Honoring Your Emotions

The truth is some of our darkest or most uncomfortable emotions can actually be our most valuable guides. The moment we learn to stop ignoring, numbing, or feeling burdened by our emotions and instead honor them, gives us the freedom and permission to be human and live as our full selves. This episode discusses how we can learn to honor our emotions so we can truly thrive through life!

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:01

We are taught that holding back our emotions is a sign of strength. But I'm here to tell you that it is actually a form of self-sabotage. I'm your host, Shali, and I'm your co-host Sam. And you're listening to Pathway to Empowerment, where we believe in thriving, not surviving. The truth is, some of our darkest or most uncomfortable emotions can actually be our most valuable guides. The moment you stop ignoring, stuffing, numbing, and feeling burdened by your emotions gives you the freedom and permission to be human and to live as your full self. Today we're going to talk about how we can honor our emotions. So Shelley, how can I differentiate between a passing feeling and an emotion that needs deeper processing?

SPEAKER_01 0:57

Well, first and foremost, when we have when we start to understand our emotions, we will start to get really comfortable with at least five that we allow, right? On an on a daily basis. However, we know that there's over 900 emotions in a 24-hour period that we feel unless one does get stuck and needs deeper help. And that's one of the ways that we look at it is okay, how long is this? Am I am I ruminating on it? Am I holding on to it? Am I not letting it just move past because of a situation in the past, something that I'm fearful in the present, or something I'm fearful of in the future? So when we can start differentiating, like why I'm holding on to it and not letting it go, then we can go, okay, is this something that I can just like process through and figure out what's going on for me? Or do I need help navigating that situation or event that might be getting stuck emotionally for me?

SPEAKER_02 2:11

Okay. So then what is the difference between like honoring an emotion and ruminating on it?

SPEAKER_01 2:19

Honoring an emotion actually allows yourself to like notice it, welcome it, hold on to it while you think about where it's stemming from and why it's there, and then just letting it go on. Okay. Okay. So that's a way we honor things. Now, if we're ruminating on something, we're I I've had people tell me like it's a a doom spiral that they get into, where everything goes dark and and and you feel like dire circumstances are going to happen. You want the I know for me, I've wanted the floor to open up and swallow me sometimes when I've when I've had an emotion that's really like I'm ruminating on it. And typically that's because I have something that I'm not allowing myself to see as just a normal thing in life that can happen, but maybe taking it as a personal affront that I did something extremely wrong, bad, or that I won't be able to figure out a solution for. Okay. Hopefully that makes some sense. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 3:38

How can I practice self-compassion when I feel emotions that are traditionally viewed as weak or negative?

SPEAKER_01 3:47

So, number one thing with that is to recognize that every emotion has validity. Every emotion is telling us something or asking us something. Or maybe both. Because when an emotion shows up, it's saying, hey, a situation in the past has created this feeling for you. Is that what we're feeling right now? Is this what you need? You know, if you think about you think about going to the grocery store, if you've ever gone with someone else that doesn't know your list, right? They can be handing you things or putting things in the basket that you're not aware of. And that's kind of how our emotions are. They're like, well, what about this? Well, what about this? This looks good. Try this, right? And so we can be shocked when an emotion shows up. And so when that happens, we can go, oh man, I must not be good enough. I must, I must be a bad, terrible person. Instead of going, this is so cool that this emotion thought maybe it was its turn. And welcome, welcoming that emotion in and looking at it, and then going, it fits, no, it doesn't fit. And then looking at yourself, going, This is just my body's way of saying, hey, here's a possibility. It's not your body's way of saying, you are terrible, you're awful, you're, you know, you're never gonna make it through. So when we can start to see that when emotions show up, it's just our body saying, Hey, what about me?

SPEAKER_02 5:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 5:34

Does that make sense? So when we need self-compassion, we need to give ourselves the grace and ability to see that every emotion that we have is valid and that it does it when it shows up, it just might be questioning if it's the right emotion to feel in the moment. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 5:55

Perfect. What is a simple, effective grounding technique that we can use when strong emotions threaten to overwhelm us?

SPEAKER_01 6:07

So, one of my favorites, and we've talked about it repeatedly, and the reason it's my one of my favorites is because anybody can do it at any time, anywhere, and nobody has to know what you're doing. And that's the grounding technique 54321. Finding five different colors. What are they? Naming them for yourself, finding four textures and allowing yourself to feel what they feel like on your hand or on your feet, on your skin. Three sounds that you can identify. What are they? What do they belong to? How it is a is it a pleasant sound? Is it not a pleasant sound? What two smells can you smell? Are where they from? Are they pleasant? Are they not pleasant? What do they belong to? And then one thing that you can taste, putting it in your mouth, allowing yourself to like really notice what that flavor is. Notice how it feels in your mouth, on your tongue as you swell. Well, like all of those pieces will help you really stay calm and present in the moment. And remember by doing that, this emotion is gone. Because if you remember how long emotions stay, 90 seconds, 90 seconds, unless you allow them to get stuck. But if in if you're in the middle of a grounding technique, are they gonna be able to get stuck? No, no, they're just gonna move through. They might recircle, but they're not gonna get stuck in that moment.

