150 Overcoming Resistance

That workout that you don’t feel like doing, that popcorn you really can’t say no to? That feeling? That’s resistance. In this episode we explore resistance through the hermetic principle of polarity; How we can shift from resisting what we know is best for us into acceptance so that we can follow through and reach our desired health and weight loss goals, finally!

In this episode you’ll learn:

• How resistance shows up in obvious AND subtle ways so you know where to spot it and plan for it 
• Three mindset shifts you need to embrace resistance and let it get you closer to what you want
• Resistance as seen through the lens of hermeticism 

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Transcript

This transcript was auto-generated, please forgive any weirdness.

Hi, and welcome to The Mindful Shape Podcast. I'm Paula Parker, and today we are talking about resistance. And I'm especially excited about this episode because I really think it could change everything for you when it comes to feeling resistance in the moment, not wanting to do the thing. So truly, I know that's a bit bold, maybe a bit lofty, but it's really.

You know, doing this work on resistance has really helped me, and so I'm excited to share it with you. So, a while ago I was introduced to Hermetic philosophy or hermetic principles, and it has really struck a chord with me. One reason is that so much of my work and how I conceptualize things coincides with Hermeticism, and I just thought I would mention it because you might notice.

Me referencing it and some of it will be new and some of it you'll already be familiar with. If you are, have been listening to the podcast for a little while and you're familiar with my work already, for example, there's a principle of rhythm and I've subscribed to the idea that your protocol, how you eat is most optimal.

It was just optimal. I guess that's inherent. There's not most optimal. It's just optimal when it aligns with your natural rhythms, whether that's your menstrual cycle, if you are menstruating or lunar cycles, or even your activity, like your workout schedule. So there's inherent flexibility and variation in your protocol and how you're eating.

Another principle in Hermetics is what I'm gonna be focusing a little bit more on in this episode is polarity in which everything is on a continuum, which I also use a lot in my work. So it's a framework for how I think about foods, for example, that there's no good foods or bad foods, but instead all food is food.

It all exists on a continuum of foods that serve you and foods that don't serve you in terms of weight loss, but there's no good food or bad food. It's just food that serves you to one degree or another. Now, if you're trying to lose weight, for example, foods that serve you are going to be those that.

Don't spike your insulin and put your body into fat storage for longer periods of time. So for example, a vegetable like broccoli will be on one end of the continuum and apple might be in the middle, and apple juice will be on the other end of the continuum or the other end of the pole. Now, I mentioned both of these hermetic principles because they really both apply to today's topic, which is resistance.

And as I mentioned, I particularly love this concept of resistance. It's so relatable, it's so practical. So when you understand how to work with your own resistance, it's life-changing, and here's how it shows up in weight loss. Examples of resistance that I see with clients or even that I experience myself are that we resist our bodies.

So we don't see the scale moving down fast enough, and we get impatient with the process with our bodies. We don't like what we see when we look in the mirror, and then sometimes we just stop looking, right? We stop trying. We withhold love from our bodies. We experience it in hunger. So as the minute we get a tiny bit hungry, it feels like an emergency, we resist that feeling.

And then we wanna eat food right away. We often resist emotions. Common ones are deprivation, sadness, fomo, dread, anxiety. These are all common feelings that we don't want to experience, so we eat to dull or distract from that feeling. We can also resist the process in general, like whatever your plan or program, whatever that is for you.

We always just notice, we typically always want it to be easier, faster, with less effort. You know, what's the surest way? I'll get there and have certainty with the least amount of sacrifice. We are resisting the process. It's gonna take however long it takes. We gotta figure it out along the way. We resist that.

And then sometimes we can even resist letting go of the struggle. Now, you might think, I definitely do not want this struggle anymore, but what you might notice is that because of your self concept, because of maybe years and years of being in the struggle, it's all you know, and it's hard to imagine yourself as somebody who feels totally in charge with food who can totally take it or leave it.

Who doesn't overeat, who doesn't eat to relax or celebrate? It can be hard. To identify as that person, and so you won't want to let go of that struggle. It's more familiar for your brain to see yourself as somebody who struggles with their weight, who struggles with overeating and has lots of cravings.

It's hard to separate and get out of that identity. So we resist letting go of that just because it's more familiar for the brain and we hold onto that struggle. So this can happen even when we release some weight, if we start noticing that we are becoming more permissive, we have much more desire based on how we're thinking, and then we recreate that struggle, not because we don't wanna maintain our results, but because we are.

Really resisting letting go of that struggle because we haven't yet fully embodied that self-concept as this different person. And so sometimes that can take a while, which is another reason why it is helpful if your weight loss is slower. Okay, so if you ever think my weight loss is going too slow, it might be good that it's slow.

Why? Because you can start to see yourself as somebody who is moving into that identity. Your brain will catch up to your body. Okay, so my first point, I have three major points when it comes to resistance, and my first point is I want you to think of it as an opportunity to redecide. You are always in the driver's seat.

So resistance reminds you that you have options when you're feeling really hungry and it's, you know, you've decided not to snack and you're feeling hungry. In between meals, you get to EC decide how much does this matter to you? Because you have options. You can totally eat. It's no problem. You don't have to do it.

You don't have to feel that hunger. You don't have to choose to drink some water or have a tea. You don't have to do it, but you are choosing to do it. So. It invites you to recommit and reminds you of your agency, your free will, which is empowering point number two. Start expecting it. Start expecting resistance and see it as a sign that you are on the right track.

