164 Become Unrecognizable In 2026

A case for making one big goal and really going for it this year. I’ll outline the 4 steps to make it happen whether you want to get in the best shape of your life, genuinely love your body at any size or write your novel. 

In this episode you’ll learn:

• The 4 steps to approaching a big goal: Get clear, Embodiment, Take aligned action, Transform into a new identity
• How you can incorporate identity work into achieving a big goal
• How to make progress with your goal when you feel stuck

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Transcript

This transcript was auto-generated, please forgive any weirdness.

 Hi, and welcome to The Mindful Shape Podcast. I'm Paula Parker. My work is here to offer you specialized mind and body practices to shift into the next version of you, one in which you feel in charge around food, great in your body, and connected to yourself. I'm recording this at the very end of January, 2026.

And so you, if you're listening to this in real time, have been immersed in goals probably. So everything on the internet right now is about setting up your best year and, setting goals and all of that stuff. And so we are gonna talk about it, but I wanna do it in, I don't know, like a fresh way, a new perspective and just share with you what I'm up to so that hopefully it will inspire you and maybe give you a new angle on setting a goal this year or accomplishing your goals.

If it's feeling a little dull or it's. You're in the January Blues or the January blahs, and you're not really feeling all those new year vibes. So if that's you, I totally get it. I feel like for January, for me, is more of a composting month, right? That's like a month where ideas are percolating.

I'm like planning. I'm coming up with things, but I'm not taking a lot of action. It's a very restful month for me, so it's given me some perspective because I haven't. Rushed to come up with a goal for January 1st. It's more of I like to take the full month of January to really give it some deep thought about what do I want to accomplish this year and focus on.

So let's talk about it. I am going to be coming at goal setting from an identity perspective. Now, I did do a podcast called Identity Work. It's 1 52 identity work, if you wanna look that up. And I will be talking more about identity in general and identity work, because that's at the foundation of any kind of personal change that we wanna do.

Take that into consideration. I'm gonna give you four steps on how to shift using your goal. So the first thing that I learned about recently, which was this idea of the, this Japanese concept where you. Create one goal a year. And in previous coaching programs that I've done, they typically advise you to choose just one goal.

So it could be like a general program, but instead of having three goals that you wanna achieve, you set one. And I always struggled with that because there was always like a. Fitness one that I had, weight loss one, or there was a financial one, or there's like lots of goals, right? Some sort of personal goal that I had.

And so to narrow it down just felt I do wanna achieve all these goals, so I don't wanna choose just one. But what I have noticed is that if I have more moderate widespread goals. One is I feel a little overwhelmed. Second is I don't feel as invested in each of them. It's almost like my desire is a little bit diluted across the four or five goals that I have.

So I've really started to rethink this. What if I reoriented to really taking on that one goal a year? And of course it doesn't mean. I'm not gonna make strides in those other areas, but I like this concept of really going all in on one thing so that I can really direct my focus. And so I just wanna encourage you to consider that as an option if you've also been a little bit resistance to hearing that one goal concept and then.

Not wanting to do it, just consider that every year. Imagine this year you have one big goal, and then the next year it's a different goal, but maybe this year it's like fitness maybe, and then the next year it's financial, and then the year after that you write a novel or whatever. It's so it's every year would be really significant that maybe if you had all of those goals in one year wouldn't reach any of them, but you'd maybe make some progress, but it's not gonna blow your mind kind of progress. So that's what I wanna encourage you to consider is honing in on one goal using this Japanese inspired concept.

I think it's called missa. I'm probably mispronouncing that, but you get the idea. You can look it up if you're interested. So the idea behind this is that you have one goal, one a year. You focus on a massive endeavor rather than having multiple small ones that you don't know if you're gonna succeed. So in this concept, there's like a 50 50 chance of failure.

So it must be difficult enough to feel. Scary to feel like it's uncertain. You don't know for sure. It's not a guaranteed success. Okay. That's what's going to, I think, spark a little bit of energy. Okay? Because if it's just a done deal, then it's probably not going to stretch you as much as it could. This should change your perspective on your capabilities.

Okay? Shift you from an old identity to a new identity. How do you decide on your goal? 'cause you're probably thinking, okay, I do want multiple things. How do I decide? So I'm gonna guide you through that with some questions. If there were no obstacles, anything was possible, what would you choose? What would be the biggest?

Change that would then make an impact on all parts of your life. Now, if you're listening to this podcast, it could be your health and body, right? It could be, listen, if I mastered this thing with food and I really got into the best shape of my life and reached my desired weight, and I had no food drama this year, then.

