Your Anger Is Proof You Are Healing

Numbness can keep us alive, but when it cracks, rage often arrives first because we finally have the energy to name what was wrong. I give you direct permission to feel sacred rage and channel it into boundaries, creativity, and safer relationships without harming anyone. 


• defining sacred rage as soul-level anger rooted in self-love 
• noticing grief and heartbreak underneath anger 
• separating sacred rage from bitterness and resentment 

I'm here every Wednesday and Friday during this lovely season two of healing from sexual trauma. The next episode will be a bonus episode that will be dealing with honoring the rage, exercising the rage, going a little bit more in depth on the rage. 

Work With Me Individually 

I offer trauma-informed therapy for high-achieving women navigating:

• Complex trauma
• Late-diagnosed ADHD or autism
• Nervous system dysregulation
• Relational pattern healing

If you’d prefer one-on-one support, book a free 15-minute consultation here:
http://linktr.ee/EmpoweringWellnessHub

Good Music for Healing

🎵 **Divine Woman Playlist (Apple Music):** https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/divine-woman/pl.u-leyl096uMoD885j

Episodes Mentioned in this Episode

Your Freeze Response Was Survival Not Consent

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2467345/episodes/19054178-your-freeze-response-was-survival-not-consent

Honoring the Losses & Heaviness after Sexual Trauma

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2467345/episodes/19093408-honoring-the-losses-heaviness-after-sexual-trauma

Your Body Is Protecting You From Stillness

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2467345/episodes/19127184-your-body-is-protecting-you-from-stillness

A Survivor’s Story of Sexual Trauma

https://www.buzzsprout.com/2467345/episodes/19164045-a-survivor-s-story-of-sexual-trauma

You’re not alone. 

We’re healing together.

Transcript

Welcome To The Rage Arc

SPEAKER_01 0:01

What's up, what's up, what's up? Hi. Welcome to the Awaken Heart. Welcome back if you're a return listener. Whether you're here for the first time or the uh umpteenth time, I appreciate your listen. I appreciate your presence. Thank you so very much for being here. This is the Awaken Heart, a podcast for healing women. I'm Ana Moran, licensed professional counselor, yoga instructor, life coach, and your guide to healing after sexual trauma. Welcome to season two and welcome to the rage arc of this season. If you've been following along this season of healing after sexual trauma, you just came through the numb arc. We learn what happened when our bodies say no, but we keep saying yes. We grieved about what it's like to become someone new, to have what was lost, all the grief that comes along with the numb season and with sexual trauma. We learn why rest felt unsafe and how to overcome that and how to work with it. We even talked about healing in silence when no one was safe. You were numb, disconnected, surviving, going through the motions. If you're there, please back it up and listen to the first arc of the numb season, of the numb arc of this season too. Sorry. I will link them in the show notes. But today, if you're through the numbness, you're waking up, what's underneath it? Pure, absolutely significant, necessary rage. This is the first episode of the Rage Arc, and we're going to talk about giving you permission. No, I want to really give you a command to feel your fury, to feel the rage. Because here's what's happened: you started loving yourself, you started showing up for yourself, the numbness has lifted, and underneath it was everything you couldn't feel while you were surviving in the numb phase. And it's rage, it's soul-level rage, disappointment, sadness, the devastating realization that people didn't see you, didn't love you, didn't support you as you were. For me, my rage

Why Rage Shows Up After Numb

SPEAKER_01 2:20

definitely came after I started loving myself. There was just, there was this moment. It wasn't like one big bam thing. It was like things just kind of fell into place. And I was like, no fucking more. I am not gonna tolerate disrespect. I'm not gonna tolerate less than good. I'm not gonna tolerate bare minimum and celebrate that shit. I'm not gonna take care of another grown person that doesn't take care of me. I'm not gonna go beyond who I am and what capacity I have in order to make someone else happy, especially if they don't reciprocate that back to me when I need it. That's what it was. Just tired and fed up of just doing and giving and feeling empty in return. After I realized I wasn't too much, not too loud, I am loud as hell sometimes. And I can be quiet as a mouse sometimes because I love silence. So, like, get off my back if you think I'm loud. Turn down the volume. I don't mean you get off my back. I'm talking about haters. I'm just being silly, but not all the things. Like, once I stopped listening to all the things the adults in my life told me or implied in some way that that made me feel like I was too much, too, too extra, too needy, too emotional.

