Mindful Shape

154 Hidden Perfectionism - Stop All or Nothing Thinking

• Paula Parker • Episode 154

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Is this you? You have a few chips and it spirals into the whole bag, an entire day or whole weekend of overeating. You feel tempted by one-size-fits-all meal plans that you never end up following. You stop tracking your food or planning meals because you didn’t do it yesterday which means your 4 day streak is over, so you think, screw it. This episode is for you.

In this episode you’ll learn:

  • That even though you’re not a “perfectionist,” perfectionism is likely derailing you
  • Why 100% every day is the wrong goal
  • The mindset shift you need to get out of all or nothing thinking


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 This transcript was auto-generated, please forgive any weirdness.

Hi, and welcome to The Mindful Shape Podcast. I'm Paula Parker. My work as a certified coach involves helping you release any excess weight, feel in charge with food, and overall just better in your body. Today we are talking about hidden perfectionism. I think of it also as all or nothing thinking. So you may think of yourself as a perfectionist or maybe you really don't identify with that, but either way, it is very likely showing up in ways that you might not even be aware of when it comes to your attempts at getting healthy and living in the body that's right for you.

Today I wanna share some patterns I notice in myself and in working with clients so that you can be aware of this and deal with any subtle or even overt perfectionism, all or nothing thinking that's getting in your way because most likely it's why you are having a hard time sticking with it. I don't personally consider myself a perfectionist, but when I first started tracking what I was eating simply so that I could have a sense of what was going on, I noticed a lot of perfectionism.

Like if I didn't know the exact macros or calorie count, because it wasn't in my Lose It app, that's what I was using at the time. I felt unmoored and. Oftentimes defeated. If I missed a day or I forgot to track, I would continue to avoid it until there was some sort of symbolic start date again, usually a Monday or the first day of the month, you can see how this kind of behavior just really isn't helpful.

The whole point is to track and get information, and because I was so focused on it being perfect and like as accurate as possible, feeling like it wasn't accurate, I wasn't doing it. Thereby missing out on any value whatsoever. In fact, it was causing me more stress than if I hadn't even attempted it in the first place, because now I was thinking, I'm not doing it right.

I'm not doing enough. I'm feeling inadequate, or I'm doing it wrong. All of that. So consider that this type of perfectionism is simply a thought, error or way of thinking that doesn't serve you. So perfectionism really arises when your mind unintentionally believes if you control every detail, you can prevent uncertainty.

Or failure. If and only if I track every single thing and do it a hundred percent accurately, then I can feel safe because then I can be certain that I'm doing it right and I'm confident that I will see success on the scale or. This might show up as, okay, I feel the need for a perfect meal plan, or a very comprehensive meal and workout plan, and everything is gonna be organized and mapped out precisely for me.

And then all I need to do is follow it to a tea so that. I will see results because I can't trust myself and I can't trust myself to make decisions. Okay, so we're holding ourselves up to this like it needs to be perfect standard. So here's what's really happening. Your brain is attempting to assert mastery under the illusion.

This creates safety and guarantees your success, your day of eating, your workout track record, your food tracking. This all needs to be perfect. Instead of recognizing that it really doesn't, it needs to be as close as possible, but imperfect. Is still very valuable and serving you, planning and tracking your food twice this week versus the five times that you planned is serving you more than saying, screw it.

I messed up. I give up. This doesn't work. I'm not gonna plan a track ever again. Okay, so I'm using this planning and tracking food as an example because it's very valuable in the beginning to create awareness and I'm not even talking about tracking your macros or calories. That's not what we do in my program at all, but we are tracking what we're eating and we're tracking, you know, how hungry we are and how satiated we feel so that we can have that information and so that we are paying attention More importantly.

Okay. You don't necessarily have to do this forever. Once it becomes natural, you might als already be at the point where you don't really need to be as focused and as precise on this. But if you're trying to release weight, then I really encourage you to consider that this could be a tool in your tool belt.

Tool belt. Are we, that's kind of a funny phrase. I'm gonna say toolbox. Okay. All right. So it could be showing up in other areas like. All or nothing thinking diet starts Monday mentality in which if you indulge a little and then spiral into an entire day or evening or even a week of overeating, that is.

