ADHD

ADHD can often get confused with other issues. In this episode, we discuss ADHD, some of the struggles people who have it deal with, and ways that we can be mindful of our loved ones with ADHD. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

How do you distinguish between having a short attention span and having ADHD? I'm your house Shalee, and I'm your co-host, Sam. And you're listening to Pathway to Empowerment, where we believe in thriving, not surviving. ADHD is more than just trouble focusing. It's actually a chronic, often exhausting struggle with emotional regulation, burnout, and mental exhaustion. Today we have our good friend Shell here to help us examine the personal superpowers versus challenges that people with attention deficit and hyperactivity disorder experience. Thanks so much, Shell, for being with us today. Thanks for having me. So what are some of the symptoms that people with ADH ADHD tend to experience?

SPEAKER_01 0:55

I mean, it can really range so broadly that I think people get confused about what they're looking for and sometimes struggle to say, oh, but I I do have that because there's so many to choose from. If you all if you don't have enough or you have too many, it feels like that's not the answer.

SPEAKER_03 1:19

Yeah. Don't you think also that there's a tendency for people to to pigeonhole themselves in it or discredit it because of that?

SPEAKER_01 1:32

Yes, absolutely.

SPEAKER_03 1:33

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:36

It's more than just, you know, inattention or hyperactivity or impulsivity. It's a wide range of emotion dysregulation. It's, you know, nervous system activation that sometimes feels or maybe mirrors trauma response.

SPEAKER_03 1:56

Don't you think it also like your mind I know for me a lot of times when I'm typing or I'm doing something, my mind goes a million miles a minute. And I think with ADHD, that that tends to be the case for most people that have been diagnosed with that. Would you agree?

SPEAKER_01 2:18

Yes.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Definitely. So what are some of the invisible challenges of ADHD that can affect daily life?

SPEAKER_01 2:32

Well sorry, can you repeat my question? Maybe I have my concentrating.

SPEAKER_02 2:40

What are some of the invisible challenges of ADHD that uh can affect daily life?

SPEAKER_01 2:48

I think the way that it impacts your body. When there's difficulty staying on task or poor organizational skills, when you're forgetful, when you become easily distracted, I think for some people they start to experience a lot of triggers that start to show up in the body, and they feel exhausted for a reason that they can't define, or they have aching in their joints because they've been, you know, with the constant movement, restlessness, fidgeting that comes with ADHD, they get sore, their muscles get sore, their joints get sore, and they can't figure out why it feels like they've been running a marathon when they're just trying to get through their work day.

SPEAKER_03 3:38

I also think that part of that too can be like the lack of ability to really relax and sleep, so that you don't have the ability to rest, you know, rest and re-relax and rejuvenate yourself. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 3:56

And I think there's also kind of a feeling of guilt that comes with resting. When your society or your culture tells you that you need to keep hustling, keep hustling, keep hustling, you purposely shame or guilt yourself when you try to experience rest because there's always this nagging feeling that whatever you're doing, you could be doing it bigger, better, stronger, longer, faster.

SPEAKER_03 4:25

Yeah, and it's never enough. Mm-hmm. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:31

How can ADHD impact relationships, whether they're friendships or family relationships or partnerships?

SPEAKER_01 4:41

I think the impulsivity and you know, the the kind of lack of attention causes a lot of issues in terms of communication. I think, you know, if there's losing focus, and so it's interpreted that you're not paying attention or that you don't care, or there's a lot of interrupting or over-explaining, or telling really long stories that can sometimes come off as maybe, you know, being too forceful about what you want to talk about. It might come off as condescension when you have to tell a whole narrative to somebody.

SPEAKER_03 5:22

I think that would be a big, big part of that. One of the things I've seen with clients is that because of those issues, they turn to their partners or their friends or family a lot for reassurance that they're getting the things done that they want them to do, or they're they're hearing or understanding things that they they do, and that can feel like the other person is in charge of making all the decisions. So i let's break that down a little bit more if we can. So, like let's talk about poor sleep first, Shell, if that if that would be okay.

