Experiences Are More Important Than Results

Are you limiting yourself in life because you don't have the results you want yet? Is it possible to lessen your focus on results and increase your focus on experiences and memories?

Join me this week as I reflect on my recent experience at the Eugene Marathon and what I learned from it. You'll get to hear all about the race as I share my experience and my personal takeaways. I also offer some questions and insights for you to consider for your own journey with food and your body.

Previous Episodes Referenced:

Quitting Ahead of Time

Acceptance vs Resistance

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Tune in to discover why that finish line moment was more important than any time, pace, or goal.

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Transcript

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Welcome to Binge Breakthrough, a podcast designed to help you finally break through the barriers that keep you stuck, feeling out of control around food. I'm Master Certified Coach Jane Hilker, and I want you to know that no matter how long you've been struggling or what you've tried, food freedom is possible. And I'm here to show you how. After years of therapy, eating disorder treatment, restrictive diet, and reading all the books, I would still stop in the on-hand-on-gigant cycle of restricting thinking and how I was able to see it all from a new perspective that changed everything. Each week I will share the strategies, tools, and mindset that allowed me to overcome my decades-long battle with binge eating. Your journey to body trust starts now. Let's dive in. Hello, trusted listener. Welcome to Binge Breakthrough. I consider you a trusted listener because I trust that you are listening to this podcast for a reason. I trust that you are going to hear something today that is insightful and impactful on your journey with food. Or maybe just your journey in life overall and with the goals that you set for yourself. So today on the podcast, I am going to be talking about uh my recent marathon experience at the Eugene Marathon. So I uh, as I'm recording this, it's been a little less than a week from the marathon. And I've talked about in some previous podcast episodes, I have talked about the preparation for the marathon. I've talked about my goals for qualifying for Boston. I've talked about uh the difference between pain versus suffering. I've talked about what we do when things get hard, the relationship that we have with discomfort and so many things in my journey to get to this point. So I thought it would be great to go ahead and just share my experience. Those of you who may have been following along might want, might be curious, might want to know how it went. And I'm always, always with anything in life, I am always looking for what do I learn from this? How can I take this experience and either learn from it and bring it into future experiences? How can I maybe improve upon future experiences? How can I maybe prevent other things from happening? And I love to share them here on the podcast because I think this is this is how we learn. This is how we get new insights and new ideas. So I hope that this is helpful for you. I know it's helpful for me just to process it, to think about it, to talk about it, and to share uh what's going on in my mind out loud. As a side note, there is so much power in getting whatever is in your mind, getting it out. For some people, that might be through a journal. Some people love journaling, and some people really I don't really like journaling, but you know what I do love to do? I love to just talk to my girlfriend or my friend or my mom or my dog. I love to just talk about things that are going on. Talking can be as impactful as journaling. Here's what's not generally helpful is when we keep a lot of what's going on in our minds, when we keep it up there in our brain, unsupervised, because we know that the brain in general is wired to look for danger, to look for challenges, to avoid pain, to avoid discomfort. It's looking for the negativity and what's wrong. And so if we don't get those thoughts and what's happening in our brain, if we don't get it out into the open, we're not able to look at and to see what's going on. And then we can't change it because we think it's just true. Whatever, whatever words just happen up there, we think they're true. And then we believe them, and that creates our experience. So, one of the reasons that this is super helpful for me, even with the podcast talking about things out loud, whether I talk about them with friends, with my husband, with other people, with you as the listener, what's how what it helps, it helps these things get from inside my brain, I get them out. I'm able to look at them, I'm able to reflect on them, to decide what I want to think about them. And this is so relevant to this topic of the marathon because I get to decide what I want to think about this marathon. I get to choose. Now, if I don't make the conscious choice, and if I don't really look at what's going on up there, what am I thinking about it, I may come up with a very different um interpretation than the one I'm actively going to choose for myself. So let's back up a little bit. Let's talk about this marathon. So the marathon was in Eugene, Eugene, Oregon. Uh, if you are not familiar with running, or if you're not familiar with the area of uh Eugene, Oregon, Eugene, Oregon is um a beautiful place, lots of rain, very green. Eugene, Oregon is also very well known for being uh Tracktown USA. And it's called Track Town USA because of the track at the University of Oregon. And that track is known as Hayward Field. Well, Hayward Field and the University of Oregon is where a very famous runner by the name of Steve Prefontaine ran back in the late 60s, early 70s. And his coach went on to become one of the founders of Nike. And Nike also was origin, I believe was uh originated, that was a tough word to say, um, also in Eugene, Oregon. So this area is very well, and lots of of legendary runners ran uh at on this track. Hayward Field was actually recently redone, completely