It's a signal of change, so expect it. Don't run away in the opposite direction. When you feel resistance to doing something, it's an essential part of the process of change. All right, let's get a little heading. Go back to herm medics for a moment so I can offer you at a conceptual framework that hopefully will help, you know, tweak your perspective on resistance.

So, as I mentioned, I'm doing this hermetic, maybe I didn't mention the course, but I'm in a course for Hermetics and. Everything has poles, everything has its pair of opposites. There's a principle of polarity that states everything is dual. So from this perspective, let's imagine resistance is on one end of the pole and acceptance is on the other.

So you're either pushing against it and it feels really hard, or you're going with it. You're in acceptance and you're in the flow. There's a unifying concept here of change. So resistance is on one end. Acceptance or openness or surrender at the other in hermetic thought, these are not separate. That's the key here.

Resistance and acceptance are not different things. They are both different degrees of change. So they are just different notches, different degrees of that change continuum. Okay. You with me? You wanna change something? Maybe your habit is snacking after dinner. Cleanup or you like to have a glass of wine or a snack on fruit or popcorn after dinner.

But let's say that instead of this, what you really want is to finish your dinner, finish your last meal, feeling satisfied, not overly full. And then you might enjoy a cup of tea or cocoa. And that's it for the night. Kitchen's closed. You're done eating or drinking anything. Now you are officially on the change continuum.

What will happen is you will finish dinner and your brain will say, Hmm, some popcorn or some fruit would be really great with your show or whatever you're doing, and you'll feel resistance. You'll feel resistant to allowing that craving or that urge to eat or drink to be there. Okay, so what we typically do is we run from this feeling and comply.

We say, well, you know what? It's okay. It's not that bad. It's one snack. It's healthy. We can start again tomorrow. It's no big deal really. But then what happens is over time we don't see any progress on the scale, and we never get better at handling urges to overeat. Eating more than we need, or if we're not complying, we dig deeper into that resistance, which I call white knuckling.

So this might look like turning to something else like some other coping behavior. Maybe it's scrolling on your phone, online shopping, something to distract you from this feeling. From the food noise. This can also show up as food noise, right? But again, even though you may not overeat, you're still not really getting better at handling that moment.

You're resisting it rather than moving into acceptance. And you'll know sometimes people will ask me, how do I know if I'm allowing, or I'm white knuckling or resisting? You'll know based on how you're thinking and feeling. If you are white knuckling, it feels bad. Okay. Like you might be more grumpy, you might be ruminating, or you have looping thoughts.

You are comparing yourself to others. You're questioning your plan, you're questioning yourself. You're thinking it's unfair, or that you shouldn't have to be doing this. You might even snap at those around you. Okay? You're like pretty snippy. So this brings me to my third and final point, moving up that continuum to acceptance.

You're on the continuum of change. How do you know you're feeling resistant? So it just means, okay, we need to move up a little bit into acceptance. We don't even need to move all the way, but we can shift a notch or two, and that's going to require a shift in your current level of thinking. So I've already given away some examples that you see it as an invitation to redecide and recommit, that you see it as a part of change.

It's an expected, well, even welcomed part of the process of change. Why? Because, you know, something is happening. If I am resisting, it means something is happening. Okay. I'm, you're changing. You're being different, right? This line of thinking. May move you up on the continuum, a couple of notches, but what else can you do?

Well, what else can you remind your brain when you're feeling resistant to doing something, like allowing an urge to eat when you know that's what's really in your best interest, but you really don't feel like doing it. You might be thinking, and I hear this a lot, so you might be thinking. What you need to remind yourself of is your goal that you know, beach body, that desired weight, how you're gonna like look and feel at the wedding, whatever it is on vacation, at your birthday, whatever it is.

And if that works, if that helps you access acceptance in your body, you can feel more acceptance, more openness, more surrender to that feeling of whatever you are experiencing, then great. Continue to do that. But oftentimes it's not a useful strategy and it's part of white knuckling it. So I'll explain.

I think we do it. I think we go for the goal because for some reason we all think that that inspiration of achieving that goal, that inspiration that we derived from thinking about that goal, when we are neutral, we'll make that current moment bearable. But what happens instead? That we feel very disconnected from that end goal in that specific moment.

We don't feel inspired. Rather, it feels so far away, not a part of us at all. And in fact, that contrast of not being at our desired weight is what is present. And so we feel even worse. Don't go for inspiration or motivation to remedy resistance. Go for acceptance, which is going to look like reminding your brain, this is normal, this is a part of it.

Of course, I don't wanna do it. So validate yourself, then be gentle and kind. So it's okay. My brain goes here and thinks all these negative thoughts. I don't have to feel like doing it to do it. Okay. We're not gonna have the wine or the popcorn. Yep. That sucks. Wine and popcorn is great, but what can I do that would be nice?

What can I do for myself? Maybe you can cuddle your pet. You can cuddle your partner or your kids. You can have a nice shower. You can make a cup of tea or have some sparkling water. You can also remind your brain of who you are or who you are becoming if you don't believe yourself to be that some, that person, yet someone who honors their promises to themselves.

Someone who is committed. Determined. I am quite sure that you can find other examples in your life in which you are committed. You do show up even when you don't feel like it. You are determined. You are determined to figure it out. That's you. Okay? That's you. We just wanna channel those qualities into the area of weight loss, into the area of food decision making.

So you are someone who puts her mind to something and does it, even though it feels hard or it's challenging. Remember? Resistance is part of change. It's part of your transformation and it's part of you really making this change last. So let yourself rise to it. Okay, I hope that was helpful. I'll talk to you again soon.

Bye.