Women Supporting Women

Did you know that having strong female friendships greatly impacts your mental health? In this episode we discuss all the benefits that women supporting other women and having community with one another has on our longevity, mental health, and life satisfaction. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

In a world that prices productivity, investing in your female friendships is the most radical act of self-care that you can take. I'm your host, Alien, and I'm your co-host Sam. And you're listening to Pathway to Empowerment, where we believe in thriving, not surviving. Women having community with one another through strong female friendship releases a unique cocktail of oxytocin and serotonin that actually rewires your brain to be more resilient against stress and other issues. In fact, these strong bonds can increase your longevity by 50%, which I think is incredible.

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 0:44

So let's dive into how women supporting women impacts our mental health. First little bit I want to mention is how women supporting women affects them in professional success and leadership roles. So female-driven networks and mentorship directly correlate to higher success rates. Which some studies show women with close female support network networks earn up to two and a half times more than their peers, which I think is pretty crazy. These networks provide access to opportunities, mentorship, and sponsorship, helping to overcome some biases that women face in the workplace.

SPEAKER_01 1:37

So I think it's incredible when women actually get to a place where they don't feel like they have to knock somebody off the totem pole in order for them to succeed. And as we as we find professional success and leadership, and one of the statements, I love Sam, I don't know if you've heard this statement or not, but I want to fix other women's crowns. I don't want to knock them off their head. I I want them to actually succeed and grow and become more than they ever thought they could or would.

SPEAKER_00 2:13

The dynamics I feel like so I had an experience working with a basically all female job. Most jobs are like male dominated or men are in the leadership roles in my experience with jobs, right? Sure. And so working amongst other women was a huge difference for me. And it felt I was more inclined to ask for help or to to say I wasn't comfortable with something or to, you know, ask for guidance or whatever it was. It felt like a more welcoming or safe environment for me to do so. Like it not as judgmental. And I'm not saying anything bad about men. I'm just saying for your experience, for my experience, it felt more comfortable and welcoming and like it was received better. Like it wasn't like, hey, can I get your help with this? And then, oh my hell, what you I guess so. Like it was a completely hormonal reaction to this. No.

SPEAKER_01 3:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:34

It was it was a special opportunity for me to work in an environment like that. And it was incredible the difference that I felt.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 3:44

With with my experience.

SPEAKER_01 3:46

I love that. I think it's important that we can have those kind of experiences. And for you, that that's a unique experience for most most people. Most people don't get to work in a female-driven environment like that. So I bet it was just an amazing experience. I know for me, I I've had a similar experience where I got to lead a company like that. And that we we actually wanted everybody to fill their roles and feel safe and secure in their role and know that they were the source of that role, and that they only needed guidance if they needed guidance. That that I was there as support and only support. So I think it's really important that we actually take the opportunity to find mentors and and help people grow in their in their field of expertise.

SPEAKER_00 5:05

Yeah. Women supporting women has such an empowerment behind it too. Like that's how social changes happened, like us getting the the right to vote, for example. And if we rally behind other women and help marginalized or underserved women, it can create a huge impact.

SPEAKER_01 5:30

So there are a lot of places that actually have women mentors. Like you can reach out to a mentor and have have that guidance. And then the most important thing to remember is you need to find a good fit. We've got to have the feeling of support. We've got to have the feeling of being able to thrive and and move up the ladder instead of being kept in a place because the other person feels like uh would they would take we would take their power if we if we continue moving up the ladder. We wanna find that environment where we actually can make social change happen and that women supporting women is a plus instead of women competing with women, which has been the norm for decades.

SPEAKER_00 6:19

Yeah. Now let's talk for a minute about the stress reduction and brain health impact of female friendships. These friendships can help lower stress and anxiety by increasing the production of oxytocin and serotonin, which promote calming and bonding. Do you want to dive into the I would love to?