SPEAKER_00 3:50

I just I wanted to burn it all down.

SPEAKER_01 3:53

I say it quite often with my clients. Like, I want to burn systems down. Throat punch every person in my life that didn't show up for me. Nothing really triggered it other than that learning about myself and realizing that they were wrong, right? I was angry because they were wrong, and I put so much faith into the people that even when I was young made me feel less than, and I still listened to them, even though I knew I never wanted to be like them. I mean, I had believed them for decades. I lived out my 20s based on their judgments, their opinions, their their ideas of how you're supposed to live. I mimic them thinking they were someone to look up to. Because apparently they knew something. They knew everything that happened to me, and they still expected me to be a certain way. And that rage is it's it's sacred. It's about loving yourself, showing up for yourself, and channeling the rage with creativity. Let's burn this motherfucker down, right? If you're moving from the numb to rage, you disconnected to survive, you went through the motions, you didn't feel the full weight of your trauma, your loneliness, your reality. All this happened in the numb arc. Because if you felt it all, you could not function. The numbness was necessary. It was part of surviving. It was your nervous system saying, like, hey, it's too much right now. I'm gonna shut down to protect you. But as we know, there's seasons for these things, there's times for these things that's not permanent. So numbness doesn't last forever. Eventually, something shifts. Maybe you started therapy, you started healing journeys, you started loving yourself, you leave an unsafe relationship. Maybe you start setting boundaries, maybe you just start learning about trauma and realizing that it's trauma, not something broken within you. You realize that you're not the problem. And when that shift happens, the numbness starts to crack. All the feelings you couldn't feel while you were numb simply come flooding in. And the first, loudest, most powerful feeling typically is fury. When you were numb, you weren't safe enough to feel angry because anger requires energy. It requires being present, it requires acknowledging that something is or was wrong. And you couldn't do that while you were just surviving. So now, now that you're through that arc, now you're healing. Now you're present. Now you're safe enough to feel how deeply, devastatingly wrong it all was. And maybe you're not a hundred percent safe. Maybe people around you are still not a hundred percent safe, but you're healing and you're getting there, and revelations are coming. And with that revelation comes rage. This is normal, it is necessary, it is a part of healing. So let's talk about what sacred rage