It's like the tide that raises all boats, right? I would feel more calm. I would not freak out at my kids as much, or there was so many impacts it would have. I would have more energy. I would show up more confident at work. All of those things, like how, what would the trickle out effect be? Now, it might not be this, and that's something to consider too.

It might be this year, it's financial or it's something to do with your relationships. It might not be this, and that's okay, but I encourage you to choose something. It doesn't mean you're not gonna make progress in weight loss if that's what you want, or building muscle and getting stronger, if that's what you want, or just changing your relationship with your body or changing your relationship with food.

Doesn't mean you don't get to make progress in that area. It just means that if you are highly focused on say, finances or say relationship, then any extra time you have resources, energy, money, it's going to decide. How you use your limited resources, right? It's gonna influence how you make the decisions.

And I'll give you an example because this year I've thought about it a lot because I do have business goals. I do have some more personal goals that I wanna achieve this year. But if I really am honest with myself. I think that there is still a ways to go in terms of my body. So I'm pretty content with where I'm at right now, and I've come a long way, like I've released about 45 pounds and from say, my top weight.

So that's a significant change, right? But. I've had a couple of pregnancies had a couple kids. Although I am very active and stay fit and I really have come like light years away from where I used to be with food. I still feel like I could, be in that body of my dreams and I'm not, if I'm being honest, I'm not in the body of my dreams, right?

Like I'm content, I'm good with it, it's great, but like I would love to really blow my own mind. In terms of my self-concept when it comes to my body and how I show up in the world and the kind of clothes that I want, and my strength and my flexibility and my energy levels, and just my relationship with my body, I really feel like focused and narrowed in on this.

I'm excited to see what's possible, so if I've come this far, what would be possible if I just really doubled down and like really stretched? What I thought I was capable of, because I've got to a point where I'm like, I could stop now. This is totally fine. Like I'm good I'm good with it. I like pretty much wear the clothes I want, like I'm okay with things, but then there's a little bit of this itch that I have that's but what if I look like this? What would life be like at this? And so I just wanna urge you, whatever it is, it doesn't have to come from a place of contempt or disgust or something that you don't want for yourself, although it might, that often kicks us into action. That's what started me on this whole journey.

But it doesn't have to come from that. It can come from, what would it be like to experience this? I know for many of you listening, you have achieved a ton, right? Maybe you've had a lot of financial success or you are in a, an amazing relationship and you have a very supportive partner, and all of those boxes are ticked.

This is okay, what else might be available? If anything was possible? What would I like to experience in this lifetime? So that's the kind of like energy and excitement and motivation. And enthusiasm. I want you to have, I want this to be like something that's very compelling that you don't think you can do.

Okay. It could be something that you're like, I don't really know. Like I thought that like if, this is as far as I needed to go, this is as far as I could go. But what if that's not true? Then what? And of course you can always. Change your mind, but what if you just went for it, okay?

And then gave it a year, and then at the end of the year, you can say, okay, you know what? I really went for it. So the idea is that it doesn't have to be something that you are only going to love yourself, or you're only gonna feel the way you wanna feel if you reach it. The whole idea behind this is that it's gotta be something that.

You are going to really learn how to master the process of achieving it. So you're gonna have to change in some way that your current identity is not really capable of. So if I was currently capable of being in like the best shape of my life and maintaining it, I would already have done that and maintained it.

So before my wedding, I was training really intensely and I got into amazing shape. I was going to the gym every single day. I was working with a personal trainer. I was doing kickboxing, all of that stuff. That's what I'm talking about here. But I wasn't able to maintain that, and now I'm like, what would it be like how would I have to change my life so that I could get into that level of shape again?

That's really exciting to me. And it might not be that for you, but what is it that really sparks that flame for you? That's what you wanna choose. And as I mentioned, when you do decide on something, it just makes everything else more clear. Like other things just fall away. So I'll give you an example.

So I've been on the fence for a couple of months about whether I should get a standing desk or not, right? I don't really need one. My desk was great. It worked fine. We've had it for a really long time. I'm thinking like, do I really wanna spend money on that? Like, how much will I use it? My husband has one.

He is I don't use it that much. I was on the fence about it. Then also, I heard you could do the walking pad under your desk, right? You could. You can walk while you're working. And I was on the fence thinking like, Ugh, I don't know, is it worth it? Would I even use it? Seems cumbersome.

Like yet another thing in my office, I use this office as for a lot of things, right? And so it's gonna be taking up even more space that I don't know if I wanna give up. And so I've been on the fence. And then I have to tell you when I decided, no, this is my number one goal. Yes, I wanna have other things I'm going to achieve, but this is the priority.

Right away I was like, of course. Of course I would get a standing desk. Of course I would get a walking pad and I have to tell you, I've only had it for a couple of days, but already my life has changed so you can believe the hype when it comes to the walking pad because I honestly feel more energized and I am just about to have my period.