All or nothing thinking. So the alternative is to really see, like, this is why I wanna do this podcast, is to really see how this kind of thinking, this perfectionism isn't serving you. It's like a false standard that we think is gonna really serve us, and it doesn't. Then we start to perceive this so-called imperfection or inconsistency as simply an incomplete expression of an already complete or whole intention that's just unfolding through time.

So what do I mean by that? Let's go back to my example of tracking food, perfectionism got in the way of my reasons for doing that, knowing what's going on and my intake and paying attention. So that awareness piece, that intention. Is complete and whole to create more awareness. Okay? It's not tethered to perfection, to planning, to tracking every single day with a hundred percent accuracy and high level of detail.

No. What's whole and complete is that intention of creating more awareness. What do we do about this? How do we get out of this thought error? Let's imagine perfectionism is at one end of the spectrum, and complete carelessness is on the other. So at one extreme, we're preoccupied with order structure, control.

Everything needs to be perfect, pristine, and on the other, there is apathy, chaos, just no systems, no structure whatsoever. You're not doing any planning, you're not tracking, you're not paying attention to what you consume at all. Where is your middle ground? Your balance or your sweet spot. I like to think of this as high standards with acceptance or said another way, excellence with surrender.

So this is where you are stretching, growing. Yes, you're planning or tracking within a system that makes sense to you, but it isn't always fun. It isn't always convenient. Remembering it's never going to be perfect and it doesn't need to be. So a red flag or sign that you're falling into a flawed perfectionism way of thinking is that you're always wanting to start over.

Fresh, clean slate day one. Your past efforts fail, flawed. Unacceptable. When we do this, we miss the reverence for things unfolding naturally. So you miss acknowledging how far you've come and giving yourself credit for what you've learned in any past progress. We just bypass that altogether. So. Give yourself permission to be a little bit more messy, to pick up your planner at any time, to no longer need a day one, to instead just reset on demand and even maybe to embrace like those so-called off days or indulgences as part of a larger cycle of rest of recalibration and learning.

Or growth. Otherwise, we can tend to feel tight. We feel exhausted, we get really self-critical, and then we just throw like the baby out with a bath water, right? We refuse to plan or track or get back on track altogether. Remember, no one is perfect. We are all learning, adapting, and trying our best. When you misstep, when you forget to track or overindulge, don't get stuck in all or nothing thinking or perfectionism.

Instead, let it be an opportunity to embrace your humanity. Clarify that, no, you are gonna rise above that black and white mentality and recommit. Without that rigidity or any self-judgment. And I wanna give you some examples of what your brain might offer in this old way of thinking, this old paradigm and a new paradigm, what you could think instead.

So you can use these as mantras, or you can write them down and have them on hand anytime you're feeling really pulled in by that day one or need for control or any kind of resistance around planning or tracking. So the old paradigm is my plan. Whether it's a food or a workout plan has to be flawless versus my plan will unfold and evolve with me.

Old paradigm thought I need to stick with it, go all in and be really consistent. Versus I continually strive toward excellence and honor natural rhythms. Old paradigm thought, I'll start over tomorrow versus. There is no start or end simply a continuation and ebb and flow. And the last one is, I've messed up.

Might as well keep going, like keep overeating versus every bite is a new decision. I can stop at any time. Okay, so practice, practice, practice those. Either write them down or if you can remember them, say them to yourself in real time. Okay. So I hope that was helpful. I have a three month mindful shape planner.

I've had it for a while. I haven't really promoted it that much, but I do think, you know, I did a recent workshop and I do think that it would really help those of you who attended that workshop. And then just anyone who's listening to this podcast. I use it personally still, and it's one of, it's just something that I'm really proud of and I, I think it turned out really great.

You can buy it. I made it available now on my website, so you can go to mindful shape.com. Click the button on the top of the page. Or you can go to my Instagram at Mindful Shape and then click the link in bio and it will take you there. There's a preview so you can look through the entire thing. You'll know exactly what you're getting.

It goes through my whole process, right? So the whole planning tracking pages are based on eating only when you're hungry. Stopping at enough and choosing foods that serve you. So again, go ahead and purchase that. If you have any questions about it please let me know and I'd be happy to help you and walk you through it.

Okay, I will talk to you again next time. 

Bye.

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Paula Parker

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