renovated. They tore it down, they rebuilt it, and we were there back in 2018, and then we went again this year. Well, this year the track is the brand new track is up, it is beautiful, and this race is kind of unique and iconic in that the race finishes on the track inside Hayward Field. So it's pretty cool. If you have any interest in the history of running, um, it's a it's an amazing opportunity to kind of be a part of this experience. The race itself is also pretty flat. It's gorgeous. There is a lot, you run along um a river and there are a lot of trees. All of that is amazing. So we got there. The the weather was pretty rainy most of the weekend, but on race day itself, we had perfect weather. It was not windy, low 50s. There was a little tiny bit of mist kind of coming out of the sky, but it never actually rained on us. Just ideal, ideal running weather. So we started running. I had a friend with me named Derek, and Derek was uh going to be pacing me, meaning that he would be running. Derek is a much faster runner than I am, and he went with the intention of helping me to qualify for the Boston Marathon. Now, to in a very short definition of how to qualify for the Boston Marathon, basically, depending on your gender and your age, there is a qualifying time that you need to run in order to even be eligible to register for the Boston Marathon. So that's kind of step number one in qualifying. Step number two is that then if you have run a qualifying time within the qualifying window, then you are eligible to sign up. But there's a limit of the total number of athletes that they are able to take in any given year. So depending on the number of people who have run a qualifying time, depending on how many actually register, not all of them might get in because of their uh limitation, their size limitation. And if that happens, if more people who ran a qualifying time try to register than they have space for, then what they do is they limit and they'll say, okay, only people who qualified with over two minutes to spare, with with, or I guess less than two minutes from your qualifying standard, only those people will get in. So for this reason, it is often a goal for people to give themselves a pretty good cushion beneath their qualifying time to make sure they'll be able to get in. So my qualifying time, uh, based on my age right now is uh three hours and 50 minutes. So Derek and I were gonna go out and we were gonna run this race and we were gonna aim for a pace that would that would have us at about a three hour and 45 minute marathon. And if you're wondering what pace is that, it's eight minutes and 35 seconds per mile. Now, so we started running. I knew this was gonna be a challenge. And going in, it was basically my goal going in was Boston or Bust, meaning there was a possibility that I could do this and that I would qualify. And there was also a really big possibility I would not be able to do this and I would be pretty far away from the time. Because if you go out in a marathon, if you go out a little too hard or too fast, often you pay for it in the end and you slow down quite a bit. So the marathon, one of the kind of challenging things with running a marathon is learning how to run a consistent marathon where you're able to hold your pace through the whole 26 miles. So I knew this was going to be a risk, but this was a risk I was willing to take because I wanted to see what was possible. I wanted to not quit ahead of time and just see what might be possible. So we started running for the first, I would say, I would say for about 10 miles, we were pretty much on pace. And even up to 15 miles, we were close enough that I'm that we might have been in the window of the 350 range. And what's interesting about this race, the first the the half marathon and the marathon actually start together during this race. And so you kind of have a mix of different paces. The first 11 miles, everybody's together, and then and then the the half marathon turns off towards the finish and the the marathon goes on. So the first couple of miles were pretty crowded, which is not unusual for a race like this. But what was unusual was the way they did the start lines, the paces were very inconsistent. So we were running through some much slower half marathoners. And a little bit of that was challenging, but we navigated it all pretty well. Derek was an amazing pacer. He basically was telling me stories, he was helping get me water. He was, you know, watching his watch, really making sure that we were running a pace that would get us to our goal. About mile nine, we came back. We still start just outside of Hayward Field, which is amazing. Uh, and then about mile nine, you come back past Hayward Field. And at this point, I got to see my sister and her husband. And my sister and her husband, they uh live nearby uh in Oregon, and they came to spend the weekend with us. And they have never attended any of my races before. So it was really amazing for me to have them there for the weekend and to have them out there cheering with their cowbells. Um, and so it was great to be able to see them at mile nine. At about probably 10 or so, I started feeling some fatigue in my legs and we started slowing down a little bit, but we still were probably in the range of being able to get that 350. And we're and I was able to hold that until about mile 15. And from 15 or 16 to the end was rough. I was not able to keep my pace. My legs hurt so badly. And um I ultimately, my ultimate goal, my very first goal was to qualify for Boston. My ultimate goal was to have no regrets. I did not want to look back on this race and say, oh, I wish I could have. I wonder if I could have. So that was my ultimate goal. Now, Derek's wife was telling me beforehand. She's a very experienced marathoner. And she said, I have some advice for you. She said, if everything does not go as you as you plan and all of your goals are kind of out the window, she said, I encourage you to keep a goal to not walk. She said, You will need this mental fortitude for in the future when you do qualify for Boston. You will need to have that desire to walk and