SPEAKER_02 7:40

Okay. And grounding techniques, we have to practice, practice, practice, right? So that's so that we're comfortable with it and we automatically go to it when we're feeling that way. Because otherwise, without practice, we don't just automatically think to do it.

SPEAKER_01 7:57

If we don't master a skill, when we need it, it won't pop into existence for us. Think about it. Even now, like if I were to ask you what's the 14th letter in the alphabet, you would have to sing your ABC song that you mastered in order to get to the 14th letter, the 15th letter, or the 16th letter, or whatever letter, right? Because you've mastered that skill, it pops in your head, you find the answer, you move on.

SPEAKER_00 8:26

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:26

So when we practice to mastery, we don't have to worry about it anymore. Our body automatically does it. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

What are some signs that I may be avoiding an important emotion, and how can I bring myself to face that?

SPEAKER_01 8:47

So this is a big one for most of us. There are a few things. I'm going to, more likely than not, I'm going to do something to cover up that emotion. And that could be in any type of behavior. I might work too much. I might work out too much. I might, I might become a sex addict. I might become a drug addict. I might avoid emotion altogether, no matter if it's a good, bad, or indifferent, in my view. I might do, I might isolate. So I might do a lot of different things so that I don't have to allow that emotion to be present because let's be honest, most of us have never learned how to identify it and allow it to move through without it derailing us or without it bringing up something from our past. Like we've talked about one of the things for me was don't cry, don't show weakness, right? And so we have some of those things that each one of us have probably been told that reverberate more than just allowing the emotion, welcoming the in and moving through it.

SPEAKER_02 10:08

So then noticing your patterns would be a good way to know whether you're actually processing through your emotions and not or not. Absolutely. How can I communicate my emotional needs in a relationship without feeling guilty? I know a lot of us tend to feel guilty for needing anything or expressing that something is not 100% perfect.

SPEAKER_01 10:37

So one of the most important things to remember and understand is that just because someone doesn't know how to receive your emotional needs doesn't mean that it doesn't need to be communicated. So practicing communicating your needs and also allowing the other person to share what they're hearing, your needs are, and how they can support those. One way we can do that is to say, Hey, Sam, I need a hug today. Is that something you're capable of giving me? And if if you do that, then the other person has the ability to say, I'd love to give you a hug. I'm really busy right now, so I'm not sure how to navigate that. But I'm really hoping that it would be something that uh I can give you later. Is that acceptable to you?

SPEAKER_02 11:40

I liked that piece where you said communicate back to them what they hear you saying, because I feel like a lot of the time we tend to hear or interpret something in a way that maybe wasn't what they were meaning. So I like that the communication on that went both ways so that you're both on the same page 100%. Absolutely. What does a healthy boundary look like when I need to protect my emotional energy? How can I protect my emotional energy?

SPEAKER_01 12:17

So it's important when you get uh to a place where you're activated to say to someone, I need a break, I'm going to step outside and do X, Y, or Z, or I'm going to go do this for a period of time by myself. It's important for us to do it in that way because we don't want to create a fissure crack in the relationship or and or create or open it an abandonment round for the other person. But it's vital that we actually let them know that we need to do something a little bit differently.

SPEAKER_02 12:56

Okay. So communicating that, hey, I need the X amount of time so that they don't feel like you're just running away from the issue at hand.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Great.

SPEAKER_02 13:07

How can I become more comfortable with the vulnerability while still feeling safe to communicate my emotions?

SPEAKER_01 13:16

So that can be a really, really tricky one, right? When we feel vulnerable, we want to typically shut ourselves down or shut ourselves away instead of leaning in. Yeah. And so it's important that we actually practice leaning in. But to do that feels really scary. So do it in really small doses at first until you feel very comfortable doing it. Does that make sense? Because unless unless we're at a place where we can see that the person's gonna meet our needs, it can be really challenging.

SPEAKER_02 13:55

Yeah. So and maybe practicing that skill with somebody that you know is safer at the beginning rather than well, and even in small doses.

SPEAKER_01 14:05

So saying something that's vulnerable that you feel like the other person can hear and give back. So that you're building that confidence in yourself for asking, building the confidence that that other person can give that to you. Okay, perfect.

SPEAKER_02 14:21

How can I build long-term emotional resilience rather than just coping moment to moment?

SPEAKER_01 14:30

So the coping the coping is really a challenging thing, right? It it we have to again, we have to learn how to practice our skills in order for us to feel safe enough to challenge ourselves to do something different. So again, practice, practice, practice. Mastery is key to it.

SPEAKER_02 14:52

How do I know that I'm making progress with managing and expressing my emotions?

SPEAKER_01 15:01

So when you when you can allow yourself to feel more on a regular basis and share it, you know, you're you're building that resiliency.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

Okay. Learning to honor your emotions is a transformative practice that shifts you from suppressing feelings to utilizing them as a valuable internal compass, fostering profound self-awareness and improved mental health. By validating your emotional experiences rather than resisting them, you cultivate greater resilience, reduce stress, and build more authentic, secure relationships with others. Please join the conversation and let us know your thoughts on today's episode by clicking the link below. And join us on Friday as we dive deeper into how to communicate your emotions in a healthy and more effective way. We'll see you next time.