SPEAKER_01 6:43

So oxytocin is so, so vital. And most of us, I'm gonna I'm gonna geek out here for a minute if that's okay. We know research shows us that we as human beings need eight, eight-second hugs every single day in order for the oxytocin levels to be adequate in our system. But most of us do not receive those hugs. And the the reality is that most women, not all, but most women when they see each other or come in contact with each other, we touch, we hug, we hold hands, we we're very touchy feeling with the people that we feel comfortable with. And what does that do? It releases the oxytocin that we need. And I'm sure right by now, most of us have heard of the fight and flight response. But the really cool thing about women is we often respond to stress with our tender and be and befriend response by seeking that social connection that we just talked about. The social connection talking, because usually when you're talking with your girlfriends, you're laughing, you're touching, you're, you know, you're having a really good connection with each other. You're sharing that emotions and the experiences and having that vulnerability in your conversations that you typically would not have in other conversations because you feel like you're safe, you're you then have that surge of oxytocin that is released, which again is the bonding hormone, that love hormone that connects us as human beings. We also have a tendency to hug another person when we're in those those situations. How many times have you noticed that any little girl that sees their other little friend that's a little girl, they hold hands, they skip down the road, they they even go to the restroom together. Like they're very much a bonded unit when they're with someone they feel safe with. And sometimes we lose that over time and we feel unsafe. But women supporting women is vital. We need women in our lives when we're a woman. We need other women, and it is important because it it does release the oxytocin that we need by that physical contact. That production of oxytocin helps us throughout the day after think about it. If you've ever spent time with someone that's important to you, that's another female, when you leave those conversations, how do you feel? Do you feel supported? Do you feel bonded? Do you feel like you can make it through the stress of another, you know, another time with your toddler, your infant, your teenager, your your spouse, your significant other, your family members that stress you out, or any work-related problems as well. That oxytocin production and release is what helps us make it through. But then if we talk about serotonin, which is the feel-good neurotransmitter, and the production of that, if we feel validated and supported during our conversations with our friends, the serotonin is actually increased in volume, which then boosts our moods and fosters feelings of content contentment. So that's an important factor as well.

SPEAKER_00 10:09

So basically what you're saying is these chemical and hormonal changes that result from these female friendship interactions actually provide our nervous system with like a biological buffer, so to speak. And it reduces depression, lowers cortisol, all those things.

SPEAKER_01 10:32

Absolutely. So it is an it's a major factor in in that cortisol reduction, which we all have. So when when when you go out and you spend time with your female friends, you're actually doing your body and your family a lot of good.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Yeah. As well as yourself. Yeah. So what about what are some of the key impacts on mental health that you know having community with other women creates?

SPEAKER_01 11:03

So emotional safety and validation is essential, right? We talk about key. These relationships provide a say a space for safety, right? For deep intimate conversations and emotional disclosure. Think about it. You will tell your girlfriends things that you won't tell anybody else. Yeah. Like girls can talk about things amongst themselves that we would never share with a doctor, with our spouse, with our children, with anybody. And it feels safe because we know what we've each been going through. And we're not going to judge the other person for having said that or done that.

SPEAKER_00 11:46

Yeah, having your friend acknowledge your feelings and validate that they are, you know, they're valid and they're normal, and you know, just feeling heard by somebody is incredible. Feeling heard, we all need to feel heard.

SPEAKER_01 12:05

Well, think of think about it this way. How many times have you felt down on yourself? I know I've there's been a lot of times where I felt real low. And if I talk to somebody and my female friends about it and say, you know what, I don't feel capable, I don't feel confident, I don't feel like I matter, what are they most likely gonna say?

SPEAKER_00 12:27

They're gonna boost boost you up. No, you're absolutely capable. You you've been through X, Y, or Z.

SPEAKER_01 12:35

You've You're an amazing human being for this, this, this, and this reason, right? Yeah. Which boosts our morale and our self-esteem, which guess what that also does? It goes back to what we just talked about talked about. It boosts our oxytocin and it boosts our serotonin and it helps us get through things. So think about when you validate the experiences and the emotions of your female friends and acknowledge, like you just said, that what they're feeling is valid, they do feel seen, they do feel heard, they do feel special, they do feel like they matter.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

It helps take away some of the their self-doubt as well.

SPEAKER_01 13:19

Mm-hmm. What about trusting your own perceptions a little bit more if somebody else can see it in you?