to quit and to not have done it. And I said, absolutely, I said, thank you for saying that. Uh, one of my goals is no regrets and and walking for sure would be a regret. So I loved that we have that had that conversation because walking was not an option for me. There was a lot of pain, but because I had been having these conversations, thinking about this, all of the pain versus suffering. It's like, okay, this is painful, yes. And I could add a lot more suffering if I was in resistance to what was happening, if I was wishing that things were different. And where I was in that moment was like, yes, this hurts. Yes, I'm probably not going to reach my goal. I really wasn't even trying to do the math at that point. My goal was just keep moving, keep being in the moment. Um, keep one of the things that I do to when things get hard for me is I put my attention on other people. I ask uh friends and family for prayer requests. And I had a very long list of people to pray for, including many people who would have loved to have been running that day that were not able to for a variety of different reasons. And so I'm thinking about them, like I'm running for them. I'm having gratitude that my body will even let me cover this distance. Gratitude for where I have come from, for where I was in October after that massive ankle injury, for what I have overcome, for my body, for being in this place, for for having my friends there, for having Derek there to pace me, for my sister being there. It's like being able to focus on those things. I kept just shifting what I was focusing on. And yes, it hurt. And but it was like I just kept, it was like there was not, there was pain, but there wasn't that additional suffering on top of it. And Derek was so great. He was checking in with me, he was talking to me, giving me cues, like think about what doesn't hurt right now. So, for example, if your quads hurt, which is absolutely what was happening, then think about your glutes, think about your hamstrings. He was giving me cues to think about. He was telling me stories. He was trying to run ahead of me and say, think, think about like being pulled towards me, like we have an elastic band. So he was really giving me these moments of encouragement. When we got to mile 20, I was thinking, oh, that's still a long way to go. But I knew I could do it. I knew I could run 6.2 more miles and get to the finish. I knew I wasn't going to reach my goal. There were a couple of times during the race later on that a couple of different pace groups came past us. I think the 350 pace group passed us, and the 355 pace group came past us. And I tried to hold on to them, but I just my legs were just not having it at that point. So we're finishing. I'm really focusing on, you know, just trying to be grateful and my prayers and gratitude for Derek and really taking in. I told Derek I wanted to take in the experience. And so there were times we were just looking at the trees and the river and being grateful for the weather. I was really noticing the bodies, different sizes, different shapes, different speeds, different ages. I was really taking in the diversity of the people who were there during the race. Some people really suffering. Some people looked like they were feeling pretty good. It was like just this huge range of experiences. And at about mile, just shortly before mile 25, Derek says, he looks back, he's looking back to me. And then he says, Todd's coming. Todd, my husband, is coming. Let's run him in together. And I was like, I was wondering if Todd might catch me. So for reference, Todd's goal for this race was to break four hours for the marathon. And so we knew he would be a little bit slower than me. We started together in the same corral, and then, you know, and then that was it. We hadn't seen each other. And I kept thinking there were a couple of times while I was running, I was wondering, I wonder if Todd is going to catch me because I knew I was running slower, quite a bit slower than I had wanted to. And so I wondered, I wonder if he's going to catch me. And on the one hand, I really, I, I did want him to catch me because I wanted to see him. And I, if he didn't catch me, that would mean he really was not having a good race. And I really didn't want that for him. So Derek says, let's run Todd in. And I thought, oh, I'm not, you know, just leave me. I told him, just leave me here. You run with Todd. Because if he was catching me, he was running faster than me at the time. So Todd caught up to us. And I could hear in his labored breathing, I could hear that he was really suffering as well. And um, maybe he was suffering. I don't really know what was going on in his brain, but I could tell he was in pain. And so I just got behind him and I was like, I can hold on. I can hold on to him. So for the last mile, I ran right behind Todd. Derek was encouraging us. And I was thinking to myself, what a cool experience. We are finally going to get to finish a race together. So this is a story for another time, but we've had a couple of times and a couple of races in the past where we have almost finished together, but we haven't for a variety of reasons. And I thought, we are going to finish a race together. How cool is that gonna be? So we ran to the finish, we go into the stadium, and the stadium is amazing. We run into the stadium and we're running around. You basically do like half of the track. So we were on the track. Essentially, it's about a 200. So we you come in on one end, run around the curve. And as we're running around the curve, we see Derek's wife, Carissa, and my sister and her husband. They were all right there cheering for us, yelling. Calbell found out later that they had gotten the rest of the section around them to cheer for me. So we're running around. So it was so great to see them. And the three of us, we run around the track, then you do the hundred-meter straight section into the finish line, big finish line. And as we are, as we're coming to the finish, I grab Todd's hand in my left hand, and then I look over to Derek, who's on my on my right, and I grab his hand, and we raise our hands and cross