Mindful Shape

153 There's No Turning Back - Amy's Story

• Paula Parker • Episode 153

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After gaining 30 lbs over six years, my client Amy was feeling desperate and stuck. We talk about her decision to get coaching, how she handles indulgences on the weekends, and the specific keys to releasing the weight while feeling energetic and confident. 

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This transcript was auto-generated, please forgive any weirdness.

Paula: Hi. Thank you so much for doing this. Why don't we start by you just telling me a little bit about what prompted you to reach out to coaching. Where were you at? Paint a little picture for me 

Amy: in a nutshell, I was stuck, desperate, and I was at my heaviest I've been ever. A lot of that weight was gained within the past six years, 30 pounds in like six years.

I had tried some old tactics with different other programs, and one which was very successful in the past, but. For whatever reason this time it's just not working, just not doing it. I was concerned about health issues, like next time I go to the doctor's, oh my God, they're gonna tell me I'm diabetic or pre-diabetic or you know, something like that.

Because I knew, I knew where I was in my health. Then I had goals that I set that have come and gone, and. Didn't reach 'em. And one of them being my daughter's wedding, just being embarrassed that I didn't get to where I wanted to be for that particular event. And then I started thinking, you know, I need to do something.

I was into some podcasts. That's how I found you. I needed something. I was looking for something. Mindset wise and self care wise, that type of thing. So that's how I came across you. Again, I started taking some notes and thinking, I can do this on my own. I'm working with all these notes and listening to podcast after podcast, after podcast, and finally I was just like, I need to reach out.

I needed, because I tried accountability buddies too, like with a friend and a family member. You know, you get embarrassed. They're probably embarrassed. I need somebody that's unbiased. I need to talk to somebody that can really, you know, help me. And so I made the call and the rest is history. 

Paula: Yeah. And I should say we haven't completed our journey together.

So you're at about five months. 

Amy: Yeah. Five months, 

Paula: yeah. Okay, great. When we met and we agreed to work together, what were you hoping to achieve? 

Amy: Well, weight loss number one, and I wanted to just have some more confidence and energy. I am 56. I wanted to be the healthiest and strongest that I, you know, at my age that I could be.

I was really looking for something that was going to be sustainable, something that made sense to me that really just more sustainable types of techniques and tips. You know, like I said, I, I knew what I needed to do. I just needed somebody to really gimme the structure. To complete it. Yeah. To be successful.

Paula: Okay. You know, I have these next steps calls. We talk about where you are, where you wanna be and what's getting in the way. And before people sign up, usually there's some hesitations before signing up, what were yours?

Amy: Cost I didn't know if I wanted to. Do that, but I figured I'm worth the investment also, like, is this gonna be another rollercoaster ride for me?

I should be able to do this by myself. Because I, I have all that information, but should I just move forward with it? Am I gonna be successful or is this just gonna be one of those things? 

Paula: How did you go from that to signing? 

Amy: After our next steps call, I, you know, I enjoyed talking to you. I, and I, again, I loved your podcast.

I literally left my next steps, call went upstairs to my husband, cried. Oh yeah. Like, I need to do this, you know, I just really need to do this. And I gotta give it a shot. And, you know, like, like I said, I think within a day or so I got back to you and I'm doing it. 

Paula: Yeah, I think that's really cool.

I heard this thing recently that was the difference between believing in yourself and then knowing, and I think what we want is we wanna know, so we want that certainty. It's like, I don't wanna sign up for this thing if I don't know it's gonna work. But we never can know, jump to the future and know for sure, right.

I mean, at least, I mean, there's some different theories about that,  that I'm on board with, but for now, right? We just can't anticipate that. So it's more of stepping into that belief. And I think oftentimes we're, we're having to do that as an active process of. Believing in ourselves is an active process of deciding we're gonna go out on a limb because we don't know for sure.

But you knew enough about yourself and maybe your situation that you were willing to believe in yourself and make the leap, 

Amy: and I was ready this time to really buckle down and bite the bullet, do the work.