SPEAKER_00 13:27

Yeah. I I know when I am going through something, I'll call my mom or my favorite cousin and be like, This is what happened, this is exactly what was said, this is how I'm feeling. Am I in the wrong for am I blowing this out of proportion? I I ask that a lot of the time. Like, am I taking this too personally, or is this like, am I just being sensitive? Like, or how would you feel in that scenario? So it does help you trust your own perception of the events when they can see it that way as well.

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Absolutely. So that that goes into part of the key factor of of the emotional safety, right? The safe space for being vulnerable, sharing those internal fears and and lack of feeling, special, confident. You know, one of the big things I think most of us really fear is feeling like we're an imposter. And somebody's gonna find out that we're an imposter, right? And who else can you tell that to but your girlfriends? Yeah. Right? Without feeling judged or feeling like you're you're gonna be judged and and put down for it. Yeah. So rebuilding self-worth. Let's talk about that for a minute. There's a lot of things that happen to us in life, and a lot of times it's relationship-wise, where and that can be with parents, friends, family, significant others, children, coworkers. It can be with anyone, uh anything, right? We need to rebuild our self-worth and and believe in ourselves. Strong female friendships acts like that mirror, reflecting back to us what we see in in others and having them see it in themselves as well as in us.

SPEAKER_00 15:30

Yeah. Does that make sense? Yeah. Having being able to be authentically yourself and how huge is that? It's huge, yeah. And and being accepted for it and boost it up, it definitely Yeah. Helps yourself worth for sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:48

Absolutely. So it not only helps you feel that way, but it also reverberates back to the person that you're talking to or the people. But sometimes when we get together with our girlfriends, there's more than one. Yeah, right. Another another big thing is you know, isolation and normalizing struggles that we have. Sometimes we feel we can feel like we're the only one that's ever gone through something and nobody else will understand it. Or for instance, like now for me, when I got divorced, nobody in my family had ever gotten divorced. Yeah. I was the first one going through something like that. And I felt like a failure. And I felt like everybody was going to judge me, and I felt like I just needed to isolate and not talk to anybody. But the more that I talked to someone and I talked about the struggles that I was having, the more I felt supported by my friends. And sadly enough, my bestie was going through a divorce at the same time. So we did end up being able to talk about the feelings of isolation, the feelings of not being worthy or worthwhile, or worth you know, feelings of worthlessness as well, the struggles that we were having. So it alleviates some of the shame that we have in those sort of situations.

SPEAKER_00 17:19

Yeah, it helps you to realize you're not alone in your struggles.

SPEAKER_01 17:23

And here's a term that we most often don't hear. And that term is tend and befriend biology. So women often respond to stress by tending and befriending, seeking social support rather than fight or flight. These interactions often high in self-disclosure, increase the oxytocin and the serotonin that we've all already mentioned, and improve our moods, reduce our stress, and foster more positivity within us. So I think it's important for us to know that like when we are going through something, it is actually vital for us to actually reach out and seek out and befriend, right? And then the last one in the emotional category is empowerment through affirmation. Support our supportive friends are more often going to encourage each other to achieve personal and professional goals, as well as providing a sense of agency and confidence that strengthens our self-esteem. And hopefully we have those friends in our life that we reach out. And if you don't, we'll be that for you. We're more than happy to like be your tribe and help support you in any way you need to.

SPEAKER_00 18:48

Yeah, friends, friends pushing you along with the way towards your goals is life-changing. Even just that little phone call, like, hey, I did my mile today or whatever it is, is just behavior.

SPEAKER_01 19:06

Good for you. I'm so proud of you. Way to go. Knocking it out of the park.

SPEAKER_00 19:11

Yeah, that's this little boost of encouragement definitely goes a long way.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Absolutely. So that the next one that we need to talk about is support during live transitions. We as women have more transitions than men do. We go from, you know, being single to being married, being married to being mothers, being mothers to having an emptiness, being caretaking our our older parents, caretaking our older parents, caretaking our grandchildren, becoming grandparents. And we have we have transitions more often in the workplace, too. We'll take breaks and then enter again. And those transitions can be very scary and very hard. So we as women need our female networks to help support us when we are having those transitions. There's no one better to call when your baby's crying at three o'clock in the morning and you're stressed and the baby's stressed. Well, the baby's crying more because you're crying more, and just ha calling your friend, and she rushes over to take the baby so you can have the meltdown that you need and the baby's taken care of.