What Sacred Rage Really Is

SPEAKER_01 7:05

looks like, because not all anger is the same. Sacred rage, like I said earlier, it's soul-level anger. This isn't surface-level irritation. This isn't being mad about traffic or a bad day. This is bone-deep fury about what was done to you, about what was taken from you, and about who failed you. This is the anger that comes from finally seeing clearly that you didn't deserve what happened to you, none of it. And other people that made you feel like you deserved it were wrong. People that made you feel like you were crazy were wrong. Your pattern recognition, the ability to see some things more clearly than others, straightforwardness is nothing to change or be ashamed of. My excitements, my joys, my passions all never have been too much. But while adults sat by and witnessed silently a family member suffering from bulimia in my family. This was when I was like a teenager. I researched it, I found treatment plans, doctors, resources. I created a fucking binder and presented it to the adults. They ignored it. They basically told me to calm down. Meanwhile, I was having panic attacks during this. And they just idly sat by like nothing was going down and completely ignored it. That's the sacred rage, the rage of just failure, the rage of not caring enough. This is what I mean when I say burn it down. These systems we've relied on that have been so harmful and toxic. Let's start from scratch. Let's start with us. Let's stop doing the things that they did. Let's stop ignoring the things that they ignored. Let's keep people accountable. Let's take responsibility for our own shit. And let's heal what needs to be healed so we can make a better place. But with rage, underneath the rage is grief, sadness, disappointment. You're angry because you were heartbroken. You're furious because you're devastated. The rage is the outer layer. The sadness is what's underneath. That sadness comes, that anger comes because you weren't seen as you were. You weren't loved the way you needed. No one supported you. They didn't protect you. Maybe they didn't believe you. The adults, the elders, your support system, maybe parts of society have failed. And now you're just now feeling how much this hurts, has hurt, is hurtful. This is what makes it sacred. The rage comes because you're healing, because you're loving yourself now and you're showing up for yourself. You couldn't be angry when you believed you deserved it. You can only be angry now that you know you didn't. The rage is proof that you're healing. And sacred rage isn't destructive, though it feels like it could be. It's channeled. You can channel it into art, music, writing, setting boundaries, leaving toxic relationships, building the life you want, creating something beautiful from the pain, advocating for yourself, for others, burning down what doesn't serve you and building something new. Sacred rage is not bitterness. Bitterness is rage that's gone stale. It's anger that's festered and turned toxic. It's poison you're drinking, hoping it hurts someone else, hoping it hurts your abuser. Sacred rage is fresh, it's active, it's moving through you, it's not stuck in you. Bitterness keeps you stuck. Sacred rage moves you forward. It's not resentment. Resentment is rage you're suppressing, it's anger you won't acknowledge or express. It's the I'm fine while you see the inside. Sacred rage is expressed, released, and channeled. Resentment will poison you, whereas sacred rage will cleanse you. And as much as I say I want to burn things down and punch someone in the throat, sacred rage does not hurt people. Even though we may fantasize about throat punching everyone who has failed us, I get it. Sacred rage is fierce, but it's not cruel. It's powerful, it's not destructive to others. It destroys what needs to be destroyed: false narratives, toxic relationships, the parts of you that believed you deserved it. But it doesn't harm, it transforms. And sacred rage, this rage arc is a season, not a permanent state. You move through it, you feel it through fully, you channel it, and then it transforms into rebirth, which is our next step. But right now we're in rage. It is freaking necessary and it is not forever. Rage is a necessary part of healing. I've said it, I'm gonna say it. It is something that gets skipped over because we're taught not to be angry. You can't be furious and disconnected at the same time. So rage is meaning that you are present, you are no longer numb. You are feeling, it's about being alive enough to be angry. If you're feeling rage, you're no longer numb, and that's progress. Rage means you know you didn't deserve it. You can only be angry about injustice if you recognize it as injustice. When you believed you deserved it, you couldn't be angry. You could only be ashamed. Rage means I know now that I didn't deserve that, and I'm furious about what was done to me. That's fucking healing, my dear. Numbness is low energy, rage is high energy. You need that energy to leave toxic relationships, set boundaries, advocate for yourself, make these necessary changes to live the life that you want to live, to build a new life based on your terms, based on healthy choices, based on healthy communication, healthy relationships, healthy self-care, healthy self-love, like building it all from scratch. Rage burns away what doesn't serve you. Think of rage as a forest fire. It destroys, but it also clears space for new growth. Because it burns away false beliefs about yourself, those stinking toxic relationships I keep bringing up. It definitely burns away people pleasing patterns, like fuck that, no more of that. It burns away the need to be small and quiet and pretty and satisfying and pleasant. It burns away the belief that you're too much. It clears space for your authentic self, for healthy relationships, for boundaries, for your voice, for your truth. Once you've felt the full weight of your rage, once you've acknowledged how badly you were failed, you can't go back to accepting that treatment ever again. Rage teaches you never again. It becomes your boundary, it becomes your protection. It is the bridge from victim to survivor to thriver. A victim, this happens to me and I'm powerless. A survivor says this happens to me and I survived. A thriver is where we're headed. And that means this happened to me, I survived, I'm furious about it, and I'm using that fury to build something better. I want to understand, I want to make a moment, I want to take a moment to acknowledge that we have been conditioned to be pleasant, accommodating, not to ruffle feathers, to be the nice girls that don't get angry. We've been taught that anger is ugly, that it makes us unlovable, that it's aggressive and masculine, that we're problematic if we get angry, or that we're overreacting, or that we're so emotional. We've been conditioned to suppress rage, to smile, to be nice, to not make waves. Being a trauma survivor makes anger feel especially dangerous. The anger feels so big, so overwhelming, that you might be afraid it will consume you, you'll lose control, you might hurt someone, you might become the abuser, or that you may never stop. So you tell yourself, it was so long ago I should be over it. Other people had it worse, I'm being dramatic, maybe it wasn't that bad, or I'm making a big deal out of nothing. Minimize downplay, dismiss. When you tried to be angry before, what happened? You're too sensitive, you got punished, you were told to calm down, you were made to feel like you were the problem. So you learned that anger was wrong and it needed to be suppressed. But the truth, the truth is that anger is valid, it is justified, and you have every right to be furious. What was done to you was wrong. How you were treated was wrong. The people who failed you were wrong, and you are allowed to be fucking angry about that. I'm giving you permission to give yourself permission. I'm commanding you right now that you were allowed to be mad, to be furious at your abuser, at the people who didn't protect you, at the people who didn't believe you, the system that failed you, everyone who told you to get over it or minimize your trauma, and you're even allowed to be mad at yourself for believing you deserved it, for staying, for whatever. You're allowed to burn it down all the way.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Scream