SPEAKER_00 6:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:13

So as far as poor sleep, like what what have you noticed in in clients with their sleep habits on hygiene?

SPEAKER_01 6:22

I think there's a lot of sleep procrastination that takes place where you hold off going to sleep, you know, quote unquote acceptable bedtime, because when you're spending your whole work week chasing goals or trying to keep yourself focused when it comes to free time, that's the only time that you have to yourself, and so you push back bedtime and push back bedtime, trying to kind of buy back whatever it felt like you lost during the week when you're you know running around being impulsive or hyperactive or dealing with you know distractions and feelings of confusion. Yeah, that I love that. Sorry, I and I also think there's the whole sleep routine. You know, we talk a lot about sleep hygiene and the importance of having a routine and buying yourself time to kind of slow everything down, turn down the lights, turn off the television, turn off distractions. And routine is difficult, anyways. But when it comes to sleep, I think that a lot of individuals with ADHD really, really struggle trying to have a routine that they can comfortably stick to. And then in turn, they tell themselves, well, I can't do routines. There's obviously something wrong with me.

SPEAKER_03 7:52

Which leads to the next one, high stress. So when you think about like high stress that people with ADHD may suffer from or with, what comes to mind for you?

SPEAKER_01 8:07

Well, you know, the difficulty sustaining focus, getting easily distracted, feeling restless, fidgeting, acting quickly without thinking, or having trouble waiting for your turn, but disorganization, struggles with managing time or prioritizing tasks. It starts to feel like you're on this constant hamster wheel where you're not doing what you think you're supposed to be doing, and you're trying to chase accomplishments that only increase feelings of stress.

SPEAKER_03 8:40

Yeah. Which which then leads us to the next one, which is lack of exercise, right? Because by that time your your so your stress level is so high that it can be really challenging to actually like slow down enough to find something that feels accomplishable when you're working on exercise routines, right?

SPEAKER_01 9:07

Oh, absolutely. Yeah. You're already dealing with this kind of this pervasive feeling of exhaustion from the high stress and the hyperactivity, restlessness, fidgeting, trouble sitting still, that you're exhausted. There's this pervasive tiredness where it feels like if I have to do one more thing physically with my body, I'm gonna snap.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

Right. Which then in turn leads to the unhealthy diets and the way that we tend to eat if we have been diagnosed with ADHD, correct?

SPEAKER_01 9:43

Definitely. There's a lot of instances where I think individuals struggle to even notice hunger cues or to be able to actually sit down and have a meal when it feels easier to just grab a bag of chips out of the pantry and keep on running.

SPEAKER_03 10:01

Mm-hmm. Absolutely. So vintage quiet mind, sometimes I've seen that a lot of my clients use excessive screen time as a way to to feel like they can navigate back to a sense of calm. Would you agree that that's one of the the seven key factors?

SPEAKER_01 10:24

Yeah, definitely. It's just easier to kind of, you know, get into scrolling and just constantly swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe, swipe. You're getting those quick hits of dopamine, which feel rewarding at the same time, time is slipping away and you don't have to notice that it's happening.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

Right. Or feel guilty about not doing some of the things that you know you need to accomplish.

SPEAKER_00 10:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_03 10:57

Yeah. Which then look I think that we then look at like the inconsistent routines that are created when we have all of these things put together, right?

SPEAKER_00 11:10

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 11:11

Yeah, the inconsistency of the routine, the difficulty with unpredictability, it can really start to feel frustrating. I know a lot of my clients have talked about how they just feel like everything that they do is the wrong choice, but they feel helpless to change it.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Which then in turn leads to the last of the seven key factors, which is neglecting medication and therapy.

SPEAKER_01 11:45

Yes. Yes. It's the idea. I've had this conversation actually with one of my clients where she acknowledged that when she took the medication, she did feel better. She got more accomplished and had a this really strong sense of accomplishment. But it was difficult for her to feel like she could only be a successful human if she was on some kind of a drug.

SPEAKER_00 12:15

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_03 12:16

Right. And then we find, at least I have found, I don't know if you would agree or not with your clients, they they start missing sessions and feeling bad, and then we go in this whole ciglier pattern again with the seven factors.

