditating, watching a show without your mind being somewhere else or scrolling. I do things that bring you joy, learn something new, pursue interests that are just yours. Start doing things, do a million fucking hobbies. I don't care if you buy a three, four, five kits and hate all of them. Just give it a try. Self-love all the damn time, ma'am. When no one else is loving you well, you have to love yourself. Talk to yourself kindly the way you would talk to a friend. Give yourself what you needed as a child, celebrate your small wins, forgive yourself for surviving however you had to, be gentle with yourself and be your own best fucking friend. This isn't selfish. This is survival, this is part of healing. And create internal safety, mindfulness practices, meditations, visualizations, grounding techniques, self-soothing, inner child work, reparenting yourself in a sense. Or that's what it is. So you become the safe person for yourself. You have to do all of it for you, my dear. No one's coming to save you, no one's gonna give you a shortcut. You gotta do

Self Care As Survival

SPEAKER_02 30:59

it for yourself. You gotta love yourself, you gotta help yourself. And what you can't process with others, I want you to learn on your own. Read books on trauma recovery, listen to podcasts like this one, watch videos on healing, learn about your experiences, understand what happened to you because knowledge is power, and understanding helps you heal. Set internal boundaries because you may not be able to set boundaries with your partner or your family yet, but you can set them with yourself. I don't have to share my journey with people who aren't safe. I can have my own thoughts and feelings, I can disagree internally even if I can't say it out loud. I don't have to believe what they say about me.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

I can plan my exit even if I'm not ready to leave yet. Do the work despite the fear.

SPEAKER_02 32:09

Don't let the fear get in the way. Do what your future self will be happy for, will be happy with. And when pleasant life is hard, work for your future. If you need an exit fund, start saving money. Be clever. I don't know if this is harm or not, but I knew someone who would, you know how you can take money out at the register, extra cash back. She would get cash back every time, and that was her exit fund. Every time she went to the grocery store or something, it was just whatever the lowest one was, she would get that out, and that would should make her exit fun. Document everything, build skills that make you more independent. Create a life that is absolutely yours, even in small ways. Make choices that future you will thank you for because you're not stuck forever. You're building towards something mag fucking beautiful, licious. It's just magnificent.

Leave Or Stay Reality Check

SPEAKER_02 33:29

Should I leave or should I go, right? Sometimes this is the hardest question. If there's abuse, physical violence, sexual coercion or assault, severe emotional or verbal abuse, financial abuse, controlling all the money, preventing you from working, threats or intimidation. If you are unsafe, you are not in a space that is fixable. Abuse escalates. You need to leave. I don't say this lightly. I don't say this to scare you. I don't say this to make this worse. I just say this to be fucking real. I see it all the time. I see it unfold. I see it escalate. I see the warning signs, and I'm telling you, I'm not crazy. I am trained and a patterns recognitioner. Your national domestic violence hotline, who can help you find a shelter, can help you find an exit strategy, can help you with community resources, is 1-800-799-7233. 1-800-799-7233. Rain, who I mentioned earlier, hotline 1-800-656-4673. 1-800-656-4673. They can help you with local domestic violence shelters, and they can help you at safety planning. If he sabotages your therapy, if he mocks your healing, if he triggers you intentionally, if he refuses to respect your boundaries, if he won't acknowledge harm he's caused, if you're staying out of fear, not love, it's preventing you from healing. You're not staying because you want to be there. You're staying because you're scared of leaving. These are all reasons to go find safety, safer places. Maybe he's not abusive. Maybe he's just not the right partner. Maybe you're lonely but not unsafe. Maybe it's not good, but it's not dangerous. You might be able to heal while you're there and then decide later. If you're working toward leaving but not ready yet, saving money, getting stronger, building an exit strategy. The truth is, only know only you know if you should leave. And you don't have to decide right now. But what you can do is start healing anyway, despite it. Start building a life that's yours. Start planning for options, start seeing yourself clearly. Demand couples counseling to see if it helps. Hell, go through discernment counseling. That is something to look into. Helpful, not helpful sometimes. Discernment counseling can be difficult. But then when you're ready, if you're ever ready, you can make the choice. So, what if you've got religious pressure to

Religion Pressure And Control

SPEAKER_02 36:47

stay? What if you're told your marriage is sacred? What if God hates divorce? Pray more, have more faith, submit. You're struggling because you're not spiritual enough. You made a vow. Keep it no matter what. But the truth, God, the universe, whatever you believe in, does not want you to suffer. Does not want you to be abused, does not want you to sacrifice your well-being for an institution.

SPEAKER_01 37:21

Your religious leaders may say that, but that's about control, not spirituality.