Safe Ways To Move Rage Out

SPEAKER_00 17:20

until your voice gives out. You're allowed. So, in addition to screaming it out, what can you do?

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Scream definitely into a pillow, into the air, in your car, in the woods, anywhere private, at the sky. Hit a pillow, smash some ice cubes on the concrete, rip up some paper, throw some soft things against the wall. Move your body, go running, boxing, kickboxing, dance, shake, stomp, anything that releases physical energy because the goal is to get the rage out of your body so it doesn't get stuck. Write it out, write everything you're angry about, don't censor it, don't edit, let it be ugly, messy, and raw. Curse, scream, cry, scratch the paper up, tear it up. Write letters to your abuser, to everyone who failed you, say everything you need to say and never send it. The goal is to get the rage out of your head and onto paper. I know it sounds simple and silly and like, uh, it's already in my head. I feel it all the time. There's no reason. I'm not saying it's a miracle worker. I'm not saying like all of a sudden you're going to be better, but getting it out of your head, getting it out of your body is a necessary step. Write the story, write the letter, write the anger. Like I said earlier, when the to channel it into creativity, art, paint your rage, draw it, create something that expresses it, work with clay, make a vibrant, colored, dark, colored crochet piece, paint by number, anything you want. Music, write songs, play angry music, get a drum, something to beat on, write poetry, stories, essay, any creative outlet. Tap into that creativity. The goal there is to transform your rage into something. And use your rage as fuel. I'm serious. I want you to call people out. If someone is disrespectful or disgusting, call them out. No more being small and quiet for people who don't love you the right way. No more protecting people who hurt you. No more silence. None. Period. None. Even if it's a no, even if it's I don't want to do that. Even if it's I'm going to my room. I don't care. Call people out. Set boundaries, which is very important. Some boundaries, some uh I ideas I came up with was like, don't talk to me like that. You're not allowed to talk to me like that. I will not respond when you're disrespecting me and using that tone or using that language. I'm done with this relationship. It's no longer fruitful, it's not healthy. I'd like to discuss ending it, or I'm ending it, I'm leaving. You don't get access to me anymore. When someone takes all your time, your energy vampires, and they make you feel bad. When you don't do something they want to do, you simply can say, Hey, you don't have 100% access to me anymore. I've got to do my thing. I want to do my thing. I'm going to do my thing. Or simply, I'm not tolerating this. I'm not tolerating this behavior. I'm not tolerating this treatment. I'm not tolerating this silence. I'm not tolerating the vibes. I'm not tolerating the passive aggressiveness. I'm not tolerating getting punished for being myself. I'm not tolerating for not being able to live my truth because I have to take care of someone else who is very capable of taking care of themselves. And then leave. Leave toxic relationships, leave unsafe environments, leave people who require you to be small. I know this is simple, not easy. But this is the goal for the rage to protect yourself moving forward. Some things are gonna have to end, some things are gonna have to come to a close in order for you to step into the next arc of healing. Because some people, places, and things are not safe. And if your nervous system is not safe, you cannot completely heal. Except Especially in an environment that is traumatizing, laden with trauma, spurts of trauma. How am I trying to say it? Like in inconsistent activity, inconsistent mood, never know what you're going to get, type thing, eggshells. You can't heal in that type of environment. If you cannot be yourself in your home, in your domicile, healing's going to be almost nearly impossible because people will keep bringing you back and down. Advocate, channel that rage into advocacy, support other survivors, speak out about injustice, create resources, build community, use your voice for change, turn your rage into purpose. But what not to do? All those things are great to do with rage. And I want you to embark on one of them. If one felt good, if one sounded fun or something you used to do or just might be fun, do it. Do it because you love yourself, do it because you deserve it. Do it because you are ready