SPEAKER_00 12:32

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 12:34

Well yeah, I think with like missing therapy, if you're feeling like you're unable to do the things you know you need to do, and then you feel kind of like your therapist is your accountability partner. So what do you do if you're not feeling accountability? Then you kind of try to avoid that accountability, I feel like.

SPEAKER_03 12:57

Very, very true. That's a really great, great way to look at it, Sam.

SPEAKER_01 13:02

Well, I was just thinking, I've had a lot of clients that consistently come into a session apologizing and thinking that they owe me an apology because they didn't do the homework or they missed the session or they didn't achieve the goals that we had been talking about, as if I was going to be upset or angry with them for you know not doing what they're told. And that is simply not the case.

SPEAKER_03 13:32

Right. I often tell clients that I give homework for them. It's all about what's right for them. If it doesn't fit, don't do it, and let's talk about it next time. If you're struggling doing it, let's talk about it. But I'm not gonna grade you.

SPEAKER_01 13:47

Right, exactly. Therapy is not a pass-fail.

SPEAKER_03 13:51

No.

SPEAKER_02 13:53

So I've heard that ADHD and mental health issues such as depression or social anxiety often go hand in hand. Do you believe that is true? And if so, why do you think that is?

SPEAKER_01 14:09

I think a lot of it has to do with expectations, particularly in the social realm. It's the idea that we are supposed to show up in a certain way for family or friends or coworkers or other members of the community. And the fear of not being able to show up as you should, combined with the idea that I can only be in public if I'm wearing a mask, it becomes really exhaustive to feel like you have to be performing in order to be around people, and it would just be a lot easier to just stay home.

SPEAKER_03 14:49

Yeah. I also often feel that we discount the underlying reasons why ADHD showed up in the first place, like you're just talking about. And I think that as a trauma therapist, we can't discount that some of this stems from that trauma response.

SPEAKER_01 15:13

Oh, absolutely. There's so many symptoms of ADHD that are in alignment for like PTSD or CPTSD.

SPEAKER_03 15:24

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_02 15:26

Absolutely. In what ways can family or friends of those that have ADHD be mindful of their struggles and help them to cope?

SPEAKER_01 15:39

I think what I've always told clients and family members, it's all about curiosity. It's a willingness to see your family member and let them be heard. You don't necessarily have to understand it, and you certainly don't need to be the one that fixes what's happening with them, but being able to listen to them when they're talking about their experiences and offering them compassion.

SPEAKER_03 16:12

Yeah, that non-judgmental aspect is huge for all of us.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 16:22

What coping strategies do you find the most helpful for your clients with ADHD so that they can thrive rather than struggle through some of the issues that they that go along with it?

SPEAKER_01 16:36

I think it kind of varies by the person, but certainly there are a lot of coping skills that look at emotion regulation, tolerating distress, finding helpful ways to be more organized or to help with decision making.

SPEAKER_03 16:58

Yeah. So a lot of that that we just talked about right there, Shell, is packaged with DBT or dialectical behavior therapy, which has so many wonderful skills and coping strategies for not just ADHD, but a plethora of other mental health struggles.

SPEAKER_01 17:20

Yes, definitely. I think when it comes to helping someone with ADHD, it's not so much about teaching them to perform better, be more organized, or have better focus, but it's helping them recognize their emotional experience and what it feels like for them to live in a world that is maybe not as accommodating to their experiences.

SPEAKER_03 17:46

And live inside their own self, right? Because sometimes we discount what that feels like living inside of our own skin.

SPEAKER_01 17:55

Yes. I agree.

SPEAKER_02 17:59

Well, thank you, ladies, so much for your insight on ADHD. Opening up these topics for conversation is so needed and helpful for those of us who are trying to figure out how to navigate these issues. I really hope that our listeners find these conversations helpful. If you would like to share your experiences or thoughts with us, please click the link below. We love to hear from you. Be sure to join us on Friday as we chat about obsessive compulsive disorder. We'll see you next time.