171 Having a Crush on Your Life

You know those days when it all feels easier? The outfit works, you look forward to working out and there’s zero food noise? 

You can flip that switch whenever you want. 

You’ll learn:

• How to transmute boredom and the mundaneness of life
• The most important question to ask to cultivate ‘crush energy’
• 6 specific ways to have a crush with your life

• Shape Shift Program LEARN MORE
• Instagram: @mindful_shape
• Free Self Coaching Resources
• Interested in getting coached by me? Go to my website mindfulshape.com

Transcript

 This transcript was auto-generated, please forgive any weirdness.

Hi, and welcome to The Mindful Shape Podcast. I'm Paula Parker, and my work is here to offer you specialized mind and body practices to shift into the next version of you. Okay, so I've got a really juicy episode for you today. I'm excited about it. I had a insight with my own life. And I've been exploring this, so I wanna share, it's not fully formed, but I wanna share what I'm working on first, a little backstory.

So there is often a, how do I explain this? Like, I think of the tough part of the week is actually my weekends. So I have my business full-time during the week, and then I have my kids home from preschool on the weekends. And there is just a, a flatness that I don't experience during the week now that.

For some of you, if you are working during the week and home on the weekends, that might seem a little strange for a lot of people. It's the weekends. Like when I was talking to my sister about this, she said the weekends are her favorite time. That's when she relaxes. That's when she has the most fun, and it's the week.

That feels a little bit like a grind. Or maybe you are someone who's retired, you don't work anymore, and you have a lot of time to fill and. You feel that dullness or that sense of flatness that I'm talking about, that I experience on the weekends, or maybe you are swamped with things on your to-do list whether you work or not, but.

You experience like a heaviness to it, so then you can also relate to what I'm talking about. So I started to look at the difference, not in terms of what I was doing. Of course, that's pretty obvious. On the weekends, I'm hanging out with my family, who, my love I love and spending time with them, but there is a lot of things that I'm doing at home versus when I'm working and I wasn't really like, that stuff is just obvious, right?

The differences there. But I was more focused on what am I thinking and what's my overall mindset. Because that's gonna be creating my mood, my emotional experience, that sense of flatness versus aliveness. And in my work lately, I've been exploring this concept of emotional transmutation.

How do you process and shift your emotional world to enhance your experience of life in general? Of course, we also want to apply this to our goals, achieving our goals, make what is very mundane or what is boring or tedious. We want to derive any kind of satisfaction or pleasure or enjoyment from the process in and of itself.

Not just, you know, white knuckle our way there until we get to the goal. That's what I'm talking about here, right, is we want to, of course. Have that sense of aliveness while we are on the journey to our goal, but just in life in general. Right. So whether you're thinking about this in terms of a specific goal you have or just life in general, it's gonna work either way.

So here's what I've noticed on the weekends for me, there's more boredom. There is more manual, boring things like cleaning up and. Just going to the park and things like that. There's not a lot of idea creation. There's not a lot of conceptual things, right?

During the week, I am working and I'm doing work that I love. I'm very present with my clients. I get to co-regulate and have sophisticated conversations, right? I'm future focused. In the best way possible. I'm future focused on them and what they are trying to achieve. I'm also future focused on me and my business and my plans and all of this, so there's lots of anticipation for them, and that feels really good and for me, and that feels really good for me too.

And there's like this sense of what I think of as it's done. So it's done energy that I've learned how to tap into. So when I'm working with a client, that's what I'm thinking in my mind, like, this is done. It's just a matter of time. And that's how I show up and that's how I relate to my clients because they might fall out of belief.

They might start to get worried or doubt, and that's totally normal. That is exactly what I would expect from a client. But for me. I don't indulge in that because I know it's just a matter of time. It's just how do we get there? But of course. I believe that even though it's not done, is it, and life is inherently uncertain.

So how do we enjoy, enjoy the process when we don't know for sure that it's going to be done, that we're gonna get what we want, and how do we transmute? Things like boredom, that dullness or that flatness, that heaviness that we can experience in the full emotional world of being a human. And lately I've been thinking of this as shifting into crush energy.

Maybe it's been a while since you had a crush on someone, and maybe it's been decades, but think back, think back on when you first fell in love or you had a crush, and if that's difficult, you can also think of maybe a trip that you were very much anticipating, like you were so excited about it and you had that same anticipatory energy.

So what I wanna talk about today is how do we live from this place? How do we cultivate this crush energy on your goal or on your life? Think of what a crush is. It represents potential. It's living into the possibility of something more. There's a yearning there, right? What we're doing when we have a crush is we are filling in the gaps because. We don't really know that person fully. It's a half knowing someone, and then most of it is filling in the gaps with fantasy of what we imagine them to be like.

