What Are Emotions?

Are emotions good? Can they be bad? Emotions are neither good or bad, they are simply a means of communication and an attempt to keep you safe. It's what we do with those emotions that creates the positive or negative connotation. In this episode we dive deep into what emotions are.

Check out our website: www.pathwaytoempowerment.com to find workbooks and courses that help you gain a deep understanding of emotions, how to manage them, and grow as a person.  

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Emotions are not problems to be solved. They are data. You're internal GPS telling you what you need. I'm your host, Shalee. And I'm your co-host, Sam.

SPEAKER_01 0:11

And you're listening to Pathway to Empowerment, where we believe in thriving, not surviving.

SPEAKER_00 0:19

Oftentimes people think of emotions as being either good or bad, but they are neither. They're just information. The month of May, our discussions will be going in depth about emotions. So let's start today off with discussing what emotions actually are. Shalee, would you define emotions for us?

SPEAKER_01 0:44

Absolutely. Emotions are like my when we talk about geeking out, emotions are my piece. Even more so than the brain. Emotions, I think if we could master that and everybody else could know what emotions are and how to use them as our superpowers, the world would be such a more amazing place. However, emotions really are very complex for most people, right? They are an automatic psychological as well as a physiological reaction to significant stimuli, involving subjective experiences, behavioral responses, and bodily changes. They are short-lived functional responses that help individuals adapt to situations such as a threat or rewards. Core components can include physical changes such as a fast heartbeat, conscious feelings, and expressions. So let's kind of break it down a little bit more and talk about some key aspects of emotions, if that's okay. So three com the three component model, emotions combine a subjective experience on how you feel, the physiological response, how your body reacts to whatever the stimuli or situation is, and a behavioral response or how you act with it. Okay. So that's the three-component model. The automatic nature, emotions are often unconscious or unbidden reactions that occur without conscious choice. So if you're startled, typically you don't really have a thought, you're just reacting. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 2:36

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 2:37

Then there's purpose. They serve as a signal for survival, preparing the body to deal with important situations like danger or opportunity. And then this is a really important one that most people really struggle with: emotions versus feelings. So emotions are the initial automatic body reaction, while feelings are the conscious interpretation of those physical changes.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

That's that's really interesting because I think a lot of us tend to use those emotions and feelings as interchangeable, like they're the exact same thing. So it's interesting to hear the distinction there.

SPEAKER_01 3:16

Yeah. So the way I usually typically explain it to somebody is your feelings are your thoughts, and the emotion is how you react to that thought. Does that make sense? So it really is that initial automatic response. So again, if I'm startled, what is the response? The action that my body does. That's the emotion part of it. The feeling is startled, scared, fear, whatever that looks like, excitement. Does that make more sense?

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Yeah, it does.

SPEAKER_01 3:54

Yeah. So then let's talk about the duration. Now, the duration is really important because most people think of feelings or the emotional pieces as lasting for a long period of time. But one thing that fascinates me, and this is why I like to geek out on that stuff, Sam, is because emotions last 90 seconds. So that means in a 24-hour period of time, you have over 900 emotions. Isn't that crazy?

SPEAKER_00 4:29

That's a huge amount.

SPEAKER_01 4:30

One thing people don't understand is in your the feelings, there's 25 different categories of feelings with hundreds of feelings in each one of those 25 categories. So why do they last sometimes longer than the 90 seconds? Typically because we get stuck in it. So if I'm angry or if I'm excited, I might get stuck there for a period of time, which means it's not going to pass in that 90-second period of time. So it's really fascinating stuff.

SPEAKER_00 5:03

With emotions essentially being a communication system our body uses with us, how can we tell the difference then between useful emotions that guide us and feelings that are simply unproductive? Or is there such a thing as an unproductive feeling or emotion?

SPEAKER_01 5:23

So I'm glad you asked that question because one of the things that's vital, and this is the way I this is the way I like to explain it, because almost everyone has a thermostat in their house. Right? So what does your thermostat do in your house, Sam?