So this is the week where I should have no energy and feeling really down. And I have to tell you, it feels good. I feel like the movement is very stimulating. I'm amazed at how I'm able to do so much work while I am in motion. Like I was really surprised 'cause I didn't think I'd be able to do that. But typing, working, it's really no problem.

So all of that to say that notice how something that you can be indecisive about or in confusion around. Once you are clear on your goal, it makes those decisions so much easier. And then what's great is that, of course, what I'm experiencing is the benefit of that, right? I could have stayed in indecision for another six months, and then I'd be missing out on all the benefits that I'm experiencing now.

All right, so step one. Is choose what do you truly want? If there were no obstacles whatsoever, what would you want most? Now, don't judge it, right? Just choose it. You don't even have to tell anybody. It can just be your secret goal, something that's inside of you that you care about, not what you think is attainable at your current identity.

You will likely have doubt, and that is totally fine. You should have doubt because you haven't achieved it yet. But if you knew you could succeed, you knew it was possible. What would you want? What's the one area of life that if you achieved it your whole life, it would impact your whole life? Okay, next is why do you want that?

So you got clear on what it is, and then next you've gotta talk about why you want it. How will you feel? What's it going to be like? Like for me, what is it gonna be like when I get on the scale and I see that number? Although, because I wanna gain a lot of muscle, the number isn't gonna be that much different.

But what is it gonna be like to. Have be really toned, be lean, and be toned and wear these clothes. What is that gonna feel like? What is it gonna feel like when you are doing certain day-to-day activities in your life currently having had achieved that goal, or on your way there? This can be. Anything from spending time with your partner, meeting up with your friends, going to your Pilates class, maybe showing up at work, giving a presentation, like anything that it is in your day-to-day life, how will it feel when you have achieved your goal?

See if you can identify a specific feeling like what's that gonna feel like? Are you going to feel confident and feel that internal confidence within? Will you feel powerful, magnetic, inspired? How are you going to feel when you've achieved your goal? And also what would you believe about yourself? Okay, so we're just getting clarity.

What you want, how you will feel, and what you will believe about yourself. You might believe I'm strong, right? I know I'm strong. I'm physically strong, I'm mentally strong. I have emotional capacity. I take care of myself. For some of you, I know that you tend to put others before yourself, so it could be, I believe I take care of myself and I'm worthy of that care, or I love my body.

Now, you don't have to necessarily change your body to believe that, but if you don't believe that currently, then that might be the work, right? How do I do what it needs to be done so that I like myself? That is gonna come from a place of love. You can't do things that make you like yourself, make you like your body unless you really love your body, right?

So how is that inherent? You're not gonna be listening to a podcast like this unless you love your body. You might think, I don't love my body. I'm carrying an extra 65 pounds. And so I just wanna offer, you do love your body. You wanna take really good care of your body, you wanna feel amazing in your body.

You might wanna release excess fat off your body. How can you reframe that as that is me loving my body? So what do you wanna believe about yourself and how is that already true? We wanna start percolating that, right? We wanna start you seeing yourself as believing these things about your body. Now. Or sorry about yourself now.

Okay, step two is embodiment. So step one is get clear. Step two is embodiment. Now this is what we typically avoid doing. Okay? So we typically will come up with a goal that's not super hard to do. That's exciting, right? That's energizing. We're like, yeah, let's do it. Okay. Step two is it's okay, now we actually have to kinda do some stuff.

Embodiment takes discipline, it takes devotion. So just check in right now. How much does this goal, this future life, how much does it matter to you? Because if it's not incredibly compelling, then you're not there. You wanna go back. You wanna make the goal bigger. You wanna make it more sparkly, more magical.

You have to pick something else. Maybe now, however you want to feel, embodiment is feeling that ahead of time. So we are going to start generating that feeling every day. This is why I said people will avoid doing it because it's work, right? We have to emphasize this. We have to prioritize it, we have to feel it every day, and that requires activation energy on our part.

It's much easier to just set a goal and be like, okay, this is what I'm gonna do in tick boxes. What we want to do ideally, is to create daily habits and rituals that help us generate that feeling of confidence, of power, of magnetism, of feeling inspired. So it helps us when we can focus on one goal and one feeling, because then we have our work cut out for us.

We know exactly what we're working on and we know exactly how we wanna feel. And then our job is to. Learn the skill of generating that feeling while we are on our way to achieving that goal. Okay? So oftentimes you might wanna feel like motivated and you'll find yourself unmotivated and you'll think, oh, I'm really stuck.