So there's this in-between space, this liminal space that we are part of. And what makes this possible is the inherent uncertainty. Of the future. It is the unknown. So having a crush is exciting because you don't know what's coming next. You don't know truly if they're gonna be texting you or if they're gonna be calling you, or if this is gonna turn into something, or you're never gonna see them again.

Right? Similarly, if we don't have anything to look forward to, life can feel dull. It can feel flat. And so that is a striking difference for me personally on the weekends and during the week. I'm not only present, but I'm also thinking about the future and I'm excited about the future when I'm with my family on the weekends, there's less of that.

There's more the mundane, there's more of the, what's very practical, right? Less of that crush energy, that forward momentum energy.

And so I think the antidote to this is really, if you are experiencing any of that, if going for your goal right now feels like a bit of a drag, or you have these periods where you feel like you're in a funk or life is flat, it's really a call for more participation. So how can you revel. In the anticipation of what you want, really revel in that.

How can you bask in the wanting of it? How can wanting feel good? So desire, how can that feel good? And if you're thinking, but I'm in pain because I don't have what I want, how can that hurt so good? Right? Have you ever experienced where you were flossing and you. Nicked the gum a little bit and it hurt, but you pressed on it and it kind of feels good.

Or maybe you can remember back to when you lost your teeth and there was that it gets wiggly and you're like. Moving it and it hurts, but it also is so satisfying. Like it, it's pain that hurts so good. Or maybe you've had this during an intense massage. Like when I go for a massage, I like them to like really get in there and press really hard because it, it's, there's like this pleasure pain.

That's, there's some overlap there. How can creating the life that you want going for any kind of goal, maybe you wanna release weight, maybe you wanna get in the best shape of your life, how can that fall into that same pleasure, pain area for you? Because that striving can really stir and aliveness.

And when I talk about aliveness, I'm not talking about pleasure. Those aren't synonymous. Aliveness can be a good cry, I love the expression of a good cry because it's so true. You do feel good after, but that's aliveness. When you're really sad or you are raging, you are fully embodied.

You feel that in your body, that's aliveness. So here are some of my ideas on generating this crush energy, and what I mean when I say participation, and mainly it's all based on this. Fundamental question of how can this moment be more alive? How can this moment. Be more alive. Here are my ideas. So maybe that will stimulate some for you and I encourage you to come up with some on your own, and if you do, please share them with me so that I can add them to my list.

The first one is pairing music with anything. So I have started to listen to music while I work. I don't find it distracting at all, and it really helps me get into the zone. I love the feeling of it. It's like living in a movie. So where can you find. Times in your life that are day to day that maybe are boring, that you can infuse with music, that you love cleaning, especially when you're working out.

Of course, that's an obvious one, but maybe you know, I love that you're listening to this podcast, but maybe every now and then you turn off the podcast and you put on music. Just notice if it changes your vibration, how you're feeling in the moment. The next one is take micro risks. What do I mean by this?

Be a little bit more honest in your day-to-day life. So maybe you are less cool, less nonchalant, and you just say the thing. You just say, you just name it what? The elephant in the room. You just say it. You take a little bit of a social risk maybe, or you comment on someone's style.

You see someone who has taken the time to put together an outfit and you notice it, comment, comment on their style.

When you are around your friends, when you're around people, don't ask the questions that you usually ask. General life updates. Think ahead of time. Think about what you really wanna know, but feel a little nervous to ask, what does this person particularly good at? Like I have a girlfriend who is particularly good at connecting, connecting with people, and she's just, I think, particularly good at being a friend.

She's just really good at it. I wanna ask her about that, right? I wanna dig a little deeper, ask her some more meaningful questions, things I'm genuinely curious about. How did that come to be? Has she always been like that? Has she always been somebody who's naturally connecting people? Who's at the heart of every friend group?

I'm really curious about that. So ask the questions that you really wanna ask. What is special, unique about somebody? What can you learn about that? What's interesting about that? Even the most boring person on the planet? What is interesting about them? Why are they so boring to you? Right. How is it kind of interesting that they're so boring?

Like even that is interesting. Why? Why is this particular person so boring to you? I remember working in a yoga studio and somebody knew had started and this person was so nice. They were great. There was nothing wrong with them. They weren't offensive any way, you know? Likable in general, but just not interesting. Just not somebody that you wanna do be around or ask questions. Why isn't that so interesting to explore? Okay.

Or it might be something where you just inject a little bit more fun into your day to day. Sometimes I like to do a little shimmy for my husband or for my kids for no reason at all. Right? Just be fun, be more playful, and if this doesn't come natural to you, great. You are listening to the right podcast episode because it does not come natural to me either.