Paula: yeah. So good. I mean, it's, it's paying off. We'll go to, we'll save the, we won't spoil it. We'll save your results for the end.

But tell me a little bit about what has been challenging so far for you? 

Amy: Well, I would say the, the biggest challenge for me at, at first was opening up to a total stranger, you know, and I think to a lot of people, you know, embarrassing, really. Digging in deep about emotions, which is still something that you and I talk about, emotional aspect of it and feeling those emotions and you know, being more aware of those.

And I really thought hunger was gonna be more of an issue, but it's not like I thought it was gonna be. 

Paula: Yeah. 'cause I remember, I have a note that that was one of your goals. To really not let hunger control you or to feel in control when it came to that sensation of hunger. 

Amy: But really just kind of digging into myself and getting to know myself and my tolerances, how much I can really push myself and surprise myself what I can do.

Paula: when it came to hunger, why do you think it was easier than you first anticipated?

Amy:  I remember emailing you before I even contacted you about coaching, but saying like, I was listening to your one podcast and you had said, being uncomfortable. I, I can't remember the exact words, but it's okay to be, feel uncomfortable.

And I thought, oh, you know, that's true. And the hunger. I just was able to give it a shot in the morning, just not eating breakfast. 'cause I realized. I'm not hungry. It just surprised me that, you know, I'm not, and I could go a longer period of time. And so now I feel like I am able to get hungrier and hungrier by allowing that to happen.

And, I just don't let that control me. 

Paula: So it's more of a gradual sensation for you too, and you just feel in control of it? 

Amy: Yes, it, and it, like I said, it is gradual because I, I started at one level and I'm like, oh, I could probably push it to a little further, a little further. So, and that's a practice.

Paula: I think when it comes to hunger, we almost have to like remap that response we have typically, if we've been dieting, then we just feel like, oh, that's. We have this really negative association with it because from former restriction and then changing that relationship is almost remapping that association of that physical sensation with I will eat when I decide like I'm going to get hungry enough and I trust myself that I will eat when I get hungry enough, but I don't have to eat at the first whisper of hunger.

Remembering, the more I allow hunger with eating enough at my meals and all of that, of course, that it's actually beneficial when I'm trying to release weight. Is there anything else? You said you're surprised at what you've been able to achieve and what you've been capable of. Is there anything specifically that has come up that surprised you?


Amy: Being  able to be more aware, being able to. Pause and think a little bit more before I do something because this, that's what this is all about, right? Mindfulness mindset, and so being able to stop and think. Even, am I hungry? Am I not hungry? Am I full? Am I not full? Am I bored? Am I just trying to avoid something?

'cause those were two of my things. Avoidance was probably my biggest thing when I would eat. 'cause I didn't wanna do the stuff I had to do. Yeah. Just being a little more aware of things and, and being a little more thought into what the next step is. 

Paula: Tell me a little bit about what you're learning about yourself by doing this.

Amy: That I am determined that if I put the work in like I have been doing, I will show results again. I can be hungry. Discomfort I feel now is better than the discomfort of me being overweight or, you know, being sad about it. That discomfort I can be like, this is okay. 

Paula: So good to remind ourselves there's gonna be discomfort either way.

You just get to decide which one you wanna choose intentionally, and you don't have to choose this one, like following through on your meal plan or your protocol or moving your body. You don't have to choose it, but then you're gonna choose this discomfort over here. Can you think of an example that you would feel comfortable sharing that showcases how your relationship with food has changed?

Amy: I don't snack as much as I used to, like out, out of boredom and avoidance. I am [00:09:00] actually more productive in what I do because I don't avoid things as much as I used to do. I think more about my exceptions. I don't restrict anything really, but I do think a little bit more about my exceptions and how much to have of 'em less alcohol gave up sugar in my coffee.

Yeah, I pause more before I actually eat or stop eating. 