SPEAKER_02 37:27

You are allowed to leave, even if your church says you're not. It's the same with the social circle, but maybe not as harsh, but maybe can be because it's all very frightening to leave any of this. These are your bubbles, these are your people. If I leave, I'll have no one, I'll lose my entire world. But the reality of that, you might lose those people, and that's devastating. But people who only love you when you're suffering aren't people. If they disown you for choosing your well-being, they were never safe. You will find new people who get it, who don't require you to stay in harm to belong. You can start small, you don't have to blow everything up at once. Stop going to church events, set boundaries with judgmental families, join a secular support group. I'm sorry if you're gonna hear background noise. It's a long episode, and I was having food delivered because I have no food in my house, because I'm moving tomorrow. Told you, big things. But you're allowed to outgrow your community. Just because you were there doesn't mean you have to stay there. And you can ask yourself like, what if you're saying, like, what if I can't leave yet? If you're truly stuck, financially, custody, immigration, safety, whatever. Heal anyway, in secret if you have to. Therapy and don't tell them. Support groups, stay anonymous, build resources, money, money, skills, connections. Make friends who are outside of the circle, make friends who are safe. Save money. Plan your exit, even if it's years away. Work toward freesome freedom. You're not stuck forever, you're preparing. I've said it a couple of times, and I will let you know that one of the big motivators for me is that every choice I made, I asked myself, will future me thank me for this? I went to therapy even though I was scared. I journaled even though it hurt. I set tiny boundaries even though it felt so hard and so impossible. I said no despite the guilt. I ended relationships that were killing me, that were sucking my soul away. I left environments that were toxic. I built a life on my terms. I chose myself even when everyone told me I was selfish and that I was gonna wasn't going to succeed. I did things despite the fear because inside I knew it was for my greater good. I knew that I was gonna give this living on my terms and being happy and free a fucking fighting chance. Because what I've been doing fucking sucks. Tired. I was tired, I didn't want it anymore. The fear was there. The fear was fucking loud, but I did it anyway because I knew that future me would appreciate my efforts. Small steps matter. You don't have to blow up your life today. You can start with one therapy session, one boundary, one journal entry, one moment of honesty, one choice for just yourself. Small steps build, they accumulate, they become big changes. Self-care helped me. I couldn't control my circumstances, but I can control how I treated myself. Self-love happened all the damn time, still does, because I became my own safe person. Yoga helped me, mind, body, and spirit over years, over years helped me. Journaling, crying, walking, creating all this. You can do this even in silence, even alone, even when no one is safe, you can heal.

Future Self And Rage Arc

SPEAKER_02 42:15

So that's them, that's them, my dear. That's the healing in silence. The final episode of the numb arc. When you don't have a safe place to process, when you're surrounded by people but completely and alone. I get it. This is the numb season. Disconnected, going through the motions, just surviving. You can do it. You're doing it. You are doing it by listening to this. Find one safe person outside your life. Please do journal, do some lettering to yourself, to others, do some art, love yourself fiercely. Do self-care like your life depends on it because it does. And live for your future self. Make choices that she'll thank you for. And know that you're not stuck forever. Maybe you leave, maybe you stay and heal and then leave. Maybe you build a life within your current life that's bearable. Maybe you blow it all up and start over. Only you know what's right for you. So what comes next? Numb see numb arc is protection. It's survival, it's disconnection to keep you safe from the full weight of your reality. But eventually, when the numbness cracks and underneath it, rage comes. Rage at everyone who failed you, rage at the people who aren't safe, rage at yourself for staying, rage at how much time you've lost, rage at having to heal alone. That's the rage season, and it's coming. Because the anger is necessary. It's the fire that burns away what doesn't serve you. It's the energy that gets you unstuck. It's the fuel that drives you to change. So if you're in the numb arc right now, if you're healing in silence, know that this isn't forever. The rage is coming, and when it does, it will move you. But for now, you deserve safety. You deserve genuine love. You deserve people who see you and hold you and support you. And if you don't have that right now, you can still heal. You can still grow. You can still become who you're meant to be. In silence if you have to, alone if that's all you have. But please heal nonetheless. Because you're not alone. I see you. I'm here every Wednesday. Maybe not every Friday. Especially not this Friday. But every Wednesday I'm here and I dedicate this podcast to you, to your healing, to our healing, so that we can make this world a better place. That's fucking huge, ladies, right? One day you'll look back and thank yourself for starting, for choosing you, for doing the work despite the fear. Your future self is waiting, and she is so fucking proud of you. So get ready for the rage season. Next, the rage arc in part in season two. But until next time, thank you so much for being here. If this episode resonated with you, or if you think someone would benefit from hearing this, please share. I would appreciate it. I I rely on word of mouth for the podcast to grow. So I appreciate your presence and I appreciate your share. If you've got a comment, if you've got a question, if you've got anything, send me it. Send it in the comments. Send me an emoji. Maybe a white flag. Like, hey, girl, I see you. I give up. I am working on this. I don't even know if there's a white flag emoji. Maybe not.

SPEAKER_00 46:19

I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 46:20

All right, my dears. Be good to yourself. Take the gentlest possible care of your awakened heart. And I will see you soon.