SPEAKER_00 20:29

Yeah, right. Yeah. I feel like in times of transition, women tend to offer more help towards each other. Like uh we're more likely to see that there's an issue. A need. Yeah, and feel that need. So like when I had my son, I wasn't able to shower. Like my mom came over so that I could shower. Yeah. Like Yeah. And just that shower I don't know why I'm about to cry right now, but just that shower helped release all that stress. Helped me feel so much better. Because you don't realize how like yucky you feel when you're not able to shower and uh all these other things are all the problems are drowning you. Yeah. So but you'll see that too with like so when women have babies and hey, I'm gonna bring you over dinner tonight. Yep. You know, I made my sister a week's worth of meals. I think most times that she had each of her kids. Yeah. And you know, when older women, when when another woman's husband passes away or loses his job or whatever, they'll bring meals or they'll ask you know, they'll fill that support.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

They'll fill the void. Yeah. Yeah. And I think that's that's the important part. And improved resiliency. One of the things that we know is that women's relationships typically last longer than male relationships. relationships because we tend to befriend, right? And so we are boosting and helping enable women with better stress management and coping with daily challenges because we're more present in their lives.

SPEAKER_00 22:15

Yeah. I've seen a as dumb as it is, a TikTok recently about you know, this guy was saying how he was having a hard time with his divorce because he's been friends with so and so for ten years and they didn't you know he told them he's getting a divorce and they're like, oh I didn't even know you were married. Like you know, so their relationships are completely different than women's art. Women's in that respect like women just have a lot more involvement or connection with a lot of the time.

SPEAKER_01 22:50

Well and that leads to the last part that I wanted to talk about which is lifelong support systems. We do tend to have those lifelong support systems. We build long-term friendships. I know for me I I think I've talked about this several times and I probably will cry during this because I had a best friend for over 35 years before she passed away.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:13

And it's hard to build other friendships that replace that friendship because you can't replace that friendship. She knew me from my very young years all the way through. Yeah. And so you can't replace that but there's other friendships that actually then rebuild and you step into those other relationships and friendships and and really nurture them as well.

SPEAKER_00 23:40

Yeah it's never too late for a new friend.

SPEAKER_01 23:43

No. And one of the things before we move on from this that I want to mention your friend doesn't have to live in the same town or city that even state or country that you live in. There's there's so many ways to connect with women that you can feel that oxytocin you can feel that support you can feel that vitality through a lot of different mediums and platforms. So don't think that you just have to have women in your life that are in your same city or town.

SPEAKER_00 24:14

Yeah a phone call you're able to do all of those things except for the physical touch part but everything else all the other elements that we already spoke of you can do over a phone call.

SPEAKER_01 24:27

Absolutely and that releases that oxytocin and builds the oxytocin which also releases the oxytocin and the serotonin at the same time which increases all of the parts that make us happy and fill connected a month. So remember that building those friendships even if they're not in person friendships are vital to us.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

Yeah. And one thing I want to mention is we don't have to have this huge support network. It doesn't have to be this giant group of no girlfriends some research suggests that the sweet spot so to speak between three and five close strong relationships that way you're not adding stress by navigating a huge group of people. Absolutely also make sure that these friends are healthy supportive friends because if you if your close friends are people who belittle you or demean you or they don't support you that aren't actual friends it can actually have an opposite effect of all the things that we just barely talked about.

SPEAKER_01 25:41

Absolutely they are just not your people you need to find a different tribe. And so once again I want to mention that until you do find that tribe we'll be your tribe.

SPEAKER_00 25:52

Reach out let us know how you're doing as you can see the impact women supporting women having community with one another and building strong friendships is incredibly powerful. It has so many benefits on the quality of our lives on our mental health and our longevity so perhaps it's time to put yourself out there find your tribe of women and foster your sense of community it's a good day to check in on your friends if you haven't for a while. Click the link below to join the conversation and tell us how having a good friend group has impacted your life on Monday we will be discussing postpartum depression so be sure to tune in for that conversation. We'll see you next time