SPEAKER_00 5:38

Keeps it at a steady temperature.

SPEAKER_01 5:40

Yes. So if you want it, if you want it 60 degrees in your home and you put it at 60 degrees, your house is going to be 60 degrees. Right? Your uh your body does that same thing with your emotions. It's the regulation system for your body. So there is no unproductive emotion. It all is necessary for a body to be regulated. Because if you again, if you think about the the house, right, and the temperature that you've set on that thermostat, what that thermostat's job is, is to regulate the house and make sure that when the temperature goes up or down, depending on what you've set it at, it it increases the airflow. Our body does that same thing with our emotions. When we're dysregulated, our body floods our system with, hey, what about this emotion? Hey, what about this emotion? Hey, what about this emotion? Until we regulate again. Does that make sense? So there's no unproductive emotion. Okay. They all matter.

SPEAKER_00 6:53

They all matter.

SPEAKER_01 6:55

In fact, one of my favorites to talk about is anger. Because how many times, Sam, do you know somebody that's like anger is bad?

SPEAKER_00 7:07

Oh yeah. Well, there's so many people that say, you know, there's good emotions and bad emotions, but it is just emotion. It's just an emotion.

SPEAKER_01 7:19

But anger has a really bad rep, right? It's when people are like, oh, that's a dirty word, let's not talk about that. But the reality is that anger, when we understand anger and what it does for our body, it's one of the most primal, basic natural functions of our system. Because anger, all it is at its base is energy. Energy that has been flooded from our trauma response center, creating the anger or the energy needed to fight or flight. Now, why do we call it bad? Because of what we do with it. We either harm ourselves or we harm other people with our words or physically with anger because we don't understand it. We don't understand that when anger shows up, our cognitive brain shuts off. Because when anger shows up, our body has said, alert, alert, alert, there's danger. You're in danger of surviving. So we need you to have this energy. We need you to fight to stay alive. And if we didn't shut off our cognitive ability, how many of us would perish because of that? A lot of us. So our body shuts down our ability to cognate and we go instinctual. That's why when you're angry and you're fighting with your spouse or your significant other or your children, anybody really, you're not going to go anywhere. The the fight, the argument, the situation is not going to be resolved because your cognition isn't capable of doing it. Shut off. Yeah. Isn't that crazy? It is.

SPEAKER_00 9:03

So you kind of answered a little bit of my next question already as far as anger, but I what do you believe is the primary function, functional purpose for emotions like fear, anger, or sadness? You've already mentioned anger, but let's still experience.

SPEAKER_01 9:22

So let's talk about the other two because if we go back to the same system that we've talked about with the thermostat and that when I think about depression or sadness or even fear, another trauma response center emotion or or trigger is going to be activated. And that fear, when we're fear or we're sad or we're scared, right, we can go into what's called the blue zone in our window of tolerance, which then we shut down. And the way I like to explain this is using a computer. So if you and I were we're working diligently on maybe our next podcast, right? Or we're we're doing something to do some research. And we decide, man, you know, we've been doing this for a long time. Let's take a break, stretch our legs, leave it up because we want to save our spot, but let's go take a five, 10, 15 minute break and have some lunch. Then we get busy and we get chatting or something and we come back. What's our computer done during that time? It went into hibernation mode, right? Why did it do that?

SPEAKER_00 10:32

Because it wasn't being used.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