Paula: So that's interesting 'cause what you mentioned is I didn't really restrict very much, like I don't restrict anything, but you did stop having sugar in your coffee. But it's interesting to me that you don't see that as a restriction. Why do you think, 

Amy: I guess I thought if I could give up one thing or restrict one thing, I could tolerate that. Okay. You know, and I do, I can tolerate that to give up something, you know, that I really, really enjoy. I couldn't do that. My carbohydrates and stuff that we talk about, like I, I can't, I can't restrict, I can't live without that stuff. So I know when to limit a little bit more, do a little bit less, or how we talk about guidelines, maybe one byte less, or I'm only gonna have four bytes of this.

Paula: Yeah. Okay. So that's such a good example of balance. We can get really trapped into all or nothing thinking, and this is such a good example of, it doesn't mean you're never gonna eat, you know, flour again or sugar again or something, but it just means where I can easily cut back and I'm willing to cut back.

Then I will. And in other areas where I'm not so willing, then I'm going to see how I can tweak it. Or, as I say, integrate it in maybe eating a little bit less, being more mindful, enjoying it a little bit more. Still having it, but maybe not quite as often. Yeah. So it sounds like you've found a really good middle ground.

Does it feel like that to you? 

Amy: Yeah, because we always talk about my weekends. I, I know that I'm gonna indulge a little bit more on the weekend. That's just what we do. My husband and I go at least [00:11:00] one night over the weekend. I allow for that. I know I don't go. As crazy. I used, I used to, I bring it in a little bit, but I do indulge.

I know I'm gonna indulge and I plan for that come Monday, Sunday, whatever. I am able to get back on track. I never used to be able to do that. Mm-hmm. But because I have a newer mindset, I am able to Sunday, Monday, like, okay, we're right back on track and I'm being successful with it. 

Paula: Yeah. Yeah. So I would suspect that it's because you're out of that all or nothing thinking that you can get right back on track 'cause you don't have any guilt or shame for indulging.

You planned. It's very conscious. You're working it into your more sustainable program, and then it doesn't become your on or off. This is just integrated into your lifestyle. So when Monday comes, it's like not that different. You just eat how you normally would. What have you learned that has madea really big impact?

Amy: Just awareness. I think hunger and satiation has been, I think, my biggest success. The awareness has been able to help me make better choices and to I think about what's next. 

Paula: A lot of people, once they're aware, they struggle with then following through. And you mentioned that piece of you are becoming more and more determined.

So when I think of following through, I think of like commitment, I think of determination. But how do you think of it? Because yes, you have the awareness, but if you were to describe to somebody how you follow through, how do you, how do you do that?

Amy: I treat this, my husband teases me. I treat this like a little bit of schoolwork and a project. I take notes constantly. I listen and re-listen to your podcast. I listen back to our. Coaching calls and learn from those. We talked about this, how different I sound from like our first or second call to now, and it, it gets me pumped up, you know, and I get, I do, I get determined. I use your techniques like I use your tools and everything just makes sense.

I say that all the time. It just makes sense. 

Paula: Mm-hmm. What are you noticing when you listen back to those earlier calls, maybe four or five months ago? What do you notice as the difference? 

Amy: My enthusiasm I feel a little more energetic and confident and happier with being able to tell you I have some success.

And yeah, the confidence in my voice and my tone and my, our interaction, you know, you're not a stranger anymore. Yeah. So are you comfortable sharing with your results so far? So in the past four and a half, five months, I've lost 14 pounds. I'm happy with that. You know, I happy with slow. Yeah. And steady.

I think it's most sustainable. I'm on the way to a very sustainable success. I have more obviously that I want to lose, and I, I'm confident I can do that. And, and it's just a new lifestyle, so Yeah. 

Paula: Yeah. Amazing. Just a matter of time now. 

Amy: And we talked about like the future self and the current self. When I did that, it's one of your little your daily 15.

And the other day I did another current self. That current self is so much closer to my future self than my very first current self. When I look back at it and what I wrote. Yeah, I can see the difference. 

Paula: Yeah, yeah, yeah. And one of the things I think. You're really skilled at is tracking your progress.

And as humans we're not very good at that. We tend to not be very good at that, which is why we typically need some sort of accountability or some sort of coach to point that out to us because by default we have a negativity bias and we will see where we didn't the for like the one day of the week where we quote unquote messed up versus the six days where we were like on point.