that finish line together. And it was just every time I think about it, I just think like, oh, it was such an amazing experience to have that finish line with Todd and with Derek, and to be able to see our friends and my family right there in Hayward Field. And it was such an incredible experience. And I think to myself, if I had qualified for Boston, if I had run that time that I wanted, the goal that I wanted for myself on that day, I would not have had that experience. And yes, I would have had it some other amazing, I'm sure that the finish line experience when I do qualify for Boston will be incredible. But I wouldn't have had that experience. And I wouldn't Wouldn't want to give that up. So I've been really reflecting on this. And I'm like, you know, experiences and memories are so much more important to me than results. Because that experience of that finish line and the memories that I have from this weekend and this race, those are what will stay with me. That to me is what's more important. And I've noticed myself this week, the kind of like unfiltered thoughts about the race. Even when people ask me about the race, it's got it's been like, well, I didn't reach my goal, but like I I can I can see and find all of these amazing things about the race and the experience and the weather and having our friends there and having our family there. But I was starting it with, yeah, but yeah, I didn't meet my goal. I didn't run the time I wanted, but here's all these other great things. And I thought to myself, I don't want that. I don't want to remember this race as the race I didn't qualify for Boston. I want to remember this race as the race I got to cross the finish line with my husband. The race, the first race that my sister got to see, the first race that I had somebody pacing me and the first race that I pushed myself towards a goal. And I really don't have any regrets. I did not walk. I did give my best on that day. And no, I didn't qualify for Boston. And that's okay. Now, do I still have goals for Boston? A hundred percent. I have already signed up for the next marathon. I am already thinking about what I will do differently? How can I prepare differently? How can I be ready at the end of August for the Santa Rosa marathon? I am thinking about these things, but not at the expense of appreciating and being so proud of the experience and the memories that I created here at this race. So let's bring this now to how can you apply this to yourself? Because I know you're probably interested in hearing my story, but at the end of the day, let's look at you and how you can apply this. So think for yourself. Where are you potentially more focused on results that you want in your life versus experiences and memories? Are you minimizing your experiences because you don't yet have the results that you want? Where I see this showing up for a lot of people, especially around food and body, is well, I won't go out because of the way that I look. I won't go on this vacation because I've gained weight. I won't be in this picture because of the way that I look. I won't do this because. Now, this doesn't mean we have to give up on our desire for results. I think our desire for results is great. It's what fuels us, it what it's what propels us to do anything that we do in life. It's because of results, it's things we want to achieve for ourselves. But the results aren't what create the happiness and the joy and the confidence and all of those things that we think those results might create. We create those with our minds. We create our own experiences. I could have created a much different experience for myself and Eugene, 100%, if I had not been thinking about this and focusing on it and really deciding what I wanted for myself. So you don't have to give up on your desires and your goals and your dreams. But don't hold on to those at the expense of your current experiences and your current memories. Life is held right here in this very moment. This moment of life, this present moment. We're not guaranteed any moments in the future. So how can you maximize your experiences today while also holding a vision for what you want for yourself in the future? All right, I want to share one last thing, which is this is a text. I uh I have a dear friend who uh wanted to be there at this race and wasn't able to be there. And I was texting with her afterwards and telling her about everything that went, everything that went on. And the text from her was so powerful. I was like, oh, yes, and I wanted to share it here. She said, what we contribute to ourselves and to the world in moments that don't go as hoped defines us as much as the goals we are able to attain. And I was like, oh, that is so good. I'm gonna say it one more time. What we contribute to ourselves and to the world in moments that don't go as hoped defines us as much as goals that we are able to attain. So where are you in these moments that don't go as hoped? They might be smaller moments with food, it might be bigger moments with something else. But it is what we contribute to ourselves and to the world in those moments. That is what is so powerful. So for me, my takeaway, experiences are more important than results. I am so proud of myself, and I learned so much. I would not change anything about what happened, and there's a lot I want to change between now and the next one. And that excites me. That gives me uh determination and commitment. And I'm ready. Well, after I recover a little bit more, I'm ready to take on the next thing, but not at the expense of the memories and the experiences that I will create today in this very present moment. All right, that's what I have for you today. I'll see you next week. Thank you for listening to Binge Breakthrough. If you would like a personal guide to walk you through the eight solutions to in-binge eating so that you can customize them for yourself and your unique situation, you have to join me for the binge breakthrough blueprint. After just eight weeks together, you will have a completely new relationship with yourself and with me. Find out more at binge breakthrough.com forward slash blueprint.