I'm not doing the thing. I'm not doing what I wanna be doing. I'm not being the person I wanna be. I'm just stuck. And we're lacking motivation. And so often we think that the motivation is just gonna come to us. It's just gonna drift from the air into our bodies and we will suddenly feel very motivated.

But it often doesn't happen that way. What often happens is that we become, our nervous system balances out just enough to get us to start making some actions. Now, it can be small actions, but it's some actions. And then from that action, we start building momentum. So remember, it's not a magical thing that happens that you just start feeling motivated.

You are the magic, you ignite the motivation through action. So what I recommend, and I've talked about this before, but this is so key, especially when you are like in January and you are in a slump, it's minimum baseline. It is the minimum you require of yourself to do that is going to move you forward.

All right, so if you are on a weight loss journey, this might be the minimum required to maintain your weight so that you are not overeating and your weight goes up. Okay? So it might not be releasing fat off your body, excess fat, but it might be just maintaining that's your minimum baseline. But you.

Really get to decide for you what that is. I've talked about my seven minute workout. I will require myself just to do a seven minute arm workout, even on my worst day. I know I can get myself to do that. Now, that might not be for you. You might be like, no, my minimum is like a 15 minute workout, or my minimum is just stretching in my.

Work clothes, like I don't even get changed. I just, and I have done that before too, whereas like I don't even have it in me to get changed. I'm just gonna do the workout as is so we don't have to be perfect here. It's what's the minimum that I will require of myself to do it? This could involve.

Drinking lots of water, right? There's actions that you can take that are not, not flashy, not exciting, but it's the small unexciting tedious work that you'll start doing to build motivation. Because what happens is eventually. You start feeling better because we can't stay stuck or in a negative emotion forever.

Of course, those tiny little things are gonna have positive impact, and then you will start feeling better, and then you'll be able to take bigger action. And then, oh, okay, now you've ignited the motivation. Now you're in momentum. Okay, so consider that every action you take is getting you closer to the goal.

Or not. All right, so it's some duality. Here you are in reinforcing that old identity, maybe 20, 25 version of you or new identity 2026 version. All your actions are reinforcing one or the other. Now, in the beginning, what it feels like is nothing is working because. Change is slow. So this is why you need to have such a curated inner world that you are working on.

What do I care about and how do I want to feel so that it doesn't matter what's happening in the external world. So many of my clients deal with what I call scale drama where. The scale goes up, the scale stays the same, or the scale doesn't go down as much as they were hoping. And what happens? They negative spiral.

They go into this negativity spiral in which it's doom and gloom and despair and everything they're doing is not working and all of that, right? And there's no judgment here. I've totally been there myself. And it's a pattern that we all experience. It's not like just oh, one person experiences. How strange.

No. So many people avoid the scale because they don't wanna go into that negativity spiral. Totally makes sense. So the skill then is not to, okay, I'm just gonna ignore the scale. No, the skill, of course, is to become the person. This new identity version, this 2026 version who, doesn't matter what's happening on the external world, you are clear.

On the goal that you've set for yourself and you're clear on how you are going to show up. Now, this old identity, it loves the story that it's never going to happen. And so when you see the scale stay the same or you see it even go up 0.4, it's gonna be like, yeah, see, we knew it. We knew it's never gonna happen.

That's how it shows up. You have to recognize this and let it go. Remember what feels very uncomfortable today will not feel uncomfortable in your new identity. So I want you to imagine in your new identity, you get on the scale, it's the same, you're like, yeah, whatever. Like I'm just gonna focus on what I can do today.

That's the new identity. Step four is you transform into your new identity. So step one was get clear on what you want. Step two is embody it, generate that emotion that you wanna feel. Step three is take aligned action, and step four is now we transform into that new identity. So understand that this is not a one and done process in terms of this identity work.

Transformation is more cyclical. It's not. Linear meaning you will slip back to old identity when you are not fully resourced, like you didn't get a good sleep or you're stressed or you're hungover, or you haven't worked out in a few days. It's the week before your period. You got into a fight with your partner, you got an unexpected bill.

All of those things you can think of yourself as not fully resourced. This is why we have step three aligned action and that minimum baseline you can still operate. From your new identity, even when your brain is so hooked on that old identity and it really wants to tell you an old story of see, I knew this wouldn't work.

See you're tired. You don't feel like it. Let's just do the old thing. We wanna really work through that with minimum baseline. So get really clear on what your minimum baseline. Those are steps one through four. I will have more for you next week on our brain's complicated relationship with success because when we start seeing success, our brain can sometimes get a little bit sneaky and do what we often think of as self-sabotage.

It's not, I'm gonna explain how it all works and so that you can avoid that. So I hope this was helpful and I will talk to you again soon. Okay, bye.