It it went into hibernation mode or sleep mode to sustain its battery as life. So again, sadness, fear, depression is a way our body, when it's activated the trauma response center, is saying, alert, alert, alert. We're in danger of surviving. So let's conserve our battery just like the computer does. We're gonna conserve all of our energy for staying alive. So it shuts down every system that we don't need in order to survive. So it's it's the same type of thing. We need to understand that when we're sad, when we're depressed, when we're in a fear state, it's a trauma response. So you probably have noticed there's people that really go to the red zone or the anger really fast. Yes. Or people that shut down and go to the blue zone really fast when they're in an argument, right? Yeah. Do you know which one you are? I tend to shut down. Okay. So guess what, though? Some of us actually go either to the red zone and then the blue zone. So we get angry and then we get sad or depressed, and then we get back to a regulated state. Some people immediately go to the blue zone or the depressed sad zone, and then go to the angry zone only to come back and be regulated. So knowing who you're dealing with and how you manage through those areas is vitally important to our emotional stability. Isn't that fascinating? Do you see why I geek out all this stuff? It sure is. Okay, so we have to remember with a fleeting, fleeting feeling, we are our emotions change every how long did what I tell you? 90 seconds. Every 90 seconds. So if you think about how long 90 seconds is, a minute and a half goes by really, really quickly, even though it seems like uh an eternity, right? But when you're doing something, it goes by really fast. So that's that it's here, it's gone. It doesn't stick because there's nothing holding it in place. That deep-seated or deep-rooted emotion is there because of past experiences, past uh events that have created a foundation for it to sit and and stew in. The way I like to express this is have you ever built a fire? Yeah. Okay. So if we had a log and we had a match and we strike that match to the log, what's gonna happen?

SPEAKER_00 13:26

It's gonna start fire eventually.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

No, it's not. All it's gonna do is it's gonna create a black ring where we touch that match, the match is gonna go out, and then nothing's gonna happen to the log. Oh, because that's why you have the little we have kindling. So if I strike that match to kindling, that's gonna spark a fire. And once I get that going, then I can add the log and then it's increased, right? And as if I add more logs and more lugs and more lugs and more lugs and more lugs, what have I created? A huge fire. A bonfire, right? How long does a bonfire last? A long time. As long as I feed it. Right? The same thing happens to those deep seated or deep-rooted emotions. As long as I feed that with an event or a situation, it's gonna go deeper and deeper and deeper, like the kind of like a weed, right? Have you ever pulled a weed and and the top snapped off?

SPEAKER_00 14:26

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 14:27

That weed's still growing. Yeah. And pretty soon it's gonna sprout another top. The same thing is happening to our emotions.

SPEAKER_00 14:34

Okay. So with that 90 second thing, how then or what skills would you suggest somebody use so that they can quickly move from emotion rather than feeding into it and letting it impact their entire day? How can somebody not get activated?

SPEAKER_01 14:57

So we're gonna get activated. But it's it's really about learning those skills, like you were just talking about, in order for us to reestable, establish regulation and get back to a state of being, right? So really using 54321 grounding, like we've talked about in previous podcast sessions. Square breathing is a really good one. Just grounding outside, taking a walk, running your feet through the dirt or the grass, keeping yourself really present in the moment. Go on a mindfulness walk where you know you're you're watching and listening for sounds and sights that help you stay completely focused in the moment. Those are really good ones. Another really easy one is do use the tip skills. And I think we've talked about the tip skills before in in a couple of podcast episodes, but I'll run through those ones really quickly. So tip is T I Pm, and they are a DBT skill or dialectical behavior therapy skill, and T stands for temperature. So placing you something, placing your face in cold water for 10 to 20 seconds. I prefer putting a bag of yellow ice on my face, does the same thing, doesn't freak me out. That one's a really quick one. Then you can use another skill to keep you more grounded. The I stands for intense aerobic workout. So you could go for a run, a jog, a hike, uh go for a bike ride, um, go swim a few laps, do something for an intense aerobic workout. Then one of the P's stands for paced breathing. So square breathing, like we just talked about, four breaths in, hold for a count of four, four breaths out, repeat four times. So that square breathing, and then the other one is paired paired muscle relaxation, where you squeeze all your all of your muscles really, really, really, really, really tightly, and then release. And you do that for a period of time, which then brings you back to the present. You can use longer skills because your tip skills are just meant for brief interaction and help you get to a place where you can then implement longer running skills.