What Not To Do With Anger

SPEAKER_01 23:05

to fucking heal. But let's talk about what not to do with it. I don't want you to suppress it. Suppressed rage becomes depression, anxiety, physical illness, and bitterness. Feel it, express it, release it. You can be furious without being violent, and I want you to channel it safely. Don't be passive aggressive, don't be sneaky, don't hold things over people's heads. No manipulating anyone to feel or doing anything for you, nothing negative. Feel it fully, but also process it. Don't get stuck in rage forever. Don't use it as your identity, don't use it as an excuse to have unhealthy behaviors. It's not who you are. It's an aspect of who you are, and it's not a permanent state. And sacred rage does not give you permission to abuse others, even people who hurt you. So I want you to name your anger. I want you to know and be specific about where this rage is directed. The person who hurt you, who violated you, who traumatized you. You're allowed to be furious at them, even if it was a long time ago, even if they're dead, even if they're family, even if they're not that bad compared to others, even if you've forgiven them, you're still allowed to be angry. You're allowed to be pay angry at parents, families, teachers, anyone who should have protected you and didn't. The people who knew or should have known, the people who looked the other way, the people who prioritized the abuser over you, the people who told you to keep quiet, and the people who didn't believe you. You can be angry at everyone who told you to get over it, who said it wasn't that bad, who compared your trauma to others, who might have dismissed your pain or made you feel like you were overreacting. You can be angry at the justice system, the medical system, the church, the schools, any institution that failed to protect you. And you're allowed to be angry at anyone who told you you were too loud, too sensitive, too needy, too emotional, too much. They were wrong. And you're allowed to be furious at them. You're also allowed to be furious at yourself. This is very complicated, but you might be angry at yourself for not leaving sooner, for not setting boundaries sooner, for believing you deserved it, for staying when you shouldn't have, or for not protecting yourself. But the anger at yourself needs compassion too. You did the best you could do with what you knew. You were surviving. You didn't know what you knew until you knew it. We do some crazy things in survival mode, and that's that's okay. What matters now is that you are aware and you take the awareness with you so that you can take actions based on your greater good and not survival. And what about the people who wanted to keep you quiet, small, compliant, because it made their lives easier? The people who needed you to not make waves, not cause problems, not speak up, not take up space.

SPEAKER_00 26:42

You can be angry at them for benefiting from you being small.

SPEAKER_01 26:51

When you start expressing anger, some people will support you, some people will dismiss you, and some people will punish you and tell you to calm down. The rage reveals who's safe and who's not, and that's information you need. Once you've felt the full weight of your rage, you develop a zero-tolerance policy for being mistreated. It's like never again. I will never accept this ever fucking again. You refuse to settle. So rage can transform into grief, into peace, into power, into purpose. But you can't get to those without going through the rage first. You can't heal by only feeling positive emotions. You can't bypass the rage and get to peace. You have to feel it all, including the fury. And when you do, when you let yourself be fully, righteously, sacredly angry, you become whole. And that's the goal of this arc of this season is to help you get closer to feeling whole, to becoming whole, to experiencing the rage.

Closing And What Comes Next

SPEAKER_01 27:58

So take care of yourself, do some good self-care, honor the rage, scream into the abyss, burn this motherfucker down. You don't have to do it all alone. I'm here every Wednesday and Friday during this lovely season two of healing from sexual trauma. I'll see you Friday on a bonus episode that will have to do with, that will be due, that will be dealing with honoring the rage, exercising the rage, going a little bit more in depth on the rage. Until then, take the gentlest possible care of your awakened heart and let yourself feel your sacred rage. Take care, and I'll see you soon.