And so I think what is fueling all your determination and your success. [00:15:00] Is your ability to look back and give yourself some credit and then you are keeping yourself in momentum. Is there anything else that you wanna share that in terms of why you have been successful in this program? Really just 

Amy: showing up and doing the work.

You make it easy. You're easy to talk to. You always have something to offer. You put a positive spin on everything, even down to, don't say, should say, could you know it? It's work and you've made it. Fun in a way. I just think, yeah, just showing up and doing, doing everything I said. Mm-hmm. Go back, listen to the podcast, listen to you know your yourself.

Mm-hmm. Listen to yourself and see the difference. 'cause it's a cool feeling to notice that difference. You'll know you're making progress. 

Paula: My coach that I worked with for a long time, she's a general life coach, and she always used to tell me, stop comparing yourself to other people around you and start comparing [00:16:00] yourself to the person you were 10 years ago.

And as soon as I would do that, I would think, oh, yeah, yeah, I've come a long way because we all start at different starting points and have different circumstances. Right. So it doesn't really make sense to compare to other people. It makes more sense to compare to yourself. Okay. What do you wish other women would know when it comes to releasing weight?

Amy: you're not alone. You know, you, I know it sounds like a cliche, but like, you're not alone. We've all, every thought you've had, you know I've had, I've done you, you know, we do. But mindset, if you get your mind right, everything else will follow. The exercise, the eating right.

Everything that I have learned, yes. If you get your mind right, then the rest will follow. 

Paula: I love that. Yeah. I mean, that's what I'm all about, so I totally agree. Yeah. Yeah. What might you tell anybody else that's considering coaching? 

Amy: Make that call, you know, just make that next steps call. It's intimidating at first, and then you can decide, you know, you can decide if you like it or not.

You're worth it. You are your own little project and it's work. But Paula has a way of saying, you know, I'll offer you this. You're like, wow, that's amazing. That makes so much sense. Just go into it, slow and steady, get that mindset right. I never thought I would use a coach for anything. I really never thought I would, but it's time well spent for sure, you know, and I really appreciate it.

Paula: Thank you so much for saying that. All right, and then what's next for you? What are you focused on now? I 

Amy: next for me is, is to continue to use the tools that I've learned. I plan on having more success, you know, dropping 30 pounds altogether, so I still have about 15, 16 pounds, whatever it is. Just to continue to focus on those hunger and sensation levels.

I just feel like there's no turning back this time because I do feel like I have my mindset straight and just to continue to show up. Journal again, use on all my tools and I’m looking forward to more success. 

Paula: Okay. I have one last bonus question, so we'll see if we put this in or not, but I'm curious if you can share a little bit how this has impacted.

Your life more in general, like other ways that you're either using the tools or just how you're showing up differently? Like are there other areas in your life where you see the rewards 

Amy: just really. A pause or I say something or, you know, that I might regret or something like that. Or just like, you know, pausing a little bit more.

'cause I, I could, you know, fly off of the handle, always thought I'm gonna get fired, but, but pause a little bit more.  I think that helps me a lot in, in different situations or even if I wanna reframe. What I'm gonna say, even to my husband or my kids, or you know, things, or like I said at work, it just, that pause really helps me to, you know, take a second, think about what you're gonna say.

Say it better. And that's probably the biggest thing. 

Paula: Yeah. I'm always so curious about that because oftentimes yes, we have the goal of weight loss. Absolutely. And then there's all these other things that we learn along the way that are required to release weight, but that have such a broader impact.

And just our general growth and our relationships and how we think and how we treat ourselves. It's like more broad. So I'm always curious how that shows up for people. So That's so cool. Thank you for sharing that. Okay. Yeah. Well, thank you again. Thank you so much for doing this and taking the time. I really, really appreciate it and I think lots of people will pull from, yes, it's about your mindset.

That happens first. It's the foundation of everything because as I tell people, I tell my clients all the time, first it happens up in your brain. Then you notice you start doing things differently, and then we see it on the scale at the very end.


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Paula Parker

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