SPEAKER_00 17:24

Okay. So the goal is to not to stop feeling, but to stop the feeling from running your ruining your day. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 17:33

Yeah. You're going to feel the the the reality is, and and my statement is always we've got to feel it to heal it. If we don't feel it and we stuff it, we're actually creating more problems for ourselves. But if you actually allow yourself to sit in it and feel it for a few minutes and then let it pass, you're going to be golden. If if you need a brief interaction to get yourself back to a ground of state before you can actually allow yourself to identify what it is you're feeling, which most of us do, because most of us are really good. If I were to ask you how you're feeling, nine times out of ten, when you ask somebody that, they're going to tell you how they're physically feeling. Oh, my neck aches, my headaches, my shoulders got a pain, my knee hurts. Those are physical feelings, not emotional feelings, and we're really good at that. But if I said, no, no, no, no, tell me emotionally how you're feeling, you're gonna be like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_00 18:33

Yeah. Does that make sense? Have you also noticed that changing your verbiage can impact the uh impact that the emotion has? Like, for example, uh, if you're feeling angry and you say, I'm angry, and you get super explosive and you and you say, I am angry versus saying uh I am feeling angry. Do you do you feel like there's a difference in the impact that just the verbiage makes?

SPEAKER_01 19:07

There's a huge correlation. Verbiage is key to all things that we as human beings do. How often have you heard somebody say, You make me so mad? That person is not making you mad. You are allowing your feelings and emotions to rise up and be present. That person created a situation that created that feeling within you, but they didn't make you mad. They can't make you mad. You do that. Yeah, so verbiage is key to everything we do. Very, very key. So for instance, we one of the, and I think we've talked about this as well in another episode, is that the way we talk to our children, right? I can say very, very similar things and only change one word and it makes you feel differently. So if I say be good, what internally do we think I must be doing something wrong? I'm not good. But if I say do good, how does that feel different? Yeah, it feels completely different. It gives you permission to go out and do good in the world today, right? But be good means I've got to watch myself because I'm doing something that's not okay.

SPEAKER_02 20:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:30

Does that make sense? Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:32

So the verbiage can take you out of your power or take you into your power and being the observer of the emotion rather than being consumed by it. Yeah. So words matter. Words matter. Absolutely. One last question before we end. So many of us are critical of ourselves when we get hurt or upset. I'm guilty of this a lot when I'm crying. I'll be like, oh, I'm being such a baby. You know. How can we rate the habit of being critical of ourselves for having or maybe struggling with emotions?

SPEAKER_01 21:12

So remember first of all, we have to remember, like I said earlier, emotions are our superpower. And the more often that you say, you know what, I'm allowing myself to feel an emotion and crying right now feels right. And I'm gonna sit in that feeling an emotion and allow it to be present is amazing. Now, having me say that is something because as most of us know, I've written a book called The Girl Who Couldn't Cry, A Healing Journey Through Trauma. My belief was that tears crying made me weak. And it's completely false. The more in tune I am with my emotions and my feelings, the better I am at actually allowing myself. To move through whatever is happening and not get stuck and not have it become an albatross around my neck or something that holds me stuck in place. Does that make sense? So one of the things that's vital is that we actually like learn some skills in challenging our belief system that tells us emotions and feelings are wrong or bad. Emotions are things of weakness, right? Because they're not. Yeah. They're here to do a job. The only reason we have them is so our body knows what to do next. Yeah. So we need to challenge shift. We need to challenge it. We need to challenge our body to say, this is a beautiful thing and to allow it to happen, but not get stuck in it. Because we can get stuck in the emotion too. Yeah. And we don't want that. No.

SPEAKER_00 23:04

Well, thank you so much for sharing your knowledge and the suggestions that you've shared with us today. Understanding that emotions are our body's way of communicating to us about needs or dangers and things that are happening in our lives can help put things into perspective. This understanding can make it easier for us to observe our emotions rather than be consumed by them, which can change so many different aspects of our lives. On Friday, we're going to be chatting about how to identify our emotions. So be sure to tune in. We'll see you next time.