But when we know that it's available and there can be a little aliveness, there can be a little spark,, you'll see opportunities. You'll see opportunities for this opening up. So start paying attention to what is special about you and what you really like.

Create a Pinterest board that's just for you, that you look at regularly of anything you like. Maybe that's interior design. Maybe that's graphic design. Maybe that's fashion. It really doesn't matter. It's whatever sparks that sense of this is fun. This is interesting. You, want to create that natural pleasure to feast your eyes on on a regular basis.

Pay attention to synchronicities. Did you dream about someone? And then they came up in a conversation. Is there an animal that keeps showing up? Either physically or people are mentioning it or you're seeing symbols for it? Notice that, right? Like a little wink from the universe.

You wanna notice those things? How about song lyrics? See them as secret messages. That is so fun for me when I hear a song and I'm like, oh, this is a secret message just for me. Right? Or anything like that. Or if there's, there's lots of people online that do tarot card readings, and I think this person has the tarot card reading just for me.

I love that. Or do you experience any light, not just like pay attention to your intuition. Maybe you feel a calling to text this person right at this time, or you take a different way home. Follow those light nudges. Just see, maybe nothing happens.

Maybe something huge happens. Another opportunity is to create, meaning create magical places. So there's this pathway that I take in between our road. Our road is like a dead end street and then more of a busy road. And there's this little pathway in between, and it's the way that I take my kids to school when we walk to school, and I think of it.

As like a special place. So whenever I pass through there, I have this little ritual and I just made it up. So think of somewhere in your life where you often go, where you can just make it a little bit more interesting, a little bit more magical, where I walk through it and I say, what do I want to release?

Or what do I want to let go of, have less of? And what do I want more of? So it might be, I want less tiredness, I want less reactivity, I want less stress. It might be, I want more connection. I want more creativity. I want calm. You can create magical things. You can imbue things or enchant them like a necklace or earrings or perfume that you spray with a quality that might be confidence.

So every time that you wear those earrings, you become more confident. You just decide that you just imbue those earrings with confidence or there's another quality like. Temperance or gratitude or anything like that. Anytime you spray your perfume, you're reminded of somebody special in your life. You get to assign meaning 'cause why not?

It's your life, right? Presence. Look around, make your eyes sticky on your life. I was walking home the other day and it was actually a tough morning with the kids. I talked about it on the last podcast episode and on the way home the, the light was really interesting. Here on the island, we get a lot of days where it's a little sunny and it's a little bit misty or rainy at the same time, and it's very lush here and.

On the sidewalk. I just noticed for the first time how green it really is. Just on my street alone and how vibrant all of the vegetation was, all of the different shades of green. There were so many and it grounded me. So look around, bask in the beauty that is around you.

Even if it's just the plants, even if it's just the grass or the trees or the light.

Maybe it's feeling the crisp air or feeling the sunlight on your skin. And then my last point is there's a song that I like called Altar of Pleasure. What if you could treat your body like altar? Of pleasure so you don't withhold reverence or gratitude or sensuality from your body, even though it's maybe not at your ideal body, even though it's not at your ideal weight.

We don't withhold any of that. We don't require it to change shape before you. Enjoy your body. So when you put lotion on, don't just slap it on there, right? Take time. Do it with intimacy, with connection with sensuality. Dress yourself with purpose. If style has something that's fallen to the background because you've put on some weight, or it's just a stage of life, what would happen if you brought it to the foreground,

made it more of a priority, give yourself permission to do that now with the body you've got, with the life that you've got. It doesn't mean buying anything new. It means taking a fresh look at what you've got now and seeing it with new eyes. Combine things you never would have. Pair something really dressy with more casual shoes and wear that out and see how that feels.

Okay, so my last point, just to sum this all up, is why does this matter? And I think it matters because honestly, who the hell cares about being size four or size eight or having a million dollars in the bank

or whatever it is that you want if your life still feels 



 You gotta feel that aliveness. You have to get good at that transmutation process of cultivating that crush on your life or that crush on your body Otherwise. Your brain will continue to turn back to its favorite distractions, the overwhelm, the never ending to-do list, the losing weight, overeating, people, pleasing, saying yes.

When you mean no, right comparison or that just general, not enoughness. Those are all what I think of as distractions with a capital D. So this is my call to you. I hope it sparked something in you to. Step into that crush energy, that anticipatory, fun, more creative, playful energy. You can do that. You can do it. It's just a choice. I hope I gave you some examples today and that you find something today or tomorrow where you can start to put this into action.

I call this aligned action. It's action that's aligned with who you want to become and the life that you want to live. Okay, I'll talk to you again soon. Bye.